Selena's Posts - Black Preaching Network
2024-03-28T10:54:41Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/61466362?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=33ejklf4me27f&xn_auth=no
What Ted Haggard can still teach the church
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2009-01-15:916966:BlogPost:361117
2009-01-15T06:20:57.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
What Ted Haggard can still teach the church<br />
<br />
Posted: January 14, 2009<br />
1:00 am Eastern<br />
<br />
<br />
By Alan Chambers<br />
© 2009<br />
<br />
<br />
Ted Haggard is having his say. The former pastor of a Colorado megachurch who admitted to a sexual relationship with a male escort in 2006, is now sharing his story in a documentary called "The Trials of Ted Haggard." On Jan. 29, the film premieres on HBO and will follow the life of the former pastor and re-examine the scandal that rocked the evangelical world. While the film is…
What Ted Haggard can still teach the church<br />
<br />
Posted: January 14, 2009<br />
1:00 am Eastern<br />
<br />
<br />
By Alan Chambers<br />
© 2009<br />
<br />
<br />
Ted Haggard is having his say. The former pastor of a Colorado megachurch who admitted to a sexual relationship with a male escort in 2006, is now sharing his story in a documentary called "The Trials of Ted Haggard." On Jan. 29, the film premieres on HBO and will follow the life of the former pastor and re-examine the scandal that rocked the evangelical world. While the film is bound to bring up old wounds and raise more questions, there are some important lessons that the church can learn from Ted Haggard.<br />
<br />
When the story broke in 2006, I, along with thousands of others, was shocked. I had brief contact with Ted Haggard in his role as leader of the National Association of Evangelicals at various meetings. His deception grieved me as did the media's portrayal of him as the worst kind of hypocrite – a two-faced man who preached the Gospel of Christ by day and engaged in homosexual activity and drug abuse by night. People asked how it was possible for someone to oppose homosexual sin while indulging in it.<br />
<br />
As he himself wrote in his confession, "There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life." If you had asked the thousands that attended his Colorado Springs church, I imagine most would have said they had no idea their pastor struggled with homosexuality. The same could be the said for our own churches. It might be easy for us to judge the outside world, but how often do we recognize the broken and hurting in our own pews? For every gay activist that shouts in the parades, I'm willing to bet that there's someone in our congregations who painfully struggles with homosexuality, but is afraid to reach out for help. I know because I was that person.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
As a teenager, I was in church every Sunday and harbored my own secret – a battle with homosexuality. Like Ted Haggard, I, too, was molested at a young age and found myself dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction. I gave in to my feelings and found gay life fun for a season, but eventually realized it would be lonely for a lifetime. More importantly, I was living in deep conflict with my own Christian beliefs. I felt like a hypocrite, and I went searching for help. At the time, it seemed no church would touch the issue and thus I found Exodus International, a ministry that helps those dealing with this particular struggle. Godly men and women walked beside me as I began to deal with underlying wounds and discovered my true identity in Christ. They demonstrated the bold love of Jesus Christ when I needed it most, and now, 18 years later, I am blessed to do the same for others.<br />
<br />
The truth is that most Christians struggle with a particular sin in their lives. It might be an uncontrolled temper. Maybe it's substance abuse or even a secret grudge harbored toward someone. Or maybe, like Ted Haggard and me, it's a struggle with lust and sexual brokenness. While there is freedom through the power of Christ, the sad truth remains that there is still something terribly wrong in many of our congregations, something that all of the marriage protection laws and constitutional amendments cannot fix. Many of our churches are not safe places for us to be vulnerable and seek help and so many continue to suffer in silence. The choice of committing sin and disobeying God has always been our personal responsibility, but we in the church desperately need each other. And yet, in many churches, people are still donning masks and ignoring the very hurts and struggles that God instructs us to be open about. If we are to make any progress in reaching a hurting world, our churches need to be a place of healing and accountability. This starts by every one of us, including our leadership, admitting to our struggles and asking fellow Christians for help.<br />
<br />
In the end, however, it is the loving and redemptive nature of God to take our messes and even our most tragic circumstances and use them for something beautiful. Often, the villain in our movies and news stories "gets his," and that's the last we ever hear from them. But the grace of Jesus Christ isn't content just to leave things at that. God wants to reach out to all who have fallen, even the villains in the world's stories. Convicted Watergate criminal Chuck Colson is a perfect example of how God can take a disgraced public figure and bless him with a fantastic and far-reaching ministry. The Apostle Paul was one of the early church's most feared persecutors before God intervened and made him one of Jesus' most zealous supporters. No one is beyond the same redemptive power. Christ came to the world to set captives free, and no one is exempt from that promise. So, while Ted Haggard is having his say, it is far better to know that in the end, God will always have his.
When Someone In Your Congregation Says "I'm Gay"
Things to Remember
1. No one is born gay, and no one chooses to be gay. Because of relational brokenness in families and among peers, some people exp…
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-30:916966:BlogPost:303639
2008-12-30T06:23:37.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
When Someone In Your Congregation Says "I'm Gay"<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="160" src="http://api.ning.com/files/uV4VDZCLaW2rSjQYTPuJE1*GfDG4dD4KO44NOcoW6EUz7d*sfM0diov5Q7qWebEwZoCMv-ZElBGyXZvQZio*oLdElY7DhHq3/th_0736914706_01__AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" width="160"></img></p>
Things to Remember<br />
1. No one is born gay, and no one chooses to be gay. Because of relational brokenness in families and among peers, some people experience emotional needs that they try to meet in ungodly ways. Many of them are uncomfortable with their own gender; later, they discover they are attracted to others of the same sex, but this is not their choice. Acting on it, however, is.<br />
2. Change is…
When Someone In Your Congregation Says "I'm Gay"<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/uV4VDZCLaW2rSjQYTPuJE1*GfDG4dD4KO44NOcoW6EUz7d*sfM0diov5Q7qWebEwZoCMv-ZElBGyXZvQZio*oLdElY7DhHq3/th_0736914706_01__AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" alt="" width="160" height="160"/></p>
Things to Remember<br />
1. No one is born gay, and no one chooses to be gay. Because of relational brokenness in families and among peers, some people experience emotional needs that they try to meet in ungodly ways. Many of them are uncomfortable with their own gender; later, they discover they are attracted to others of the same sex, but this is not their choice. Acting on it, however, is.<br />
2. Change is possible. Even going back to the first-century church, the apostle Paul wrote to former homosexuals in the Corinthian church, "and such were some of you" (1 Cor. 6:11).<br />
3. Because we live in a fallen world, we are all broken. Many people in our churches are sexually broken-victims of incest, pornography and masturbation addicts, and compulsive sex addiction. Homosexuality is only one form of brokenness.<br />
4. Homosexuality grows out of broken relationships and is healed in healthy relationships, especially same-sex relationships. This is one of the reasons it is essential for recovering homosexuals and lesbians to be actively involved in the church, because this is where they can find healthy, God-honoring friendships. Their homosexuality is not contagious!<br />
5. Treat them with respect like you would anyone else. They are people made in the image of God for whom Christ died-they are not their sexuality. Many people trying to come out of the gay lifestyle expect to find respect and acceptance only in the gay community. Finding it in church is immensely healing to their souls.<br />
6. Accept them where they are, just as Jesus did. Choose to accept the person, but not sinful behavior. People don't change unless they experience the grace of acceptance first. But once they know they are loved and accepted, many of them are willing to do what it takes to live a life of holiness.<br />
7. Seek to see them with God's eyes of love and acceptance, with His intention for their wholeness, healing and freedom. This means depending on the Holy Spirit for divine perspective and exercising humility to recognize that first impressions are often incomplete and inaccurate.<br />
8. This is a great opportunity to lead people to an understanding of what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Some homosexual strugglers, especially men, feel that they have committed the unpardonable sin. They've heard they are going to hell no matter what they do, so they are permanently separated from God. They need to know this is a lie, because when we confess our sins, the blood of Jesus covers them ALL and cleanses us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).<br />
9. Because of abuse issues, most strugglers seem to have an especially hard time relating to Father God and to receiving His love. Yet it is the masculine voice (first in earthly fathers, and ultimately in our Heavenly Father) that calls gender out from both men and women, and it is the Father's personal and powerful love that is the most important healing agent in human hearts.<br />
