Teach me how ... re-gaining hope, re-gaining TRUST

[MB Prof]

How do you regain the trust of a loved one once it is lost? As a member of this site, I have not posted on this forum before – but I believe this is the best audience – a site devoted to clergy, ministers and ministry ...an opportunity for a preacher to teach a member like myself, how to proceed. How do you regain the trust of a loved one once it has been lost? How does one ask for forgiveness when feeling like they are free falling into the icy depths of overwhelming anger by the “wronged” party?

Before you say that christian love should be enough ... reality can cast a dim light on that prospect - sometimes the hurt, disappointment and pain is too deep to dismiss with prayer. It is hard to explain without revealing personal details, but if there is a minister who can assist by shedding some light (teaching) on how to apologize when you really have no “opening”, no foundation, no foothold … your response(s) would help me tremendously.

Thank you in advance,
~ MB Prof

[Henri M. Parker, PhD]

MB Prof,

Peace be unto you. This is the issue that involves many christians who have decided to accept salvation, or is stuck at the crossroads to life. Many believe that the christian thing to do is to always be the "bigger person" so to speak. But what many fail to realize that even a christian is still a human being - flesh. Given that, we too get overwhelmed with emotions and feelings that we can't deal with, and sometime our minds can keep us from prayer, or an effectual prayer that is. However, as a christian, there are certain tools and guides that we are given, and if we would follow them then our minds will open and see things in a different view. Your level in Christ is not my level in Christ. My level in Christ is not someone else's level in Christ. Therefore, how you deal with something will be according to who you are as an individual. To get yourself to the level you would like to be will take personal development alongside spiritual growth. You must need to understand that the "wronged" party may be on another level

Here is something that we don't look at Sometimes we are govern to do things beyond our control, and may not understand how and why. Sometimes when God has a purpose and a plan, there are things we must go through, and sometimes people we must lose and gain, and for whatever purpose and to whatever plan God chooses to do that sometimes may be mind blowing to believe that God will do that. Why must God allow someone to hurt you, in order to draw you to him or to take them out of your life, or allow someone so close to disappoint you just so that you can propel into a level of personal and spiritual growth? There are lessons in every second of life and every breath we take. Sometimes we must understand that life is not always the way we see it, or we don't always keep those we wish to keep in our life. Maybe you were used as Joseph brothers were used to put him in place to help a nation, who knows. However, there is a purpose, and you must find yours, as well as they find theirs.

You cannot apologize if you don't understand that your will may not be done because if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to go, then it may send you on a downward spiral. Sometimes words are not enough and sometimes time is not enough. But whatever you do, you must needs make it right before it is too late. We may be shamed beyond forgiveness because of what we've done, but just as coming to accept salvation, you must recognize your faults and come boldly to throne of grace that you might obtain mercy to help in your time of need. If you can't forgive yourself, how can you expect to be forgiven? A person can tell when a person has true remorse for what they've done, and that you have reached a level in life that you are truly trying to move on. The enemy's job is to create confusion and to cause division, but what he cannot overcome is a person who has forgiven themselves. Hate and anger feeds on the person that knows they can. Again, sometimes your actions may propel that individual to a place in life where they are able to grow themselves. We have all been under the control of a spirit unlike God's even as a christian. Anger cannot feed off of love and true repentance.

Again, you must first begin your own personal and spiritual development, so that you may be able to apologize and move on (forgive yourself even if they don't forgive you) because you cannot move on without letting go. If you cannot accept the fact that you've done such a horrible thing, and that there is nothing you can do about it now, but make better decisions in the future, and allow the person you've wrong the time to develop themselves and understand the purpose behind what you've done to them, then you may never find the foundation to apologize. To repent is to accept and admit your faults, confess it with a humbled spirit, forgive yourself, so that you can receive your forgiveness from the "wronged person" (God or whoever it may be), let it go, and press on. Sometimes the spirit that is controlling the anger in the "wronged" party knows that you will not forgive yourself, so they feed on that to make you feel bad about what you've done, to keep you and them from what God is trying to do in your lives, but as I said earlier, it cannot feed off of love and true repentance. Sometimes the person has forgiven you, but you haven't forgiven yourself, so therefore your apology still has no foundation.

You may never get that person's trust again, and that is something you will have to accept no matter how bad you want them to. But if you cannot accept that, then again, your apology has no foundation. Watch the words you use because sometimes we curse ourselves and give the enemy permission to control us. Your apology cannot be negative about you, it must speak positive to show that you've truly repented and is now pressing on. They don't have to accept it, just like church folks or people don't have to accept a person who has turn from their ways and gave their life to Christ. You just got to know for yourself that you are truly pressing on and forgetting those things which are behind you.

There is much more to face tomorrow, then there is to face yesterday, and you cannot get to where you're going by looking backwards. Start there.

May God's mercy and grace follow you, and may his peace be with you always.

Henri. M. Parker, PhD

[Tara Robinson]

this sounds like you are in a broken place right now and god is the only one who can fix this what ever the situation maybe he is a restorer you have to get out of the way and let god fix it don't be hard on your self forgive your self if you need to or forgive the other person. get in place where you can fast and pray and give the situation to god and work on you and your issuse and god can fix what ever is broken. I hope this helps you. God bless. Also everything takes time but god is always on time be patient and hold on i feel your pain but god knows even more. your in my prayers.