Help For Sexual Addictions


Help For Sexual Addictions

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Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on August 26, 2009 at 8:12pm
When I worked as a County Corrections Officer in Burlington County, New Jersey, I would often see the devastating effects of generation curses. I processed an inmate one summer evening that molested his daughters. Within six months of his incarceration, The Lord gave me opportunity to lead him to salvation. This individual had repented of his deeds and took full responsibility for his actions, but he shared something with me that sobered me on the subject of generation curses and sins. He told me his father molested him for nearly 3 years, and his father was also molested. This does not excuse an individual, but it helps us understand the demons behind the molestation that haunted this family, and that wrecked havoc in their lives. The fact that the jailed father accepted Christ and repented put a stop to this demonic onslaught. (Read Psalms 32, 38, and 51) Unconfessed sin makes us not only an emotional wreck, but can affect us physically as well.

Ps 38:1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
Ps 38:2 For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.
Ps 38:3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
Ps 38:4 My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

Ps 38:5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
Ps 38:6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
Ps 38:7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
Ps 38:8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

Ps 38:9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
Ps 38:10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
Ps 38:11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds. NIV

Unconfessed sin is like Cancer, it can lie dormant for months even years but when the time is right it will spread and consume the sick individual. I am not proud of the fact that I myself have had struggles with pornography, but I share my experienced so no one else will have to face what I did. The main reason pornography is a 80 Billion dollar a year industry is because MEN are visual creatures. 90% of the people that purchase porno are MEN. Jesus said “If a man looks at a woman with LUST in his HEART, he has ALREADY committed adultery”, you see men and women are not just physically different but emotionally and hormonally as well.

I have to pray DAILY about lust, I am not foolish enough to believe that because I am saved and Spirit-filled that I am IMMUNE to lust. The Bible tells us to FLEE fornication and youthful lust. In the Greek the words flee means RUN in TERROR! Christian men fall because they don’t think they can fall. Joseph knew he had to run from his Masters wife because he knew staying there would cause him to sin.

When I am out in public especially in the summer, I have to make a conscious effort NOT to lust. Men are LYING when they say “I never lust”, when a woman walks by in a mini-skirt unless you turn your head you WILL lust. Men are WIRED to enjoy to sight of a woman. David saw Bath-Sheba and the Bible say’s “She was beautiful”. Men need to understand that the devil “Knows your flavor”, I am sure David saw nice looking women all the time, but Bath-Sheba had something special that made David STOP, LOOK, and LUST.

I have always liked women that looked like Chaka Khan, don’t ask me why but that is the “prototype”, maybe because I hit puberty around the time Chaka Khan was a new star. My brother had a crush on Pam Grier. Every man has an image of the TYPE that gets their attention. Let me give you a funny but true example. I rich and powerful man will marry a poor and common woman is she is very attractive. (Queen Esther and Abigail), They were common women BUT their beauty gave them an audience with Kings. Now on the flipside, a pretty woman will be attracted to a man that may not be overly handsome, but if he is rich, kind, and attentive then she will be attracted to him. (Beyonce and Jay-Z, Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe)
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on August 15, 2009 at 3:49pm
Notice how shame brought a dreaded fear of God! Before that moment, there was no fear of God, at least not the type of fear where a person is scared and wants to distance themselves from God! This is exactly what happens when people are fearful of having committed the unpardonable sin... they become afraid of God and feel that He is out to punish them!

Also notice how even Adam was ashamed of his body, and didn't want God (his own creator) to see him naked! It shouldn't surprise us when we see how the enemy tries today to make our sexuality shameful in the same way. Obviously, God has made sex beautiful, but Satan wants us to be ashamed of it, and when we partake in sexual sin, it becomes an open door for a heavy burden caused by guilt and shame to move in on us. Unclean spirits then use this to their advantage and bring much bondage and torment.

So why do unclean spirits work so hard to keep a person 'locked/shut up' concerning their failure or struggle? He does not want them to open up and uncover the darkness in their soul in which guilt and shame have their strongest grip. God's Word is clear that confessing our faults to one another can bring about and promote healing in one's life:

James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed..."

