Should we accepting abuse in a relationship from other believers?

Another reason why we are to continue to Break the Silence. Violence comes to us all, let us keep BeBe Winans in prayer as well as his exwife and family. This is another avenue the enemy would love to use against the church. Not condoning his behavior at all. But the violence has to stop, you don't have to demonstrate your love for me by hitting me. Abuse is never to be tolerated by anyone. Jesus died for those hits long time ago. He took the beating so you don't have to. If you have someone in your life hitting or hurting you, be it spouse, child, or significant other. I am once again sounding the alarm: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT! Let's stand together against domestic violence. If the people of God don't stand for what's right, we will always fall for what's wrong.

Court filing: "Irate" singer BeBe Winans pushed ex-wife to ground
MARCH 12--Gospel singer BeBe Winans was booked yesterday on a domestic assault rap for allegedly pushing his ex-wife to the ground during an argument last month. According to a court filing, a copy of which you'll find below, Winans, 46, and his former spouse got into a "verbal altercation" on February 13 about "custody issues dealing with their children." At the time, Winans was at his ex-wife Debra's Nashville home, where he had driven to pick up his children. "The victim was telling the defendant of issues with the children when he became irate. The defendant then pushed the victim to the ground." Winans, pictured in the mug shot at right, was arrested yesterday on a misdemeanor domestic assault charge. He was briefly held at the Davidson County jail before posting $1000 bond. Winans, best known for albums recorded with his sister CeCe, has won four Grammy awards.

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B 4 I expose a bit Of my past, I Declare & Decree That the LORD has set me free & Gave me a New Start....

Now I was reading the brief note on BeBe Winans, not for nothing but violence, abuse however u want to say it has been going on for as long as I can think back on the first act of violence I am taken to.. Cain & Abel..

Anyway it is a delicate issue I have noticed in the church world many don't want to accept it, or for some strange reason they(church folks) look the other way as if it will go away with just a prayer... I can only speak for me and share to anyone who cares to read... I was abused as a wife and yet saved, all that I went through growing up as a little girl, when the abuse took place in my personal life as a female, I was someone's daughter, someone's sista, & someone's Mother... I thought once I was married the scars of abuse in my past would go away, but as I look back and realize the enemy we fight against everyday, had assigned a spirit called Domestic Violence to attack me in any shape form or fashion... What gets to me, is how in the lives of many women and maybe some men it is HUSH HUSH, maybe because it has been labeled Domestic(according to Dictionary"it means 2 tame") How do u tame violence in any shape form or fashion? I have heard so many times in different campaigns"Stop The Violence" So when does it stop?? Many of us including myself have conformed to being abused or violated we learned through (self-presevation) to deal with the best way u know how... Many of us have come from homes that it is not talked about or dealt with to put an end to it.. It is a silent killer of the spirit and sometimes in the natural... So as I thought growing up it was what fate allowed to happen to me (B 4 I got saved), So it stopped for a while, but guess what it came right back in my marriage, abuse comes in so many forms , I had no idea at the time that I did not have to accept and allow domestic violence to become the norm for me as a child of GOD.. The painful thing about it, is that we have churches that truely believe "Just pray about it" , I did that for awhile because I was ignorant , after serveral visits to the hospital making excuses(LYING) to the nurses & myself, I could not take it any more, I found a place that helps Battered women/wives to get help, escape the abuse, be educated on it , learn to forgive & forgive myself.. My heart goes out to both parties, BeBe's wife because it is obvious that it wasn't the first time He committed such a horrible act upon her & it goes out to him because No matter the fame or fortune the spirit of violence was in him.. Violence begets Violence.. I am finally away from any type of abuse or violence in my life... However to prove the violence is passsed on, just last yr , My 30 yr old son attacked me, all sorts of flashbacks took place, Although the moment he hit me I had forgiven him but I did not let it go that way, I had him arrested, I was hurt and broken by the act from my own birth given son, but he saw what was done to me when I stayed in my marriage, he is a grown man now and the awful spirit of violence has surfaced in him... Many of my immediate family memebers blamed me for a moment that having him arrested and charged was wrong? I could careless what anyone said, Now my Beautiful daughter-inlaw is being abused and saved... How Much Will People Allow DOMESTIC VIOLENCE be over looked or made IMPORTANT even in the Christian world as well as the secular.. IT MUST BE ADDRESSED & PUT TO DEATH on THE CROSS...

My opinion & personal experince....

