First and foremost, I would say that you both should bow down and pray together with all sincerity and not only cryout to God, but embrace one another and let the love flow. If the one who has been hurt needs to talk about it and get some questions answered, don't deny them that. If this isn't done, there will always be questions that will eat away at the person and ultimately cause bitter friction. Allow your mate time enough to heal and not display anger when and if they show signs of hurting. Establish boundaries for your relationship to help eliminated possible re-visiting of the unfaithful behavior. The one who was unfaithful should be willing to establish guidelines to make the other comfortable then stick to those guidelines.
Example: You do not owe the other person (whom you've cheated with) an explanation. They are not a factor in the equation of marriage. Even if a child is involved, do as Sarah Did. Sarah told Abraham, send the bondwoman and her child away. The child is a bastard.
Example 2: If this was a workplace romance, then you all, (the husband and wife) need to put on your thinking caps and come up with a suitable answer. Seek God for a viable solution. A new job may be in order of prayer asking for the removal of the other person.
Last example: If you don't know where your spouse met this person, ask them. Bring everything out on the open. If the spouse if unwilling to share details then this could be a sign that this behavior will continue.
ALWAYS Be prayer. Be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.
And for those reading this who feel that the statement regarding the child is too harsh, all I can say is, it is true. It is different if there was a child before marriage because then you knew what you were getting into. But if the child came as a result of infidelity DURING MARRIAGE, the spouse does not have to except that.
I have first hand knowledge of this because my mom and stepfather just settled their divorce last week. After years of hurting, my mom is finally a single woman again. Her husband whom she has been with more than 20 years, fathered a child with another woman and hurt her. When a child is added to the equation it is very difficult (not impossible) to recover the trust in a marriage, especially if your mate continues an active relationship with the child. That means also a continued relationship with the child's mother. Single men and women know exactly what is involved when they knowingly engage in sexual relationships with someone else's spouse. If a child is born then they can not expect the spouse of the individual to understand and except the child.
My stepfather actually had the nerve to show my mother pictures of his son at the court house.
An affair is an invasion of privacy, it is a form of rape, the victim of the affair has to first grieve, go through the phases of grieving, denial, anger, acceptance, ..... and then go into prayer with God. Leaving out all distractions, do not focus on the intruder, the intruder is not the problem, the relationship is, one must encourage themselves in the Lord and trust that God has created them in HIS image and that no weapon formed against them can prosper. Not even an affair.
When two have decided to recommitt, the biggest mountain is the trust factor, one cannot gain that trust back, one must start anew at building a NEW relationship, and cause the hurt one to fall in love with them all over again, they must show that they have changed, by calling, by chivalry, by doing whatever is necessary to building a newrelationship. NOT rebuild, but build a new one.
Boundaries have to be set, in this world today many will not be able to up and run from a problem, and if the problem is not dealt with ones will run right to another problem.
Two issues in reference to this situation have to be faced, was this affair a mistake or a lifestyle problem ? If a mistake, the above will work to establish a new relationship, if ths affair is a lifestyle problem, until the unfatihful spouse is ready to addrss this issue in their life, the other must decide if this is a lifestyle they choose to participate in, if not, TRUST YOURSELF that you can walk away and be all that you can be in Christ Jesus
I pray that you are having a wonderful day in Yahweh.
Thank you so much for sharing... it is wonderful when the body of christ can uplift, encourage, and share with those that are going through. Continue... to allow our Heavenly Father to use you for the building of His Kingdom.