Since answering my calling, I've almost lost it all. Am I the only one? How do I get through this? Please Help.

I finally decide to remove self, and let GOD direct my path in life. No sooner than I had expected, I lost my home, losing my car, and I just can't seem to work enough to keep the bills paid. I pray about it everyday, so don't get me wrong, I am not questioning GOD'S method. I am simply wondering if there is anyone else out there has dealt with something similar. If so, how in fact did you get through. I am sure most answers are going to be prayer. But that is expected. What happened before you got yourself together and prayed over your life. I am not looking for a way out, only for some comfort while traveling along this bumpy road. All reply post are appreciated and taking in good spirits. Please feel free to post your feeling and concerns as well. Hopefully this discussion will be a blessing to someone out there who may bo going through the same thing. Thanks in advance for taking time to read and reply. May GOD bless each and every one of you.

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You are not alone! When you answer your call, the warfare begins. First I would like to say, "Welcome to the Struggle"!

After running from my call for almost ten years, I answered my call to preach in 1997. All hell broke out in my life. My mother died. I lost my job. The man I was to marry said that he didn’t want to marry a preacher. My choice was between him and God. I chose God! So called friends disappeared with my fiancée. I had to learn in a split, the man gets the friends. The church that I was a member of, started internal fighting and split. Siblings separated from me because they claim they didn’t know the preacher Tawaunna. And it just went on and on.

I don’t have any words of wisdom about holding on except the one word JESUS! I learned that when you are going through hell, just keep going! Don’t stop. Don’t rest in hell. Believe me, Jesus is right there with you. Even if you feel that you don’t see him through your pain or feel him because you hurt so much. He is there.

In church we say, pick up your cross and follow Him. We make people think that their trials and tribulations is the cross they have to bare. It is really not. Everyone will have trials and tribulations, the saved and the unsaved. We are to pick up the cross of Jesus. In picking up Jesus cross, you die to self! You die to self, so that Jesus can live in you.
I don’t know if you can do it, but I do know that the Christ in you, can! With Jesus, you can walk through your hell. You are a blessed man of God.
I experience this also. I was a young women teaching and ministering in the gospel and God wanted more of me. He decided to take me higher. He allowed me to see what life really was around me. It was as if I could feel everyones thoughts about me. I had to deal with the pure truth. Every hurt and every pain. I was a home owner early and without my home within 5 years. I had everything figure out according to the grace of God I thought. But God had another plan he wanted me to trust him above and beyond anything else and to trust no one and nothing else. I thought I was a model christian but there was something greater that he wanted. He want me stronger for the broken hearted can we stand for other when were hurting or preoccupied. He loves through the process. I love him so I accept the process.
The same thing happened with me.
Mat 16:25 "For whosoever would save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it."

I remember awhile ago before I got married and had children and was single. I had this little pomeranian dog (yes this 6' 2" bald black man of 220 lbs had a little mop of a dog), that I truly loved and would take him out daily to walk him on a leash. One day as I gave him more length on the leash to see what he would do with his new found freedom since he was always a very happy and content little fella as well as extremely excitable to the point of getting himself entangled in objects around the neighborhood. So once he had proven himself somewhat in being more obedient to his masters instructions and commands, I gave him more room and loosened up the restraints some what just to see what he would do in being obedient to the one who feeds, waters, bathes, grooms and nurtures him everyday.

So one day he was enjoying his new found freedom of enjoying the ease of life when he became entangled around a pole and just went around and around the pole dubious to the fact that he was putting himself in danger by continuing to go forward while the rhinestone collar was inadvertently becoming his noose. The long leash was intertwined very tightly around the pole as it was starting to choke the life of this little dog as he was continuing to go forward, when in fact all he had to do was to go backward in order to free himself. I watched with amazement as he was steadfast in his resolve to believe that by continuing to move forward would somehow free himself not realizing it would eventually cause his untimely death. The more he tried to hold onto his way and not rely on his masters wise understanding in desiring him to just stop, let go and go backwards to the beginning from where he started. His ego and pride wouldn't allow himself to elleviate his own suffering by listening and obeying and following the master who loved him to the point of promising him to never leave nor forsake him.

