Do single pastors need to keep their relationships private from the congregation?

[ms stevens]

I have become involved with a pastor who depends greatly on me. He know that I am a woman of God and graciously receives financial support from me as well as general support for church projects...yet he maintains that he is not interested in a relationship.  We spend a great deal of personal time together, yet he says that we cannot be a couple.  He continues to send mix messages..I am a member of his church,,,what should I do?....Stop helping him?>  Leave the church???

[Kisaame David]

Hello , I thank God for you being frank with your life experience with this Pastor . It seems He is not ready to stay with you but taking you for a ride on all the support you give to him and his church for the various projects . The moment you stop giving he will distance from you .

 This is my advice , give yoiur support to where God will be appreciate it then He will give you the right person for yr life .

  Dont quite the Church but distance yrself from that Pastor

  If you need more counseling  contact me on [e-mail]

Hope to hear from you soon

[Lovitha M, Whittington Shelton]

I agree,,,

 

[Cynthia D. Johnson]

I feel you should go to him in love, after you seek God for guidance.  So many times, we as women tend to think we can change the minds of men.  Only God can do this.  If he told you he doesn't want you in his life, take it for what it is. 

I don't think he's sending mixed messages.  I think when we give to men; we believe there is more than what it is.  Ask yourself some questions; "did he ask you for financial support or did you offer him", "what is your motive for giving to him"?  Was it for him or to further the ministry of the Kingdom of God?

Sometimes, God places us in others lives for financial support, moral support, spiritual support.  Remember, what we do is unto God, not man.

Once he tells you plainly, which he might already has, draw nigh unto God who will give you wisdom to make the right decisions.  I too am single, and speak from experience.  The Word of God says, in Proverbs, when a man finds a wife, he find a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord.  Notice, when a man finds one, not a woman finding a man...

Learn from your experience and began to teach others how to remain godly and single unto the One who is our Chief Husbandman...

[ms stevens]

I didn't find him...actually he found me.  he continually approached me...he had no knowledge of my abilities to help him...his ministry is small and struggling..God put me on assignment to help the church.  In the process, I started to do some personal things for him ie give him advice on what to wear, critque his speech, etc..He asks me to attend all his business meetings,,we have travelled alone out of town on several conferences.  He seems to be proud to be witih me and treats me very nice.   He ended a bad marriage a few years ago and I mean bad....However, I am not her. He recently told me that I am his woman.  He's my man. He said he really cares about me.  Then, he went cold and said he didn't want a relationship, that we are not a couple.?????..........In my heart, I feel he does care but not to the level of marriage, or real commitment.

[Pastor Jonathan]

Ms Stevens,

     You state that the pastor continually approached you and he had no knowledge of your abilities to help him and that his ministry is small and struggling.  I believe that the same way you can observe a struggling ministry, a pastor can observe a person of financial means.  What type of automobile do your drive?  Do you wear name brand clothes?  Do other people in the church know how you make a living?  Struggling usually creates unwanted pressure and stress upon an individual in which they look for a relief (way out). 

     You advise this pastor on what to wear, how to talk and concerning his business affairs?  These are a few additional observations for you to consider.  When in doubt and experiencing uncertainty, always step back and wait.  Psalms 27:14, "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." 

 

[Cynthia D. Johnson]

Sis Stevens;

It's strange how all of a sudden he went cold.  There is something missing about this story.  I tend to agree with Pitbull in this one.  Was it anything other than a personal relationship?  If this went deeper into a physical relationship, then the counsel of the Holy Spirit is needed.

With God's people, being caught in a sexual web is not God's way.  I'm not going to assume anything because you haven't leaded me to believe this was the case.  Only God knows.  And no one should be judging anyone.

Only you know what the wrong turn was.  I will touch and agree God will intervene and show you a straight path to take.  Also that God will show you the in-depth of your situation.

GBU for enhancing the Kingdom of God...

[Pastor Jonathan]

     You say, "I have become involved with a pastor who depends greatly on me."  Does this involvement include sexual relations?  You may be seeking attention and a relationship by supporting the church financially.  1 Timothy 6:10, " For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

    Many pastors will "name drop" those who support the church financially through tithes and offering, another words he is promoting people who give to the ministry beyond the general church congregation.  You are using your financial means to position yourself above others and be next to your pastor.       

     You also say, "We spend a great deal of personal time together, yet he says that we cannot be a couple."  You also ask, "Do single pastors need to keep their relationships private from the congretation?"  It is apparent from your comments that you want to be in a serious relationship (1st Lady) with this pastor.  The pastor is reluctantly excepting this common "trade off."  Your money for his time and his time for your money.

     What is the pastors history with women?  Has the pastor been involved with other women in the church?  Has the pastor been married and divorced?  What is your age and the pastors age?  What is your history with men?

     Finally, the brother who wants you to counsel you really wants some of your financial support.

[Elder Verna Funderburk]

Ms. Stevens,

It's time to get off the "emotional roller coaster" I suggest that you avoid all communications with this Pastor for at least 4 weeks.  During this period, fast, pray and read the word of God. It will be a challenge to avoid speaking to him during this time but you can do it. Pray for strength. Ask God for direction in your life especially in this area. A relationship like this tends to consume all your time and energy. It seems that all your focus is now on him and not God. Bring God back to the forefront. You must allow him to guide your character, words, thoughts, deeds and actions.  We always speak of the  3 -fold cord as it relates to marriage. However, this applies to any relationship. He's that third cord that gives strength in relationships during times of difficulty. Also, pray for the Pastor. Obviously, he is dealing with conflicts in his life too. It seems that  he needs you in one way  but don't want you in another way. That's why I suggest that you refrain from him for a short period to keep from being spiritually hurt and victimized any further by this man. Allow time for God to strengthen and heal you. Allow God to control the situation. If he means for it to be, he will work things in your favor.  I will keep you lifted in prayer and pray that you find answers to the questions that you are pondering in your mind....May God Bless u  :)

[Mrs. Denise Jones]

Sis. Stevens, your question is "Do single pastors need to keep their relationships private fromthe congregaton?  NO!!!  But when they are hidding, being secret or private bout something...there is a motive.  Perhaps there are others who the pastor is making to feel the same way.  Reading your posts and justifcations for his and your actions I see the pattern that I have seen and heard so many spawned women discuss.  When who have played with pimps in the pullpit.  So called men of God having relationships with various women in his congregation and the women claiming to be holy ghost filled and following God.  But really worshipping man instead of God.  God is not the author of confusion and you seem to be confused by what your relationship is with this so called man of God.  God will not allow one to be in relationships such as that, so you know it is the principalities of this earth and identify and cast down every high thought and imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bring it into to captivity to the obedience of Christ and when you do that you will be in the will of God and will not have a questions as such.  Then you posted about him being in a bad divorce....on whose scale?  Have you spoken to the ex?  I am saying this as a divorced woman of a husband who committed adultry and only God knows what he had told the other woman.  But because of the infidelity and breaking the covenant we had made, I chose to divorce, not something I took lightly, but that is the ONLY thing that the word of God say you can be divorce for, so be wise in accepting HIS-Story,,,,history of past relationships as the gospel.  So my advise to you is WHAT DOES SCRIPTURE say about having a relationship with your PASTOR?  And what does scripture say about the behavior of a PASTOR.  Remember there is NOTHING new under the sun and Gods word is the same today, yesterday and forever and God don't CHANGE.

 

In Love Sister Denise

[Rosalind K Kennedy]

he is using u and you need to walk away