HELP!!!! THE MEN ON BPN ARE STALKING AND MISUSING WOMEN....

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

This is a message to the ladies on behalf of the righteous brothas out there.

Sisters, don't cry over milk you ALLOWED to be spilled.

When we are tempted we are led away by our OWN lusts...

For those who are literally lusting after men or making acting like idol worshippers or groupies to these men with leadersthip titles... I say STOP IT!!! You are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak. No man wants a woman so desperate for a relationship that she will allow him to treat her any ole kind of way. Sometimes these men are testing you and you are failing the test miserably.
That doesn't make it right.. but sometimes if you are to easy or too quick to call him "Boo" he'll allow it but Boo won't stay with you. He will let you give him all that you want to "freely give" and then walk away. And you will say he manilpulated you. No dear.. you played yourself. He was just a willing participant in your own game.

The only way brotha man tricked you is that you ALLOWED yourself to be tricked becasue you were led away by your OWN desires. He was just feeding off the vibe YOU gave him. You draw to you what you are putting out. If you put out desperation ... even if you never say the words.. but if your actions are desperate then so are your thoughts. As a (wo)man thinks so is (s)he.

You know you had an "icky weird" feelin about ole boy and BUT noooo, you ignored it because he was cute, he was handsome, he was a pastor, a deacon, a prophet or an apostle and all you saw was how his "titled" arms could wrap around your wanting soul...

Start with the woman in the mirror when you are ready to blast the men in sheeps clothing.

After all...

it takes TWO to tango. A manipulator needs one who can be manipulated in order for his plan to work.

And don't think that there aren't women on BPN who aren't stalkin men as if they are some trophy. Ooo look.. Pastor so-in-so left me a sweet comment. Oh my.... Apostle Joe Blow invited me out on a date. Hey Prophet So Fine asked me to help him with a project. Next thing you know you gettin all moist and all the brotha wanted was help. When you realize he doesn't want a relationship then you walk away rejected and full of bitterness.

STOP IT!!!

Are these desperate times for desperate women who are ... like a moth to a flame... attracting desperados??

Just a few things to think of before you go singing that somebody done somebody wrong song.

I won't apologize for my harsh words. Not ALL men on BPN are villanous. A righteous woman has to stand up for the righteous men so they don't get dumped in he category of men who are being bashed by the women who have been dumped on.

Marriage is honorable but also learn to be content in your singleness. Can you work alongside a brotha without the FIRST thought being.. "Lord, is he the ONE?"

*sigh*

Brethren... what say ye???

~Minister Tracy Curtis~

[Kendra]

I must agree sista you have spoken a true word today and I say AMAN....

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

you know sis.. we have this same mentality with Satan. The phrase "I'm taking back what the devil stole from me" is too over used. Most of what he "stole" we actually just handed over to him.

Case in point... what did he "steal" from Adam and Eve in the garden? Nothing... it was freely given to him because they were led away by their own lusts.. wanting something they shouldn't want...and trying to get something they didn't need.

Oftentimes wome lust after the title of "the prophets wife", "the pastor's wife", etc. And they won't give the regular layman a chance. Why, because dude doesnt have a "title". Is child of God not good enough??

You see, the reason this frustrates me is because I actually empathize with this mentality. I was a woman like that. I know where the mindset comes from and I also know the emotional desctruction that comes from that mindset.

My intention it to shake women up out of their fantasy land of a biblical prince charming who will redeem them from their miserably lonely existence as a single woman.

Lord when you get that man you will be so emotionally and oftentimes physically clingy he won't be able to breathe!!!

Back Back.. give the man Fifty feet why don't ya?

[Sheree Graves]

Well said my sister.......You've given the instructions now its up to the receivers to apply it and really seek God if they're in error. I don't think the words you wrote are harsh. To many people are sugar coating words instead of saying what really needs to be said.

[Carolyn E]

I have to agree with you too;every man in the church is not your husband sometimes they just want to be a brother or friend.

[Sheree Graves]

Say that again my sister.........I remember there was a time in my life when I was going through and some of the brothers from church stepped in and was there for me and my boys only as a true brothers in Christ and nothing more.

