Meditating on the ease with which selfishness creeps into even our
closest relationships, I am drawn to Genesis 26:1–11. This
passage of scripture details the period when the patriarch Isaac took
refuge from a famine in Gerar. Isaac infamously told the men of Gerar
that his wife Rebekah was his sister, thinking "The men of this place
might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful." [v.
7b]. He was willing to endanger his wife’s honor to protect his own
skin.

It seemed that Isaac’s fear motivated the lie, but curiously he later suppressed that fear and publicly cavorted with
Rebekah. Isaac was willing to compromise the rouse when his physical
longing overwhelmed him. Selfishness prompted Isaac to devise a
deception and then to discard it later. Throughout, he acted only to
suit his own needs and desires.

In this day, it is common for us men to picture ourselves as the
“provider” and “protector”, even early on in marriage. We often trumpet
our willingness to risk life and limb in defense of our women: it is a
matter of male pride. However, although at first glance Isaac’s actions
do not seem comparable to our modern behavior, a closer look reveals
that he was operating in the same naked selfishness that
spouses—particularly newlyweds—wrestle with today. Choosing to do
things for our spouses when the occasions are not convenient, making
decisions together rather than relying solely on our own inclinations,
valuing the needs of our mate higher than our own—this is an area of
marriage that will always be alien to our human nature, and necessitate
a transfusion of the love of God.

Christian couples have standards set by scripture that provoke us to
rise above our native selfishness. For example, husbands are admonished
to emulate the self-giving love shown by Christ to the church in
Ephesians 5. Wives are challenged by the example of the virtuous woman
in Proverbs 31 to sacrifice for their husbands. God expects us to
practice agape love in our marriages. Only the discipline of love will
defeat the self-centeredness in our flesh.

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