You might be a bootleg preacher if...
1. You need a month's notice to prepare. (Solomon)
2. Preaching is low on your priority list. (Solomon)
3. No one even knows you're a preacher. (Solomon)
4. You are asked to pray alter prayer and you hurridly decline. (Epps)
5. You won't go to some engagements because the money isn't right. (Epps)
6. You spend more money on your clothes then you would books. (Epps)
7. Churches invite you to sang on program more than they do to preach. (Epps)
8. You go to the convention dressed to the T but don't have no money to eat. (Epps)
9. Your preaching is just a collection of popular cliches by other preachers. (Mckneely)
10. You are afraid to preach at some churches because they actually know the bible. (Solomon)
11. The deacon's short talk has more word than your sermon. (Solomon)
12. Reading the scripture is like the national anthem, it has nothing to do with what follows.(Solomon)
13. You have your own quartet group. (KB)
14. You made your own self a bishop. (KB)
15. A sports star wears suits more often than you. (Solomon)
16. Your text and title changes, but not your sermon. (Solomon)
17. You can't pray for the offering without WHOOPING. (Joubert)
18. You email pastors via BPN asking for preaching opportunities. (Joubert)
19. People would rather SEE your suit than HEAR your sermon. (Joubert)
20. You got your calling yesterday and started preaching today (KB)
21. Your convention attendance is better than your church attendance (Joubert)
22. Your members refer to you by a cool nickname you have thought up. (Solomon)
23. Your sermon close only consists of a string of songs (White)
24. Your wife & kids are the only members of your congregation (White)
25. Your car looks better than your church (White)
26. You're preaching against domestic violence while your wife is on the second pew wearing sun glasses (White)
27. Your pulpit is a dining chair with a tablecloth over it. (Servant)
28. Your love offering is bigger than the tithes and offering (Servant)
29. The mother of your church is a 28 year old grandmother. (Servant)
30. You think that the Book of Hezekiah is in the Old Testaments. (Servant)
31. Your sermon ends immediately because the lights went out. (Joubert)
32. Each piece of your three-piece suit comes from a different Easter. (Joubert)
33. You pray, “Our Father, which art in heaven, HOLLYWOOD be thy name.” (Joubert)
34. People refer to you as "doctor" but you can't spell it. (Joubert)
35. Your church lights are cut off for a $300 bill while you take home a $1500 check (Solomon)
36. Your new wife and ex-wife both belong to your church (Solomon)
37. You did not graduate high school and call yourself doctor.(Bey)
38. You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed you with it.(Servant)
39. You're always collecting building fund money and there is still no building and no fund.(Servant)
40. Your chairman of deacons is the neighborhood drug dealer. (Servant)
41. You hand out wrinkled business cards with a pre-scratched out phone number.(Servant)
42. The church utilities are in a dead relative's name.(Servant)
43. The announcements are longer than the sermon.(Servant)
44. You and the chairman of deacons share eyeglasses.(Servant)
45. You may lose your anointing if someone touches you.(Servant)
46. You believe your members should do as you say and not as you do.(Servant)
47. Your 3 night revival is used as a fundraiser and you don't pay the evangelist.(Joubert)
48. You believe in paying the musician more than the preacher.(Solomon)
49. Your preaching boils down to you imitating another preacher. (Malbro)
50. You use real wine for communion and always take the leftover home.(Solomon)
51. Your church is a walk-in closet and the mic system takes up half the space.(Solomon)
52. Your study is bigger than your sanctuary.(Mckneely)
53. Your wife is church clerk, mission president, head usher, and announcing clerk.(Mckneely)
54. Your church has no money but you write a salary check each week as IOU.(Mckneely)
(Please feel free to add to the list... (serious and/or tongue-in-cheek)
2. Preaching is low on your priority list. (Solomon)
3. No one even knows you're a preacher. (Solomon)
4. You are asked to pray alter prayer and you hurridly decline. (Epps)
5. You won't go to some engagements because the money isn't right. (Epps)
6. You spend more money on your clothes then you would books. (Epps)
7. Churches invite you to sang on program more than they do to preach. (Epps)
8. You go to the convention dressed to the T but don't have no money to eat. (Epps)
9. Your preaching is just a collection of popular cliches by other preachers. (Mckneely)
10. You are afraid to preach at some churches because they actually know the bible. (Solomon)
11. The deacon's short talk has more word than your sermon. (Solomon)
12. Reading the scripture is like the national anthem, it has nothing to do with what follows.(Solomon)
13. You have your own quartet group. (KB)
14. You made your own self a bishop. (KB)
15. A sports star wears suits more often than you. (Solomon)
16. Your text and title changes, but not your sermon. (Solomon)
17. You can't pray for the offering without WHOOPING. (Joubert)
18. You email pastors via BPN asking for preaching opportunities. (Joubert)
19. People would rather SEE your suit than HEAR your sermon. (Joubert)
