Sex and the Heart of a Christian Woman
I prayed and ask God to guide me in writing this post. I prayed for the direction in which I'm supposed to take this and that it reaches the people it needs to reach.
I'm just going to be open and share my own life's experience, so today I will be the Christian Woman in reference.
When I think about the word "SEX" so many different images come to mind. It's hard for me to say or think about that word without thinking about people I have been with intimately in the past. Right now, I'm at a point where I am preparing myself for marriage. When my husband finds me, I don't want all of my past experiences to come to mind. I only want to think about him and what pleasures we can give each other. I have to loose all of the sinful times in my mind before I can truly allow my husband to minister to me in our bedroom. My husband will be able to make love to me and minister to me in a way that none of the men who were just "screwing" me can. The difference between the men I were with in the past and my husband is that they could not truly "make love" to me. Only a husband and wife can share that type of bond. I loved SEX, but I'm going to enjoy making love to my husband more.
In preparation for marriage, I have decided to set some boundaries for myself. Over time, I have learned the areas I am most weak in. Therefore, I know what I can and cannot do. I know what I should and should not do. For example...I have a weakness for a man who smells good. Great-smelling cologne on a man drives my mind into a thousand places. I have been asked to go out and to the movies with men and I have to decline the invitations. I know I am not ready for that. My flesh can't handle that. That's 1 hour too many to be in the dark with a man...especially if he smells good. That's way too much closeness for me. I know my flesh is weak. It wants what it wants. So, with that in mind, I stay clear of all activities like that. I'm not even dating at the moment. Until I am stronger in that area, I'll be basking in my singleness.
While I am single, I'm using this time to just allow God to minister to me in the areas where I need it. I only desire the closeness He can provide at this point. After putting up with so much foolishness in my past with men who could not even cover me in prayer, I'm just letting God be all I need. And as much as I loved sex with my ex-s, my body isn't calling for not one of them. My whole being is calm...including my drive to have sex. I'm glad. My body isn't torn by such things now. It's not torn by the strong desire to just "give it up". I pray that God keeps me covered in my singleness and makes me stronger in the areas I am weak.
It seems to have taken me long enough, but I have learned to protect my heart as well. I have to in order to keep my sanity. Too many failed relationships are what fires me to keep pushing. I have to push myself to protect what's precious to me and my Father (God). Women, myself included, are emotional beings. We long to connect and share our hearts with men. We desire the closeness that a husband and wife share, but because we grow impatient in waiting on our Adam, we settle for James instead. (Although it's Adam we truly desire.)
Once you start sharing your heart with men in a way where you become vulnerable and allow them to know things that only your husband should know about you, you're setting yourself up. Start protecting your heart and I guarantee you'll start protecting what's between your legs from men that only desire to take away from you what is meant to be shared with your Adam. I'm not saying you can't have conversations with men. I am however saying be careful of the type of conversations you have with them. Everyone doesn't deserve the privilege of knowing you completely. Leave that for your husband.
Your heart matters.
Let your husband share that deep place that was only meant for him.
Let all others only wish that had ya! Don't give them the pleasure of having.
Don't settle because you deserve better.
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~ Ayana E.