After you read this, WHAT YOU SAY OR DO TO ME OR SAY AND THINK ABOUT ME IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD. This could either set someone free or make you hate me. You choose….. I’m hoping to set someone free. If you know of anyone who would need to read this, copy, paste and send it. Read On……….
Last year my wife and I went separate ways. I stayed in Columbus, Ohio while she and the kids went to Mississippi. I was trying to pursue school to get a better job and hopefully be a better provider.
Previously before the separation, I jeopardized the souls of my household by watching porn and masturbating. I can remember times that after I finished the act, sickness would come upon my son. Or something would happen to my wife or my stepdaughter. My wife walked in on me masturbating while watching on television two women engage in sexual acts. Lust was literally destroying me plus my family. It even tried to come upon my son through video games. He would play on his Playstation WWE Wrestling, and somehow end up picking to females to wrestle each other. There’s no harm in that right? Not true in the spirit. Sometimes before I would engage in the act of masturbating, I would turn to Youtube and watch two females wrestling to substitute for two women engaged in sexual acts and my son would walk in on me watching without me knowing he was in the room. Lust was making its way towards him. I remember God telling me that if I kept on masturbating I would open up the seed of homosexuality to my son. He told me that before I was even married or even seen my wife. What He said was right, and while my wife and I were separated she seen that spirit coming upon him.
Pornography hit me at an early age, and the act of masturbating started at the young age of eight. I didn’t know it was a sin until I got saved. But after Christ, I still did it and it was hard to stop. I thought getting married would do it, but that was failure. I loosed a whole lot of demonic spirits in my life and in the lives of my household. For years I was guilty of Matthew 5:28; Everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Adultery and lust has been in my heart before I got married, before and after I gave my life to Jesus. The men in my family for generations were bound by pornography, fornication, masturbation and adultery, and I was no exception. I remember as a kid finding porn magazines mixed in with a stack of old newspapers in the day time. I would sneak back to those newspapers and the magazine was gone. My dad moved it. One time my grandma asked me to go in her bedroom drawer and get something for her. I went into my grandpa’s by mistake and found a magazine with naked women. Whenever she would babysit me, I would wait for her to take a nap so I could go into grandpa’s drawer and look at his magazines. My dad and mom were separated for awhile and he committed adultery while still in the marriage. His dad committed adultery also. My grandpa was in a adulteress relationship with another woman outside of his wife and kids. He would be with her and help her out while his wife and kids struggled. My dad was involved in an adulteress relationship with another woman outside of my mother. After the passing away of my mother, he continued in the relationship. Now here I am, Jason Michael Smith, unknowingly about to walk into the same curse.
God told me that my wife was going to want to call it quits with me, and within a week or two she was sending me messages on my mspace saying that she was having her doubts with us and that she was thinking about moving on. I automatically went into prayer and seeking God to save our marriage. It seemed like my prayers were failing. She was even confronted by someone about another guy. To make matters worse she went to 3 different churches and from 3 different speakers heard the same thing “God is closing the door on your marriage”. On my end, I was having people come in agreement with me for our marriage to work out. It was the most horrifying and intense time in my life. It seemed as if the more I prayed, the more downhill the situation went. It was hard to keep from giving up.
While my wife and I were separated, I reconnected with some friends of mine and ran into someone that I have met and had a couple of conversations with in the past but never knew. We became good friends. We prayed together, hung out, got into the word a lot and became real transparent with each other. We could tell each other whatever we were free enough to tell each other, she was a good sister in the Lord. She brought out stuff in me that seemed to be dormant. We related a lot to each other. She would give me wise counsel about my marriage, gave me firm rebukes and told me the truth honestly (stuff my wife was doing but I couldn’t receive at the time while under the curse). Our relationship was nothing more than good friendship and fellowship. While going through what I was going through with my wife, she was another I trusted to confide in for agreement in prayer. Every once in awhile, we both heard the enemy speaking into our ears saying “She could be your next wife” and “He can be your husband”. But we weren’t having it. We were determined to walk in integrity and not sin against God. And for me, not break covenant with my wife.