I, his master had mercy on this little dog of mine and just took him in my grip and maneuvered him backwards around this pole that was stealing his breath away to set him free. Once the last of the unraveling leash released from the pole, and he once again became free. He was so excited and happy that he wagged his tail and ran in circles with so much joy that he almost licked my face clean. So we continued in our journey together to complete the task and the course that we had set together. And a funny thing happened, wasn't more than 10 minutes past from this horrific incident he endured, when he once again tried to go around another pole to be once again entangled in the same way before. Why didn't he remember and evade being in bondage from sure death and hopelessness that took the master to come down and free him from sure self-destruction? I had to continuously be ever watchful of this little dog's agenda that seemed to always lead him to the many pitfalls aimed for him to fall into the many traps sent to him.

Isn't that just like us? We continue to go against wise counsel and God's instructions to further the Gospel locally, nationally and internationally while we strive to buy homes, nice cars, fine clothing, expensive furniture, etc, etc while at the same time is choking the life out of many in search to have a nice and comfortable life for self. I was the same way, I was making lots of money at a bank. Had a big house, olympic size pool, nice convertible BMW (Wine color, 325), went out to the finest restaurants and even took many from the church and paid their way weekly at nice restaurants. And all at the same time working over 12 hours per day grinding out a living while my wife was a stay-at-home mother with two small babies that I would rarely see and experience my family. Yes I was making huge money but felt as if I was being choked with the many bills and debt that this money was accumulating. It was God and His Word that positioned me to give it all up. Job, house, cars, clothing...EVERYTHING! I was dying and didn't even know it. My weight dropped to the point my mother thought I had contracted AIDS. I went from being 220 lbs to just under 180 lbs. This way of life was stealing my joy, hope and dreams as well as my true purpose in Christ. I wasn't even able to go to church much because of my consistent weariness and exacerbated self, because my only day to sleep was Sunday.

Just like my dog of long past, I felt as if I was wrapped around this proverbial unseen pole and was being choked to death for trying to keep up with this world's madness of accumulating material things as my soul was continuing to starve. Didn't reallize that would manifest itself in affecting me physically.

After re-dedicating my life to Christ and praying to God to "Include me and involve me in a work where the harvest is plenty and the workers are few". Trust, God loves that prayer and since the workers are few, that prayer is always answered quickly. Met my first missionary family online somehow at work and read their newsletters in how abundantly they were living by serving the least of these. My heart and soul jumped. Within months later, I quit my "good" job at the bank where I was the assistant to the branch manager making over $15,000 per month. And just resigned my position to the complete surprise of many, walked into the sunlight and the sun seemed to dancing all around me as if God said,"Good now the real work begins in following me to be fishers of men and not fishers of money. Lets start this journey and real adventure and just be strong and courageous and don't be entangled again in this world's affairs that put my beloved son on the cross". I didn't lose anything, I gained everything. I counted everything as dung for the glorification of Christ. I may have given up all my material possessions, but at the same time His Word says, "I possess all things".

Sometimes God has to dry up our brook and stop the ravens from feeding us under the tree in order for us to move and be on an exodus, journey and adventure in being the true Ambassadors (sent ones) He called us to be for there is a widow and her son who made it in their mind that they were content in giving up and die, who have no hope and are heavy laden. And when the sons and daughters are not there as a witness to bring light into darkness they will...PERISH!.

The command of Christ is to DENY SELF, PICK UP OUR CROSS (sign of suffering) and to FOLLOW HIM. But this Him said, "Foxes have holes, birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head". You still wish to follow Him?

Make sure you first have counted the COST!

The Gospel is not glamorous its...GLORIOUS!
Mat 10:24 "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his lord."

