Single Ladies: 9 Signals Warning You to Shut It Down With the "New" Guy


It has happened to all of us I'm sure. Upon meeting a man that we're interested in, we get some signals. Some alerts that show this man is NOT RIGHT for us. Or anyone.

But because of our desires for a man, intimacy, companionship, passion, and excitement in our lives, we ignore these alerts and dive in.

We proceed into a relationship that will inevitably bring months and years of heartache, stress, pain, wasted energy, and valuable time.

Some women may eventually get the sense and end the relationship - but not without scars.

Some, too emotionally attached, co dependent, and fearful of an unknown future being single, stay, committing to a life of unhappiness and sorrow, a life that Jesus DID NOT come for us to have.

This happens to almost all women, but us believing women, living Holy and committed to the Lord, have the STRENGTH of Jesus Christ.

As his GRACE & MERCY poured into our weaknesses, results in the overwhelming STRENGTH of our Almighty, Omnipotent, and Sovereign God within us. (2 Cor. 12:9)

He gives us what we need to break FREE from the shackles of bondage, and be delivered from the relationship WRECKAGE & SIN.

Here are 9 signals warning us to SHUT IT DOWN with the "New Guy":


1 - Shut it Down if He's NOT Born Again - The most obvious alert to pay attention to. Jesus says,

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Cor. 6:14)

I'd like to cover one MAJOR issue with this topic that all holy women are NOT convicted by, and that is we cannot assume upon meeting an unsaved man, that we can change him or convince him to become a born again believer.

We can't even think that our holy living will influence and convict him into Accepting Christ as His Savior.


Because we are still associating with darkness until that assumed "moment" happens. The situation can most definitely go the other way. Darkness can influence us to abandon our holiness, and backslide.

God is omniscient. He knows this can happen. So he will not send us a man that has yet to be saved. When we meet him, he will not only already be saved, but he will already be engrossed in Ministry , committed to the Lord, and fully equipped for marriage.

He will send a man that is of equal or more faith than us so that we are able to submit and look up to his leadership and example. Ladies we need to hold out for that man! We can't settle!



2- Shut it Down If He's Not in Ministry - As just mentioned, the man sent from God will already be committed to the Lord and living holy. That means he will already be deeply engrossed in ministry of some sort.

Ladies, please take this seriously and wholeheartedly. We should have Standards as a Women of God - especially for a husband. And if we haven't set them yet, we are CHEATING ourselves of what God has for us.

God is waiting for us to set them so he can make them happen!

If he's born again but not in Ministry of some sort, he's not mature enough in Christ and therefore not ready for marriage. We can't look up to him and follow his example.

He doesn't know what it's like to serve the Lord yet! And so we must shut the relationship down.



3 - Shut it Down if He's Not Living Sanctified - Another obvious alert. If the man we meet says he's born again, but still lives according to the customs and manners of this world, he is NOT living sanctified.

If he says he loves God, is saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost, but is still clubbing, living recklessly, hanging around ungodly people, walking in the counsel of the ungodly, standing in the way of sinners, and seated in the seat of the scornful (Psalm 1), he's not sanctified! Shut it down SISTER!



4 - Shut it Down if He Can't Verbally Express His Love for God - If he is born again, but cannot clearly express his faith and love for the Lord, if he cannot find the words, the testimonies to share, hesitates and stutters to even say JESUS, there is a strong chance that he is not saved.

He calls himself a Christian, but that's the END of that. There is No further discussion or initiation to talk about the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Maybe he expects the CROSS around his neck to do the talking.

If he doesn't CONVICT you in what he testifies about the Lord, shut it down!

When the right man expresses his love for God, his speech will be spirit-filled, convicting, he will speak the RIGHT words, and will be an inspiration for us!



5- Shut it Down if He Displays NO Godly Values - Does his whole being resonate God? Is he spirit-filled? Does he display the character of God? The voice of God? The love of God?

Would his actions, behaviors, and love of others convict the unsaved that Jesus Christ is Lord? Does he show a desire to fulfill his Godly role in marriage? Does he share the same Vision of marriage and ministry with you?

