The Selfish Spouse
Meditating on the ease with which selfishness creeps into even our closest relationships, I am drawn to Genesis 26:1–11. This passage of scripture details the period when the patriarch Isaac took refuge from a famine in Gerar. Isaac infamously told the men of Gerar that his wife Rebekah was his sister, thinking "The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful." [v. 7b]. He was willing to endanger his wife’s honor to protect his own skin.
It seemed that Isaac’s fear motivated the lie, but curiously he later suppressed that fear and publicly cavorted with Rebekah. Isaac was willing to compromise the rouse when his physical longing overwhelmed him. Selfishness prompted Isaac to devise a deception and then to discard it later. Throughout, he acted only to suit his own needs and desires.
In this day, it is common for us men to picture ourselves as the “provider” and “protector”, even early on in marriage. We often trumpet our willingness to risk life and limb in defense of our women: it is a matter of male pride. However, although at first glance Isaac’s actions do not seem comparable to our modern behavior, a closer look reveals that he was operating in the same naked selfishness that spouses—particularly newlyweds—wrestle with today. Choosing to do things for our spouses when the occasions are not convenient, making decisions together rather than relying solely on our own inclinations, valuing the needs of our mate higher than our own—this is an area of marriage that will always be alien to our human nature, and necessitate a transfusion of the love of God.
Christian couples have standards set by scripture that provoke us to rise above our native selfishness. For example, husbands are admonished to emulate the self-giving love shown by Christ to the church in Ephesians 5. Wives are challenged by the example of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 to sacrifice for their husbands. God expects us to practice agape love in our marriages. Only the discipline of love will defeat the self-centeredness in our flesh.
It seemed that Isaac’s fear motivated the lie, but curiously he later suppressed that fear and publicly cavorted with Rebekah. Isaac was willing to compromise the rouse when his physical longing overwhelmed him. Selfishness prompted Isaac to devise a deception and then to discard it later. Throughout, he acted only to suit his own needs and desires.
In this day, it is common for us men to picture ourselves as the “provider” and “protector”, even early on in marriage. We often trumpet our willingness to risk life and limb in defense of our women: it is a matter of male pride. However, although at first glance Isaac’s actions do not seem comparable to our modern behavior, a closer look reveals that he was operating in the same naked selfishness that spouses—particularly newlyweds—wrestle with today. Choosing to do things for our spouses when the occasions are not convenient, making decisions together rather than relying solely on our own inclinations, valuing the needs of our mate higher than our own—this is an area of marriage that will always be alien to our human nature, and necessitate a transfusion of the love of God.
Christian couples have standards set by scripture that provoke us to rise above our native selfishness. For example, husbands are admonished to emulate the self-giving love shown by Christ to the church in Ephesians 5. Wives are challenged by the example of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 to sacrifice for their husbands. God expects us to practice agape love in our marriages. Only the discipline of love will defeat the self-centeredness in our flesh.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jean-Bosco Nsabimana on
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Hello Dear in christ .
I am Director comitee in our church christian life assambly Burundi.
and I have group then christian preach gospal in prison .
we invite some one to come to preach gospal in prison and our church.
God bless you. -
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Permalink Reply by evangelist pastor susie houston on
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iam bless to join yourgroup thank you evangelis pastor susie houston
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iam bless to join your group thank you evangelist pastor susie houston
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