MISSIONARY DATING: WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
b>MISSIONARY DATING: What’s wrong with it?
Missionary dating is a phrase used in a Christian context to describe when a person of one religious persuasion dates a person with differing beliefs for the purpose of converting him or her. Synonymous phrases include "dating for Jesus" or "flirt to convert". The concept of missionary dating is sometimes used to justify or rationalize a romantic interest in a non-believer, if the relationship might be frowned on otherwise by family or religious community or even one’s self.
Let’s look at there are three reasons why Missionary dating or evangelical dating is very dangerous. What has “Sally” gotten herself into?
SALLY’s STORY
SALLY: It started innocently. I remained in town after college graduation to find a job, and he stayed for his college football workouts. We didn’t know many people staying that summer, so we started hanging out and became friends. He claimed to be saved, although his lifestyle denied it. I didn’t worry too much about his inconsistencies because we were just friends. However, our relationship eventually changed into more than a friendship.
SALLY: I knew I shouldn’t date him because of his lifestyle. I wasn’t sure he was a Christian,
but thought, I can help him out. He had potential to be a godly leader, so I convinced myself that he was interested in spiritual matters and wanted to grow spiritually. I set out to make that happen.
1. Missionary dating compromises your relationship with God.
SALLY: “When I tried to talk about spiritual things with my boyfriend, he was never interested. He’d change the subject. He seemed content where he was spiritually, which I didn’t understand. I prayed even more for him, yet continued to drift farther away from God. Why isn’t God changing him? “
Friends, it may seem that God will not answer your prayers as it pertains to your relationship with the person you are dating. The sin of compromise and conformity are creating a block between you and hearing from God. It isn’t always that He isn’t speaking, you just can’t hear him over your own desires. Plus, He’s already spoken on the subject matter in His word. You just need to obey it.
Also, a feeling of conviction may come over you because you know you are disobeying God’s word and the Holy Spirit will begin to convicting you of your deception. Missionary dating is a deceptive act on the part of the Christian. Your motives for “evangelizing” are not pure. Your true desire is their relationship with YOU not their relationship with God.
Remember, our hearts are deceitful… and we can even deceive ourselves into believing that what we are doing is… right.
Jeremiah 17:9
9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
2. Missionary dating compromises your relationship with others.
SALLY: “I stopped confiding in my mom and sister because I didn’t want to hear their criticism of him or our relationship. I argued with my dad and brother about dating someone who wasn’t a Christian, “We’re not getting married, so what’s wrong with it?” My only problem was that he never wanted to meet my family. He knew my sister (and didn’t like her), and he talked about meeting my parents, but when he had multiple opportunities to do so, he conveniently couldn’t make it. He always had an excuse, and I always defended him.”
Friends, it is a very important sign when the person you are dating is very uncomfortable discussing spiritual / biblical matter or even being around true Christian Believers. Family, friends, mature Believers may try to warn you about the person. The more people question your relationship, the more you may believe you have to defend my boyfriend/girlfriend. You may find yourself hiding the truth about them or out right lying about where your new boyfriend/girlfriend is spiritually. Because of the questions being raised by those around you, you may feel more determined to change him/her. Why, because now pride has set in and you want to prove them everyone wrong. Feelings of loneliness and anger creep in because you fell that no one understands the sincerity of your decision.
Matthew 18:19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
Why are you trying to tackle this all alone? Don’t you know the power of AGREEMENT? You feel alone because you are. Come into agreement with another saint for that person’s salvation… not for YOUR sake but so for their soul and for God’s glory.
3. Missionary dating leads to compromising yourself.
SALLY: “I didn’t have sex, start drinking or attend wild parties. But slowly I lowered my standard for the type of guy I’d always wanted to date. I reasoned that my standards were unrealistic and too high and that spiritually strong guys didn’t exist.
SALLY: When he stopped attending church, I blamed it on everything else: from his exhaustion from football practice to him feeling uncomfortable at my church. I didn’t understand, with all the potential he had to be a strong spiritual leader, why he continued living the way he was. I believed that by dating me, he’d want to become all that he could be. Of course, this never happened.”
Friends, an “uneasiness” develops within you. Frustration, anger, bitterness, and resentment may begin to take root in your heart and you may not even know why. You deceive yourself into believing that the other person is or can be this “fantasy” that you have created in your mind about them. So, you let them get away with things that are against your moral core of Christian values because you keep seeing the person he/she could be, not the person they truly are!
Friends, just as the prodigal son came to himself while sitting in the pig pen, Sally remembered who her Father was:
SALLY: Eventually I saw the truth. So, how did I finally realize that missionary dating wasn’t working?