10. Because most pastors are men in authority, most strugglers (men and women) are INCREDIBLY intimidated by them. Pastors need to know this and really understand in order to minister to strugglers. This means respecting the fragility of strugglers' relationships with pastors and choosing to be deliberately tender and gentle. They really need "good shepherds." Verbalize to them that God can not only change them, but He is very proud of them (as you are) for sharing this with you and desiring to change.<br />
11. Most same-sex strugglers have very weak and broken boundaries. Their deep neediness causes them to lapse into emotionally dependent relationships with everyone who gets close. We encourage you to only counsel these folks at your office during regular business hours where others can be aware of your activities. This gives a sense of security to the struggler and a protection for you as the pastor.<br />
12. The most success in overcoming same-gender attraction has occurred when strugglers experienced God as Healer through heterosexual people who were willing to come alongside them in their journeys-men helping men, and women helping women. It would be helpful for you to find someone willing to befriend and mentor the struggler. This takes a person willing to seriously invest in the life of a very needy person. They will need to be available and accessible. Their presence in the struggler's life can be powerful and healing.<br />
13. If someone comes in with an agenda of arrogance, demanding acceptance of their sexual sin, don't let them bully you. There is a difference between welcoming the sinner and allowing him to continue in his rebellion. Homosexuality is sin. Lev. 18:22-23; Rom. 1:26-27, 1 Cor. 6:9-11. Note that these verses condemn homosexual behavior, not feelings.<br />
Five DON'TS:<br />
1. Don't panic. An excellent resource for understanding the issue of homosexuality is Someone I Love is Gay by Bob Davies and Anita Worthen (published by InterVarsity Press). Also Exodus International (exodus.to), a Christ-centered ministry that helps people deal with unwanted homosexuality, has numerous resources. Living Hope Ministries (www.livehope.org) is an Exodus referral ministry in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area with excellent online forums for parents, spouses, men and women, and youth (ages 13+) who struggle with homosexuality<br />
2. Don't make false assumptions or accusations. For example, please do not assume he is HIV positive. Many aren't. And if he is, AIDS is sexually transmitted; the people in your congregation are safer than many fear. Respect the seriousness of HIV with commonsense precautions (such as contact with bodily fluids), but don't ostracize the person. Handshakes and hugs are perfectly safe.<br />
3. Don't shut down pastorally or emotionally. The person coming to you has known a lifetime of rejection and desperately needs to know that a representative of Jesus Christ will extend grace to him. Hug them when they leave. It may be the first positive touch they have had in years.<br />
4. Don't pass judgment. All of us have besetting sins! As Billy Graham said, "Don't take credit for not falling into a temptation that never tempted you in the first place."<br />
5. Don't disclose this person's secret without permission, even among church staff. There is nothing safe about the gay lifestyle; people struggling with same-sex attraction need to find safety in the church.<br />
This is the text of a brochure from Living Hope Ministries, written by Sue Bohlin, who serves on the Board of Directors of Living Hope and moderates one of the online forums. A PDF version of this brochure is also available for download here; you will need the free Adobe Acrobat reader to see it.<br />
© 2003 Living Hope Ministries. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
How Might Homosexuality Develop?
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-26:916966:BlogPost:294272
2008-12-26T19:14:54.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="160" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465852?profile=original" width="106"></img></p>
How Might Homosexuality Develop? Putting the Pieces Together<br />
Excerpted from "The Complex Interaction of Genes and Environment: A Model for Homosexuality" by Jeffrey Satinover,M.D.<br />
<br />
It may be difficult to grasp how genes, environment, and other influences interrelate to one another, how a certain factor may "influence" an outcome but not cause it, and how faith enters in. The scenario below is condensed and hypothetical, but is drawn from the lives of…
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465852?profile=original" alt="" width="106" height="160"/></p>
How Might Homosexuality Develop? Putting the Pieces Together<br />
Excerpted from "The Complex Interaction of Genes and Environment: A Model for Homosexuality" by Jeffrey Satinover,M.D.<br />
<br />
It may be difficult to grasp how genes, environment, and other influences interrelate to one another, how a certain factor may "influence" an outcome but not cause it, and how faith enters in. The scenario below is condensed and hypothetical, but is drawn from the lives of actual people, illustrating how many different factors influence behavior.<br />
<br />
Note that the following is just one of the many developmental pathways that can lead to homosexuality, but a common one. In reality, every person's "road" to sexual expression is individual, however many common lengths it may share with those of others.<br />
<br />
(1) Our scenario starts with birth. The boy (for example) who one day may go on to struggle with homosexuality is born with certain features that are somewhat more common among homosexuals than in the population at large. Some of these traits might be inherited (genetic), while others might have been caused by the "intrauterine environment" (hormones). What this means is that a youngster without these traits will be somewhat less likely to become homosexual later than someone with them.<br />
<br />
What are these traits? If we could identify them precisely, many of them would turn out to be gifts rather than "problems," for example a "sensitive" disposition, a strong creative drive, a keen aesthetic sense. Some of these, such as greater sensitivity, could be related to - or even the same as - physiological traits that also cause trouble, such as a greater-than-average anxiety response to any given stimulus.<br />
<br />
No one knows with certainty just what these heritable characteristics are; at present we only have hints. Were we free to study homosexuality properly (uninfluenced by political agendas) we would certainly soon clarify these factors - just as we are doing in less contentious areas. In any case, there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the behavior "homosexuality" is itself directly inherited.<br />
<br />
(2) From a very early age potentially heritable characteristics mark the boy as "different." He finds himself somewhat shy and uncomfortable with the typical "rough and tumble" of his peers. Perhaps he is more interested in art or in reading - simply because he's smart. But when he later thinks about his early life, he will find it difficult to separate out what in these early behavioral differences came from an inherited temperament and what from the next factor, namely:<br />
<br />
(3) That for whatever reason, he recalls a painful "mismatch" between what he needed and longed for and what his father offered him. Perhaps most people would agree that his father was distinctly distant and ineffective; maybe it was just that his own needs were unique enough that his father, a decent man, could never quite find the right way to relate to him. Or perhaps his father really disliked and rejected his son's sensitivity. In any event, the absence of a happy, warm, and intimate closeness with his father led to the boy's pulling away in disappointment, "defensively detaching" in order to protect himself.<br />
<br />
But sadly, this pulling away from his father, and from the "masculine" role model he needed, also left him even less able to relate to his male peers. We may contrast this to the boy whose loving father dies, for instance, but who is less vulnerable to later homosexuality. This is because the commonplace dynamic in the pre-homosexual boy is not merely the absence of a father - literally or psychologically - but the psychological defense of the boy against his repeatedly disappointing father. In fact, a youngster who does not form this defense (perhaps because of early-enough therapy, or because there is another important male figure in his life, or due to temperament) is much less likely to become homosexual.<br />
<br />
Complementary dynamics involving the boy's mother are also likely to have played an important role. Because people tend to marry partners with "interlocking neuroses," the boy probably found himself in a problematic relationship with both parents.<br />
<br />
For all these reasons, when as an adult he looked back on his childhood, the now-homosexual man recalls, "From the beginning I was always different. I never got along well with the boys my age and felt more comfortable around girls." This accurate memory makes his later homosexuality feel convincingly to him as though it was "preprogrammed" from the start.<br />
<br />
(4) Although he has "defensively detached" from his father, the young boy still carries silently within him a terrible longing for the warmth, love, and encircling arms of the father he never did nor could have. Early on, he develops intense, nonsexual attachments to older boys he admires - but at a distance, repeating with them the same experience of longing and unavailability. When puberty sets in, sexual urges - which can attach themselves to any object, especially in males - rise to the surface and combine with his already intense need for masculine intimacy and warmth. He begins to develop homosexual crushes. Later he recalls, "My first sexual longings were directed not at girls but at boys. I was never interested in girls."<br />
<br />
Psychotherapeutic intervention at this point and earlier can be successful in preventing the development of later homosexuality. Such intervention is aimed in part at helping the boy change his developing effeminate patterns (which derive from a "refusal" to identify with the rejected father), but more critically, it is aimed at teaching his father - if only he will learn - how to become appropriately involved with and related to his son.<br />
