The Strong Black Woman: Myth or Reality?

The Strong Black Woman: Myth or Reality?

I was having a conversation with a group of women today, and the subject of the "Strong Black Woman" came up. It was with a mixed group and I found the discussion absolutely fascinating.

So I want to engage your thinking (my brothers and sisters) as well. What is your definition of a Strong Black Woman. Is she a myth or reality?

Brothers: How do/would you define her? Do you or would you embrace her as your partner in life? If yes, why so? If no, why not?

Sisters: How would you define her? Is she a myth or reality? Do you consider yourself a Strong Black Woman? If yes, why so? If no, why not?

It is my hope that this year 2009 will be the year of truth and honesty, openness and kindness, generosity of care and genuineness love.

I look forward to your comments and feedback.

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Comment by Scott R. Newman on January 19, 2009 at 9:01am
Strong black woman? Okaaaaaaay, does that include one who can cuss out her husband, head shake, usurp his authority, bring no peace, out talk him, wear him down, to the point he hates to even come home from work? I guess that's what strip clubs are created for....LOL

My definition of a strong woman, black or white is this:

1Pe 3:4 "but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Have ya'll noticed that the black woman is fast becoming more and more masculine while the black man is becoming more effeminate? I've watched so many black women lately who don't even shave their arm pits, legs and other places. What ever happpened to the power of femininity in a woman? Have you checked out how they are dressing and sitting? I dated this one woman back in the day and trust she was all 'dat and foine as heck...:) We were walking in the cool of the night and I was diggin' her until she did the unthinkable......Yes that's right she hocked up a wad of spit and turned her head and chucked it like a good sailor. Trust when I tell you that date came to a screeching end. ANd I can tell you more stories that are worse than that, but Pharissees would jump on me for that testimony.

Really the only ethnic group in the world that I've noticed who exhibits what the Bible determines as a woman of true biblical strength are the Asians, especially in China and the Japanese, very demure, very in touch with their femininity and never would challenge their husbands the way these american "strong" sista's do. And they are very well taken care of and highly respected and protected.

We must define what true strength is, is how I view the issue, just like we must define what true love is. Both words have been hijacked and subverged into thinking it is what its not.

The black man is the most heinous man on earth, the world hates us, vilifies us whenever they see fit and can kill us with basic impunity and imprison us and throw away the key at every turn. We are the boogey man of the world. Proof you say? Tell me where in this world is it truly safe for a Black man to live? There isn't one.

How does or could a black woman help or to elleviate our hurts, anger, feelings of insecurity, while not de-spining us all at the same time? Women especially our black sista's must use wisdom, Godly wisdom in how to confront us. Why say, "you aren't no man" and "Be a man" like a woman knows what its like to be a man. I've witnessed this afront all my life from "strong" sista's who don't need a man, in a world that views women only as sexual objects and she has children and she has the audacity and the nerve to say with gall, "I am the MOTHER and FATHER of the children" talk about deception, lies and debauchery. Trust she can't replace me as the father, nor would I ever be ignorant to replace her as the mother of the children. Strength at times to me means to shut 'da heck up........LOL

Reminds me when I worked at the juvenile facility where the young thugs and criminals and gang members would tell me that they are "hard" by being criminals. To them waking up early and praying to God and going to work to feed their family and speaking intelligently was somehow being "soft". We are so confused. As the Bible says, people think good is evil and evil is good.

If a woman doesn't emplify the grace and beauty and honor the Holy scriptures as the standard of Christ's character and integrity of a highly principled Christ who is Lord mandates her to be, then she in no means is "strong", but WEAK.

When a man finds a wife, he findeth a good thang..... All these single black women looking for a Godly man must know she can't find a husband, he finds her. All she has to be is a GOOD THANG, and trust he will be attracted to her like flies on doo doo....

God Bless

Comment by Minister Carolyn Gaynor on January 9, 2009 at 9:00pm
Thank you Reverend Dr. Patterson for blessing me/us with your wisdom.