P.S. The shelter I went to for domestic Violence is called
*Brighter Tomorrows*
what a befitting name...
Thank you for sharing this, so well spoken of; tough love for your son, praying that it wakes him up, abuse does come in many forms and wears many faces, we just have to be wise enough to recognize, repent and remove ourselves out of the situation, even if it is with just the clothes on one's back. We DON'T have to take it, Jesus already did. Just like He took on our sickness, we don't have to take it. Who's report will we believe? the same ones that keep saying pray about it, are either a). Abusing someone or b) being the victim and have not built up the courage to get out. I don't condone nor promoted separation or divorce, nor do I condone any abuse. We have got to wake the church up. Absalom told Tamar to keep thhis little nasty secret (what Amnon) had done to her, a secret. These are kids that belong to the king in the natural, how much more for us as Kids of the King in the Spirit. Thank you "He gave me another chance"
I agree Evan. Valerie, I don't believe anyone should abuse on any level, whether physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, mentally or even the rolling of the eye.

The question begs to ask is, why are so many women marrying abusers and having their children? Why are so many going to the Holy Altar to make everlasting vows to those who have shown signs of control through bullying? What was the lure? Were most dating these men instead of courting them? Was the sex that great enough to blind the things that were obvious? Was the car or the rims that shiny to be able to look the other way to determine whether this man was not whom he said he was?

For the most part being a man, I doesn't take me too long to see a man for what he is just by being in his company for a protracted period of time. Doesn't God give us the discernment to determine the core heart and soul of every spirit to test and try them to make sure what comes out of his/her mouth is backed up by his/her actions? In other words, who said he was your husband? Who said my wife was my wife? Did God?

And aren't there different levels of abuse? What if you had a serious ministry that God has given you a vision for you to walk into, and the other spouse is not in one accord with it? Would that be abuse when you know for a fact God has called you to do something great for the Kingdom, should one divorce and run to the shelter as well? Is it abuse if you desire another child and your spouse doesn't? Is that another kind of abuse and should one break the covenant vows in order to be "fruitful and to multiply". I have so many examples that I have heard during this journey with the Lord of what goes on in a marriage, that most wouldn't view as "abuse", but to them it is like someone has punched them in 'da ribs...



Brother Scott, I don't think you really understand the depths of abuse my brother. People have a way of being manipulative and "hiding" or rather showing their "good" side during courting seasons, because they don't want this one to get away, so yes, he rushes to the altar to hold onto his "victim", and almost instantly you see Jekyl where the day before stood Hyde. It's called the bait and switch. I don't know of too many women willing to settle her peace for a "piece" of a man. None I know willing to settle for the belittling just to have a "man" because at this point she still don't have one. Or one who would rather have a daily, weekly or occasional "hit", just so she can say I's married now. I don't think so! Many abusers wear their real face behind a mask, and preachers happen to be the greatest pretenders or should I say hyprocrits, not all, some, I do believe that there is more good men than bad, but the enemy magnifies it to make it appear that all men are bad. Look at David, Joseph, was it abuse because he was willing to secretly put Mary away, because she was pregnant? Did he fight her when she said I'm with child? Most women at the age of some of the women on this panel could really care less about rims, houses or cars, so it's not the rims that catch "most" Christian women, believe it or not, a lot of women own our own homes, condos, businesses and cars, and most of us are are not materialist, meaning we aren't bought by your flashy toys. But because Church is so rehearsed, you (men) know what to say and how to say it and when to say it. Could it be that you can recognize the abuser in the protracted period of time because of a possible kindred spirit? Ever heard the phrase, same situation, same games, just a different face, different name. Until a woman or Man rises up and fight against her/his abuser, they will always put off a certain "scent" if you may that attracts an abuser, But when one rises up and fights back as did Tina Turner, it sends the message loud and clear that if you hit me, I will fight you back. Having or not having a child, going into a ministry together doesn't compare to abuse, that is self will on the one and disobedience on the other, IF God called you two to do a thing. Let's see this for one it is, and examine ourselves, it is evident you are the only one that has been in this discussion that is trying to validate reasons for abuse. God bless you Scott, and I pray peace in your home.
Peace is in my home, its the peace of God. Yes, after being in the company of men and listening with ears and seeing with eyes usually if one is not emotionally and desperate yes I usually can discern between a man who may be from the whoop-a-hoe tribe. Doesn't take long as a matter of fact, I've told many women in the past not to jump too soon and get into a "relationship" and to seek the core of the individual before becoming vulnerable to him or her. Just cause I can usually differentiate between a true Godly man from one who is not based on the depthness of his character and integrity. My wife would attest to me treating her and loving her the way Christ loves the church. I have never abused,mentally, spiritually,physically or emotionally a living soul whether it was man, woman or dog. The reason why I asked a simple question that struck a proverbial nerve to those who view themselves as "victims" is that I know that abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Whatever happened to "test and try the spirits"??? Again, I ask since I ain't scerred, since as you say how can one determine whether any man would be abusive once the proverbial ring is on his finger since as you say most men like "me" can mask his true self? Then I guess you'll be single forever since you are unable to discern whether this new man would be abusive or not. So how could you counsel a young woman as to whether a man would be or not, what yardstick would you use to determine your next man from being from that tribe of men who abuse? Answer the question please.