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
SALLY: This verse helped me realize that unless Jesus was Lord of this relationship; all my efforts to change my boyfriend were in vain. Because our relationship wasn’t based on Christ, it was going nowhere. Even though I saw potential for a godly man, he didn’t want to change; he didn’t desire a closer relationship with Christ. I couldn’t marry him in the spiritual state he was in, which made dating him pointless.
Remember friends, the purpose of dating is the goal of marriage. If you are looking for someone to just hang out with … well that is a friend.. not a date!
SALLY: Breaking up was hard, as was letting go of the person I thought he could be. I wish I could say he changed in the long run, but he didn’t. He may still be on the same path, doing the same things, living the same life. I’m grateful God spared me a more serious relationship with a guy like that.
Oh friends, I have been so guilty of living on “Fantasy Island” when it comes to dating. I would see such potential and think it would be ok to get into a romantic relationship. What happened was I found myself spiritually dissatisfied with the relationship. Why, because I allowed the lust to cloud my judgment and twist my thinking about the individuals and what I see are broken relationships in my past with people who could have been really good friends.
Lust doesn’t solely refer to sex. Lust is a STRONG desire or deep longing for someone or something.
1 John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
Lust of the flesh – the strong desire to be in a relationship no matter what
Lust of the eyes – the strong desire to make real the “fantasy” that you created about who the person could be to you and with you
Pride of life – refusing to yield to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, refusing to obey God’s word and refusing to listen to the wisdom of others who can see the infection that the relationship is having on you spiritually and emotionally.
Remember, missionary dating is DANGEROUS! And it is even worse when you don’t realize you are doing it!!!
But there is hope! If you really want to know your motives… ask God to show them to you…
Proverbs 139:23-24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting
If you ask Him for wisdom about the situation, His promises that He will most definitely give it to you… but you must ASK. Just because the one you are considering is a good person, does not mean that they are the ONE for you.
James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
Lord, give us wisdom in our romantic choices. Help us see our true motives for getting into romantic relationships. Show us why we REALLY want to be with the person? Is there some sort of lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes or are we I operating in pride? If there is, forgive us Lord. We hide these scriptures in our hearts, dear Lord, so that we might not sin against you. Hear our prayer in Jesus’ name. AMEN.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
T.A.G. MINISTRIES, INTERNATIONAL
Tracy Curtis, Founder
Website: http://www.webministrysites.com/tag/Yahoo Group:
Blog:
EMAIL:
I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NASB)
Missionary dating is a phrase used in a Christian context to describe when a person of one religious persuasion dates a person with differing beliefs for the purpose of converting him or her. Synonymous phrases include "dating for Jesus" or "flirt to convert". The concept of missionary dating is sometimes used to justify or rationalize a romantic interest in a non-believer, if the relationship might be frowned on otherwise by family or religious community or even one’s self.
Let’s look at there are three reasons why Missionary dating or evangelical dating is very dangerous. What has “Sally” gotten herself into?
SALLY’s STORY
SALLY: It started innocently. I remained in town after college graduation to find a job, and he stayed for his college football workouts. We didn’t know many people staying that summer, so we started hanging out and became friends. He claimed to be saved, although his lifestyle denied it. I didn’t worry too much about his inconsistencies because we were just friends. However, our relationship eventually changed into more than a friendship.
SALLY: I knew I shouldn’t date him because of his lifestyle. I wasn’t sure he was a Christian,
but thought, I can help him out. He had potential to be a godly leader, so I convinced myself that he was interested in spiritual matters and wanted to grow spiritually. I set out to make that happen.
1. Missionary dating compromises your relationship with God.
SALLY: “When I tried to talk about spiritual things with my boyfriend, he was never interested. He’d change the subject. He seemed content where he was spiritually, which I didn’t understand. I prayed even more for him, yet continued to drift farther away from God. Why isn’t God changing him? “
Friends, it may seem that God will not answer your prayers as it pertains to your relationship with the person you are dating. The sin of compromise and conformity are creating a block between you and hearing from God. It isn’t always that He isn’t speaking, you just can’t hear him over your own desires. Plus, He’s already spoken on the subject matter in His word. You just need to obey it.
Also, a feeling of conviction may come over you because you know you are disobeying God’s word and the Holy Spirit will begin to convicting you of your deception. Missionary dating is a deceptive act on the part of the Christian. Your motives for “evangelizing” are not pure. Your true desire is their relationship with YOU not their relationship with God.
Remember, our hearts are deceitful… and we can even deceive ourselves into believing that what we are doing is… right.
Jeremiah 17:9
9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
2. Missionary dating compromises your relationship with others.
SALLY: “I stopped confiding in my mom and sister because I didn’t want to hear their criticism of him or our relationship. I argued with my dad and brother about dating someone who wasn’t a Christian, “We’re not getting married, so what’s wrong with it?” My only problem was that he never wanted to meet my family. He knew my sister (and didn’t like her), and he talked about meeting my parents, but when he had multiple opportunities to do so, he conveniently couldn’t make it. He always had an excuse, and I always defended him.”
