"When God Hides His Face" My latest book

[Mark H. Stevens, Th.D]

Chaplain Stevens Says...


About The Book:

I wrote this book because most of us, both clergy and laity know absolutely nothing about helping a person get through grief. Quoting scripture or spouting rhetoric when a woman lost her 5 month old baby or when a strong vibrant man is suddenly paralyzed from the waist down doesn’t really help. I have been a chaplain for almost 18 years, the last 4 as a professional staff Chaplain. I pray this book helps you in your quest to comfort someone that feels like God hid from them.

One of the first things I became aware of as a Hospital Chaplain was that men and women grieve differently. Often we assume that every human being should respond the same way to grief. In the Christian community dealing with grief is especially difficult because of preconceived notions and dogma. We often teach people that grief is temporary and individuals should “get over it”. I have witnessed grief up close and personal since 1987 when I started volunteering as a hospital chaplain. Since 2005 I have been a professional chaplain at one of America’s busiest Trauma Centers and at a large state Psychiatric Hospital. I have sat with women that lost twins, Grandparents that lost grandchildren in fires, and

families left behind by the victims of drive-by shootings. Each situation was totally different. In most cases I can honestly say that men deal with grief very differently than woman. Women tend to be more demonstrative and vocal while men usually sit quietly and internalize their pain. The other factor that makes grief differ is culture. I don’t want to sound stereotypical or racist in my assessments, but people are different. I in no way declare one group or culture is superior to another, but some cultures are more demonstrative than others in the realm of grief, while some are more introspective. I am writing this to help a new chaplain or Pastoral Care volunteer better assess the situation to which he or she may be called to respond.

I titled this book “When God Hides His Face” because many humans feel like God abandoned them when tragedy strikes. People in grief do NOT need a sermon or a lecture. Just concentrate on listening to the words that are being shared with you. Resist the urge to preach and educate the grieving person. Women will generally vent verbally more than men, allow her to vent! Even if she is screaming and wailing…LET HER! Yes it may make YOU uncomfortable, but YOU are there to COMFORT HER! I have sat with grieving people and said very little, sometimes I simply hold their hand or give them a hug and simple prayer. Our presence means so much because times of grief are lonely times. When a person has lost a love one it is like losing a part of themselves. A woman loses her husband to cancer, but if he was the sole breadwinner she is also looking at possibly losing more. A man on disability loses his wife; he not only lost a wife but a caretaker. No two cases are the same and no two people handle grief the same way. Some people will seem to bounce back from a death swiftly while some carry their grief to their grave. The truth be told grief is never easy as we think it is.



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