<br />
(5) As he matures (especially in our culture where early, extramarital sexual experiences are sanctioned and even encouraged), the youngster, now a teen, begins to experiment with homosexual activity. Or alternatively his needs for same-sex closeness may already have been taken advantage of by an older boy or man, who preyed upon him sexually when he was still a child. (Recall the studies that demonstrate the high incidence of sexual abuse in the childhood histories of homosexual men.) Or oppositely, he may avoid such activities out of fear and shame in spite of his attraction to them. In any event, his now-sexualized longings cannot merely be denied, however much he may struggle against them. It would be cruel for us at this point to imply that these longings are a simple matter of "choice."<br />
<br />
Indeed, he remembers having spent agonizing months and years trying to deny their existence altogether or pushing them away, to no avail. One can easily imagine how justifiably angry he will later be when someone casually and thoughtlessly accuses him of "choosing" to be homosexual. When he seeks help, he hears one of two messages, and both terrify him; either, "Homosexuals are bad people and you are a bad person for choosing to be homosexual. There is no place for you here and God is going to see to it that you suffer for being so bad;" or "Homosexuality is inborn and unchangeable. You were born that way. Forget about your fairytale picture of getting married and having children and living in a little house with a white picket fence. God made you who you are and he/she destined you for the gay life. Learn to enjoy it."<br />
<br />
(6) At some point, he gives in to his deep longings for love and begins to have voluntary homosexual experiences. He finds - possibly to his horror - that these old, deep, painful longings are at least temporarily, and for the first time ever, assuaged.<br />
<br />
Although he may also therefore feel intense conflict, he cannot help admit that the relief is immense. This temporary feeling of comfort is so profound - going well beyond the simple sexual pleasure that anyone feels in a less fraught situation - that the experience is powerfully reinforced. However much he may struggle, he finds himself powerfully driven to repeat the experience. And the more he does, the more it is reinforced and the more likely it is he will repeat it yet again, though often with a sense of diminishing returns.<br />
<br />
(7) He also discovers that, as for anyone, sexual orgasm is a powerful reliever of distress of all sorts. By engaging in homosexual activities he has already crossed one of the most critical and strongly enforced boundaries of sexual taboo. It is now easy for him to cross other taboo boundaries as well, especially the significantly less severe taboo pertaining to promiscuity. Soon homosexual activity becomes the central organizing factor in his life as he slowly acquires the habit of turning to it regularly - not just because of his original need for fatherly warmth of love, but to relieve anxiety of any sort.<br />
<br />
(8) In time, his life becomes even more distressing than for most. Some of this is in fact, as activists claim, because all-too-often he experiences from others a cold lack of sympathy or even open hostility. The only people who seem really to accept him are other gays, and so he forms an even stronger bond with them as a "community." But it is not true, as activists claim, that these are the only or even the major stresses. Much distress is caused simply by his way of life - for example, the medical consequences, AIDS being just one of many (if also the worst). He also lives with the guilt and shame that he inevitably feels over his compulsive, promiscuous behavior; and too over the knowledge that he cannot relate effectively to the opposite sex and is less likely to have a family (a psychological loss for which political campaigns for homosexual marriage, adoption, and inheritance rights can never adequately compensate).<br />
<br />
However much activists try to normalize for him these patterns of behavior and the losses they cause, and however expedient it may be for political purposes to hide them from the public-at-large, unless he shuts down huge areas of his emotional life he simply cannot honestly look at himself in this situation and feel content.<br />
<br />
And no one - not even a genuine, dyed-in-the-wool, sexually insecure "homophobe" - is nearly so hard on him as he is on himself. Furthermore, the self-condemning messages that he struggles with on a daily basis are in fact only reinforced by the bitter self-derogating wit of the very gay culture he has embraced. The activists around him keep saying that it is all caused by the "internalized homophobia" of the surrounding culture, but he knows that it is not.<br />
<br />
The stresses of "being gay" lead to more, not less, homosexual behavior. This principle, perhaps surprising to the layman (at least to the layman who has not himself gotten caught up in some pattern, of whatever type) is typical of the compulsive or addictive cycle of self-destructive behavior; wracking guilt, shame, and self-condemnation only causes it to increase. It is not surprising that people therefore turn to denial to rid themselves of these feelings, and he does too. He tells himself, "It is not a problem, therefore there is no reason for me to feel so bad about it."<br />
<br />
(9) After wrestling with such guilt and shame for so many years, the boy, now an adult, comes to believe, quite understandably - and because of his denial, needs to believe - "I can't change anyway because the condition is unchangeable." If even for a moment he considers otherwise, immediately arises the painful query, "Then why haven't I...?" and with it returns all the shame and guilt.<br />
<br />
Thus, by the time the boy becomes a man, he has pieced together this point of view: "I was always different, always an outsider. I developed crushes on boys from as long as I can remember and the first time I fell in love it was with a boy, not a girl. I had no real interest in members of the opposite sex. Oh, I tried all right - desperately. But my sexual experiences with girls were nothing special. But the first time I had homosexual sex it just 'felt right.' So it makes perfect sense to me that homosexuality is genetic. I've tried to change - God knows how long I struggled - and I just can't. That's because it's not changeable. Finally, I stopped struggling and just accepted myself the way I am."<br />
<br />
(10) Social attitudes toward homosexuality will play a role in making it more or less likely that the man will adopt an "inborn and unchangeable" perspective, and at what point in his development. It is obvious that a widely shared and propagated worldview that normalizes homosexuality will increase the likelihood of his adopting such beliefs, and at an earlier age. But it is perhaps less obvious - it follows from what we have discussed above - that ridicule, rejection, and harshly punitive condemnation of him as a person will be just as likely (if not more likely) to drive him into the same position.<br />
<br />
(11) If he maintains his desire for a traditional family life, the man may continue to struggle against his "second nature." Depending on whom he meets, he may remain trapped between straight condemnation and gay activism, both in secular institutions and in religious ones. The most important message he needs to hear is that "healing is possible."<br />
<br />
(12) If he enters the path to healing, he will find that the road is long and difficult - but extraordinarily fulfilling. The course to full restoration of heterosexuality typically lasts longer than the average American marriage - which should be understood as an index of how broken all relationships are today.<br />
<br />
From the secular therapies he will come to understand what the true nature of his longings are, that they are not really about sex, and that he is not defined by his sexual appetites. In such a setting, he will very possibly learn how to turn aright to other men to gain from them a genuine, nonsexualized masculine comradeship and intimacy; and how to relate aright to woman, as friend, lover, life's companion, and, God willing, mother of his children.<br />
<br />
Of course the old wounds will not simply disappear, and later in times of great distress the old paths of escape will beckon. But the claim that this means he is therefore "really" a homosexual and unchanged is a lie. For as he lives a new life of ever-growing honesty, and cultivates genuine intimacy with the woman of his heart, the new patterns will grow ever stronger and the old ones engraved in the synapses of his brain ever weaker.<br />
<br />
In time, knowing that they really have little to do with sex, he will even come to respect and put to good use what faint stirrings remain of the old urges. They will be for him a kind of storm-warning, a signal that something is out of order in his house, that some old pattern of longing and rejection and defense is being activated. And he will find that no sooner does he set his house in order that indeed the old urges once again abate. In his relations to others - as friend, husband, professional - he will now have a special gift. What was once a curse will have become a blessing, to himself and to others.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Updated: 3 September 2008
Ray Boltz's Hunger for Community by Mike Ensley
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-16:916966:BlogPost:268308
2008-12-16T09:57:09.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
Ray Boltz's Hunger for Community by Mike Ensley<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="237" src="http://api.ning.com/files/8VY3GU-eF2*pXxQ-xfLCwAgc9f4MuGrJpu*F56gYvB-XVvdcd21LAueDWZj8EjtwELnpczY5PlZsGnR5S8w*oaf5xmkx8SV0/m_8ac8ac6b316f3443e53e38f70c84ad92.jpg" width="170"></img></p>
<br />
When I first started ministering to teens who struggle with same-sex attraction, I met "Josh." Of the categories of people we worked with, Josh fell into the "never acted out" one. He was a good kid who loved Jesus, he served at his church and sang in the youth worship band. To this day he'll describe me as one of his mentors, but honestly I've always hoped to emulate his gentle spirit and genuine…