20. You got your calling yesterday and started preaching today (KB)
21. Your convention attendance is better than your church attendance (Joubert)
22. Your members refer to you by a cool nickname you have thought up. (Solomon)
23. Your sermon close only consists of a string of songs (White)
24. Your wife & kids are the only members of your congregation (White)
25. Your car looks better than your church (White)
26. You're preaching against domestic violence while your wife is on the second pew wearing sun glasses (White)
27. Your pulpit is a dining chair with a tablecloth over it. (Servant)
28. Your love offering is bigger than the tithes and offering (Servant)
29. The mother of your church is a 28 year old grandmother. (Servant)
30. You think that the Book of Hezekiah is in the Old Testaments. (Servant)
31. Your sermon ends immediately because the lights went out. (Joubert)
32. Each piece of your three-piece suit comes from a different Easter. (Joubert)
33. You pray, “Our Father, which art in heaven, HOLLYWOOD be thy name.” (Joubert)
34. People refer to you as "doctor" but you can't spell it. (Joubert)
35. Your church lights are cut off for a $300 bill while you take home a $1500 check (Solomon)
36. Your new wife and ex-wife both belong to your church (Solomon)
37. You did not graduate high school and call yourself doctor.(Bey)
38. You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed you with it.(Servant)
39. You're always collecting building fund money and there is still no building and no fund.(Servant)
40. Your chairman of deacons is the neighborhood drug dealer. (Servant)
41. You hand out wrinkled business cards with a pre-scratched out phone number.(Servant)
42. The church utilities are in a dead relative's name.(Servant)
43. The announcements are longer than the sermon.(Servant)
44. You and the chairman of deacons share eyeglasses.(Servant)
45. You may lose your anointing if someone touches you.(Servant)
46. You believe your members should do as you say and not as you do.(Servant)
47. Your 3 night revival is used as a fundraiser and you don't pay the evangelist.(Joubert)
48. You believe in paying the musician more than the preacher.(Solomon)
49. Your preaching boils down to you imitating another preacher. (Malbro)
50. You use real wine for communion and always take the leftover home.(Solomon)
51. Your church is a walk-in closet and the mic system takes up half the space.(Solomon)
52. Your study is bigger than your sanctuary.(Mckneely)
53. Your wife is church clerk, mission president, head usher, and announcing clerk.(Mckneely)
54. Your church has no money but you write a salary check each week as IOU.(Mckneely)
(Please feel free to add to the list... (serious and/or tongue-in-cheek)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rev.L.J.Malbro on
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You come to the pulpit dress to the T w/ a $500 tailored suit, $800 gators, and you can't preach your way out of a wet-paper bag
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Permalink Reply by Yuri Solomon on
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1. You use real wine for communion and always take the leftover home.(Solomon)
2. Your church is a walk-in closet and the mic system takes up half the space.(Solomon) -
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Permalink Reply by Patrick D. Joubert on
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Y.D., you gotta have a good sound system...Faith cometh by HEARING...LOL...Now you know we have preached in some places with them RADIO SHACK HIGBALL MICS...Tell the truth...
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Ok...Y'all we should give some characteristics of bootleg CHURCHES...I could give you a MASSIVE amount of descriptives for them...
A BOOTLEG church is one that has COBWEBS in the baptism pool from inactivity... -
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You are a BOOTLEG church when you want your candidates for pastor to have more degrees than you got MEMBERS...
You are a BOOTLEG church when you get MAD about church growth...(we was doing fine bafoe they come up in here)...
You a BOOTLEG church when you been at your present location for YEARS and knowbody in the community knows that you are there...(this REALLY happened)
You are a BOOTLEG church when your YOUTH president has kids old enough to be Youth President...( I experienced this)
You are a BOOTLEG church when your YOUTH DAY SPEAKER is 65 years old...( this one too)
Ok..I'm thru for now... -
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you a BOOTLEG church when your ushers sit and point at your seat instead of walking you to seat...
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Permalink Reply by Ulysses (Mac) Mckneely on
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Yall startin a whole new issue but i like it
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you might be a bootleg preacher if your study is bigger then your sanctuary
you might be a bootleg preacher if your church clerk, mission president, head usher ,pastor aide president,anonouceing clerk,an head deacon is your wife
you might be a bootleg preacher if you have no money in the church account but you write yourself checks an save them as reciepts of what the church owe you -
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