All these things matter. Upon meeting this man, we should see that he embodies the Values of Christ.



6 - Shut it Down if He's Not Trying to Know More About You - Does this man talk more about himself than you? Does he tell you what he expects and wants from you?

His needs?  

Zeros in on your physical attributes? Hone in on the fact that it's all about submission to him?

The fact of the matter is, this man's role is to love us the way Christ loves the Church (Eph 5:25), so if we are not seeing that the man wants to know more about us, our character, our ministry, our goals and views on marriage, then he CANNOT and will NOT love us as Christ loves the CHURCH.

Shut it down.



7 - Shut it Down if He's Not Righteous by Grace But By Works - A tricky one. We know that we are righteous beings by grace through faith, therefore we understand that it is not our own deeds, actions, and well-intentionned works that make us righteous people, but by belief in Jesus Christ as Lord.

Scripture says,

We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind. (Isaiah 64:6)

Our own good intentions and caring abilities do not compare to our faith in Christ. It has nothing to do about our doing, it's about our believing.

We must desire, and only accept a man that understands and can declare that he is righteous by grace through faith.



8 - Shut it Down if He Doesn't Practice What He Preaches - No pun intended, but does this man tell others what to do but doesn't do it himself? Maybe he has a title and proclaims the Gospel.

Does he consider himself the pinnacle of holiness, but behind closed doors, and in his relationships, prove otherwise?

Unfortunately, many churches today are infested with these type of men - women as well. They know how to hack and wheeze and mastered preaching techniques,  but their hearts and actions are far from God.

In the end, Jesus will reject those whose hearts he did not know. (Matt 7:22-23) Regardless of title. Regardless of prophesying. Regardless of speaking in tongues.

So ladies, we cannot be blinded by a man's title, and think we have struck gold. Let us not be consumed with titles.  We don't need it to be a woman of worth and virtue, a woman that is worth far more than rubies, and deserving of praise.

Beware of the wolves in sheep's clothing, and be ready to shut it down!

9. Shut it Down If He Has No Life Plan or Ambition - Woman of God, you are meant to go places! To be a mover and a shaker. To be the salt of the earth (Matt 5:13), and change things for the uplifting of the Kingdom.

God has GOOD plans for you, to prosper you, and to give you hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11)

Therefore he will not send you a man with no ambition. A man without long term goals and plans to do great things for the Kingdom.

Remember, we need someone who has to lead us, inspire us, and make us look forward to the future! If he has no passion to achieve, grow, and do more for Christ, then it's mandatory that we shut it down.

Ladies, the enemy is out to destroy marriages because good marriages produce good fruit for the Kingdom. And good fruit for the Kingdom uplifts the Kingdom.

The enemy does not want our children carrying on our legacy, and bringing souls to Christ, and their children doing it either.

So that means he will do anything to STOP them from happening in the first place.

Be aware of the frauds and hypocrites, the self righteous, the unsaved, and the unholy. The ones that can't confess Jesus is Lord. The ones focused on worldly things instead of doing ministry for God. And the ones that have no ambition and plans that include you in it.

We have to wait. And I know the waiting hurts.

But I believe God will over-deliver on his promises, just because we believed and waited when things were not looking good, and time was passing us by.

I believe he will send a Man of God that will be worth the wait - if we faint not. If we don't settle, if we continue faithful in ministry, if we continue to treat others right, if we present our bodies a living sacrifice, and if we continue seeking God's Kingdom and righteousness above all else.

God is not a man that he should lie (Numbers 23:19). If he has promised us the desires of our hearts if we delight in him (Ps. 37:4), then he will do it.

Lets' stand on guard and be patient - vigilant.

The Word says that a Proverbs 31 woman has a respected and well known husband who sits with other Elders at the city gate, calling her blessed, and praising her. (Prov. 31:23, 28) And I know we all want to be Proverbs 31 women!

Come walk on water a little bit with me sis, and see the Man of God that is in store for you!

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