I recently started dating a Pastor. He is single never been married and looking for his wife. He feels that God made me for him but I'm not sure if I feel the same. Everything is happening so fast that I'm now being questioned by his congregation about our relationship and if I'm ready to be their First Lady (but we aren't engaged and haven't told anyone that we are dating). Everyone seems so excited about possibilities and I'm sitting back confused because I don't see it or I don't want to see it because of the chaos in my life. He is a great man; however, I know great responsibilities come with being a PW and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I've expressed that I needed him to slow down and relax but it doesn't seem to be happening and the more I push away the closer we become. We spend most of our time together and balance our time with getting to know one another and rightly dividing the word of Truth. Everyone seems to see what I don't, my family, his family, his church, him and I'm like "oh no, not me." He isn't my ideal physically attractive man but I'm attracted to his annointing. My questions are: Does God give a sign to the woman as well as the man? What do I do if I decide I don't want to be with him? (do I leave his church? well, I'm not a member but I enjoy his teaching) I would just like some feedback. I've never been in this place and it's scary yet I'm walking in it.

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Don't be in a hurry! I was once on the other side (dating someone who did not want to become a pastor's wife) and it did not end well. If you know you cannot deal with being a pastor's wife don't do it. I beg and pray you to take heed.

m ready

The bible says that a man finds a wife and obtains favor with GOD! Apart from all the deep stuff it is just wisdom to take your time and ask God to confirm for you if you are the chosen wife for this particular assignment.The word of God says that he confirms His word in the mouth of two or three witnesses.(look for a confirmation)Remain open mined because God has a purpose for each of us and it's not always what we like and what we think or how we feel, It's just LORD NEVER the less not my will but your will be done.Get rid of me and I and tell God to speak according to His will. I'm a living witness that your particular (type) may or may not be what's best for you.I've had hell with one with the pretty eyes(I Iiked) and the annoiting. Watch how he treats you apart from the clergy and don't get so caught up in looks if he is a really good man because good men who love God and adore you are hard to find.He must adore you and treat you right. That's what's important. Watch for integrity,hypocrisy and sincerity the only way to discern these is to take your time!!!!! If he wants you now he will want you even the more later. If he feels God really said it, he will wait on God to tell you too.God Bless You and may you hear His voice ever so clearly. Nicolette Hines


My sister there are 2 people who know before anyone else if they are supposed to be married and that is two that are in the relationship. If you don't see it, don't do it because it will either be a failed or miserable marriage. Also do not allow others to pressure you because they won't be married to him you will. However, I will also say don't lead him on. you must be clear cut that you are not ready to marry him right now and you are not seeing what everyone else is seeing. Being a pastor's wife is not easy. But just in case you ever decide to marry him, remember, you are marrying him and not the church. I hope this will help in some kind of way.
I have to say...When it is from God, a gift from God then our spirit will have overwhelming peace. There are alot of things out of order if you look at all that you have described. The first step is to take YOUR time as it is a big responsibility, you have to love him, be willing to follow the vision God has imparted inside of him and also love the people hes assigned over as they will become your immediate family.( not just his blood family but the entire congregation )
I also encourage you if you are not a member ask your self why and how come you all have created such a bond without this subject coming up? That is critical because as the helpmate, first lady, leading lady or whatever title you may carry...Do you even know the BI-laws of his church or denomination organization.
I am the first to admit I am a sentimental fool. But because I am single and have dated a man called into ministry ( and also am seeking God for CONFIRMATION) ; It goes without saying you have to look, listen, be willing to submit , love the church as a whole, be willing and comfortable with all the responsibilites...I love GOD and they key is he loves God ..But it must be pleaseing in GOD's sight. God will speak to you about your questions, seek him daily, talk with him during your quiet time and you will be amazed as God allows visitation with you to answer ALL your questions and cares.
Be blessed my sister in the knowing " ONLY what we do for Christ will last".
www.properprotocolministry.com Evangelist LaDonna Ghe'rald Mayhew 1-28-2010

number 1 its scary, number 2 i am not sure ifi feel the same number 3- everything is moving so fast you are being questoned by his congregation about yall relationship number 4 having told anyone that yall are dating (secert) number 5-SITTING BACK CONFUSED BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT---you can not be unequally yoke both must be in agreement number 6-you are not sure if you are ready to be a pastor wife number7 you have experssed the needed or him to slow down and relax but it doesn't seem to be happen hmmm ....WOW YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HIS ANNOINTHING BUT HE IS NOT YOUR IDEAL PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE MAN WOW.

Just look at it you have to many do not's than do's.....words can not explain the over joying feeling of loving your God giving partner that God brings into your life, for life until death do you part.... Now again look at ---scary, not sure, moving so fast, being questioned by congregation concering the relationship, keeping the relationship a secert, confused you don't see it, .....what is Godly about any of that ask yourself and than please tell me. there is an old saying if it don't fit don't put it on....in other words i think you know what to do ..its tim to kneel down and talk to God and ask him ot be with you...when you give you final answer to him and let it come from you heart and not you self pitty, God see all and knows all even your heart....keep your joy and be happy in all things.
for objectivity - I ask the question, What are you afraid of? I once was in your position and I doubted myself, Lord I don't know if I want to be a preacher's wife, the responsibility, all the issues

These same thoughts came to my mind as well, it is you that ultimately have to make a decision and you need to pray and fast and tell your friend whats on your mind. You don't want anyone hurt because of you neglecting to be honest.

however be sure that your decision is a made out of the wisdom of God and not from FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real

I'm happy being a preacher's wife, something I would have never seen myself as, but God did

DO YOU LOVE HIM????????????????????/
Dear Sister, If you have to ponder about it, obviously you're not as into him as he is into you. I would question why he's LOOKING for a wife and has decided that you're it. On what basis did he decide this? If God is in it, why do you have doubts about it? Let me share this article with you that I hope will help you.
To the only wise God,
Sister Bre

. Before Looking for a Partner, Look within Yourself
Dr. Neil Clark Warren
Author & Psychologist

.Mark and Gina came to see me on a chilly, rainy afternoon. The weather outside seemed to match the mood in my counseling office when this couple plopped down on the couch across from me. Their whole demeanor was frosty and frigid.

