When a wife's ministry is predominately men

[marshall]

wife ministry(feeding the homless physically and spiritually fulltime) is 95% men, i am in my 4yr walk with Christ, 2 months married. need some advice on how to let my wife know how uncomfortable it makes me feel when i see men flirting with her. i support my wife and her ministry but there are times when i say enough is enough i'm just keepin it real. there are so many other issues that come along with this type of ministry.could this lead to the destruction of my marriage? please men and women of God respond and keep me in prayer.

[Dr Teresa C. McClendon]

Hello, Bro. I am a woman in ministry and my husband is with me. I started the ministry and we were recently married. I want to encourage you and insight to a woman who is dedicated to doing a work for the Lord. Please learn your wifes heart and her depth in the Word. She knows what God has called her to do and I am sure that she married so that she would not sin against God. You are God in the physical.. she will not fail God. Please draw close to her and support her she needs your support, love and understanding. Let no one tell you any different. She could have remained single and do this work if her intentions were wrong. You are her Strength, Support, her Heart, please dont let her down by questioning her integrity. If she wanted to do wrong, I dont think she would have married. Please with the Love of Christ and the Strength as her protector and rib provider, Make your Presence know to the men that flirt with her. They are homeless and hungry for natural food. Your Marriage Must Survive just continue to feed yourself with Spiritual Food and keep a flowing fountain of Love for you Wife. She means well.. her success is your success. Her failure is your failure.. Please stay committed and work your ministry that God has given unto you.. And I know she will support you as well.

[marshall]

Thank you Teresa. God has used you to speak into my life. There are times when the enemy tries to take our attention away from the real purpose. he uses any and everything he can to distract us from what God is doing with us. You have been a blessing to me and i pray God's blessing over you for your obedience to the Holy Spirit in responding to this discussion.

[Dr Teresa C. McClendon]

Hello Bro, you guys are a great looking couple who look very happy. I want to Thank You for hearing God through me. Please continue to pray for My husband Mike and myself as we endeavor to do God's bidding. Keep me posted on you progress in ministry along side your wife and whatever it is God called you to do. I know it's all gonna be a blessing to those in need and a Praise to His Name. Be Blessed and Favored In Our Lord and Savior Jesus.

[Bishop Alejandro Henry]

God bless u my brother yes it can lead to destrution of your marriage.becouse its like no trust, then insecurity,on your part. Talk to your wife and tell her how it make you feel.last pray about and leave it in the hands of the Lord it will be alright in my spirit I feel that your wife love you and she know how to put them in there place. I understand your side but just know God have your wife covered and you cover her also in prayer everything is going to be alright.

[Rev Dorian McKinney]

Man of God as a man I understand, but you have to understand that commitment pays off look at ruths commitment and situation in the bible in the second chapter she was surrounded by men but God blessed both her and Boaz.

[LaShonda & DeAngelo Purnell]

I believe that every married couple should have boundaries when it comes to marriage and the outside world. For my husband and I we have learned that the women handle the women and the men handle the men. If I have to give a word of advice to a man my husband must be there and if he has to give advice to a woman which is rare he really leaves that between God and I but if he has to give some advice I must be there. Woman (wife who ministry is predominately men) please pay attention to the fact that you have a husband who is paying that much attention that he notices other men checking out his fine lady. That is a blessing in itself. 2 months married WOW! the enemy is on it believe that. BUT this want (NOW REPEAT THAT TO YOURSELF) this want lead to the destruction of your/our marriage. I know you cant be everywhere your wife is all the time but when you are there stay side by side with her, and when you see someone flirting, tell em to STOP, whats wrong with that?

I'm sure you are praying about it and talking with your wife as well about it (besides this little forum). My husband and i have been through EVERYTHING that a marraige could possibly go through so I leave you with this GOD HATES DIVORCE, and anything that God hates we should too. YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE IN OUR PRAYERS.

[Min. Tullyvan]

Hey Marshall,
God bless you and your wife.
With every comment that is posted, hold it up to the light of His word.

Marriage is hard work, but the payoff is worth it. Amen!
This may not be a news flash, but men and women are not the same. We were reared to be different.
We process information differently. Our actions and reaction tend to be different as well. Here is where it gets interesting: When we meet up, match up and later marry; it is a continual mixing of two mindsets. Not good or bad. Not right or wrong. Not chief and Indian. Not boss and employee. Let us reason together.

One of my former pastors and wife did an excellent series on marriage. In a teaching environment, he and his wife explained very eloquently, how the man is the head. He wife said, “Absolutely. He is the Head, but I’m the neck and he can’t turn without me.” SMILE

I believe that a great marriage takes all 3 kinds of love. Of course it takes Eros-Romantic love. The intimate bond and closeness and emotional venerability is absolutely vital for a thriving marriage. We need to be totally secure and comfortable, being ourselves spiritually, emotionally, naturally etc.

I believe, we need Agape-Godly love as well. There will come a time when we have to look beyond faults and see needs.

I believe we need to have Philo-Brotherly love also. This love supports the need of family, extended family, church and community. It promotes communication and understanding from the other’s perspective.

Both men and women flirt in some form. The key issue is what is inappropriate to you. My grandfather was a constant flirt. Sometimes my grandmother would say to him, “Careful, your eyes might get stuck. And he would say something like, “A woman is as old as she looks, but a man don’t get old til he stops looking.” LOL

They enjoyed 54 years of marriage. They understood each other very well. They were honest and open about their feelings. They learned to choose their battles carefully and accepted the other’s hang-ups. And there were many. They were not perfect and neither are we.

