What the man of God needs from his wife

[Virtuous Victory]

Can I get the Pastors and Men of God to express what they need and desire from their First Ladies in ministry, the home, and in their marriages. How can they be a blessing and a helpmeet to their man. What do you do need to help you become the men of God you were created to be? What do you need?

[Virtuous Victory]

Wow, that was profound! Thank you. I guess I can open it up to wives in ministry as well. It was very informative. Thank you.

[Preacher]

What any man needs from their wives is first submission to God..then submission to her husband....

Ephesians 5:23
23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
GB...

[Preacher]

God commands the husband to submit to the wife this is true...but not in the same way as the woman is commanded to submit..when God coomands the husband to submit he's saying not to be hard on the wife...but to give in sometimes...because God knows there cannot be two captains...God says the man is the head of the wife..God never says the woman is the head of the man...tihs teaches us that the husband is to submit by being gentle and not overbarring...but giving in some times....the husband is commanded to love the wife like Jesus loved the church...did the church teach and have authority over Jesus? or was it the other way around?...

Let m explain to you what God means when he says submit one to another...
the wife wants to go to visit her parents once a week..the husband never wants to..lol...yet he submits and goes anyway some times..God Bless

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

I see a can of worms being opened ...

That "S" word submission is most definiitely a can of worms with men and women but particularly within the men and women who are in leadership roles.

In God's PERFECT PICTURE... submission is a beautiful thing .. a necessary attitude that keeps balance within the family structure. But when we assume its meaning and subject others to our assumption... then those worms come out the can and start eating away at the flower of family.

Like you Spoken, I too was a preachers wife. Sis, I never wanted to be in the pulpit. I was happy just being a preachers wife. I was teaching Sunday School and would realize there were ways it could be improved so I'd mention a few things, the church liked it and before I knew it, I began writing curriculum, developing the teachers' schedules etc. Pretty soon after that, I was teaching the women in the women's ministry, then they asked me to teach both the men and women in the Experiencing God class.

Unfortunately, my husband was not doing as much. My excelling on the teaching side overshadowed him. He became known as "Tracy's husband". What I didn't know is that this ate away at his pride. People knew me but didn't know him. People would come to me bcuz I knew how to get things done while he was not even being asked to preach anymore.

He was frustrated with me and I was frustrated with him acting funny with me. I didn't know what was going on.. no clue. When he finally told me how my activities at church were overshadowing him, I quit everything. I didn't pray about it, didnt ask God about it.. I just quit everything I was doing. I thought if I decreased, my husband would increase. But what happened was he stayed where he was emotionally. He was so wounded by that point that he didn't want to do anything in the church. He was more accepted socially in another area of his life where he was well known. But he wanted to be accepted just as well as a preacher... that never happened and my marriage fell apart. Inside I was so angry at him for me making the decision to stop everything and he did nothing... he even left the ministry. I remember thinking, if he was going to stop preaching anyway, why would he let me quit everything.

He left the church and I followed him when he left. The people at church didnt understand it. We bounced from church to church year after year. I'm not a bench warmer Christian. I hate going to church and that's it. I want to be involved in ministry, not just receiving from it all the time. Even joining the choir .. only the choir.. was too much for him. Why, because I would get solos and would be before the congregation and he would get nothing. Off to another church. Soon, I got tired of church hopping all together.

My mistake was that I expected him to be like ME. I didn't accept him for who he was... he needed a cheerleader not a quarterback trying to throw him the ball. I began to see him as a quitter. "Why are you quitting" I would wonder. I never said those to him but I would do my best to cheer him on but my best was not the way he wanted it done. Why, because at heart, I'm not a cheerleader, I'm a quarterback. Not a superstar quarterback, but one who will make you look good... pass the ball to you so that YOU can score the touchdown. I'm a behind the scenes woman who is sometimes asked to come from behind the desk. Plus, I've always had the NEVER QUIT attitude. Finally, my husband had sought solace and affirmation from many other women so eventually I did quit. And that ate me up inside. Quitting after almost 10 yrs of marriage. Me, a quitter.....

So, I guess men need someone who is totally into them until they are into themselves... no matter how long it takes. During that time, I gave up going to school, helping in ministry, fulfilling any dreams I had. My only thoughts were my husband and my son. I sought marriage counseling, he wouldn't go, I tried many different things around the house.. nothing. And I remember, so vividly the day he said he was leaving and I remember giving up so much so he could be so much. That night I stopped breathing for a moment...I was about to become a single mother. And I thought that everything I had done up to that point was... submission.... giving up what I desire for his desires. But what I ended up doing was losing myself. After the divorce, I didn't even know who I was apart from being a wife and a mother. With the role of wife gone... who the heck was Tracy? It took YEARS for me to find out who I was ... in the LORD! My identity was not in my spouse, children, job, or even ministry....it was in God Himself. Absolutely amazing!