From experience, many (including myself) will testify to a powerful healing concept of simply admitting to another believer what your faults have been. It seems to lift a heavy load when a person brings something that's kept them bound for years, out into the open. There's a tremendous release that many feel when they simply confess their struggle or failure to another!

So why are sexual sins so embarrassing? The unclean spirits who are taking advantage of the person through guilt and shame do NOT want you to open up about your failure, and expose the darkness by which their weapons (guilt and shame) are able to do their work.
Comment by Erica Joseph Shepherd on August 11, 2009 at 8:06am
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Because of Familiar Spirits, Hidden Oppression and Hidden works of darkness operating within your Soul and Body. You need complete Salvation, Spirit, Soul, Body, God cannot fully reign in you without it!
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 10:07am
STEP 11 - seek through prayer and meditation on God's Word to improve my conscious contact with God through Jesus Christ, praying for His will for me and for the power of the Holy Spirit to allow Christ to work in and through my His glory.
• Establish a regular time of study and meditation, be consistent!
• The more you feed your spirit-man the stronger you become.
• Attend group studies as well as your personal studies, we learn from one another as well as on our own.
And in Step 12 we give that peace away……..
STEP 12 - Having been spiritually renewed and having applied these twelve steps in my own life, I carry this message to others in need of it and continue striving to practice these Biblical truths in all my affairs.
• Witness to others! Share your testimony! Be a Blessing! (Acts 1:8)
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 10:03am
In Steps 8 &9 we make peace with others
We list those with whom we have to make amends and start on the path of healing relationships.
STEP 8 - I ask the Holy Spirit to bring to my mind all those people whom I have harmed. I write a list of them and pray for the willingness to make amends to them all.
• Make a sincere effort to right your wrongs, you may not have the means but make the effort. God will help you, you are NOT in this alone. (Psalm 23)
• Seek reconciliation with spouses, children, and parents. Even if they choose not to forgive you, YOU make the effort and walk in forgiveness yourself. In some cases reconciliation is NOT possible; if they are dead or if there are restraining orders in effect.
• Even in returning to a local church there may be those that you have to seek a reconnect with. Often addicts abuse the charity of the church and others. Sometime a public apology clears the air and gives you a clean slate with others.

STEP 9 - I pray for the Lord to provide the opportunities to make direct amends to all those people I have harmed, and I act on those opportunities...except when to do so would injure them or others... as He guides and strengthens me.
• If reconnecting causes hostility in the other person, take your time but make sincere efforts in trying to regain their trust and making restitution when you are able.
• Sometime you may not be able to make full financial or material restitution but you can regain trust by being consistent and free from bondage.
• Some people you should avoid because of your weakness, if you were a gambler, going to Atlantic City might not be a good idea.

In Steps 10& 11 we maintain the peace
We learn how and then continue to maintain a relationship with Jesus through prayer, meditation and daily reading of God’s Word.
STEP 10 - I continue daily to take personal inventory, giving the Lord Jesus the praise for any growth in me, and promptly admit any failures, confess all sins, and make amends for any wrongdoing to others.
• Be honest with yourself and stay sensitive to the God in you, He will convict you when you are wrong, don’t fight conviction, praise God for it. When you are wrong repent quickly and move on.
• Keep a spiritual inventory of your life, your victories AND your failures.
• Don’t be discouraged when you feel. Remember it is not YOUR strength it is God’s that keeps you (Jude 24)
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 9:58am
STEP 5 - Admitted to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my sin and shortcomings...thus acknowledging my personal accountability.
• The Bible tell us to “Confess our faults one to another” in acknowledging our addictions we become our brothers keeper and accountability is established. (James 5:16)
• We need to be specific when we confess so the stronghold can be broken. (Psalms 32, 38, and 51)
• Sharing breaks down the isolation caused by addictions.

