Are their any Pastor's Wives who are having issues with acceptance from their congregations?

[Pastor J.H. Smith Jr.]

This subject is interesting to me because of the tendency of some congregations to never accept a new Pastor's Wife because of negative experiences with those of the past. The result being they never give them a chance to offer the blessings and ministry that God has invested in the new Pastor's Wife.

I'm just wondering if this is a isolated experience or are their other Pastor's Wives who are having issues with being received by the women of the congregation. Or maybe you have had these issues and have overcome them, what methods did you use?

Looking forward to your comments...
Sister Smith
Wife of Pastor Smith

[Drs. Clarence and Ja'Ola Walkers]

Blessings Sister Smith;
Be encouraged my sister.This is not an isolated experience, my husband and I have ministered at many churches around the country. Being a Pastor's wife is hard. Be yourself, you do not have to fit someone else's mold. God is the one who called you to that church along with your husband because you two are one. He is the one you must answer to. Show people love but don't let them push you around. Speak the truth in love. Ask the Lord what He wants you to be involved with and confirm that with your husband. Some pastor's wives are very involved some are not, it depends on what God has called you to do. You have to share your husband with the congregation and sometimes you are not acknowledged. Sometimes there are women in the congregation who want to take your place and operate out of jealousy. Be prayerful about what you say and who you share things with. It is probably best to have friends outside of the church or other pastor's wives.Hopefully the two of you make your marriage a priority and set boundaries for the saints.
Your servant in Christ...Pastor Ja'Ola

[Pastor J.H. Smith Jr.]

Thanks for the encouragement. The issues you bring up are real and I appreciate the confirmation of advice. I do believe that sharing with other Pastor's wives is important because it is a hard job. Expecially dealing with those who have no boundaries in their lives and don't want to respect yours. And jealousy, the "green eyed monster" loves to show up. Not only are their those who are jealous of the mariatal bond between the Pastor and Wife, but even if you dress nice, present yourself in excellence, and excercise christian principles, rather than follow your example..... lol they stop speaking. Help me Jesus...

[Rabbis Aviyah Byers]

Shalom Sister Smith!

My hsband and I are congregational leaders of Hebrew Believers. We are formally from a nondenominational church with an apostolic background of which I saw a lot more of this kind of behavior from congregations. This is an area that needs to be dealt with from the head down. Many times our husbands are so engrossed in the workings of their ministry that they have to be made aware of the things that are affecting their family. My dad was a Pastor all of my childhood and about 20 years of my adult life and I saw some pretty ugly things that women especially could do to a leadership marriage and family. This is not isolated at all...and that is sad.

I do not see a lot of that in the Hebrew congregations as we follow the Laws concerning how we deal with each other as family, but I have seen a lighter side of disrespect in regards to Teachers and their wives. I think that it is important, and I do agree with what Pastor Ja'Ola, for you to be yourself. I am certain that when Father calls a man to a work of ministry that He has called his wife to share in that ministry; maybe not the same kind of ministry, but something that will enhance and compliment the vision that Yahweh has given her man.

You may want to think about the giftings that Father has given you and ask Him for the ministry that He has choosen for you to perform that will enhance and compliment the vision the your husband has for the ministry. Monthly womens sessions are an excellent idea and it pulls the women together and gives that added boost to the Pastor's Wife. As the women deal on a more intimate level with you it may bring all of the relationships to a level of respect worthy of such a great call. You may have already done this and are flowing in this minstry and if so that's great it is a great tool. Let me make myself clear you have to be very careful who you confide in and it is a great idea to have another Pastors Wife or Leader to confide in because we all need to talk...but please ask to be lead by the Holy Spirit on that..it is a very touchy subject.

Women are interesting creatures especially when they are not married and looking for a daddy/husband....seek out what Yahweh wants for you and go with that. Your husband's first ministry is to you and the family the congregation should be ware of that. Father calls us into ministry to lead people to Him not us...too many times people get caught up on us when they should be looking to Yahweh. In the transportable tabernacle in the Holy place they were instructed to place 7 small menorahs or lampstands in front of the large lampstand, why? So that the smaller would bring light to the 'Great' Lampstand...We are called as leaders to teach and show folks the way to a Righteous life it is up to them to be obedient.

I think that there will always be people who want to respect the man in leadership and not his wife, so that's something that we have to recognize and regard it as a distraction. It is up to our husband's to make sure that we are not being mis-handled or misused, as long as he is encouraging you in his vision you don't have to worry. Walk righteous Sister and Father will fix the rest.

Blessings and Shalom!

Now, you do have to be

[Prophetess Samantha Gwehi]

As a new Pastor's Wife, I must say that some of the things that I have heard, and read about the hardships that can come with this position can make one a little uneasy. There is, as one sister put it a mold that we are suppose to fit into, I have already been molded, by THE potter. There is a mold for the way we are to dress, talk and interact with our husband and children; nobody who wants to be under a microscope 24/7. There should be a support group for Pastors wives, where we can support,uplift and encourage each other; I'm sure groups such as this do exist, but far and few between. What we need is an open and honest arena where the TRUTH is spoken freely. I believe that we(Pastor's wives) in some cases go in blindly,but with good intentions and often end up hurt and disappointed. Sadly,far to often the Pastor's wife is seen as merely that, the Pastor's wife. My husband has the giftings that the Lord has called him to, and as do I. The Church often scrutinize the wife far more than the Pastor; which is completely backwards; although a man and his wife are one, we are not the ones(in some cases) behind the puplit each Sunday! Lord helps us.