To this day, he still doesn't preach but he is happy in the other area of life where he got his affirmation...football. And, albeit many many years later, he is an excellent dad to our two kids. (by the end of the marriage, we had another baby... which was most definitely a miracle from the Lord because we wasn't having much sex and I hadn't produced any eggs for a year.. thought I was sterile. The doc said I was too stressed and probably would not have any kids)

Anyway like you Spoken, I often wondered if football is not where he should have been in the first place. Was ministry such a struggle for him because he wasn't meant to be there? Was it a place of peace and strength for me because that is where I was suppose to be? I NEVER thought of being a minister. I was happy being a teacher. I LOVE teaching! It's as easy as breathing for me. I didn't become a minister until many years after our divorce.

On another note, I've often wondered why two ministers who have had their own ministries for a long time would get married. It would be like having two head coaches for a team versus one head coach and the others as coaches over particular areas. Two ministers merging their ministries.... could end up being a mess or blessed, depending on the two ministers.

Not everyone should get married neither should everyone strive to be single. We must find which category we belong and go for it with all our heart.

Needless to say, after that marriage, I was told that I would never be a good teacher and definitely not good in ministry if I wasn't married. Needless to say, I know have been divorced 3 times to 3 different preachers.... all because of that word spoken to me.

My word of warning to those reading this (men and women), don't make marriage your sacred cow. Don't worship relationships.. meaning don't desire that MORE than you desire God. ANYTHING that you desire stronger than God alone is idolatry. We can express to God what we want in a mate but when being in a relationship has such a strong grip on you, it will leave you lame in that area and ineffective and even unfit.

Some lessons I learned years ago.. some I learned just last year LOL...

I know I got a bit off topic but I felt the need to share a lil shummin' shummin' with you all. Don't be afraid to be transparent and share both your successes and failures with others. You may save a life or save a marriage by your openness and honesty.

[Preacher]

People have to understand we don't obey God based on what the next person is doing...we have to answer for ourselves...we have to obey God God whether our spouse is or not...
GB

[Preacher]

WORMS ARE GOOD FOR FISHING....

[Preacher]

May I ask you a question?...why is it that you continue to base whether or not you'll obey God...based on what the man does? are we not supposed to obey God ourselves and not worry about anyone else?
GB

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

You are correct Preacher, we are to obey God no matter what the other person is or isn't doing. I think the point that Spoken is making is that she is being careful about who she connects with in holy matrimony. What a man or woman should not want is to find themselves married to a person where they will be in the position of having to obey God while married to a knucklehead LOL.

Again, God's perfect picture show both the man and woman obeying Him. Not just one or the other. When both understand and are willing to submit to one another biblically, well then you can open up dat can of worms and go fishing (smile).

But if anyone is operating out of selfishness or self centeredness then there will be no peace in the home. Can you imagine if the man was giving himself as Christ gave himself for the church and the woman was submitting to her husband as we see both in Ephesians 5. What was to be the norm is now rare indeed.

But we get it twisted... we want men to sacrifice themselves for us but we dont' want to be submissive to them. Men wan women to be submissive but don't want to give all of themselves to and for their wives. We don't see Ephesians 5 very much....no examples, no one to teach it... so most people just "wing it".
Enjoy your evening.

[Preacher]

With respect:

you said: There's order but there is not domination

Lests see what God says? and remember this is not to judge but to teach and learn..

Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."


Lets look at the word rule..?
strongs
to rule, have dominion, reign
Original Word: מָשַׁל
Transliteration: mashal
Phonetic Spelling: (maw-shal')
Short Definition: reign

Word Origin
a prim. root
Definition
to rule, have dominion, reign
NASB Word Usage
dominion (1), gain control (1), govern (1), had charge (1), have authority (1), master (1), obtain dominion (1), really going to rule (1), rule (27), ruled (5), ruler (18), ruler's (2), rulers (6), rules (9), ruling (3), wielded (1).

dominate websters:
Main Entry: dom·i·nate
Pronunciation: \ˈdä-mə-ˌnāt\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): dom·i·nat·ed; dom·i·nat·ing
Etymology: Latin dominatus, past participle of dominari, from dominus master; akin to Latin domus house — more at dome
Date: 1611
transitive verb
1 : rule, control


2 : to exert the supreme determining or guiding influence on
3 : to overlook from a superior elevation or command because of superior height or position
4 a : to be predominant in b : to have a commanding or preeminent place or position in
intransitive verb
1 : to have or exert mastery, control, or preeminence
2 : to occupy a more elevated or superior position
— dom·i·na·tive...

I f one cannot submit to their own husband on earth....how can they submit to God in heaven...If your husband doesn't give your marching orders as someone put it...then how can Jesus?
GB

[Virtuous Victory]

Thank you, Rev Luckett. That was exactly the answer I was looking for. That 2 cents was worth 2 million. I wanted an answer from a man of God himself to tell me what a man wants in his wife, from a preacher's perspective. You know what you need.

[Virtuous Victory]

Have you started on that book yet?(smile)

[Preacher]

The true man of God will tell you the truth according to the word of God, and not compromise or cater to what you want to hear as the bibe says some have done... Isaiah 30 Which say to the seer's, See not; and to the prophets, Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceits:

God Bless