ADVICE ABOUT MEN FROM AN ACTUAL MAN ON MARRIAGE:
Ladies wanting to be wives, let me help make this easy for you.
I don't post many original posts, but God placed this on my heart yesterday to share this with the women in the churches.
As we know women outnumber men in the United States, and even moreso in most minority "races". And this ratio is even far greater in the "black" churches. Aside from the Pastor's wife nearly every other woman in the church is single (other than Mother Jones and Mother Johnson). Aside from the Pastor (and maybe a couple Elders or old Deacons) there aren't many available men in church. So let me help you.
While women do outnumber men in church, there are a hand-full that do attend. However, of the ones who are not already married to wives there are typically (with the rare exception) only three types of single men you will find in church:
1 - Men who are just looking for women
2 - Men who want to BE a woman (or "one of the girls"), and
3 - Apostle Paul
The first category encompasses a high percentage of the men in church (if you think of either Keith Sweat or Babyface then these guys/dogs should be easy to spot).
Even worse, the second category (today) is even higher in numbers than the first (often found in the choir, directing the choir, the praise team, or is one of the musicians).
Ladies, these two should be EASY for you to rule out by process of elimination. Neither of them will make a godly, Holy, sanctified husband nor father, nor spiritual leader in the home.
Now, let's look at group #3. I am using Apostle Paul as an example of a TRUE, HOLY man. This is a man who, while he may be a man, he is a CHILD OF GOD - FIRST, and a man last (or, if he is in ministry he will be a MAN OF GOD - FIRST, a child of God second, and a man last).
This is the man who makes sure his life, words, actions, thoughts, where he goes, etc... is ALL both governed and dictated by the Word of God, and never his flesh. He has crucified the old man by consistent prayer, fasting, studying the Word, and being in church. While he does have certain desires, they will ONLY be fulfilled by his WIFE, and no other woman. He will be found blameless. He is not in church treating it like a bar, club, speed-dating, or love connection trying to find a "boo-thang", baby-momma, and not even there looking for a wife. He is in church for his SOUL and for his SALVATION. Not looking for you.
This is a man who is SAVED, SANCTIFIED, and FILLED WITH THE HOLY GHOST!
I know Apostle Paul was single, but there are men who are like him but DO want to have a wife. This man is a good choice, ladies, if you are truly holding out for a GOOD husband.
Now, DOES that man want a good woman to be his wife? Maybe, maybe not. It's up to him as an individual (see 1Corinthians 7:7 and 7:32-33). But if he DOES want to find a good woman to be his wife, THIS is the man you should want to be the wife of.
LADIES, the Word of God says:
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
1 Peter 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
MEN, the Word of God also says:
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
MEN AND WOMEN, the Word of God says:
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ladies, back to you, again. As you see God has an order. God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of the man, and the man is the head of the wife. Christ submitted to God. And a Holy man submits to Christ. And that man - not Christ - is YOUR head (i.e. at your job you have a boss, and your boss has a boss, and so on... but you report directly to your immediate supervisor and not your boss's boss; your boss reports to that person).
A man who submits to HIS own head is the man who has the right to expect his wife to submit to him as HER head. You're not a real man until you are submitted to Christ. Ladies, remember this concerning any man who desires you. A REAL man is submitted to Jesus Christ, and both lives and obeys the Word of God.
He walks the walk AND talks the talk. He is faithful in starting his day and ending it both on his knees, studying the Word everyday, fasting on a regular basis, and is active in church and community.
And this is the man in Group #3 - a man submitted to Christ. Of the 3 I named the first two are 99% of males in church and the easiest to spot.
The 3rd is the man you should want to be married to.
Now, I must remind you of this. While I did say he is a man LAST, he is still a man and that is/will be reserved to share with his wife. The Bible says this, ladies:
1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
So, while sex is reserved for HUSBAND AND WIFE, let's be honest and realistic and not only acknowledge that sex IS a part of marriage (no, not the only part, but it IS part) but God also expects HUSBAND and WIFE to be physically intimate. Yes, ladies, your husband will want sex with his wife. Some more than others. But he will want it. And be honest with yourself for a moment, you know you desire it as well. Some of you even more than men do. But in marriage you can have all the sex you want. Nobody, male nor female, (barring illness) should even get married expecting no sex. Sex in marriage is natural and Biblical.
Let me also say this.
Some of you talk about Boaz far too much. You think Boaz is the end-all-be-all and you're still waiting on Boaz. But maybe Boaz isn't the one you were made for. You're waiting on Boaz but might be missing out on Job, or Abraham, or Elisha, or Jeremiah, or Moses, or Noah, or Jacob/Israel, or Joseph, or Issac, or Samuel, or even Apostle Paul (if he wants to be married). Maybe you're better off with one of these types, and Boaz is all wrong for you.
Maybe YOU are NOT Ruth. Maybe you're Naomi, or Esther, or Sarah, or Rachel, or Rebecca, or Ziphorah, or Hannah, or Abigail, or Lois, or Enuice, or Priscilla, or Elizabeth, or Lydia, or Mary.
Hopefully now you can spot the jokers - the one just wanting to be WITH you, and the ones wanting to BE you - and recognize the rare man in church who is truly SAVED. The man who puts GOD first, and a wife second. A man focused on God, for THAT man is the one who will lead his family the way GOD says to lead it.
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:22-23 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
And while you're waiting on him to find his good thing "you", make sure YOU are TRULY and beyond a shadow of a doubt LIVING the very definition of the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman. Be sure YOU are READY to be his help meet. Make sure YOU are truly WIFE MATERIAL. Be ready when he comes. While he is looking for his good thing, are YOU a good thing? Are you a woman he would want to be his wife and have a family with? Are you everything the virtuous woman is? Why should he choose you?
Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:20-21 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:25-28 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Listen. While you may not be Ruth, don't be afraid to do what Ruth did and make sure you are in position for him (the RIGHT man) to find you, see you, notice you, approach you, and marry you. While it is for him to find you, sometimes you need to make sure you are able to BE found. Just like Ruth did. Try it, ladies.
And lastly, don't listen to everyone telling you that you're going to marry a man of God. Trust and believe me when I tell you that being the wife of a Pastor, or a Bishop, or (even worse) an Apostle is NOT for every woman. Every woman isn't cut out for it.
It takes a special woman to be a good wife. But if you're not qualified to handle what comes with being married to your Pastor (if your husband is a Pastor, then you are actually married to your Pastor) then don't wish this upon yourself. And, as I said, worse if he is also a Bishop, or worse an Apostle (the higher he is the more will be required of you as well as the wife of this man). But, there ARE women who are made for this. If it is you, more power to you! Just make sure you understand what you're getting into.
I know the REAL man in church is hard to come across, but there are a few of us here and there. I hope what I have shared with you will help you learn how to weed out the bad ones (remember, even the devil goes to church), and how to both spot the SAVED man and how to make sure he is able to find you (Ruth).
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Hebrews 12:14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
God bless you all, ladies, in Jesus name.
His Eminence The Most Reverend,
Apostle E. L. Gales; PhD., D.Div.
Chief Apostle & Presiding Bishop of Pentecostal Holiness Church of Christ ®
Bishop / Senior Pastor of 'The Lord's Tabernacle PHCOC'