Why do some Pastors and their Wives seem to be not so friendly but rather stand offish?

[sabrina]

I've met alot of High minded and stand offish Leaders who Pastor churches, Instead of being a good Shepherd, they are dictators, and controlling but yet they supposedly possess salvation and the love of God.

[Evangelist Altha Fugett]

Sis. Sabrina

In your title you wrote the word "stand offish" which paints a different picture from dictating and controlling. The latter being two things that should not be fruits of shepherds. However "stand offish" may just be a depication of a Pastor not trying to have favorites, but treating all his flock with the same respect. Some Pastors do this better than others, have you ever been in a supervisory position?, it's not good to get to close to those you supervise. Not to liken pastorage to a carnal example, but I think that it's a good rule that they understand their role.

[sabrina]

What I meant by stand offish,,,, not inviting, stuck up, to good to speak,,,,,

[Wisdom & Understanding]

Sabrina, Pastors are to possess the love and characteristics of Christ. You are right in feeling the that standoffish nature doesn't feel natural. Pastors are shepherds and thus shepherds should possess love and love isn't to be radiated as controlling and dictatorial. I think the problem with today is that many tend to loose touch with the people as they strive for power and notoriety. There is nothing wrong with a pastor greeting the sheep with a Godly greeting but many are wisked out of the room at the close of service which at times gives a CIA controlled environment. Jesus was so close to the people that an ill woman was able to touch the hem of his garment. Be blessed.

[Coe Terrence Bass Sr.]

many have become mini celebrities, with their own little kingdom right on earth.
i recall on the Color Purple movie when Mister told Harpo.......Sophie thinks to much of herself she needs to be knocked down a peg or two"
Could that be God's attitude toward our little mini celebrities in the pulpit.

Now there can also be different circumstances also.
Many pastors have went through hell while trying to pastor, and also the wife
Many will become hard not allowing anyone to get close enough to hurt them again.

Have you seen how many pastors allow the church folk to dog out his wife and kids, and never say anything to protect his family from abuse that comes from church folks?

many will grow hard and stand offish
Some have the celebrity syndrome with 20 members and 6 of them are armor bearers and got the nerve to be uppity
LOL

[sabrina]

Loll, lets not go to the word armor bearers, I remember when first hearing of the term which nothing is wrong with it, I replied to a person who mentioned to me about someone being someones armor bearer, I asked what is that and they broke it down for me I said oh, one who serves another, or right hand man/woman, I said well when I was coming up in the Lord you were not even reconized as such a person, in fact if you were close to the Pastor or his wife or anyone was in Ministry in assisting them in what ever manner,work or service you earned no title, and that was just a service you did from your heart gladly rather no one reconized you or not because your service was as unto the Lord! Sometimes I see People in position with 4 sometimes 6 armor bearers surrounding them, you can bearly get to them to say God bless you, and you can see how they just feel so important, God help us to remain humble before him no matter the level he takes us to!

[Evangelist Altha Fugett]

I have to say that armor bearers and adjutunts, as some are called, are some of the most humble people I have seen, some to the point that you hear others calling them "suck ups"

I hate to be contrary, however I feel that many of these positions come about so people will not overwhelm the pastor, we live in perilous times and pastors(male) have to be careful, especially when it comes to women, sometimes,a smile, hello, even a handshake, not to mention a "holy kiss" becomes so much more to some needy woman.

I am not excusing an overactive ego, however many times confidence in oneself is mistaken for conceit. The approval we want is from God

[Coe Terrence Bass Sr.]

I agree also with that Evangelist Fugett......there is a need for that type of assistance for some pastors....

Yes i have seen some armor bearers who are very humble and servant minded, yes pastors do need assistance.

[Evangelist Altha Fugett]

Amen! Bro Bass

[Min. Jackson]

Sabrina pride is usually the culprit. There is no biblical reason for this type of behavior.

[Pastor Stephen T. Nichols]

Hello, Sister Sabrina! I was on your page and noticed this discussion question and found it quit interesting. Why do pastors and their wives seem to be not so friendly but rather stand offish? I think it's a great question but has to be answered from the prospective of a church member and from the prospective of a pastor. As a church member I use to think that pastors were a little distant and I could never understand why. I have always had great pastors to teach and impart the word of God and they lived lives that was very respectable. I have never seen any of them do anything that didn't line up with the Word of God and for that I gave them the upmost respect. My pastors never became so COMMON to me that I loss respect for them. Which is very important! I believe the reason I had the upmost respect for them is because I was close to my pastors but not so close that I saw all their errors and flaws. We know leaders in the church sin just like anyone else but it helped me in my spiritual growth to view them as my spiritaul leaders and not as common folks.
Now, when I became a pastor I thought I could be cool and down to earth with the people which made my first 3 years of pastoring very differicult. I always wondered why my pastors were cool but kind of stand offish...but I found out quick when I became a pastor. As a pastor I never lived a life of prepetual sin or any things like that....but when you become common with the people every word, action or deed was critized and talked about. When a pastor becomes common with the people respect WILL BE LOST. When we study the scriptures you will always see respect from the disciples towards Jesus. They always addressed Him as Master or Lord. Many people today don't like structure especially in the church. But when you look at the government there is structure, when we look at the schools system there is structure, when we look at the home there is structure. When there is no structure YOU WILL HAVE CONFUSION!
So, the pastor has to be cool but not too cool. The pastor has to close but not too close..... have you ever seen a shephard leading in the middle of the flock? The under shephard has to lead in the front, not in the middle or the back.

Now, as far as a wife of a pastor....They hear all the gossip, rude comments towards the pastor and his family. The women will say negetive things about her, her husband and even her children. When you are a pastor people will set high expectation on you and your family that they don't even set for their own families. And being that women are more emotional then most men they have to hold back a lot and it's painful for many of them. And unless you been in the position it's hard for a person to understand.

There's an old saying...unless you walked in somebody elses shoes be very careful what you say. Out of all the spirtual offices in the kingdom of God (Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor, and Teacher), The Pastor has to stand still and withstand all the fiery darts thrown by the saints. (YES THE SAINTS) Study the life of Moses and Joshua...the people at time wanted to kill them. In order to lead a pastor has to possess the wisdom of God. He can't walk to far ahead of the flock because he will lose them, He can't walk with the flock because He will become so common that he loses respect. And He definetely can't walk behind the flock. When I look at some of the offices in the church I often ask God "Why did You give me the heart of a pastor? Because it hurts sometimes....smile

[Rev. Dr. Felecia M. Wright]

Very well stated.

[Carolyn Frink, a.k.a. "Lady C"]

Thanks for this! I have been a pastor only two months, and all my years of serving in ministry NEVER prepared me for such! I have learned that you can't get too familiar with the people, and what you said is so true!