Ray Boltz's Hunger for Community by Mike Ensley<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/8VY3GU-eF2*pXxQ-xfLCwAgc9f4MuGrJpu*F56gYvB-XVvdcd21LAueDWZj8EjtwELnpczY5PlZsGnR5S8w*oaf5xmkx8SV0/m_8ac8ac6b316f3443e53e38f70c84ad92.jpg" alt="" width="170" height="237"/></p>
<br />
When I first started ministering to teens who struggle with same-sex attraction, I met "Josh." Of the categories of people we worked with, Josh fell into the "never acted out" one. He was a good kid who loved Jesus, he served at his church and sang in the youth worship band. To this day he'll describe me as one of his mentors, but honestly I've always hoped to emulate his gentle spirit and genuine affection for God and other people. Secretly, though, during his adolescence Josh suffered with attractions he neither chose nor wanted. He also did not obey them, but he struggled with this problem in secret in most arenas of his life, including the church where he attended and served. I thought that stunk. In fact, I was pretty ticked that Josh even had to be a part of my little group over at the Exodus ministry where I volunteered. Not that he wasn't a good guy to have around — always has been — but all he needed was a safe place to be transparent and find acceptance and support. It saddened me that he felt his church couldn't offer that. Knowing that a real community was what he needed, and not a special ministry group, I often encouraged him to open up to someone in his life that he felt was safe. Maybe just the youth pastor to start. When Josh finally did tell his youth pastor about his secret struggle, things drastically changed for him. He wasn't allowed to be in student leadership anymore, or participate in the worship band. For some reason, the youth pastor felt it necessary to enact almost every level of church discipline on Josh, despite that he wasn't in rebellion and didn't want to be. Worst of all, he added insult to injury by asking Josh to refrain from any contact with children on church premises. Normally, encouraging a struggling youth to tell their pastor is great advice — of course that's dependent on the youth pastor not being ignorant or a true homophobe. Seriously, I was pretty angry. Josh for his part handled it better than I would have. Knowing me (and especially me as a teenager), I'd have taken hypocritical rejection like that as a free pass to the deep end of bitter self-indulgence, at least for a week or two. Josh didn't. The discouraging effect was evident, though. It's one that most Christians with same-sex attraction — or any of a host of less-acceptable struggles — receive from the attitudes of their local churches: that we ought not be like this — not us Christians. And if we are, well, we'd better find a way to fix it on our own. National Level A few weeks ago, the Christian community was stunned to hear Ray Boltz, one of our longest-celebrated musical artists, announce that he is gay. Not only were we shocked to learn that he had carried the same-sex struggles with him secretly all the years we enjoyed his music, but even more so that he has now chosen to embrace a homosexual identity in defiance of Scripture's clear teaching. This announcement brings a disappointing end to a worldwide ministry in many people's eyes, and just as importantly it has brought an end to his marriage covenant. I remember listening to Ray's music as a little kid. His album Thank You was one of the few that made up the soundtrack of my sheltered Christian bubble. The title track on that record paints a vivid picture of saved souls in Heaven greeting the faithful servant whose deeds helped them to get there. I remember listening to it and having, probably for the first time in my life, something like an eternal perspective. Ray's ministry transcends mere chart-topping, of course. There many other tracks just as memorable as Thank You; furthermore he has dedicated many years of service and giving to charitable ministries that save lives all over the world. As saddened as I am to hear this recent news, I can imagine how much more acutely many others feel the pain. But the Christian community's collective disappointment isn't the only feeling I can sympathize with. I can sympathize with my friend Josh, and in a small way with Ray himself. Josh and I have both experienced the shame and loneliness of dealing with a struggle that you know is reviled by your community of Believers, of knowing that its disclosure could mean the end of friendships and partnerships within the Body — as it did for Josh. I can imagine how that loneliness must have been compounded for an internationally-celebrated Christian recording artist whose career hung by a thread of image perception. Add to that the years of relentless performances, taxing ministry, and personal striving to connect with God all in spite of a struggle that haunts the deepest connections in your life. So, as much as I sympathize with a Church that grieves the lost perception of a cultural hero, I sympathize all the more with a man who has been forced to struggle in secret for decades by the very community he served. In one of his initial statements concerning his "coming out," Ray mentioned trying to overcome his same-sex struggle by reading books on the issue. Books — that's all he felt he had. I know there are many other people the world over who only have that much to turn to, at least for now. Exodus hears from people every day asking for help that we are simply too small to provide. And that's just the people who struggle with this unpopular issue. Would this be true if the Church were what Jesus intended it to be? Are people perceived to be of "ill repute" and sinful reputation drawn to us the way they were drawn to Him? Do we show them His grace and compassion that was so radical and unwavering that He was able, in the midst of it, to call out their sin and transform their hearts? Or do we shoot our wounded? Appearance of Evil Since coming to a national level of ministry, I've encountered a few pastors and administrators who propagate this attitude; they believe real Christians shouldn't have to deal with issues like that. There are many others who don't; they really want to address the tough issues, they want to be transparent and offer support to those who are in trouble. But they still won't — because of how it might look. Specifically, because of how it might look to the people who give the most money. I think the sad reality is that the Church is, in many ways, still grappling with the fact that we'll always be human. I think we're starting to get more comfortable with the fact that your average Joe and Susie Christian can still be tempted by "classic" lust and drunkenness and greed; but we remain hesitant to accept the mortality of our pastors and Christian "celebrities." Why do we do that? Why do we subject those over us to this impossible altogether-Christian image? I think there's a dumb kind of hope in it. Christians who must face their same-sex attractions almost always share that instinctual desire for the struggle to just go away. So for a long time we hold out hope that there's some special plateau that you can get to through therapy or prayer or whatever you mean by "deliverance" where it'll be as if our problems never happened. The more I've gotten to know the rest of the Body of Christ, the more I've seen that a lot of us cling desperately to the same idea, no matter what thorn twists in our flesh. And we want our leaders and icons to exemplify that — to be the ones that "made it." Then when they finally reveal to us that they are not, we condemn them, we cancel their legacies out, we pretend they were never the real thing. Can I just say, as someone who works in full-time ministry, and knows people who have been doing it much longer, that this is all crap? There is no magic bridge you cross or mystic fog you walk through that transforms this life into some ethereal existence. Being in ministry is not like working full-time with Jesus as your boss. I do not bask in His loving glow from nine to five, ensconced in signs and wonders. God has done (and is doing) an amazing transforming work in my life. Just because not everything is resolved doesn't mean nothing ever changes. God isn't making me into a man who never knew what homosexuality is like, but He is teaching me and reshaping me into a man beyond those struggles. I'm still a man, though; a man who needs a God of grace and a community infused with His Spirit in order to keep going. And you know what? That's a good life. Lead by Example Today Josh has found a community of Believers where his struggle with same-sex attraction just isn't a big deal. You know why? Because they expected him to struggle with something, anyway. They also know that his temptations and limitations don't define who he is — not when he's waking up each day with God's endless possibilities on his plate. Ray Boltz has also finally found a community where he feels at peace. I'm not going to say it's real peace — but it's at least the inevitable relief that comes from giving up a years-long conflict. It's still saddening to learn that anyone has chosen a path contrary to what Christ has saved us for. It's worse to know that one of the engines of their rebellion has been our unwillingness to be the safe and Christ-like community they needed in their darkest moments. We all want those brothers and sisters to come to their senses and repent. That's their choice, though; we can tell them the truth but we can't change their hearts or minds. But maybe we can at least show them what it looks like. Repenting from our addiction to the "all together" image isn't about wallowing in our humanness — it's about accepting and loving ourselves in spite of it, and giving our people room to grow. If we turned from our judgmental attitudes, we might just get to know our friends and neighbors for who they really are — and who they are becoming. If we were all transparent and owned our need for the Cross, then we could all transform together. So let's pray for repentance — for ourselves first.<br />
<br />
Copyright 2008 Mike Ensley. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on December 12, 2008.