Not saying Rev. that at times I don't reflect upon Egypt and be tempted to go back to the bondage that God once freed me from. I do miss my BMW company car right off the showroom floor that was replaced by a 1996 maxima with no air conditioning driving in Florida's relentless and extreme heat. And lets not forget those wonderful dinners at the fine restaurants of our choice that I loved to take my wife for her birthday and anniversary that started off with me paying for her complete body massage complete with exotic facials from some of the priciest salons in the city that money can buy. Giving up on the shopping spree’s for my children at some of the more expensive children’s store and myself going to buy a couple of suits from the same boutique where Bill Cosby shopped like it was nothing. Oh, and I had to have that new $150 silk tie that went so well with my new Nino Cerruti suit so I could look all ‘dat at church and at work. Don’t forget the expensive toiletries, soaps, D & G cologne, wife’s couch bags, childrens toys and Christmas’s were always great and happy with the opening of all the presents for not just my family but my extended family.

Mat 10:24 "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his lord".

To go from that and being dependant on those idols was easy for me to "trust" in God and to put all my "faith" in Him who is crucified. Its always easy to say "I Love Jesus" driving a BMW and living in extravagance with many "friends" when your the toast of the town. Even many pastors ushering you down the aisles of the church when they know my check book is always opened at their beck and call. When a young man in church needs a new suit cause his father is in jail because he shot his mother in the head and killed her. Yes, I was the one who always flipped out my platinum card to go take these disadvantaged kids to get them some suits, shoes, shirts, drawls, socks, cuff links, etc. When the pastor needs more chairs for the church and asks everyone to chip in for $100 for 4 chairs. I bought over 50 chairs. For I loved my pastor and his boldness as well as his friendship. Seemed like wherever my pastor went I was there to support him. I just loved being around such a “man of God” like my pastor and thought of it as an honor to be able to invest in the “kingdom” when I was making the money to the detriment at times to my marriage. Aren’t I supposed to submit not just to my Lord but also to the authorities that God has over me, especially those whom God was putting in my path to “feed” me the Word of God.

Luk 14:26 If any man cometh unto me, and hateth not his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

So where are they now? Why have my pastor abandoned me? Because I gave up everything to be one of Christ’s Disciple? It was he, my pastor who told us all in the pews to be more hungry and thirsty for Christ. To seek His face to surrender under His authority. It was my pastor who told me and others to go into the secret dwelling place to diligently seek Him. It was he my pastor who said we must learn how to abound and to abase and be content in whatever condition your in now.

So what was my crime? Why am I alone for giving up everything for my Saviour? He won’t answer my calls nor emails. It was my wife who told me the bad news. “Scott, the reason he abandoned you is because you gave up the “good” job and your checks have decreased. The reason why you were ushered to the front of the church was not because you were more or less more anointed, but because you were the big spender”, she continued., “you have outlived your usefulness to your pastor.”

Wow so that’s my crime? Came down to mammon………..And to think and assumed this great “man of God” was pleased since it was his convicting sermons that led me to sacrifice all for the one who sacrificed everything for me!

But I thank God for bringing me to this low place in my life 5 years ago. For now I’m so appreciative now more than I ever been in my life. Yes, I may not have a luxury car but am always thankful that I do have a car. I may not go to those fancy restaurants no more, but when my wife and I can scrounge up some money and have enough to get to “friendly’s” or “applebee’s” we treat it as a blessing. Every good and perfect thing comes from above from the Father of lights. I would have never realized how powerful a statement as that if I didn’t “lose” everything.

Peter made the powerful statement that sounded more like a question to Jesus:

Mar 10:28 “Peter began to say unto him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee.”

Yeah good question Peter, I want to know too….Peter always asked some pretty good questions. Jesus responded what the real payoff is, here on earth as there for eternity.

Jesus said, "Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or mother, or father, or children, or lands, for my sake, and for the gospel's sake, but he shall receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. But many that are first shall be last; and the last first." (Mark 10:29-31)

It is the promises of God that keeps me going and enduring in this race until the finish line. I just love how God will keep His word in re-shaping us, re-molding us as he refines us like gold and silver to make us more like His son. Trust my praise and worship on my own has brought me a mighty long way. I had to learn how to praise Him myself when the entire world, wife included at times were circling me in wagons ready to devour like roaring lions seeking me to destroy.

