Practical steps to dealing with (domestic) abuse in the church - discernment & prayer

Many of us have some level of discernment, this gift is given to help root out anti-Christ attitudes, behaviors and mindsets in our local assemblies. Sometimes you may hear a report. Sometimes you may see something to alert you to possible abuse. You may even witness an argument or a fight. Originally my intent was to minister on how this affects women, but I realize children may be involved too. A child or the adult may be withdrawn, suddenly very shy, unduly nervous or show other signs of lowered self-esteem. 

 

So, how to deal with reports of domestic abuse in your church? Should we look the other way pretending not to hear about it?  Should we minimize or discount the reports we hear, thinking the people or persons will work it out on their own?  Or in the case of a child their parents will work it out? Do we ignore or discount the Spirit within which is discerning the need? Thinking maybe it is not your business so you'll just stay out of it?

 

God wants to reveal to you what to do in the case of domestic abuse in the church. When you see something, say something. First, take it to the Lord in prayer. Be cautioned though: prayer is not a substitute for action. Prayer is the prerequisite to action. Pastors your congregation is land God has entrusted to you. People within your land need to be delievered from this evil, and prayer is the thing that moves God to move on your behalf. We can pray all day and do nothing, and our lack of action nullifies our faith - making our faith without works, which is dead. It takes faith, works, patience and boldness. We have applied the following scripture in a congregational sense, but in the context of leadership, if you man of God, if you woman of God are His people called by His name, if you will humble yourself and pray God will heal the people in your land:

 

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chron 7:14

 

When we pray and call upon HIm God always gives an answer. The answer may take the form of instruction, direction or other course of action. Prayer is not a substitute for action, it is the prerequisite to any action. When you pray, God will answer you with insight you didnt have before:

 

"<u>Call unto me, and I will answer thee</u>, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." Jer 33:3

 

God wants us to know things negatively affecting or beating down those who He has entrusted to us

 

Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me. Isaiah 45:11

 

And if we are sensitive to hear God He will tell us exactly how to proceed in dealing with matters

 

Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets. Amos 3:7

 

Now lets take a look at what Jesus did when they brought the woman to Him. First, note how the religious were righteous in their own sight and sought to entrap Jesus too 

 

"And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him." John 8:3-6 

 

The accusers cared more about their right to be right than they did about truth of the matter. They were bloodthirsty. The truth of the matter was not just that a woman had sinned by committing adultery; that was only part of the truth. The whole truth of the matter was that they all had sinned -- both the accused and her accusers. The woman had been humiliated but her accusers had no humility about themselves. So Jesus said and pastors and leaders we have to have enough humility and boldness to also say when accusers try to railroad you

 

"... he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." vs 8

 

At that point these accusers became convicted and walked away.

 

"And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst." vs 9 

 

Jesus was patient and bold in dealing with this issue, as leaders to whom people have been entrusted we must be also. Because of the way Jesus handled this matter this woman got a new lease on life. Another chance in life. The woman was forgiven and got her deliverance because someone stood up to her accusers and faced them down with truth. Jesus (the Truth) stood up to her accusers, and then Truth set her free. We have the Spirit of Christ in us also to stand up in Truth in situations such as this too, and Truth will set captives free.

 

This is only an initial step when dealing with domestic abuse (and other abuse) in the church. People who perpetrate matters like these are in a dark emotional and spiritual pit where there is no light. The Lord is our light, and is able to deliver us from the pit. Then the mind has to be renewed with the word of God. Men need to be taught what it is to be a man. Just because one has two legs a deep voice and other apparatus doesnt mean he knows how to manage his emotions, his frustrations, his disappointments, etc. It doesnt mean he knows how to appropriate a vision from God for his family and his life. It does not mean he will automatically know how to tend to, treat or love his wife. Men need to be taught from the bible and by seeing behaviors modeled in front of them what it means to love your wife like Christ loves the church. The love chapter 1 Cor 13 is full of practical examples. And finally men and women need to be taught the true meanings of submission and mutual submission. Just as members in the body is to submit to one another in love, are not the man and wife part of the body? They also need to learn to submit to one another in love.

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