*this is first in a series of posts centered on rebuilding our faith after deconstructing. if you haven’t already. READ THE INTRO
in 2005, after one year of counseling classes and a switch to 2 years of spiritual direction courses i earned a certificate in evangelical spiritual guidance (now called soul care & spiritual formation) i was strangely drawn to spiritual direction from my very first class in 2007. it gave language to much of what we had been talking about in the different little covert groups i had been part of since 1993. it centered on our honest feelings about God, where we felt God’s presence (and where we didn’t), and embraced the mystical creative work of the Holy Spirit over the knowledge-based discipline I had mostly been taught through church.
the part i love the most about spiritual direction is that it always honors the process of spiritual growth. it doesn’t rush. it doesn’t force. it doesn’t shortcut. it doesn’t demand. it trusts the process.
briefly, this model shares 6 stages of faith development:
1) recognition of God
2) life of discipleship
3) the productive life
// hitting the wall where all we once knew gets turned upside down somehow //
4) the journey inward
5) the journey outward
6) a life of love
the majority of people live in stages 1-3 because these are what most faith systems rely on to keep their wheels spinning. these stages include safe containers, clear boundaries, and distinct patterns of behavior.
many people eventually hit the wall, which is between stages 3 and 4. we can meet the wall due to a loss, crisis, an event, or some kind of radical shift where suddenly all we once clung to stops working.
many people, when face-to-face with the wall, end up dancing around it briefly, and heading back to the safety of stage 3. also, the pull back to stage 3 is always strong from those who haven’t been further. they find the wall disconcerting, even threatening, and say and do all kinds of dumb things to encourage people to come back.
deconstructors can’t go back.
most every honest deconstructor enters stage 4, the journey inward. our faith, all that we believed about ourselves, others, and God, gets rattled in a deep and sincere way; our old tricks & disciplines stop working. part of the brave process of deconstructing involves honoring that stage 4 is a necessary part of our spiritual development.
safe, secure systems can handle growth and change. unsafe, insecure systems can’t. in fact, growth and change is often labeled as rebellion, divisiveness, and heresy, when really it is just maturity trying to emerge.
hitting the wall and going inward is not something to be feared but something to be honored.
there are a few important things i keep learning about honoring the deconstruction process:
like so many other issues of faith, there is no perfect formula, no A+B+C=D. but it’s so important as we honor this process to remember these changes & shifts aren’t a lack of faith. or a rebellious spirit. or a hardened heart. or us being self-centered. rather, they are part of faith–and ongoing transformation and spiritual maturation.
it is very healing to honor the process and see it as beautiful & natural & good, even though it can feel terrifying.
all who wander are not lost.
in fact, we wanderers are brave enough to move toward something deeper, richer, more satisfying, more free.
* * * * *
next in this series: acknowledging losses.
Tags:
© 2024 Created by Raliegh Jones Jr.. Powered by