Rom 8:18 “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us-ward.”
God bless you Scott! That's exactly what going to the cross is all about. My testimony is similar, I will post it later.
Hello Brother Scott,

This link is to my post here on BPN regarding Christians & debt. My testimony is included in the description of the post. Share your thoughts.

http://www.blackpreachingnetwork.com/forum/topics/should-christians...
IN MY 'PROCESSING" AND "BEING MADE", I LOST IT ALL TWICE, FROM BABY PICTURES, TO TWO CAR GARAGE HOMES, AND I'VE BEEN IN SEVERAL SEASONS OF "ABASEMENT", EVEN WHILE BLESSING THE LIVES OF OTHERS, AND SEEING ABSOLUTE MIRACLES, OF HEALING, WEALTH, AND RESTORATION UNFOLD IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS. EVERY SERVANT OF GOD, WILL LIKELY, VISIT "GETHSEMANE" A TIME OR TWO,AND WILL BE CHALLENGED IN THE VERY THINGS THAT THEY PREACH, PRAY, AND PROPHESY. MY VERY FIRST MESSAGE, MANY YEARS AGO, WAS A "YET PRAISE", AND HE ENEMY TRIED THAT WORD IN MY MOUTH FROM THE TIME I PUT DOWN THE MICROPHONE, EVEN UNTO THIS PRESENT MOMENT. THE LORD IS GOING TO TRY YOU, EVEN AS HE DID THE ISRAELITES IN DEUTERONOMY THE 8TH CHAPTER. HE'S ASKING YOU "CAN I TRUST YOU WITH TROUBLE?" WILL YOU BE STEADFAST, UNMOVABLE, AND UNSHAKABLE IN THE SEASONS OF LACK AND "REPOSSESSIONS"? IS YOUR PRAISE GENUINE, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME FOR ME, OR IS IT "CONDITIONAL"? THE HARVEST WE ARE ASSIGNED TO, DON'T, GENERALLY, HAVE TESTIMONIES OF PROSPERITY, AND PRIVILEGED, FAIRY TALE LIVES, AND WE, AS GOD'S AGENTS, MUST HAVE BELIEVABLE, RELATABLE TESTIMONIES, IF WE ARE TO BE RECEIVED AND EFFECTIVE . CHRIST WAS TOUCHED WITH THE FEELINGS OF ALL THE "INFIRMITIES" OF THE PEOPLE, AND COULD ACCOMODATE ANYBODY'S PAIN AND BE EMBRACD BY THEM, BECAUSE OF IT. PAUL COUNTED ALL THINGS LOSS, TO WIN CHRIST. HE RECOGNIZED THAT IN HAVING "NOTHING", YET "HE POSSESSED ALL THINGS! THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY SERVANT'S LIFE AS THEY GROW ON TO MATURITY, THAT THEY MUST LEARN TO BE CONTENT IN WHATEVER "STATE" THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN, WITH THE SAME CONVICTION, ZEAL, PASSION, AND DETERMINATION TO SERVE GOD WITH GLADNESS, AND TO FINISH THEIR COURSE WITH JOY. WE ARE TO NOT BE IN BONDAGE TO THE CORRUPTIBLE THINGS OF THIS WORLD, EVEN THOUGH THIS "WORLD" AND OFTEN THE "CHURCH" DEFINES US BY THESE VERY "THINGS"! I REMEMBER LOSING A BEAUTIFUL HOME, AND ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING IN IT, LOSING MY MARRIAGE, VEHICLES, AND MY MOTHER WITHIN AFOUR MONTH SPAN. IN THE MIDST OF THIS TRIAL, I ENDURED BRUTAL PERSECUTION FROM "CHURCH FOLK", PEOPLE I TRUSTED AND ADMIRED.BEING WITHOUT A STABLE HOME, LIVING IN MOTELS, FROM DAY TO DAY, WHILE RESPONSIBL FOR PROVIDING FOR THREE GROWING CHILDREN , WHO ARE DEALING WITH THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL ISSUES AS ADLOESCENTS, COMPOUNDED BY THESE DIRE, UNEXPECTED CIRCUMSTANCES, AS A WOMAN, AS A MOTHER, AS A WOMAN OF GOD, IS EXTREMELY DIFFERENT FROM BEING A MAN IN THAT SITUATION, HAVING TO KEEP RGHT ON DECLRING GOD'S GOODNESS, WHILE STRETCHING FORTH YOUR HANDS TO DECREE BLESSINGS ON OTHERS, KNOWIG THAT AFTER THE BENEDICTION, YOU WOULD BE FACING MORE PAIN, TURMOIL AND UNCERTAINTY. BUT THANKS BE UNTO GOD, WHO CAUSES US TO ALWAYS TRIUMPH IN CHRIST JESUS,THAT WE YET REMAIN, STILL SOLD OUT, STILL PRAISING, STILL LOVING THE LORD, AS WELL, WELL AS THOSE WHO SEEK TO HARM US AND STILL PUTTING AN END-TIME WHIPPING ON THE DEVIL!! WE LEARN TO GLORY IN TRIBULATION, AND COUNT IT ALL JOY, BEING PERSUADED THAT HE WHO HAS BEGUN A GOOD WORK IN US (IS UNDER CONTRACT TO), SHALL PERFORM IT UNTIL THE DAY OF JESUS CHRIST!
So you nearly lost everything huh? Yup, sounds like GOD alright. Don't get it twisted and think that all this is "the devil; attacking me", because its not. Some of it is. The rest is GOD stripping you of the things you really don't need for ministry:



Exodus 3:5 "And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground." (He didn't need his shoes anymore, for GOD was going to shod his feet with the preporation of the Gospel of peace)

Matthew 10:5-10 "These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not:but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give. Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses, nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat."
You have lost nothing; it is a shift and re-positioning of your assets. It may take a few weeks or months. The old you was accustomed to one way of life; now there is a new regimen, and God is bringing everything around you "UP" to that level. You will get through this, it is part of the process of learning to endure hardness as a good soldier.You will see more miracles now, remember to keep giving whatever you can. You will learn to hear His voice from a different peak on MT. Zion, you will become even more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Although, you may not realize the blessing your "fire" is, understand God is the consuming fire! He will take care of you even in this time of transition. God is faithful precious one, He is faithful! Remember, God lives in the praises of HIS people.Daily offer radical praise..His presence will be there to offer you peace! DrFaye
Be encouraged. Remember that God is faithful. I went through what I thought was hell. I was on the edge of wanting to throw in the towel, but then I remembered that the promises of God are yea and amen. Its important to understand that it is the job of the enemy to attack. Thats just what he does. In order to grow and become the person that God would have you to be, you have to be put under fire. In my studys I found out that fire has many purposes, but the two that stuck out to me were, it consumes, and purifys. My suggestion to you and anyone else who may be facing this problem is to consistantly fast and pray. Hold on tight to the promise that God made to you, and things will turn around. Focus on the gift, and the ministry that God has placed in you and you will be amazed at the growth you will experience. Trials come to make us strong. Just remember one word. TRANSITION. In order for elevation to come, there has to be transition. Being in transition is very uncomfortable, but when the transition is over it will have been well worth it. I delt with many of the same problems that you are facing, and these are some of the things that kept me strong. Ill be praying for you.
Stay focused! Continue in doing what He gave you to do, without wavering. Put all your heart into it. Maybe He's checking out your response, like He did Job.

Prov. 8:17-21 (Message) says:

I love those who love me; those who look for me find me.
Wealth and Glory accompany me—
also substantial Honor and a Good Name.
My benefits are worth more than a big salary, even a very big salary;
the returns on me exceed any imaginable bonus.
You can find me on Righteous Road—that's where I walk—
at the intersection of Justice Avenue,
Handing out life to those who love me,
filling their arms with life—armloads of life!

Stay focused on the prize. God is faithful!

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