HELP, I'M STUCK IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a relationship and not wanting to end it because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings and yet, you either knew at the beginning or have cone to realize that the two of you are just unequally yoked?

Can a man or woman miss their future wife or husband by getting into an unequally yoked relationship out of fear of being alone or desire to transform the "basically good" person into a Believer (saved) and thereby make them the perfect mate?

[John]

Sister Tracy since this is a two part question I'm going to answer it in two parts (feel like I'm always back in school with you...LOL). Your first question I will answer with my own words since it doesn't seem you are asking biblically ok. PLEASE, I have been in realtionships from high school (and yeah it seemed like relationships though we didn't know nuttin..lol) where I realized what was I thinking about when I asked this person to be with me but just didn't know how to call it off because of feelings, not wanting to get into emotional conversations or whatever. The unequally yoked could have been anything from not compatible in worldly situations like sports, going out, being around friends, not liking same cultural activities. Yeah they were trivial but real to you anyway. Second question, is hard to say based on having a crystal ball to determine what you would have missed or not missed by being in a unequally yoked relationship. Some of us do stay in relationships for fear of being alone or financial reasons. Now the desire to transform someone into a Believer is not something we can do. I feel only the Word can do that. Certainly we can talk the Word but we can't take the glory. It's like men and women who get in a relationship thinking "I'm going to change this person". WRONG! Only thing we can change is our selves and the clothes on our backs. LOL Now you (and there are some that say they are in the perfect relationship and have the perfect mate...whatever) can think just because the other person get's saved as you say that it's going to make your relationship perfect if you want, I just don't think that is ever possible. There are people that have been in relationships for 40 and 50 years both go to church and believers that end up wondering how come it lasted and why are they still in it. Relationships are hard because the woman is trying to please the man and the man is trying to please the woman. Maybe (in my words paraphrasing) as Paul said it would be better to not marry and devote all your emotions and feelings to God through Jesus Christ. Relationships seem to be what everyone feels is necessary (some of it out of biblical context) in this world but it's the hardest most difficult thing to do and it may be because of what happened in the Garden with Adam and Eve. Curious to see what others think. By the way,, what's my grade! I know, go stand in the corner huh! LOL

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

John... I luv ya bro! LOL... I won't make you stand in the corner... there's a stool there...you can have a seat...LOL

Seriously though, I like your answers and want to make a comment on a word you used ... FEEL... We "westerners" put too much stock in our feelings which are like a windsock that moves with the wind and is stagnant when there is no wind. We "feel" good about a relationship when everything is going our way and the winds of woo are blowing our hair. But when a hurricane hits then we are ready to evacuate instead of fortifying our marriage and stocking up on what is necessary to ride out the storm. We choose our mates based on feelings instead of faith in the Father who can join the two of us together and as we CHOOSE to walk in obedience to His word on how to operate in the covenant of marriage, that no man will be able to destroy it. But with feelings... when I feel like staying.. I stay. When I feel like leaving, I leave. When I feel like going back, I go back .... see what I mean?

[John]

Oh that kind of relationship! LOL You left the door open for relationships not pertaining to marriage so that's the road I went down even though it pertained to marriage also. I agree with what you said and if it's marriage then it needs to be from God but let's be realistic in this world and you tell me how many couples are together because God put them together? Most is because of how he and she look or what the other has or something that is based on wrongness. I do see what you mean about feelings but you can't leave feelings out either, unless you dont' have any. LOL

[Bishop Edgar Young Jr]

I do not believe a person can be stuck in something he or she know is not for them!
I believe if you love God and know his will for your life then you walk in the will of God not your flesh nature!
For as the word of God tells if we walk after the flesh we will die for to be spiritual minded is life and peace!
So if you walk in the Holy Ghost you are already free for whosoever the Son set free is free indeed!!
Shalom
P.S. By the way if you find yourself there know it's because you want to be

[Bishop Edgar Young Jr]

If you are saved you should wait on the Lord period no matter how long it takes!
To do otherwise could cost you your life!
As the word of God says first seek ye the kingdom of God and his righteousness
and all these other things will be added unto you.
Know that in your patience possess ye your souls now you know a saved person has no business with an unsaved person anyways so i will not dwell on this but the main thing is waiting on the Lord and not move til he tells you to!
Shalom

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Well, FIRST, the question I posed is not about me...LOL.. so let's just put that on the table. But I do hear this complaint often that men/women find themselves "stuck" in a relationship. I ESPECIALLY see it online when you view a person's profile and under relationship status they put "its complicated". What in the world is complicated? So, I asked and time after time, the response is that they are legally or emotionally bound or "stuck" in a relationship. I'm not sure why but I just can't quite comprehend "stuck". You either decided to stay or you decided to leave... If you decided to stay, then you aren't stuck, you made a choice that you didn't like but YOU made the choice.


As far a the perfect mate... is there such a thing? For example, In every relationship there will be the good, the bad and the ugly. Love is more than a mere ooey gooey feeling, it's WAAAY more than that. The ooey gooey feeling is more appetizer than meal and could also be deceptive and full of empty and unnecessary calories! LOL

But from what I understand biblically, there was no "dating". Marriages were arranged and people got to know one another while in the covenant of marriage. Even if we date a person for 15 years once married you still have to get to know them. The satanic attack truly begins once the covenant is made. In dating, you are lead away by your "own" lusts mostly. "The devil didn't make you do it" LOL. But the attack truly begins once youve made that covenant between yourselves and God. Let the rollercoaster ride begin! Ups and downs, thrills, horrors, valleys and mountains, joys and pains. But the commitment to bind yourselves together with your focus not on yourselves but on how that marriage can glorify God... NOW THAT'S WORK.