Homosexuality: A Family Matter
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-13:916966:BlogPost:261287
2008-12-13T03:32:02.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
Homosexuality: A Family Matter<br />
<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="160" src="http://api.ning.com/files/3KqM-Gbf*9SuPHsA9PHbpVdkoSyXsyn*i24HsB8-EPIRybIkNr8JRpaeV0W*TTZ87Xldhi*MvdEgiOv7nQf8RH4j43FE3gk0/th_076842268X.jpg" width="106"></img></p>
<br />
Usually, when homosexuality becomes known in a family, the greater attention and focus is normally placed on the individual that has announced his or her being gay. However, when homosexuality comes a knocking on your personal front door, it affects much more than just him or her. Immediately, the crisis becomes a family matter with the family having to work through the blow of learning of a child’s homosexuality.<br />
<br />
For…
Homosexuality: A Family Matter<br />
<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/3KqM-Gbf*9SuPHsA9PHbpVdkoSyXsyn*i24HsB8-EPIRybIkNr8JRpaeV0W*TTZ87Xldhi*MvdEgiOv7nQf8RH4j43FE3gk0/th_076842268X.jpg" alt="" width="106" height="160"/></p>
<br />
Usually, when homosexuality becomes known in a family, the greater attention and focus is normally placed on the individual that has announced his or her being gay. However, when homosexuality comes a knocking on your personal front door, it affects much more than just him or her. Immediately, the crisis becomes a family matter with the family having to work through the blow of learning of a child’s homosexuality.<br />
<br />
For Christian parents becoming aware of a child’s homosexuality, it becomes very tempting to respond with “How can you be homosexual? You’re a Christian!” Parents become immediately flooded with questions such as: What will people think? What did I do wrong? or How are we are going to deal with this?<br />
<br />
Without a doubt, it is just as difficult for the individual to disclose their battle with same-gender attraction as it is for the family to hear. In the majority of cases, the individual struggling with same-gender attraction has been in an intense battle for a very long time especially if the individual is an adult. The very moment the admission comes out of the individual’s mouth, all of the anxiety, turmoil, fear, shame, anger, disillusionment and more, is immediately transferred to the parents (family).<br />
<br />
Parents naturally want to protect their children and rightfully feel a huge amount of responsibility for their lives. As a result, it is absolutely imperative that Christian parents establish boundaries when facing and dealing with a child’s embracement of homosexuality. In their book Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as “what define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”<br />
<br />
Without a doubt, parents experience a huge amount of loss when they find out about a child’s homosexuality. Almost immediately, grief, despair, disillusionment and fear surface launching parents into a process where they ultimately must give themselves permission to grieve and not pretend that nothing is wrong or that their world has been turned upside-down.<br />
<br />
Every year, I receive numerous inquires for guidance from parents wanting to know what are some of the do’s and don’ts when the holidays are fast approaching. During the holiday season, parents in particular become overwhelmed with the various looming scenarios related to a gay identified child coming home for Christmas and bringing “a friend.” The line(s) between acceptance and approval, love and condoning a sinful behavior can often become a bit blurry and challenging during this time of the year.<br />
<br />
Anita Worthen discusses the issue of inviting a child’s partner for the holidays in her book Someone I Love is Gay. “Your child’s partner is not the enemy. He or she is someone God loves – just as he loves your son or daughter.” However, that doesn’t mean you welcome the couple into your home as if nothing was wrong. Ignoring the obvious has a name – denial.<br />
<br />
A good rule of thumb in ultimately coming to a decision of how to handle the situation is to ask, “How would I handle it if my child wanted to bring home an opposite-sex partner?” I believe the majority of Christian families would probably invite that person into their home, but clearly define the appropriate boundary line of separate sleeping arrangements. However, if parents are completely uncomfortable with the entire gay scenario, being honest is the very best policy for all involved. Because each family is unique, each family has to find a way to handle the various situations that will undoubtedly surface. There isn’t one universal answer that works for everyone.<br />
<br />
Frankly, there aren’t any easy, pat answers for a family working through the awareness of a child’s homosexuality. There are no magic cures, no shortcuts. However, God is more than able and willing to bring the entire family into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him since the family, by God’s own design, was designed to be a support system and a place of love and safety. Ultimately, only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit, will any individual or family be enabled to overcome homosexuality and the many related issues.<br />
<br />
Being a very practical individual, I encourage all parents (families) to consider that the crisis does not rest solely with the homosexual child. Within the mix of the various and numerous contributing factors to any individual struggling with same-gender attraction are family and relational issues the enabled the situation. Therefore, I believe parents, the family, need to be willing to (1) educate themselves on the homosexual behavior, (2) seek spiritual guidance for themselves, certainly their feelings and emotions, (3) be patient in embracing the reality that healing is a process and (4) release the child into the God’s care. Admittedly, the last point is much easier said than done. However, it is when we let go of a child, a friend, or a spouse that we do stop taking responsibility for them but we do not stop fulfilling our responsibilities to them. Homosexuality is not just about an issue. This is about people - people that God loves and people for whom Jesus died.<br />
<br />
When homosexuality surfaces in a family, it isn’t just a child struggling with same-gender attraction; it is a family issue and needs to be healed within the family.<br />
<br />
“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.”Psalm 9:9<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
Copyright © 2000, His Way Out Ministries USA. All rights reserved.