[Gwendolyn Davis]

My God, I must be just so naive because I thought this was a site where God fearing men and women came together for the edifying and building of God's kingdom. I did not know it was a dating service, and I pray it hasn't come to this, where we as men/women are so desperate for a man/woman that we would stoop to using BPN as a means to getting our needs met, but then when should I be naïve. Satan will use every trick in the book to get God’s people off track so why is this any different.

First my sisters in the Lord keep your respect about who you are. There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband, but be careful because not every man that says he is of God is telling the truth. Remember that once angel of light. Our Father knows your desires even before you do, but there is something He wants to complete in you before He gives you that desire. He wants to establish a relationship with you where He is all that you need. (for real) A lot of times God bless us with husbands, wives, and children and what do we do, we put them before God. So first build that relationship with your God. Make Him first in your life. Love yourself, and encourage yourself, then make your request known to God. Then most importantly WAIT ON GOD.

Don’t you want a man after God’s own heart, a man to love you unconditionally, not just when you are a size 10, but even after you have become a size 16. See the husband God’s has for you/us will already be conditioned for any changes you go through.

With closing all I can express is that there are some wolves out there in sheep’s clothing. BEWARE!!

Much Love

[Mona Shorter]

I can agree with you totally. I was a victim not long ago, not of the BPN but from someone I knew in the past- from the same home time after 20 plus year. All I can say when I had lost hope I met this wonderful man( I thought) He came in my life when I had given up on the promise God had given to me. It was not happening in due time and I was tired and weary because of the wait.But all the lies, deceit , and torment that I experience was worth what God was doing in my life. Sometimes, it is not what the devil is doing in your life. It is what God is allowing to happen to purge u and turn your heart back to him. I left that relationship still friends because ( the man) taught me many things. Even though I was hurt. I had to say thank you for everything. I really matured in a short time. The devil didn't have me , I was in the palm of God's hand. I got a chance to show this man how real women will forgive and still minister to you in your time of need. Boy, I learn so much and I give God all the Glory for his expertise and timing. I have since then given that part of my heart back to the Father untill Issac and not Ishmeal comes into my life. He looks like the promise, smelled like the promise, walked like the promise, cared for me like the promise, gave me material things like the promise but oh my God he was not the promise. I am not hurt or even dismayed because God did a quick work in my heart, the healing has already manifested in my heart. Thank God for discernment and prayer. I had other people praying for me in the midst of my mishap. Neverdaless, I feel sorry for this preacher, in my heart because he doesn't recognize the strongholds that are in his life and just has moved on the the next woman or women. THese men are blind and they come to Christ and have not been delivered since they have gotten saved-of what those character flaws they had when they were in the world. Dat is the scary part about it. But this sista told him about the strongholds and what he needed to do to help himself. I still keep him in prayer because he is still God's man. Only God can deal with him. So ladies don't get bitter, but get better in a situation like this. Ask yourself , what did I learn , what did he teach me , what did God teach me through this? Did I mature or go to another level in love or what? If you are still hurting from a situations such as this. Ask God to heal you now. He did it for me and your deliverenace is at the door. Don't go around for years hurt, when God is waiting at the door to heal your heart. I hope my testimony help a sista and a brother out there. It is all good and all God.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Sister Shorter, I pray that everyone reads and FULLY understands your testimony.

When you said:

Ask yourself , what did I learn , what did he teach me , what did God teach me through this? Did I mature or go to another level in love or what? If you are still hurting from a situations such as this. Ask God to heal you now. He did it for me and your deliverenace is at the door. Don't go around for years hurt, when God is waiting at the door to heal your heart.

That is a very important part to restoration..not always being restored back to that former relationship (although that can happen as well) but being restored back to knowing who you are in the Lord! Being restored to Him... and to a place of emotional wholeness.

You see, by HIS stripes we receive healing. That INCLUDES emotional healing as well.

Praise God for your testimony!

Are there any others who have a similar testimony?