The readers on this site do not have the privilege of meeting your Godly, gracious and generous wife; but we have been blessed to have met you. My advice would be to first pray about your thoughts and feelings. After praying, speak to your wife from a peaceful place. [Not a painful place] We all have baggage from past hurts and experiences. The uneasiness or insecure feelings about men flirting with her could be part of your own unresolved issues. Take inventory.

After talking and explaining how this makes you feel, try to go and make this ministry yours as well. In this process remember this scripture. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 Love suffereth long, and is kind; Love envieth not; Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

I use the following verse to examine myself first to make sure that my motivations, methods and missions are good. We have to operate based on the truth. We have to be honest.[Don’t let ill feelings fester] We have to be just. [When we point a finger at something, we have 3 fingers pointing back at ourselves] We have to be pure in heart. [Wholesome intentions] We have to be lovely. [We can never dictate or manipulate a happy marriage] The sum of our thoughts must have a good report. [Be reminded and encouraged, that the good outweighs the bad] A virtuous woman is to be loved and adored.

Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Be encouraged and don’t a lot the devil to rob you of your destiny. AMEN
Proverbs 18:22 - Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

[Preacher]

The Love of a wife unconditionally

Should she disobey her husband if he makes an unreasonable request? Should she disobey him if he forbids her to hang out this week end with her friends? what if he asks her to cancel her plans to see her mother this week end as she usually does? or not go to the baby shower?

A direct answer to these questions cannot be given until other factors are considered because actions in the wife’s life sometimes bring about distressing confrontations about fellowship. One big factor concerns the fact that the wife has a weapon she can use against her husband for which he has no defense whatsoever. The confrontation concerning fellowship may be his way of getting even with his wife for using this weapon him.

What is this powerful weapon? It is a weapon that the wife may wield without any deliberate malice towards her husband, and she might even employ it consciously to put him in his place. It is not a weapon of physical strength. Ordinarily the wife is physically much weaker than her husband in some way. It is the weapon of a lack of submission in the intimacy of the bedroom.

Suppose a husband is very thoughtless toward his wife. He may be quite cruel toward her. She can show her resentment toward him by reacting with cutting remarks, giving him the silent treatment, or similar treatment accorded to her by her husband. If she truly is saved, she realizes this kind of conduct is altogether rebellious against God.

Nevertheless, the husband can deal with these types of conduct. He can be more threatening. He can be more vicious in his verbal attacks on his wife. He might even resort to beating her. Since everyone who starts a fight wants to win the fight, the husband, too, wants to win.

Nothing is resolved by such exchanges between a husband and wife; the marriage is grievously threatened by them, and the husband feels equal to such challenges, insults, and treatment from his wife. Because he normally is physically the stronger of the two, he can feel that in some way he has won.

In the bedroom the wife has a weapon that can drive the husband wild. Even though he may be a cruel, thoughtless husband, he knows that the greatest joy he has ever experienced is when his wife lovingly gave herself to him in the intimacy of the bedroom. This intimacy is far more important to him than he realizes for God has fused him into one flesh with his wife. Therefore, anything that destroys the joy of that intimacy is a blow to the center of his manhood.

The problem is that in order to experience the joy and wonder of the marriage bed, his wife needs to have warm and loving thoughts towards her husband, and she finds herself incapable of reacting with loving submission to his advances in the marriage bed. She may try to avoid the marriage bed altogether; or if it looks like it cannot be avoided, she may be cold and unresponsive to his advances.

Soon she learns that nothing bewilders, hurts, and frustrates her husband more than her lack of loving submission to his advances. Because she cannot win the shouting match nor the test of physical strength, she may opt for


miserable pleasure in the fact that in the bedroom she can be the winner because nothing negative her husband does can force her to change. He can threaten, bully, or beat her, but this only makes his wife even more unresponsive to his advances, and as a result, deepens his frustrations and anger.

Without realizing it, the wife is laying the groundwork for another day of estrangement, quarreling, silent treatment, or cruelty which the husband uses to try to get even for the tremendous battle he lost in the bedroom. The husband and wife are not rationally thinking about what is happening. They are reacting with the intuition of the sinful tendencies that dwell within them.

The husband might strike back to even the score. What can he take from his wife that she loves the most? Aha! She is a Christian and always makes a big point of worshiping on the sabbath, or reading the children Bible stories. He knows how he can really hurt her. He will forbid her to do these things.

All her christian friends can see is an unregenerate tyrant of a husband who is in rebellion against God. They, of course, do not have the slightest idea of what is going on in the marriage bed.

Meanwhile, the wife goes about appearing to be a martyr and receiving the sympathies of her friends. She may not realize that her conduct in the marriage bed (as legitimate and logical as it may seem to her), is reprehensible to God. She is violating God’s rule that she is to be in quiet submission to her husband. She is violating God’s rule that she is to continuously forgive her husband. She is violating God’s rule that her body belongs to her husband.

The weapon of unresponsiveness in the marriage bed should never be used. It will drive the husband into the arms of another woman quicker than anything else. It will serve to destroy the marriage more quickly than anything else because it is tampering with God's design that makes the two one flesh.

On the other hand, consider the wife who loves the Lord and lives by God's rules Her unsaved husband may begin to wonder, "How can I be married to such a wonderful, forgiving, thoughtful woman?" He may become increasingly embarrassed by his own thoughtlessness and cruelty.


God Bless,