Homosexuality:Christian Approaches
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-04:916966:BlogPost:244985
2008-12-04T03:42:38.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
Homosexuality:Christian Approaches<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="158" src="http://api.ning.com/files/nXIhFnVu2P6lZoaDi-mK9auwRVDh2M2-DiQzdbxRVo71EJ4cmqyGTU3pxgd3TJNCTeJz7467GGIQfPG3ZwWno9JXnIUtyRkv/th_9907Thm2.jpg" width="100"></img></p>
Homosexuality: Christian Approaches<br />
Written by Esly Regina Carvalho [Translated by Kevin C. Martin]<br />
From a Christian perspective we can deal with the theme of "homosexuality" from three viewpoints: as demon possession, as a conduct disorder, and as an alternative lifestyle. In this article, I will be presenting the three approaches: their conceptual basis, their Biblical foundation, their prognosis and resolution,…
Homosexuality:Christian Approaches<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/nXIhFnVu2P6lZoaDi-mK9auwRVDh2M2-DiQzdbxRVo71EJ4cmqyGTU3pxgd3TJNCTeJz7467GGIQfPG3ZwWno9JXnIUtyRkv/th_9907Thm2.jpg" alt="" width="100" height="158"/></p>
Homosexuality: Christian Approaches<br />
Written by Esly Regina Carvalho [Translated by Kevin C. Martin]<br />
From a Christian perspective we can deal with the theme of "homosexuality" from three viewpoints: as demon possession, as a conduct disorder, and as an alternative lifestyle. In this article, I will be presenting the three approaches: their conceptual basis, their Biblical foundation, their prognosis and resolution, and a brief evaluation of each position.<br />
<br />
Homosexuality and Demon Possession<br />
This first approach perceives homosexuality as caused by demons. It is understood that demons still exist today and their mere existence provides an explanation for many of the problems that people face. "Demonic spirits can invade and live in human bodies... upon indwelling a person, they take advantage of that person... when the demons indwell an individual, the person 'has' or 'is possessed by' demons" (Hammond & Hammond, 1973).<br />
<br />
The expression "demon-possessed" seems to have created a lot of confusion through the centuries. In ancient Greece, there was the word daimonizomai, which meant "demonized" or "to have demons," whereas possession had the connotation of complete ownership. This difference becomes significant when the argument of whether or not Christians can have demons is added to the controversy.<br />
<br />
Hammond & Hammond (1973) make this observation in order to clarify that even though Christians truly can have demons, they cannot be demon-possessed nor be "owned/possessed" by them since their ownership is already in Christ. Demons in a Christian's life can be no more than "tenants" or invaders that must be confronted and cast out.<br />
<br />
According to this approach, the following beliefs are held:<br />
1) There are demons.<br />
2) They can invade people.<br />
<br />
Some Christian circles allow the possibility that Christians can also have demons (although they cannot be possessed by them), while other groups do not allow this as the "body is the temple of the Holy Spirit" (I Cor. 6:19) and there can be no communion between light and darkness in one person's body.<br />
<br />
Hammond (1973) also states that there are also distinct types of demons. They list 53 groups of demons (pp. 113-115) which include spirits of bitterness, rebellion, envy, depression, sexual impurity (which include those of homosexuality), and death.<br />
<br />
As I commented above, there are circles which believe that homosexuality is caused by the presence of a demon in the person's body. The spirit of homosexuality (or lesbianism) would be the cause of such behavior, therefore the root would be spiritual and not of an emotional and/or psychological origin. Also its resolution must be the result of a spiritual nature.<br />
<br />
This Christian approach is more common among members of more conservative churches, particularly Pentecostals and those that embrace the concept of "spiritual warfare."<br />
<br />
Homosexuality as Conduct Disorder<br />
This is the position most widely held by Christian psychologists and therapists. It holds that homosexuality is caused by childhood trauma(s) which impedes a person's appropriate psychosexual development.<br />
<br />
Dr. Elizabeth Moberley (1983) states in her book that the individual suffers from a lack of identification with the same-sex parent and that, upon entering puberty, the unsatisfied childhood needs are eroticized, which results in the individual seeking to fulfill these legitimate needs with people of the same gender. This would explain the lack of emotional maturity found in many people that suffer from such difficulties of sexual orientation, since an important aspect of their personality was not fully developed.<br />
<br />
Within this approach, homosexual behavior is perceived as sinful, but Collins (1980) makes a significant distinction: the difference between homosexual behavior (where homosexual acts are practiced) and homosexual orientation (where there exists an attraction for persons of the same sex, but there is no practice of homosexual acts; in fact, there are situations where the person rejects such feelings and desires).<br />
<br />
Collins recognizes that the practice of homosexual acts is sinful, since the Bible already clearly condemns such behavior (Gen. 19:1-11; Lev. 18:22; Judges 19:22-25; Rom. 1:25-27; I Cor. 6:9; I Tim. 1:9-10. There are four Biblical passages that deal with homosexuality in the context of male prostitution: Deut. 23:17; I Kings 14:24; 15:12; II Kings 23:7.)<br />
<br />
On the other hand, Collins states that in no place does the Bible condemn homosexual orientation, although fostering fantasies and homosexual thoughts can lead an individual to commit the sin of lust (in the same way that this occurs with heterosexual persons). This difference is very important for those who counsel individuals struggling with difficulties in their sexual orientation because it offers them a "shelter" from Biblical condemnation during the transition that healing entails.<br />
<br />
Struggling individuals have no power over what was done to them as children (which produces the orientation) but they do have power over their acts (practice of homosexual behavior). This gives the client a "safe place" which allows the psychotherapy or counseling to become fruitful. Now the focus of the condemnation is not on who the person is, but on the behavior, over which he or she has control.<br />
<br />
Collins (1980) also mentions another difference: He identifies circumstantial homosexuals, those that engage in temporary homosexual activity because their sexual partners of the opposite sex are not available (for example, prisoners or soldiers).<br />
<br />
In this approach, a clear, unique cause for homosexuality cannot be identified, but it dismisses the popular idea that it has genetic, biological, or congenital roots (Evans and Collins, 1980: 319).<br />
<br />
There are several theories about the development of homosexuality. The one most accepted today by people who work directly with those leaving the gay lifestyle is the one explained above: that there exists a lack of identification with the parent of the same gender (the son with the father; the daughter with the mother), the child does not develop the appropriate sexual role, and when behavior becomes eroticized upon entering puberty, the object of sexual desire remains linked to the need for the approval and affirmation of the same-sex parent.<br />
<br />
Collins also notes other possible causes: father-son relationships where the family dynamics are dysfunctional; family relationships with histories of distrust, sexual abuse and/or incest, unhealthy bonds of control, etc.; fear caused by traumatic experiences with the opposite sex (rape, incest, being taught not to trust the opposite sex, lack of interaction with persons of the opposite sex during adolescence, etc.); conscientious choice of a homosexual lifestyle by persons who want to be "in fashion"; or those who have had a homosexual experience, and become vulnerable for such a lifestyle because they often think that because of having once had such an experience, they must be themselves homosexual or it wouldn't have happened to them.<br />
<br />
Homosexuality as an Alternative Lifestyle<br />
It may come as a surprise to Christians in some parts of the world, but the idea of being a Christian and an active homosexual is defended by many Christians, especially in the United States and Europe. Their understanding is that there is no Biblical condemnation for a "monogamous" and lasting homosexual relationship within the context of love and whose counterpart would be heterosexual marriage.<br />
<br />
Biblically, the defense depends on the following statements (and here I summarize the position of Scanzoni and Mollenkott, 1980):<br />
<br />
Referring to the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, cities that were destroyed by God for their perversions (Gen. 19), (and from which the word sodomy originated); the authors comment that the foci of the condemnation are: the desire to practice violent homosexual acts with Lot's house guests; the lack of hospitality to foreigners. The condemnation described in Leviticus 18:12 forms part of the Code of Law for ancient Israel. If we were to obey all that is contained in it, we would have to prohibit women from dressing in men's clothing, wearing short hair, and having sexual intercourse during their menstrual period, nor would we be able to wear fabrics of mixed threads, nor eat meat which contains blood, etc. The authors of this perspective insist that such rules were given to keep the Israelites separated from their neighbors since many of the neighboring nations' religions included homosexual practices in their fertility rites. As such, the Jewish people were to avoid all type of idolatry and its practices.<br />
<br />
The authors Scanzoni and Mollenkott (1980) present a long exposition of the first chapter of Romans, with respect to what is or is not natural: the social context of the age in which the apostle Paul was writing, and the use of certain words in the original Greek whose understanding, for the authors, is quite debatable. The basic idea, however, is that if homosexuality is "natural" for a certain it would be a sin to go against what is natural for the person.<br />