[Evangelist Stacia Smith Moore]

Oh my goodness, I'm so glad someone finally started speaking up about BPN/BPM...I was lonely and I thought that God had just forgot about me. I fell prey to this, and met someone and fell in love, move to the city where he was, only to find out a year later that he was married, and continues to prowl every single site that is on the net, not only this site BPN, but sites that have nothing to do with christianity. He talks to hundreds of women and have done it for years. I was hurt and decieved, I didn't allow God to send the man for me, I just did it on my own. He says that he is a Man of God, but I pray for him asking God to show him what he has done to me and others is wrong and that he needs to repent. Do I want a husband?, Oh yes I do, but now I must wait on the Lord, I am trying to learn how to be content with my singleness, how to wait on the Lord for that special man, and when God and only God says it is time, then He will send him to me. God will only send someone to compliment me, someone that will love me the way i should be loved. I have been married before and was deeply hurt,my ex- was saved and we had a youth ministry then he strayed and we divorced because he wanted that woman; he ended up marrying her, but you see there was a plan in all of that, because in the end God saved her beautifully and after all these years we have become friends, and I love to see her shout and sing praises to God. God healed my hurt, reclaimed my exhusband and save her soul. Only He can do that, now He is healing me from this hurt, and setting me up for his plans for my life. I thank God, for this experience for now I minister to others on how God can heal, and deliver the pain and turn it into joy! God Bless you my sistas

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

I know most persons who are ACTIVE in a singles ministry are women and most singles ministries end up being just another women's ministry. I pray that the men in this singles ministry on BPN will be active and feel free to participate in discussions, and start discussions.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Oh my... sounds like you up in arms my brotha. I am sorry that there is an offense between both you and the other person. But remember, God is NOT the author of confusion. Some things... just let it go. LOL

If they have upset you to the point that you want to be clandestine or stealth in your open response then my advice is most definitely... LET IT GO.

You cannot control what other people say, do or think but you can control your reactions to them.

Go back to the person, apologize for any intentional or unintentional offense.. make it right with your brother/sister forgive them for the offense towards you... shake the dust off ya feet.. and keep on trucking with peace of mind in tact.

NEVER allow someone to push your buttons. You aren't an elevator of emotions that goes up and down whenever someone pushes a button!

Love ya bro!

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

People have wondered why I am so stern in my statements. Truth is I was once like the women I speak of in this discussion topic.

I've been married twice. Both times were to ministers. The first marriage was wrecked by years of lies and infidelity but two beautiful children came out of that relationship. Years later, I married again. This time I married a man that I met online... a minister. It was only a few months in the marriage that I found out I was wife #5 and that he married me to make wife #1 jealous. It was most definitely a soap opera mess. But out of it was birthed a ministry ... a biblical counseling ministry to help men and women be healed in the area of their emotions. But God had to do it to me first. (smile)

There is a saying that a good surgeon will still operate even if he does not have anesthesia. Why? because he wants to heal you even if the healing process is painful. He knows he has to cut out that thing that is going to kill you and he knows the surgery will hurt. He will keep cutting in spite of your screams because he knows it will work out for your good.

Out of that emotionally painful and devastating relationship, God was able to bring to light several emotional wounds from my past as well as from that marriage. That marriage didn't last a year. But through all that went on in it and all that happened after... God put a scalpel to my heart and cut out resentment, bitterness, hatred, suspicion, distrust. But I had to start with forgiving those who had dispitefully used me. I mean the Lord brought up people from my past alll the way back to my child hood. People I had still not forgiven for the physical or emotional pains they caused me. Those who wounded me in my innermost parts. But the person I had the hardest time forgiving was myself. You see, when I looked back, I realized that I walked into those relationships with my eyes wide shut! Signs were all over the place and I chose to ignore them because of what I was getting out of the relationships or what I THOUGHT I would get out of them.

I wanted to be married... married married married. For years that's all I could see. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. I still want to be married. But I don't WORSHIP it like I use to. It is not my golden calf. It is not the thing that I am obsessing over. I desire to be married to please the Lord now...not to merely please myself. Or not so I won't be alone.

Ladies and gentlemen, the scripture is so true that when we are led away... when we are manipulated or "played", it is because of our own lust for whatever. It could be lusting for a position as a ministry leader's wife, as the wife of some super sexy super fine Mr. Man, or for that next top model wife, And dare I say our lust for a relationship...not to be alone. Lust is more than sex. Lust is a STRONG DESIRE for something and you are willing to do anythng to get it... even compromise yourself, even look the other way at obvious signs of a relationship that should wait or should never be.