“What brings you in for therapy?” I asked them.

They looked at each other, and then Mark spoke. “To put it bluntly, we’re miserable. We’ve been married four years, and every day has been a challenge. We’re wondering if we should even keep trying.”

I asked Gina if that was the way she saw it.

“I’m afraid so,” she replied. “About two days after we returned from the honeymoon, we both had the sickening feeling that we had made a huge mistake. It’s been downhill since then.”

As our session unfolded, Mark and Gina told a story I’ve heard scores of times from marriage partners in peril. After a blissful courtship, they married and almost immediately discovered vast differences. They were opposites when it came to communication style, conflict resolution, personal habits, and a few dozen other qualities that come to light when you live with someone. Somehow all these differences were pushed aside and ignored amid their initial intoxicating feelings of infatuation.

So they ended up at my office, attempting to figure out how a relationship that held such promise could plummet to the depths of drudgery.

Gina said something that day I wish every single person could hear and grasp:

“I realize now that I had no idea who I was before I got married. I was thirty years old, and I just wanted to get married while I had the chance. Mark was a nice guy who had a good job and came from a solid family. I figured, What more could a girl want? Unfortunately, I had only the slightest notion of my deep longings, my unique personality traits, my strengths and weaknesses. And since I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t have a clue about the kind of person I needed for a partner.”

As this couple painfully discovered, you can’t select the right person to marry until you know precisely who you are—unless you’re lucky. But nobody should rely on luck when it comes to a decision that determines who will be your lifetime roommate, financial partner, joint parent of every child you have ... and ten thousand other crucial matters.

You can make a great choice of a marriage partner—and the place to start is with a careful understanding of exactly who you are. The more you know about yourself, the clearer will be your sense of inner direction when it comes to finding the love of your life. With increased knowledge about your physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual qualities, your skillfulness as a mate selector will soar. People who find dating confusing and bewildering almost always lack familiarity with themselves.

Scratch Beneath the Surface

I’m often amazed and alarmed at the lack of knowledge singles have about themselves. Whether in therapy or discussions after speaking engagements, I frequently ask single men or women to tell me about themselves. Most do well at describing external aspects of their life: “Well, I work as a computer programmer, I love to ski and roller-blade, and I’m very active in my church group.” But when asked about their personality type, communication style, character strengths and weaknesses, or dreams for the future, they grope for responses: “I, uh, well . . . I guess I need to think about that some more.”

So how do you go about understanding yourself better? There’s no crash course on self-discovery, but let me offer five ways to get started:

1.Write in a journal or notebook every day. You don’t need to write for more than ten or fifteen minutes, but it’s critical that you record your honest thoughts and feelings as they come to you. The goal is to practice tapping in to your internal reservoir.

2.See a counselor. You don’t need to be in crisis to visit a therapist. Schedule four or five sessions to explore your family background, personality makeup, and goals. You may wish to take a personality test (such as the MMPI or Myers-Briggs) and discuss the results with the counselor.

3.Read something every day that stimulates your internal process. For example, I read a chapter of the Bible every morning. Other people prefer poetry or psychology books or novels that explore spiritual themes. This kind of reading has a way of leading you toward the center of who you are. If you read with a personal perspective—that is, how the writing affects you and speaks to your daily needs—you will get more deeply in touch with your inner thoughts and feelings.

4.Spend regular time with people who know themselves well and who encourage you to talk about what you feel most strongly. Get personal with these people. Try to understand them as best you can, and tell them as fully as possible about who you are.

5.Pray. Prayer is meant to be a conversation with God. It involves pouring out your heart to Him about what is most on your mind and then listening intently to what He says to you in response. I try to do this every day, and I can tell you that prayer has had more influence on my life and my work with people than anything else I do.
The payoff for all this self-discovery and self-awareness is simple but profound: Men and women who know themselves well stand an excellent chance of selecting a mate well suited to them. Conversely, those people who are largely unaware of their inner workings make a decision as if they’re spinning a roulette wheel—they cross their fingers and hope for the best.

When it comes to something as critical and all-encompassing as marriage, it’s simply unwise to “hope” for the best when you can know for certain who would make the best partner for you.

(I include a detailed process for getting to know yourself in my book How to Know if Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less.)

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is a psychologist and popular speaker based in Pasadena, Calif. His best-selling books include Finding the Love of Your Life and How to Know if Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less.

I agree pray is a conversation and i love talking to God,
you are not a member...how long have you been going to his church and what was your motive for going and not becoming a memeber, if you like his teaching ....are you a saint of God?...to tell you the truth you have to many negative feelings and why are you scary...you are confused and God is not the altar of confusion nor is he the spirit of fear....leave that man of God alone tell him the truth on how you feel..because in a long run it could become ugly so i will not sugar code anything...don't do it....not one time you said you love this man ....not one tme you said he is attractive to you , you said he wasn't ....don't do it you are looking for God to give you a sign you have them and you have wrote them down...


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