"When a man finds a wife"... does he always have to go searching to "find" a wife? Did Adam search for a wife or did God see his need (while Adam was doing the will of the Father) and brought the woman to Adam. When Adam awoke, he "found" Eve (oh and then of course he was ready to blame God after the fall... this woman that YOU gave me.. .LOL).

Did Isaac go search for Rebekkah or did his father search for him?

My point is that when we say things like "wait on the Lord" that is too ambiguous. What is waiting? Is it active or passive? Will God bring these two persons together EXACTLY like He brought others together? No, he won't... He hasn't. He is the same yesterday, today and forever, but that doesn't mean that He will do something EXACTLY He has before. The end result doesn't change but the method may?

Case in point.. animal sacrifices was required before and no longer is required.. but a sacrifice was still required.. n'est pas???

Healing... Jesus would heal by touching a person, or just by speaking a word to them but healing still took place. you get it??

So, they didn't date then, but we date now... the purpose... the goal should be the end result of marriage. You shouldn't date just to hang out with a person... that is dating.. that is hangin' out... When dating, you are looking at this person as future (potential) spouse. When you compromise during the dating process you will most definitely reap that seed of compromise that you have sown if you choose to later marry that person.

If you are led by the Holy Spirt when dating, as well you should be.. then believe me, ask for discernment about the person. No man knows the heart or the intent of another but the Holy Spirit does. He will lead you to ask questions of the person that you may not have ever thought of yourself. The answers to those questions will reveal A LOT about that person.

For me, I have learned (trial and error unfortunately) to be totally sensitive to the Holy Spirit when dating. I don't even wait to see if the person is going to be jacked up any more (as the Holy Spirit would have already told me in the beginning). You see, I use to give a person the benefit of the doubt and bargain with the Lord because there was something I really liked about the person... and sure enough when I would not listen to the Lord I would get burned. Now, If He tells me not to get involved with you... then I'm not doing it. I don't need to wait around for proof. His word to me is good enough (it should have been good enough back in the day but experience is a very good teacher)

Wait on the Lord... means allow God to show you the REAL person. Every time we meet someone, whether online or in person, we are oftentimes meeting their representative.. what I call their P.R. person. (public relations). They may often put on a good "godly" show for you up front. But if you WAIT and don't be in such a rush to get into a relationship with ther person, the Holy Spirit will guide you into ALL truth. He will not deceive you about the person.

I talking online to this one fellow and he was saying all of this good and glorious things.. oh he was minister and loved the Lord and yada and blah... and while he was talking, the Lord showed me that he was living with a woman. So, I asked him, "who do you live with". LOL I mean this was convo #1...you don't typically ask that kind of question to a person you just met "online" and are chatting with right. There was a pause and he said, "uh.. uhm... nobody" I said are you sure? He said.. well I'm staying with a "friend". Nuff said... LOL
From that point on... he was put in the acquaintance category and I found myself counseling him over the course of several weeks.

Which brings me to my last point, sometimes, people cross your path not for a romantic relationship but for you to minister to them. Allow God to show you that before you get all giddy and want to be their "man" or "woman"...LOL Give God the opportunity to work through you before you are ready to have a candlelight dinner with Sis so-in-so or Bro what's-his-name. You'd be surprised at the outcome!

Ok, my dissertation is over ...LOL

~Tracy~

[John]

I knew this would come up as always for people that aren't in another person's situation. It's always easy for us to say what we would/will do in another person's situation. I hear it all the time about "I don't see why she/he just don't leave, I know I would". Then they get in the same situation and are caught up to. If that person wants to make a change then it will come and if not then it won't. Now we know when people meet people they don't usually see the real person because both are trying to impress and show the other person what a wonderful person they are. Then they relax after a while and the real deal Holyfield comes out. You have to endure past the first impressions until the real one shows up and yes it should be all about the Holy Spirit and all of our good logical thinking and talking is not what goes on and we all know it.

[Rev. Wanda]

This is good. Since most of the my relationships, I would deem as unequally yoked; there was always the element for me that I felt that I was in sin and the guilt and shame of the whole thing seemed to keep me longer in it than I should have been. Funny, I would always end all of these relationships by declaring that I was "going to do what God called me to". Most men, especially the ones I dated where not going to fight me on that. I believe wholeheartedly that I missed a lot playing games with my life and with others.

Just my thoughts - it's a great topic.

Rev. Wanda

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Rev. Wanda... you get a rousing AMEN on that one Sis!!!

oooo weee.. If I could go back I would have not just kicked some folk to the curb soooner but I would have never gotten into a relationship with them.

HOWEVER... I don't blame God for any of it. I can't blame Him, I am the one who made those choices and He even gave several ways to escape whether I recognized those ways or not.

But I most definitely learned a lot about people, myself and God through it all. Those years weren't wasted years. God worked them out for my good and His glory.

Now the key is.. how many times are you going to make the same mistake and keep going around the mountain for 40 years instead of taking the short cut?