Comment by Eric Hancock on January 9, 2009 at 7:34pm
MY GOD,,Proverbs 8v1 Doesent wisdom cry out,and understanding lift up her voice? V-2 she takes her stand on top of the hill..people of God listen to the voice of wisdom
Comment by T.L. Hawkins on January 9, 2009 at 8:23am
Thank you Dr. Patterson for sharing your wisdom.
Comment by Eric Hancock on January 8, 2009 at 7:17pm
May God be the Glory
Comment by T.L. Hawkins on January 8, 2009 at 10:40am
LOL! Bro. Busby and Bro Hancock...I Love Y'all TOO (I'm a ! NOPE.....NOT married!
Bro. Busby..I went through a lot of similiar situations in relationships like you have. Let me give you some of MY testimony so you can understand WHY and HOW (by the goodnes, mercy and grace of GOD) that I am the woman I am today.
Early Years: I was born prematurely...sick...a product of Mother was 16 years old when I was born. I was ALWAYS sick growing up because of complications from under developement and so on. I have endured THREE heart attacks!! God's grace and mercy kept me and I'm STILL here...HEALTHY because I have work to do for the Lord. I was an intelligent kid...pretty much a child prodigy which got me picked on a LOT in the projects where I grew up. Hence...the ANGRY fight that was within me. My answer for EVERYTHING became.."Let's Box cuz I don't want to talk"or I would shoot without any questions. Sad, but true.
In junior high school..around eight grade, I began to sell drugs which I did for the next FOURTEEN YEARS. Mind you, the ENTIRE time I was living this "thuggish" streetlife.. I was in the church everytime the doors opened. My Mother was an Evangelist and she MEANT "As for me and MY house we will serve the Lord".

At age 26 I "WAS" Married...TO the enemy (it seemed) because after the honeymoon he shared who HIS god (lowercase for a reason) was. He worshipped SATAN..seriously..I'm talking candles, witchcraft paraphanalia, candles, blood, incense, skeletal bones, satanic bible (if you can call it that) the whole nine yards. He was the son of a priest of the Satanic church (see why WE should wait for GOD to send us our mate????) This man proclaimed he was a Man of God who loved the Lord whole heartedly. WASN'T MY GOD HE LOVED! I didn't find out until well AFTER the wedding.