When I heard of women here on BPN who were up in arms at men who were "using" women or "playing them" or having predator-like activities, then I had to speak up. I had to speak to the women about themselves ... I'm not bashing the men. Why, because it starts with you ladies...

Ladies, I am not saying that anyone who is operating like that is justified in their actions. My goal is to get women (and men) to look at themselves FIRST before making protests and going from person to person saying who did what to whom. Samson should have never gotten with Delilah but he was led away by his own desire for her. As a result... well you know what happened. David should have never gotten with Bethsheba, as a result....well you know what happened. The sword never left his house. What you do affects you and those around you!!!! Please remember that. Eve should have never continued to talk to the serpent. She should have cut that convo the minute what he was saying was contradictory to what God commanded.l As a result...well you know what happened. She influenced Adam and sin came in and we ALL are affected by the decisions of two people.


Our decisions not only affect us but even affect those around us. Remember, a deceiver needs someone they can deceive. A manipulator needs someone that can be manipulated. We have to take responsibility for our decisions is all I am saying. Sometimes, we put ourselves in positions that we shouldn't be in.

Just remember, Israel so desperately wanted a king. They were not content with the Lord God as their leader. They compared themselves with other nations that had a king. Comparison brings discontentment and discouragement. Men and women of God, learn to be content with the Lord while you are single so that when you do get married you don't make a "god" out of that person and put everything about them before the Lord. God's perfect will was that HE lead Israel. God's permissive will allowed them to have a king. From that incident we can learn that we should be careful what we pray for... we just may get it.

When I was a teenager I sooo wanted to be married that I prayed and prayed and was very descriptive of the man that I wanted. I was so similar to Israel in my prayer. I prayed, "Lord, I want him to be taller than me, I want him to be handsome, and I want him to be a minister". Notice I never mentioned anything about his character, him loving the Lord, him loving me as Christ loved the church, etc. I got exactly what I prayed for and also things I did NOT want.Ten years later... divorced. But did I learn my lesson... no.. but I thought I did. Years to follow I married again.This time I said I want him to be a man who knows the word. He knew the word but he wasn't a doer of the word. He too was a preacher but followed very little of what he was preaching and even used his knowledge of the word and ability to speak what I call Christianese (church lingo).... Church phrases to flatter you...you know what I'm talking about. Anywho, less than a year later so much was discovered about him that the marriage was legally null and void. I discovered I wasn't even legally married to him because he was already married when he married me.

Israel (men and women of God) be careful what you pray for... you just may get it.

Get out of fantasy land and seek to deepen your relationship with and obedience to the Lord. Some ask God for a sign that this person or that person is the ONE. Have you ever thought that He has already given it to you? It's called His Word. He tells us to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (this passage is not just for marriage but for all relationships in our lives). You have every example you need for what a reall man or woman of God will look like. Plus you will know them by their fruit, their actions. So don't rush into relationships. Even if you are over 40, you still have time. Ephesians 5 gives you a wonderful list of things a husband and wife should be and do. Don't be so anxious to wed the person who gives you tingles and butterflies. Don't rush into the relationship just because a bird flew over your heads when ya'll met for the first time. Observe that sister... watch that brotha. Their actions and words should line up. But then ask the Lord to show you what you don't see or may not be seeing in them. HE knows their heart and the intents of their heart.. you don't. And don't be afraid to have others talk with them. Seek wise counsel about the relationship. Seek the advice of an elder brother or sister. Sometimes we get so emotionally caught up in the brotha or sista that we can't see clearly. But bring them around others and they will see what you don't see about the person. If you are so caught up allow someone else's discernment to work on your behalf.

Be careful what you pray for... you just might get it....so be sure to pray for the RIGHT thing and you will have joy unspeakable, peace, contentment, and be an emotionally whole and solid person that is not easily tossed to and fro with ever sweet word that is spoken to them or every thick thighed, small waist and pretty faced Lisa, Mona or Susan. Nor every tall dark and handsome scripture slinging water walking slick talking Tom, Jessie, or Frank.