The integrity and character of our friendship was violated when one night her and I were hanging out and I initiated a massage. It went from a massage to intimacy. That night, I broke the covenant of my marriage and cheated on my wife. After awhile, I was convinced that God closed the door on my marriage and bringing me someone else. But Satan was just appealing to my flesh and blessing this unholy union. My image of God wasn’t looking to good while all this was going on. While being convinced of my relationship with this other woman, I was still in grieving because of my marriage breaking apart. I was hearing doors slamming real loud in the spirit. I finally called my wife and asked her was it true that God was closing the door on us, and she replied yes and told me about a dream that she had where a man came to her and said “God has closed the door on the marriage”. So from then on I was mad at God, but yet welcoming the possibility of this other woman being in my life. God looked like He was controlling and was taking me away from my wife and kids and replacing her with someone else(that’s what appeared to be happening). Satan had me fooled. This curse was repeating itself right before my eyes and I was too deep in it to see it. When I would go to church, the speaker would confirm both the separation and the unholy union (He didn’t know. He was just speaking what God was saying.) In my heart I gave up my marriage for the idea of becoming one with someone I committed adultery with.
After so long, my wife started praying to God. She received a word from a prophet in Tennessee saying “God says He’s not finished with the two of you”. I wasn’t trying to hear it. I was into my relationship way too much. To you women who are in this situation war in the spirit for your husbands to come out (Ephesians 6: 11-12). This is definitely a spiritual matter that can only be won in the spirit. I can only imagine the pain you’re going through right now by recognizing what I put my wife and kids through. I was literally contemplating leaving what God put together for something Satan was putting together. I was literally in the curse deep. Satan’s plan for man has been the same since Moses and Jesus day, to take out the King (Jesus) and keep us from walking as Priest in our homes and further destroying all the males and any potential of us growing in manhood (Exodus 1:16, Matthew 2: 1-16). IT’S THAT SERIOUS!!! Jezebel and Delilah (whether male or female) is at work in the church as well as in the Body Of Christ. One thing I do advise you to do, and it will cause you to die to yourself to do it, curse the relationship and pray deliverance for your spouse and the person they’re in the relationship with. Whatever you do, be directed by God to do it. Avoid any selfish counsel form your flesh and the devil. My wife had a chance to divorce me but because he had her mind on God’s purpose for our marriage she hung in there and held it down for the both of us while I was weak.
There’s a lot I left out in this. Had I got more into detail this would be longer than what you read. But eventually me and the other woman found out we were never meant to be nothing more than just friends for that season.
My wife asked me to break connection with her and that was even hard to do. In my daily reading , I read in Numbers 31: 1-18 where the Israelite were at war with the Midianites and Moses commanded them to destroy everything there. But instead they destroyed everything, including the males, but held the women captive. They let them live. Moses was furious because Israel let them live. Balaam instructed the women to cause Israel to be unfaithful to their God and it caused a plague to come on them. So Moses commanded that the women who were intimate with the men of Israel to be killed and the ones who had no sexual relations to be kept alive.
I kept the relationship alive when God was really telling me to cut it off. I really cut it off after my wife and I were in a conflict about me still having contact with her. The other woman was confronted by a demonic spirit. See what my disobedience caused? See what the family curse had put me through? And in all this, my wife stayed faithful to God while I was going back and forth. She had a right to divorce me (Matthew 5: 32), but it was only the power and strength of God that she hung in there for our marriage. I no longer contact the other woman, but it’s been a daily dying process. Me and my wife are being reconciled and God is healing us daily also.
I hate that I was used and lied to by the devil, but I had to learn that in order to know what it feels like in order to relate to others going through the same. My wife is my partner. This curse, and others, may have worked on me, but I refuse to let it spew down to my children’s and their children’s life. I’m the curse breaker in Jesus name.
You know what, we always talk about in the bible the woman caught in adultery. And like they did back then, we stone her. God caught both of them, but the people saw the woman.. But now I know what it feels like to be the man they should’ve thrown along with the woman before Jesus, deserving to be stoned also.
Ja$on Michael $mith