We "dated" for a LONG time before "we" decided to wed (notice I said WE..cuz this was OUR plan, not God's). When I met him, he told me he was 28 years the time "I" fell in love and decided to marry him, he would have been 32. When we went to get our marriage license is WHEN I found out he was older than my PARENTS! I was BLINDED by what I thought was love so I went ahead ANYWAY against what was in my spirit. He looked GOOD for his age (now SIXTY-ONE....yep...61 today) so YES I was fooled. He also had TWO children while were dating that I loved dearly. The morning after we got married is when he decided to tell me about the OTHER FIVE.
Let me pause for a little here: this was during the time I began to RETURN to my first love..the Lord..Christ. I was SINCERELY SEEKING, but I was NOT there...yet. (had to say that so you guys won't ask me WHY my actions were what they WERE)
Ok...back to the LIE#1 his age...LIE#2 the number of children he claimed (lost respect for him on that). I was his THIRD wife...the first one mysteriously died one morning after she asked for a divorce ( I found out from HER family later on)...the second he divorced but continued to see throughout our ENTIRE relationship. He had a girlfriend between his second marriage and myself. The ex-girlfriend BROKE into my home and STOLE a LOT from us. I called the police, pressed charges, neighbors were witnesses. This "woman" (I'm saved y' called MY house...COLLECT...the next morning from jail. He accepted the charges...jumped out of bed without even so much as washing his face or brushing his teeth and went to bail her out AND drop the charges. WHILE he was out bailing her out of jail...his OTHER woman (this one was a new one he met during our relationship) called my house and threatned ME over "MY HUSBAND". What did the enemy have me do? I knew about her and her whereabouts. I knew she didn't have her own transportation so I called a cab to go get her from her house and bring her to mine. I sent the cab but she didn't get in (THANK GOD). The plan was to kill her dead and bury her under the tree in my FRONT yard. Just keeping it real. About a month or so later, he came home and told me that the night before while I was at my Mother's house (with HIS children) visiting, he had an "affair" with my first cousin! Yep! My Mother's , Sister's child! In my house, in my bed. He told me like it was okay. I don't think he realized just how disturbed I already was before all of this. I stayed in the relationship BECAUSE I was "trying" to do what I "thought" was right. BLINDED! About another month to six weeks went by and the phone began ringing with threats again. THIS was the second wife AND the ex-girlfriend. They were calling from the SAME cell phone as they were riding in the car together. HOLD ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I have to tell you?....yep...they were having MY house...saw it on video! One would call..threaten me..hang up..then the other would do the same...this went on well over an hour. So, I called him at work and told him what was going on. His response? HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!! Alrighty then...when they called me back...I told them to come and act on the threats they made. LOL! I can laugh NOW because I have JOY...TODAY! Well, they showed up...together...I had turned ALL the lights off inside and outside of the house. They rang the doorbell, but the door was already open and I was standing in the doorway with a pistol in each hand. I put a pistol in each one of their faces and ushered them into the living room leaving the front door open. He arrived home about 45 mins later and came in yelling and cursing because the front door was open and it was pitch black dark in the house. I put a pistol in his mouth and said a lot of UNGODLY words and told him to sit between his women so ONE of the three of them could explain to me WHY I shouldn't kill them all. They had a LOT of explanations....nine hours later..."I" decided it wasn't worth my freedom or my soul so I let them go and STILL ......STILL....stayed with this man. Two days later, it was Father's Day. After I made his day a special one, I went to take a nap...he grabbed me out of the bed while I was sleeping with the INTENT on beating me for pulling weapons on his women..not HIM...them. So.....loooooooong story short,,,he's still alive with permanent brain damage. I'm no longer married and I thank GOD for being God, for his word, for his Son, for salvation, for wisdom, for mercy, for grace, for joy, for peace and for this network! Be blessed "Y'ALL"
Comment by Eric Hancock on January 8, 2009 at 4:37am
The Bible says judgement starte in the house of God first,,,Gee I wonder with all this power ,,why??? and about Jesus feeding the Mulitude Isaiah 55 v1 states In verses 1 and 2 he calls the people to come and eat and drink , food. The call in verse 1 is for those who are thirsty. Three times he uses the imperative, come. If they come they can obtain waters, for refreshment, wine, for enjoyment, and milk for nourishment. The price is without money and without cost..why are churches still selling dinners, Maybe they did not read this chapter,,be blessed,,
Comment by Eric Hancock on January 7, 2009 at 8:11pm
hahahahaha,hey we are here for change,, and to educated or to be educated,,voice opinions and grow from each other as well as network with each other,,now alot of people are bitting down on there bottom lip saying thats not GOD,,GOD dont tear down,,when we're being attacked it is called keeping it real,but when we respond it is called tearing down,,why?
Comment by Eric Hancock on January 7, 2009 at 6:20pm
Bro.Busby next time I have a discussion in church on this topic I'll fly you down,,LOL,,LOL,,LOL,,hehehehe.and lady Hawkins I love you already and you are the woman that will called the Virtuous woman,,all we ask for is the truth but beware they are going to protest against your belief
Comment by T.L. Hawkins on January 7, 2009 at 5:05pm
I agree with Evangelist Hunter (you too Brothers..LOL).

I would much rather be a good, loving and virtuos woman than a strong woman. Saying you're a "Strong Black Woman" these days is the equivalent of saying you're "the man". Women have gotten away from their roles and Proverbs 31. We tend to want to be the head of EVERYTHING just because Corporate America gives us a little authority. Independence is one thing..especially when you're single and have "you" and only you to take care of. I for one have no Parents or Grand Parents to lean on (as some women do) for any type of assistance, advice or anything. Therefore, independence for me is not a mindstate, it's a reality. I have GOD and ONLY GOD to lean on!! THANK GOD!
When a woman is united with a mate, she should no longer be Independent or strong willed. She is no longer the ultimate decision maker. Women have take the word strong and run with it. We become bossy, selfish, demanding, know..the "my way or no way" mentality.
Evangelist ARE a GOOD woman of wisdom and I appreciate you sharing it.
Brother're right. "WE"..Black Women ARE messing up our own communities. How? By not allowing the man to BE the man. By trying to be something we are not and never will be. What do I mean? Okay..for example..a woman will work 8-10-12 sometimes 16 hours a day. If her boss asks her to work late or work an extra day..she's all for issues or argument. You take that same woman...her mate asks her for a SANDWICH...she will rant and rave about how sorry HE is...why?...because she is bringing her "authority" from work home! We also DOWN GRADE our men like Bro Hancock said. ..when a man loses his job...where is our support?..they hunt down the "white woman" or other races and give them the world because "that" woman IS supportive. We stereotype our OWN men.
We lack understanding, communication, togetherness, honesty, trustworthiness and so much more.
My question to you all is :
What do we do about the mentality of women today?
I know WE can't change anyone's ways or their way of thinking, however, we can make a difference in the lives of our Youth and teach our young ladies to be the women they should be.

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