I used to feel so guilty and unworthy of this walk with Jesus when I fell into financial despair. There was a time when we lived in a one bedroom apartment with eight children, there were times our lights and gas were disconnected, there were times when we couldn't pay the rent or the phone, there was a time when we couldn't afford a car and had to take the bus to church, that was really bad in the winter time. I felt guilty because we were always look down at, as if, we were not saved because we didn't have the financial means to pay every bill, every time, on time. But here is the clincher, we paid tithes and was still broke. My husdand works a trade that is most busiest in the spring, summer and fall, but slow during the winter, so during that time they would no longer need him, and I was a stay at home mom. Mind you, that we were in church, but it was not always a pleasant experience asking for help without being made to feel guilty for being in that situation. I was made to think that saints shouldn't have to go through these issues, if they were truly saved and paying tithes. For years we prayed about our situation and saw no out, it was if God wasn't paying any attention to us, or our prayers. Yes, we were fasting, praying, faithful to attending prayer meeting on Tuesday, bible class on Wed. and church all day on Sunday, let us not talk about attending conferences and revivals that were 5 to 7 days in length up to two times a year. Our life was God and church, so the question was "why were we suffering lack". When my last child became four years old I went back to work and of course, I was teaching in a christian school which was owned and operated by the church, so I spent even more time in church. It was like God had allow us to go through a season of lack for me to understand what Paul said in Php 4:12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. When God put that verse in my spirit, I was thinking that we would never abound because we have been abased for so long, I felt like giving up. Yes, I thought that I wanted to give up! If I had never gotten to that place in my life, how would God get the opportunity of show me that in my weakness He is made strong and that His grace was sufficient for me. Of course things got better, my husband had his own business and I was working and went back to school. It took some years before the lack subsided, but when it did I had learned a valuable lesson about life. Saints do suffer persecution, maybe we are not being beheaded, hung upside down on the cross, cast in the furnance or stoned, but the Word said in 2Ti 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution, and if you are going to reign with Him, you are going to suffer with HIM. The enemy may attack you physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually because he knows where you are most vulnarible for attack, but God has you hedged in and your test are not designed to destroy you but to make you (Gen. 50:20 ---But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive) The truth of the matter is that trails in this life doesn't determine your salvation status, they are but testing centers that we stop by at certain times in our lives on the way to destiny that prepares us for the next level of purpose; when we past the test we go to the next level), and no one can condemn or judge what God is doing in you (especially when you are doing all you can and know to do). Before, I got saved I had a plan to go to school for business and make lots of money doing somethings that I want mention, and my husband had goals of making money doing things that I want mention, but the fact remains that lack was not in the plans. When we got saved the plans changed and the enemy knew that it was a struggle for me to stay in the situation when at anytime I could have walked away and pursued my previsous dreams. But, I was sold out to Christ and His word kept me and sustained through those times. God Bless
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