Friends, it is a very important sign when the person you are dating is very uncomfortable discussing spiritual / biblical matter or even being around true Christian Believers. Family, friends, mature Believers may try to warn you about the person. The more people question your relationship, the more you may believe you have to defend my boyfriend/girlfriend. You may find yourself hiding the truth about them or out right lying about where your new boyfriend/girlfriend is spiritually. Because of the questions being raised by those around you, you may feel more determined to change him/her. Why, because now pride has set in and you want to prove them everyone wrong. Feelings of loneliness and anger creep in because you fell that no one understands the sincerity of your decision.
Matthew 18:19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
Why are you trying to tackle this all alone? Don’t you know the power of AGREEMENT? You feel alone because you are. Come into agreement with another saint for that person’s salvation… not for YOUR sake but so for their soul and for God’s glory.
3. Missionary dating leads to compromising yourself.
SALLY: “I didn’t have sex, start drinking or attend wild parties. But slowly I lowered my standard for the type of guy I’d always wanted to date. I reasoned that my standards were unrealistic and too high and that spiritually strong guys didn’t exist.
SALLY: When he stopped attending church, I blamed it on everything else: from his exhaustion from football practice to him feeling uncomfortable at my church. I didn’t understand, with all the potential he had to be a strong spiritual leader, why he continued living the way he was. I believed that by dating me, he’d want to become all that he could be. Of course, this never happened.”
Friends, an “uneasiness” develops within you. Frustration, anger, bitterness, and resentment may begin to take root in your heart and you may not even know why. You deceive yourself into believing that the other person is or can be this “fantasy” that you have created in your mind about them. So, you let them get away with things that are against your moral core of Christian values because you keep seeing the person he/she could be, not the person they truly are!
Friends, just as the prodigal son came to himself while sitting in the pig pen, Sally remembered who her Father was:
SALLY: Eventually I saw the truth. So, how did I finally realize that missionary dating wasn’t working?
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
SALLY: This verse helped me realize that unless Jesus was Lord of this relationship; all my efforts to change my boyfriend were in vain. Because our relationship wasn’t based on Christ, it was going nowhere. Even though I saw potential for a godly man, he didn’t want to change; he didn’t desire a closer relationship with Christ. I couldn’t marry him in the spiritual state he was in, which made dating him pointless.
Remember friends, the purpose of dating is the goal of marriage. If you are looking for someone to just hang out with … well that is a friend.. not a date!
SALLY: Breaking up was hard, as was letting go of the person I thought he could be. I wish I could say he changed in the long run, but he didn’t. He may still be on the same path, doing the same things, living the same life. I’m grateful God spared me a more serious relationship with a guy like that.
Oh friends, I have been so guilty of living on “Fantasy Island” when it comes to dating. I would see such potential and think it would be ok to get into a romantic relationship. What happened was I found myself spiritually dissatisfied with the relationship. Why, because I allowed the lust to cloud my judgment and twist my thinking about the individuals and what I see are broken relationships in my past with people who could have been really good friends.
Lust doesn’t solely refer to sex. Lust is a STRONG desire or deep longing for someone or something.
1 John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
Lust of the flesh – the strong desire to be in a relationship no matter what
Lust of the eyes – the strong desire to make real the “fantasy” that you created about who the person could be to you and with you
Pride of life – refusing to yield to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, refusing to obey God’s word and refusing to listen to the wisdom of others who can see the infection that the relationship is having on you spiritually and emotionally.
Remember, missionary dating is DANGEROUS! And it is even worse when you don’t realize you are doing it!!!
But there is hope! If you really want to know your motives… ask God to show them to you…
Proverbs 139:23-24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting
If you ask Him for wisdom about the situation, His promises that He will most definitely give it to you… but you must ASK. Just because the one you are considering is a good person, does not mean that they are the ONE for you.
James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
Lord, give us wisdom in our romantic choices. Help us see our true motives for getting into romantic relationships. Show us why we REALLY want to be with the person? Is there some sort of lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes or are we I operating in pride? If there is, forgive us Lord. We hide these scriptures in our hearts, dear Lord, so that we might not sin against you. Hear our prayer in Jesus’ name. AMEN.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
T.A.G. MINISTRIES, INTERNATIONAL
Tracy Curtis, Founder
Website: http://www.webministrysites.com/tag/Yahoo Group:
Blog:
EMAIL:
I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NASB)
Comment
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Comment by Margaret L Thomas on December 27, 2008 at 4:50pm
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Amen Amen Amen.
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