Not only am I against as I said earlier against harming any of God's children and I teach my son and my daughter not to be a nightmare for your future husband or wife but to be a dream for them. The reason why I am not abusive is because I never witnessed abuse growing up. The reason why so many of us black folk continue the generation of violence in the home all at the same time whooping and hollering in the "cherch" acting out a emotion rather than seeking true deliverance that only comes from looking in the mirror and asking the engaging question , "why am I attracting such evil in my life"? Always easy to point the finger at the "abuser", much harder to look in the mirror and ask yourself those hard hitting questions that seek the real answer that lies beneath the surface.

Most women have a nurturing and emotional side and see the abuser as someone whom they can take on as a project and to be their god to think they have some sort of power to change them in the man that their own daddy couldn't.

And I know plenty of females who overlook the obvious faults and weaknesses of us "men" who hold carrots of shiny shi.. in front of their faces in order to have a life of ease rather than seeking out a man who's character exceeds the righteousness of the Pharisee's. Trust I"m a man and ain't a rookie at this. I've witnessed more "good" women who like "bad" boys all my life. Now all of a sudden when the money is no longer satisfying and the truth is revealed and the man has exposed a woman's true intentions and his demons surface, now its abuse and now your the "victim". I don't play the blame game or the gender game. Both are sick, man and women who walk into these relationships and marriages with hidden agenda's without God being in the center of it. And most are not courting, their dating and thats a huge difference. I've met very few who courted. I've met very few women who bring these so called "good" men to meet their own daddies, pastors and other men to check out this new man of theirs since a man would know what type of dude he is, since we are not impressed with his carrots, since we are not gay, we will use another barometer to check his heart and core beliefs. Oh, what a concept, a man who is a good man would know a counterfeit "good" man. Just ask most men, we can see a no good man a mile away.

I'm not validating reasons for abuse, you have eyes but can't see and ears but can't hear. I'm not Oprah! You also must share some of the blame as well and please stop with the "victimization" routine, you knew what you were getting into before the "I do's". Whatever happened to woman's intuition? And did you ever answer the question? Let me ask it again, since you erroneously left it out of your long remark to me...DID GOD TELL YOU HE WAS YOUR HUSBAND? Or did you say he was your husband? Just like so many in here with titles to make themselves be somebody, did God tell them they were pastors or did momma tell them? Lets stop the generational curse in continuing to teach our children that we are victims with no power in choosing badly for someone who is unworthy to reproduce themselves in. Can we agree to be wise as serpeants and gentle as doves?

Ain't nobody rush you down the altar with a gun to your head. You went willingly, you were not kidnapped. Lets keep it real. I know I am.

God bless you and I pray for discernment and wisdom and common sense in your home.
Brother, you are hell bent on seeing this how you see it. It's not that controversial, but you seem to make it such. God bless you. All you are doing is justifying why a "good" man is doing what he's doing. I pray you wake up. Peace and deliverance be unto you. Abuse doesn't come only from husbands, it is in the church sir, pastors abuse, lay members abuse, etc... For the sake of peace, let's just agree that no one is going to agree with your view points, neither are you going to agree with anyone else. I leave you with this. God is always right.
Sister, whether someone agree's with me is not the point. I'm not doing this to be popular, but asking some hard questions that you have refused to answer. And of course husbands or men are not the only abusers, people abuse people who have been abused and showed abuse themselves at some point in their upbringing why I brought up the generational curse. I have ministered to many men and women who have been abused and know that it doesn't happen in a vacuum. The abuser is just as lost as the one who is the abused. No abuser lives in peace knowing that they have just harmed someone. I don't do surface ministry, I go to the root core of the issue with both abuser and the abused. And come to know that both are in darkness and are abusing themselves. Isn't that what the Word states that when a man abuses his wife, he inadvertently abuses himself since when one is married they are not any longer individuals but one?