STEP 6 -I ask the Holy Spirit to break down any resistance to His work in me, and to make me entirely willing for Him to remove my character defects.
• The Fruit of the Spirit helps shape our character, this fruit is manifested as we interact with others, share with others, and yes even have conflict with others.
• The Holy Spirit helps us live the Christian life, we all need the power of God to not only stay sober, but be effective witnesses for Christ. (Acts 1:8, John 14:26, and John 15:26)

STEP 7 – I humbly ask the Lord Jesus to remove my shortcomings and defects of character, submitting to His will.
• We need to be honest and recognize the shortcoming and ask God to remove them. (Read Psalm 51 and meditate on it)
• Allow the Holy Spirit to purge you and shape you.
• Know your weaknesses and never forget even though you are Born-Again, your flesh is WEAK. The only way to victory is through surrendering to Jesus.
• Romans 12:1,2 is a perfect formula for the benefits of surrender.
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 9:56am
In Steps 4, 5, 6, &7 we make peace with ourselves
In taking an inventory, we look at ourselves, who we are, what we are, how we are. It is uncomfortable but in the end we are freed of the guilt and shame and assured of who we are in Christ.
STEP 4 - Knowing my infinite worth in Christ, I now make a list without fear of condemnation, of all areas of my life which are displeasing to God, as well as my God given strengths and abilities which I have not yet fully used, as revealed to me by the Holy Spirit.
• Ask God to search your heart and not only ask for forgiveness for the things you have done, but also forgive others that may have hurt you.
• Some addictive behavior is caused by bitterness against someone that may have hurt you as a child. (Abuse, Molestation, or maybe you were the child of an alcoholic or drug abuser)
• Passive Abuse also can damage a child; maybe the parents worked a lot and never spent time with you. Workaholic parents often breed emotionally damaged children that are prime candidates for substance or sexual dysfunction.
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 9:26am
In Steps 1, 2, & 3, we make peace with God
We come to terms with our powerlessness, resolve the fact that only God can do what we can’t do for ourselves, and resolve to let Him do it.
STEP 1 - I admit that I have no power to control my addictive or compulsive behavior, nor that of others... that my life has become unmanageable, destructive to myself and others, and hindering God's will for my life.

• Hitting Bottom forces us to admit our powerlessness over our addictive behavior. The three major “bottoms” we hit are: Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual
• Marital Problems
• Physical health
• Financial crisis
• Mental Breakdown
• Loss of Career
• Death of a loved one

The addiction cycle cannot be broken unless an individual yield his will to the will of God. Jesus said “The Spirit is indeed willing, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK” All humans have flesh and we all have areas of weakness. Don’t feel like you are in this alone.
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 9:24am
Every Wednesday 1pm at Ancora Psychiatric Hospital there will be a Christian 12 Step Program for those with Sexually Compulsive Behavior Problems.
Comment by Mark H. Stevens, Th.D on July 30, 2009 at 9:23am
The Christian’s 12-Steps….A Journey of Peace
In John 14:27, Jesus says: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
When you think about it, peace is the most sought after thing in the world. Peace of mind. Everyday people work and struggle to find it, never knowing that the key is letting go and letting God have control of their lives. Even as Christians, we sometimes flounder and flutter about trying to “achieve” peace….forgetting that its the gift Jesus left us with. As we work through the Christian’s 12-steps we learn to let the peace of Christ take over our lives.
In the Christian’s 12-step program, we identify our "higher power" as Jesus Christ. In order to truly be freed from our destructive behavior patterns, we must know Christ as our Savior and Lord, trusting completely in Him and allowing Him to direct our path (Proverbs 3:5-6). You don't have to be a Christian to attend our program, feel free to attend and apply the principals to your life.
The biggest misconception about the Christian’s 12-step program is that it is designed especially for people who are alcoholics or drug addicts. While drug addicts and alcoholics benefit tremendously from the program, it is NOT only or specifically for them. The program is designed for ANYONE who is seeking the peace of Christ.
Our program addresses any/all excessive, addictive, compulsive, behavior patterns. These are bad habits that are out of control causing inappropriate behavior. These habits may involve alcohol, drugs, gambling, lying, sexual misconduct or other behaviors that make our lives less than what God would have them be (John 10:10b).

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