<br />
At the same time, Scanzoni and Mollenkott insist upon the need of a conversion experience in order to enter the Kingdom of God, but state that such a decision does not automatically erase the homosexual orientation nor does it miraculously make a person heterosexual. Everyone (gay and straight) must fight against the "old nature."<br />
<br />
In their book they also cite many studies that have been developed by homosexual persons who are not disturbed or "neurotic." They defend the notion that homosexuality is simply a sexual variation of genetic origin, even though science has still not been able to confirm this. The idea is that homosexual persons go through what they do because they are discriminated by society, and especially by the Church. The authors state that the Church should not discriminate against homosexuals because they are perpetuating myths and stereotypes, or they are "bearing false witness against their neighbor" (Scanzoni and Mollenkott, 1980).<br />
<br />
I chose the book by Scanzoni and Mollenkott, Is the Homosexual My Neighbor? to exemplify this viewpoint, but it is not the only book that defends this position. Metropolitan Community Churches, congregations which specifically cater to the homosexual person, state that a place is needed where such individuals can worship God without discrimination since traditional churches do not accept them. They argue that it is possible to be Christian and homosexual, and that there is no need to change one's orientation, but that one should avoid promiscuity and casual sex, maintaining lasting marriage-like relationships with one partner. These churches are generally led by homosexual people and have developed what is known as "Christian gay theology".<br />
<br />
Prognosis/Treatment/Cure/Resolution<br />
Let us examine the three positions with respect to their therapeutic aspect or resolution:<br />
<br />
The position of homosexuality as demon possession demands spiritual explanations and solutions. A great majority of churches have doctrinal statements that deal with this, although many are not in current use or have been changed in recent years by church leadership.<br />
<br />
Generally, if we consider homosexuality as being caused by demon possession, the solution would be an exorcism or "casting out of the demon." If the cause is considered spiritual, the cure would also need to be spiritual. The problem is discerning whether the cause is spiritual or emotional, but we know that if it is a spiritual dilemma, then upon casting out the demon, the cure is instantaneous.<br />
<br />
In the case of considering homosexuality as a conduct disorder, the considerations are different. It may come as a surprise that the prognosis for changing one's sexual orientation is better than that of the alcoholic. [1]<br />
<br />
Psychoanalytic studies present a negative perspective according to Freud, but there is a new trend (Nicolosi, 1991) that actively develops "reparative therapy of the homosexual." Nicolosi makes an interesting observation. From his experience working with men, he states that there are homosexual men who are not "gay"; these are men who are not satisfied (ego-dystonic) with their sexual orientation and want to change. He contends that "gay" describes a political ideology, a lifestyle; therefore, not all homosexuals are "gay."<br />
<br />
There are many authors, psychologists, and counselors who affirm that a change toward heterosexuality is possible, and others who suggest the healthy option of celibacy for their clients, in the same manner that many heterosexuals also live celibate lives. Many others (Collins, 1980; Nicolosi, 1991; Dallas, 1991), including secular ones, state that change is possible, and a great number of testimonies exist where people describe how they have changed. (Rogers, 1994; Worthen, 1983; Comisky, 1989; Cook, 1985; Payne, 1981; etc.) Christian therapists stress the importance of the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit in this process.<br />
<br />
So we see that in the case of homosexuality being of emotional and/or psychological origin, the cure then would also be psychotherapeutic.<br />
<br />
With regards to homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle, there is no reason to "be cured," since this position argues that it is impossible to change ("Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?" Jer. 13:23). Why can a person not be a Christian and a homosexual? (Berry, 1981; Clark, 1978; Ellens, 1978).<br />
<br />
This approach argues that a homosexual person who is involved in mutually faithful relationship with his or her partner is not in sin, and therefore, does not need to change. People who seek psychotherapy should not be encouraged to change, but instead, make personal adjustments and accept their condition as a sexual variation. They should endeavor to live mutually faithful lives with their partner, if such is the case, espousing the Christian virtues of marriage.<br />
<br />
Critical Analysis and Evaluation<br />
I would like to make a few observations regarding the three approaches just presented:<br />
<br />
With regard to the question of demon possession, the greatest risk is making simplistic generalizations and reductions. One may begin to "see demons behind every tree," explaining everything as the presence of demons. It is important to remember that we are complex creatures, and there are no simple explanations for everything. I do not doubt that there are cases in which a person has been healed through prayer,[2] but it seems to be the exception and not the rule.<br />
<br />
It is also important not to attribute everything to external causes to the point that the person feels powerless in finding a solution. Few of the Christians that see homosexuality as "just a demon" accept the idea that there may be other reasons or causes for the problem, but a person with a demon can receive prayer, have the demon cast out, and then continue having symptoms of homosexuality.<br />
<br />
Personally, I believe this is because the two conditions can coexist: although the demon is cast out, emotional scars from the past still persist. It is important to take this into account, as many believe that if they return to, or continue having, homosexual impulses and attractions, then they "are not saved" or they "lost their salvation" or that prayer did them no good.<br />
<br />
There are things which take time to heal: that is the way it is with most emotional problems. Those that continue having problems after receiving prayer and/or freedom from demons should consider the possibility of seeking counseling with a Christian therapist or become part of an ex-gay ministry in order to resolve the emotional and/or psychological aspects.<br />
<br />
With regard to the third approach, it is important to make the observation that many of the authors who defend the position of being Christian and homosexual are themselves in this situation. We must consider whether or not they are seeking to justify their own condition? Two basic questions must be honestly addressed: (1) Do the Scriptures condemn homosexual practices? (2) Can science definitively prove that a change in sexual orientation is impossible?<br />
<br />
In addition to these questions, one may also consider the fact that the number of homosexual couples who remain in a monogamous relationship for life is minuscule. Nicolosi (1991) describes a study conducted by McWhirter and Mattison (1984) in which they wished to prove that homosexuals were able to maintain lasting relationships. The authors, themselves a homosexual couple -- one a psychologist and the other a psychiatrist, after a long search found 156 couples whose cohabitation had lasted between one and 37 years. Two-thirds of those who responded to the study had begun the relationship with the expectation of mutual fidelity. The results demonstrated that of the 156 couples, only seven had remained faithful to each other. Of these seven couples, not one had lived together more than five years. "In other words, it was impossible to find one homosexual couple that had maintained sexual fidelity for more than five years" (Nicolosi, 1991:111).<br />
<br />
Conclusion<br />
I would like to share a bit of my experience on this matter. In all my years of psychotherapeutic experience (most of it in Brazil where I am originally from), the only clients who have come to me for the purpose of changing their sexual orientation, without exception, have been Christians. Many non-Christian homosexuals have sought my counsel as well, but not for that purpose. Maybe the Holy Spirit that lives within the Christian makes one seek to live more in accordance with the Word of God.<br />
<br />
I have seen change in several people, men as well as women, but I confess that in general, they did not receive much help from the Church. Many sought my help because they feared (with good reason) that if the pastor found out, they would be thrown out of their church. They were seeking Christ's grace, not the Church's condemnation.<br />
<br />
In the past few years, I have seen many pastors' attitudes in regard to homosexuality begin to change, and I have also seen them sincerely seeking to better understand these people's situation. I have seen Christian counselors who honestly want to understand more, in order to offer better help.<br />
<br />
Those clients I have treated have not been healed overnight. Months, and at times years, of counseling took place, but the overall results were very positive: almost all of them have married, something that for them was totally out of the question at the onset of their recovery process. (It is important to note that marriage does not cure homosexuality and should never be sought as such. And that being married does not mean they are cured either, since anyone can lead a double life, as Sy Rogers so well puts it. However, these were clients for whom marriage was a very remote although desirable goal.)<br />
<br />
There were several common factors in each case:<br />
Each possessed great motivation to change, an enormous desire to leave their homosexual orientation behind. They each held a firm commitment to invest their time in the counseling and recovery process. They did not miss sessions. They struggled with their problems steadfastly, even with all the pain that they faced many times when recalling the past. They had an active prayer life.<br />