Case in point, I have a cousin who is a tenured professor who has twin boys who were at this time around 10 years old who were at my home and their mother scolded them for something and before I knew it, both of them were hitting their mother to the point she fell on the floor and they continued to hit her. I was infuriated and shocked to say the least since I never would think of hitting my own mother. I grabbed them both off of her as well as my wife too. I took one to my son's bedroom and grabbed him around his collar and spoke to him about how not to hit his mother and that he should be ashamed of himself. Well after that, he returned to the living room with his mother and said "Mom cousin Scott hurt me when he grabbed me" and my cousin who was being "abused" said, "well I have to take what my son said seriously"..My wife went off. She said, "You mean to tell me that my husband harmed your son by taking him off of you from being harmed any further?" My wife told me that night privately never to do that again, next time let them beat her a_ _, or she's have you in handcuffs".... I've broken up many a men in the street whom I saw beating their women, one with a shoe was about to throw it as hard as he could at his wife's face. I stopped the vehicle with my wife and son who was only at the time 6 months old to see if I could stop the abuse. I got out of the vehicle while this mad man was pummeling his wife in the afternoon day while everyone watched and as I approached I told the man to stop and grabbed him in a head lock from continuing to harm his wife and got him down on the pavement. While I was subduing him, his wife who was bleeding profusely started to hit me for stopping him from hitting her. I let him go and he walked off hand in hand with his "abused" wife cussing me out. My wife again, told me to never do that again to interfere with their madness. Trust I learned a valuable lesson that when one is lost they are lost and until both abused and abuser has illumination the generational curse of abuse will continue to the generations. That was my only agenda of asking these hard questions to get to the real core and truths of the manner.

Sorry you couldn't see it.

But I will digress

I totally concur with you Evangelist. We do have the choice, and I pray that someone reading this will build the courage to recognize and walk in the freedom that Jesus gave. And vice versa, there are a few cases where the man is the victim, whatever, whoever, wherever, it is wrong and ungodly. Jesus already died to prove His love for the ungodly, we don't have to. Halleluia. Thank you Evangelist Miller
Lets not let anger sway us to forget what scripture says, not what we think or believe. Luke 6:27-31 says, "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." We need to stop and walk and talk like Jesus, not like the enemy. Jesus could have brought down 13 legions of angels and then some to stop his crucifixion, but he didn't. He trusted his Fathers will. Divorce is not an option either, so yes the Winans family needs prayer for numerous things in their life, just was we all do. Its not about allowing violence, but praying and having faith God will remove it from your life.

My wife beat me when she was angry, because I am a big man, but she knew I would never hit her back. I stood there and took it, and when I really think about it, Jesus stood there and took it as well. This is where picking up the cross and walking with him comes into application. She regrets ever doing it, but we both learned that we had to go through that situation so God could teach us lessons to give testimony to others. I praise God for going through that, so I can sit down and write this today. Praise the Lord and God bless you all.
God bless you for going through sir. I believe in the old school as well as the new, Eccl. 3 that it is a time and a season for everything. So excuse me sir, if a man is hitting on me, he will perhaps, maybe possibly get one good hit, you need to ask somebody. Read Genesis, where God gave the woman the spirit to fight the enemy whoever that may be when he come up upon us to do us hurt, harm or danger. Very familiar with the praying for your enemy, but you not dealing with a fool, let someone come up to you and punch you, are you going to take it, suppose it's your brother-in-law, I say not. You will eventually come to your senses and fight back or die. Don't get me wrong, I am not violent, but I will not allow myself to be a silly victimized woman, the devil is a lie. And as for BeBe. they were already divorced. I'm so glad you have the perfect life, the perfect family. Let me ask you a question, since you are a Deacon, wearing hard stripes of a Buck Sergeant, if you go to the war or having gone, did you lock and load, and if so, WHY? I would say to protect and defend.
I wish I never served a minute in the military. I was a military brat, so at first I thought I was doing the right thing. But once I becamed saved, I understood that Jesus said to Love others... and thats unconditionally. Retaliation is forbidden as a Christian following Jesus. If someone hits you, they will be judged for that action. If someone kills you and you hold true to doing what God told you, then you will be in heaven. Remember in Daniel the three brothers who wouldn't worship the Babylonian God. They were thrown in the fire to die, but they didn't fight back, instead they trusted God, and they did not perish. So your right, the devil is a lie, and retaliation or hurting anyone in the slightest with verbage or physical, is wrong. Jesus never hit anyone, and neither shall we. No matter what the situation may be. My life and family are far from perfect, but we try in Jesus name. We have to follow the golden rule, with no exceptions.


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