[Lady Erica]

Good evening Sister Smith, I found this to be an interesting topic in today's christian society. Not only is it hard for the congregation to accept you and your ministry. Although we are pastors wives I believe that the congregation doesn't see that we have gifts and blessings to bring into their lives...just as they can be a blessing to life. I believe that we need support from our husband and to have clear boundary with the congregation that we are a unit. Although each of us have our different positions in the church.

[Pastor J.H. Smith Jr.]

You are right. I constantly remind my husband to remind the congregation that we are one. When the Lord called him to the church, I was called as well. I cannot and the Lord does not expect me to, do my husbands ministry but the Lord has given me something to give as well, IF they receive me and the giftings God has invested in my life. Not only has the Lord blessed my husband of whom I can't say they are readily receiving as they should, but I have a story and ministry that compliments and confirms that of my spouse.

[Preacher]

Question: how many times dose the bible record Moses wife preaching?
how man times dose the bible record Peters wife Preaching?
how many times dose the bible record Noah's wife preaching?
how man times dose the bible record Davids wife preaching?

[Preacher]

The Love of a wife unconditionally

Should she disobey her husband if he makes an unreasonable request? Should she disobey him if he forbids her to hang out this week end with her friends? what if he asks her to cancel her plans to see her mother this week end as she usually does? or not go to the baby shower?

A direct answer to these questions cannot be given until other factors are considered because actions in the wife’s life sometimes bring about distressing confrontations about fellowship. One big factor concerns the fact that the wife has a weapon she can use against her husband for which he has no defense whatsoever. The confrontation concerning fellowship may be his way of getting even with his wife for using this weapon him.

What is this powerful weapon? It is a weapon that the wife may wield without any deliberate malice towards her husband, and she might even employ it consciously to put him in his place. It is not a weapon of physical strength. Ordinarily the wife is physically much weaker than her husband in some way. It is the weapon of a lack of submission in the intimacy of the bedroom.

Suppose a husband is very thoughtless toward his wife. He may be quite cruel toward her. She can show her resentment toward him by reacting with cutting remarks, giving him the silent treatment, or similar treatment accorded to her by her husband. If she truly is saved, she realizes this kind of conduct is altogether rebellious against God.

Nevertheless, the husband can deal with these types of conduct. He can be more threatening. He can be more vicious in his verbal attacks on his wife. He might even resort to beating her. Since everyone who starts a fight wants to win the fight, the husband, too, wants to win.

Nothing is resolved by such exchanges between a husband and wife; the marriage is grievously threatened by them, and the husband feels equal to such challenges, insults, and treatment from his wife. Because he normally is physically the stronger of the two, he can feel that in some way he has won.

In the bedroom the wife has a weapon that can drive the husband wild. Even though he may be a cruel, thoughtless husband, he knows that the greatest joy he has ever experienced is when his wife lovingly gave herself to him in the intimacy of the bedroom. This intimacy is far more important to him than he realizes for God has fused him into one flesh with his wife. Therefore, anything that destroys the joy of that intimacy is a blow to the center of his manhood.

The problem is that in order to experience the joy and wonder of the marriage bed, his wife needs to have warm and loving thoughts towards her husband, and she finds herself incapable of reacting with loving submission to his advances in the marriage bed. She may try to avoid the marriage bed altogether; or if it looks like it cannot be avoided, she may be cold and unresponsive to his advances.

Soon she learns that nothing bewilders, hurts, and frustrates her husband more than her lack of loving submission to his advances. Because she cannot win the shouting match nor the test of physical strength, she may opt for


miserable pleasure in the fact that in the bedroom she can be the winner because nothing negative her husband does can force her to change. He can threaten, bully, or beat her, but this only makes his wife even more unresponsive to his advances, and as a result, deepens his frustrations and anger.

Without realizing it, the wife is laying the groundwork for another day of estrangement, quarreling, silent treatment, or cruelty which the husband uses to try to get even for the tremendous battle he lost in the bedroom. The husband and wife are not rationally thinking about what is happening. They are reacting with the intuition of the sinful tendencies that dwell within them.

The husband might strike back to even the score. What can he take from his wife that she loves the most? Aha! She is a Christian and always makes a big point of worshiping on the sabbath, or reading the children Bible stories. He knows how he can really hurt her. He will forbid her to do these things.

All her christian friends can see is an unregenerate tyrant of a husband who is in rebellion against God. They, of course, do not have the slightest idea of what is going on in the marriage bed.

Meanwhile, the wife goes about appearing to be a martyr and receiving the sympathies of her friends. She may not realize that her conduct in the marriage bed (as legitimate and logical as it may seem to her), is reprehensible to God. She is violating God’s rule that she is to be in quiet submission to her husband. She is violating God’s rule that she is to continuously forgive her husband. She is violating God’s rule that her body belongs to her husband.

The weapon of unresponsiveness in the marriage bed should never be used. It will drive the husband into the arms of another woman quicker than anything else. It will serve to destroy the marriage more quickly than anything else because it is tampering with God's design that makes the two one flesh.

On the other hand, consider the wife who loves the Lord and lives by God's rules Her unsaved husband may begin to wonder, "How can I be married to such a wonderful, forgiving, thoughtful woman?" He may become increasingly embarrassed by his own thoughtlessness and cruelty.


God Bless,