On the morning of May 22, 2010 I awake in a war cry rebuking satan and his plans for the day. Little did I know, as I went into a travailing prayer that God had a plan that would rock my world and my faith in Him. One hour after arising from my sleep I would receive a call that my son D'angelo had been taken to the medical facility on the island where he lived called Eleuthera for an epileptic seizure. I prayed as my two other sons took steps to get him medical attention.
We had seen him recover before but this time it was not to be. By 10am my son was dead. My screams could be heard throughout the neighborhood as I bargained with God to take me instead. I had after all, lived a life that was somewhat full, my son on the other hand had just begun to chase after his dreams. He was always loving and so full of life. Why him?
THe Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21 In all things I have learned to give God thanks. I could curse God but I choose to thank Him for giving 22yrs. With my son, who loved me by telling me it every chance he got and displaying it everyday. We shared special moments, challenges and the Word of God whenever the opportunity presented itself. There were times when I felt that my words about God's love fell on deaf ears only to find out that three months previous to His death my son answered the call by acknowledging Jesus Christ as Saviour during an altar call at church.
How do I hold on? I hear the Words of the Master of all creation encourage me that if I dwell in the secret place of His tabernacle I shall abide under His shadow. I hear the words that He gives a peace that passes all understanding. As a mother I weep for the loss of my son but I weep in hope that one day I will see him again.
The challenge to hold on came, when the ex- boyfriend began to come around, trying to use my vulnerability to start something anew. I almost yielded totally to him but I began to think about the goodness of God and began to converse with my heavenly Father.
I know how Naomi became bitter as I looked back over my life and the losses I have endured Stephen George Sawyer my brother died in December 1995, Frederick George Fernander my husband died in November 1998, George Mark Sawyer my father died December 1999 and now my son. They represent the majority of the men who were influential in my life. I have to continue to pray against the spirit of bitterness because at times I feel as though nothing in my life is going to change despite my faithfulness to the call of God and my obedience to His direction. Yet I know deep in my soul that the trying is of my faith and so I resolve that no matter what God will get the glory that He deserves. How do I hold on? By believing the God that I serve, He is the Author and Finisher of my faith. By standing on His promises and by holding fast to my profession. To God be the glory great things He has done.