<br />
I believe that there are basically two stages in any recovery process: the first is healing -- evaluating past experiences, many times reliving them in order to let go of them; performing "emotional surgery of opening infected wounds", applying the "alcohol" of the Holy Spirit, and sewing them up so that the scars can heal in a healthy way. One must analyze the past experiences and relationships with parents and family members. What behavior models were incorporated? What behaviors were reinforced by the parents? It is hard work which requires patience and perseverance. There are no magic cures, but there is healing.<br />
<br />
The second aspect is that of learning. When the root causes of the past have been discovered, and the healing process has been initiated, the person is ready to progress in the psychosexual development that was previously arrested. One must "learn" to be a man or a woman, as all of us have learned: watching others around us, imitating healthy models, being around people that can help with this. One must learn to relate with people of the same gender through the bond of friendship, Christian love, and not through the eros of the past. One must discover the mystery of the opposite sex. There is much to learn.<br />
<br />
I believe that psychodrama has been quite useful in this process because it allows people to learn their new roles in a helpful, safe environment. I remember a case where the fellow wanted to learn how to invite a girl to go to a movie for the first time, or a lady that had to learn to dress as a woman and develop her femininity. J.L. Moreno once observed that people get sick in a group (the family), and therefore must get well in a group as well. I have discovered the importance of the Body of Christ in these situations.<br />
<br />
Group psychotherapy sometimes reflects this reality. Brothers and sisters in the Church have also been able to offer their contribution. I remember a pastor who readily became an example for many young men who were leaving the homosexual lifestyle, and another who was not afraid to show them affection, give them hugs, and offer them his friendship as part of his sincere love for Christ. Perhaps what still moves me most is the pastor who was with a dear brother who discovered that he had AIDS after leaving a homosexual lifestyle. This pastor remained with him up to the doors of Heaven, and would not allow anyone else to commit him to God's hands when the Lord came to take him home.<br />
<br />
I hope these words will help you to reflect upon this subject with sincerity, but I also ardently desire that they lead you to take a position of compassion towards those who suffer because of their sexual orientation. No one can reach the "stature of the perfect person" of Jesus Christ (Eph. 4:13), without the grace of God. The truth is, all of us need redemption.<br />
<br />
Notes<br />
1) Personal conversation with Sy Rogers, ex-president of Exodus International, 1989.<br />
<br />
2) Feitosa, R. (1979) Coisas da Vida, television program produced by New Life Ministries, transmitted in Brazil by the former TV Tupi. Available in Portuguese through Exodus International. It contains an interview with a Christian man who was healed in this manner. (Originally published in Portuguese (1988) and Spanish (1993) and translated into English by Kevin C. Martin.)<br />
<br />
References<br />
(Some of the references are made to the translations of the English book in Portuguese or Spanish.)<br />
<br />
Berry (1982), Clark (1978) Ellens(1978), "The Christian Homosexual," CAPS Bulletin.<br />
<br />
Collins, G. (1980) O Aconselhamento Cristão (Christian Counseling). Sociedade Religiosas Edites Vida Nova: São Paulo.<br />
<br />
Comiskey, A. (1989) Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: How Jesus Heals the Homosexual. Lake Mary, FL: Creation House.<br />
<br />
Cook, C (1985) Homosexuality: An Open Door? Boise, ID: Pacific Press.<br />
<br />
Dallas, J. (1991) Desires in Conflict: Answering the Struggle for Sexual Identity. Eugene: Harvest House Publishers. (Eugene, Oregon, 97402)<br />
<br />
Hammond y Hammond (1973) Pigs in the Parlor.<br />
<br />
Moberley, E. (1983) Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic, James Clarke: Cambridge, Inglaterra. James Clarke & Co. Ltd; 7 All Saints Passage, Cambridge, CB2 3LS, England.<br />
<br />
Nicolisi, J. (1991) The Reparative Therapy of the Male Homosexual. Northvale: Jason Aronson, Inc. (Jason Aronson Inc, 230 Livingston St.; Northvale, NJ 07647, USA).<br />
<br />
Payne, L. (1981) The Broken Image: Restoring Personal Wholeness through Healing Prayer. Westchester, IL: Crossway Books.<br />
<br />
Rogers, S. (1994) El Hombre en el Espejo (The Man in the Mirror) Exodus Latin America, Box 26202, Colorado Springs, CO 80936, USA.<br />
<br />
Scanzoni y Mollenkott (1980) Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?<br />
<br />
Sall (1975) Faith, Psychology and Christian Maturity.<br />
<br />
Worthen, F. (1984) Steps Out of Homosexuality. New Hope Ministries.<br />
<br />
Esly is the director of Exodus Latinoamerica.<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
Copyright © by Esly Regina Carvalho. All rights reserved.<br />
Translated from Portuguese by Kevin C. Martin.
Tips for Sharing the Gospel (with those who are gay and lesbian)
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-12-01:916966:BlogPost:241023
2008-12-01T22:20:25.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="160" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465542?profile=original" width="106"></img></p>
Tips for Sharing the Gospel<br />
by Robbi Kenney<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
See a person, not a homosexual. We're not a clean-up campaign; we're ambassadors of love. How would you approach any person you felt needed Christ?<br />
Paul Little's book, How to Give Away Your Faith, might be a good one to read for ideas. There's nothing special about homosexuality as a sin in God's eyes. Don't let it cloud…
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465542?profile=original" alt="" width="106" height="160"/></p>
Tips for Sharing the Gospel<br />
by Robbi Kenney<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
See a person, not a homosexual. We're not a clean-up campaign; we're ambassadors of love. How would you approach any person you felt needed Christ?<br />
Paul Little's book, How to Give Away Your Faith, might be a good one to read for ideas. There's nothing special about homosexuality as a sin in God's eyes. Don't let it cloud yours. Homosexuals are looking for love, just like anyone else. Jesus Christ is the answer for that need.<br />
<br />
Remember that the gospel means "good news." Be sure to present a Savior, not a code of ethics. Jesus is a real person, not a life philosophy. Don't be so concerned about a particular sin. God wants to redeem the whole person, not just his or her sexuality.<br />
Know what you are offering. You are offering Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. You are not offering heterosexuality. There is a different between being homosexual and acting out homosexual behavior. When a person makes a commitment to Christ, he or she must come into agreement with God that homosexual behavior is sin. You are initially offering the power to come into abstinence from homosexual behaviors--but the feelings are not going to change overnight. That will come with time, the care and concern of friends, and the quality of his or her own continued surrender to Christ.<br />
Actively love that person. Words can be so empty. Demonstrate your love by listening, by calling, by confronting when necessary, by sitting together in church. Love is a verb.<br />
Don't be afraid to hear some "gory" details. Some folks don't know how to express themselves in any way but street language. Listen with love and respond as you seek the counsel of Jesus. Love them where they're at.<br />
Don't be afraid to say, "I love you." Don't be afraid to hug, touch, hold hands in prayer. We all need that physical affirmation of love from one another. Touching is not sexual, it's loving. Homosexuals need to learn the place of affection outside the context of sexual involvement. They won't rape you. If your intentions are misunderstood, explain yourself, but don't back away.<br />
Share your life. Many people coming from a homosexual background are surprised to realize that "regular folks" also wrestle with sexual temptation, loneliness, rejection, hurt, etc. That helps them put their lives into perspective.<br />
Present the whole gospel. Jesus wants to set them free from lying, bitterness, pride, rebellion, you name it. Homosexual behavior and fantasy are only a part.<br />
Don't make homosexuality the focal point of your relationship. While you should not be afraid to talk about this issue, remember that there are many other areas of your friend's life you can discuss. And let them see Jesus, the answer to all their sins.<br />
Tell them about Exodus. Share Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 6:11 ("... and such were some of you ...") as well as testimonies of others who have come out of homosexuality. "Faith cometh by hearing ..."<br />
Copyright © Robbi Kenney. Reprinted with permission of Outpost.
Homosexuals and the Church
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-11-26:916966:BlogPost:232095
2008-11-26T08:49:20.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
Homosexuals and the Church<br />
Will we offer hope?<br />
<br />
<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="158" src="http://api.ning.com/files/Tyl1Nbx6xh*fUzqHR7vdJTPRJ8KME4-*U*eeGrYM2qRd-ibiKFnhyfAdLZ7NA-yl1wzenmVpwG6B-fI4tfeIQUZ1Re7JIvSX/th_9907Thm2.jpg" width="100"></img></p>
Homosexuals and the Church<br />
Will we offer hope?<br />
<br />
By Bob Davies (originally published in Moody Magazine, May 5, 1994)<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
John Paulk will never forget the 1986 Gay Pride Parade in Columbus, Ohio. A well-known female impersonator, he was riding in the back of a red Mustang convertible dressed in a white linen suit and blond…
Homosexuals and the Church<br />
Will we offer hope?<br />
<br />
<br />
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/Tyl1Nbx6xh*fUzqHR7vdJTPRJ8KME4-*U*eeGrYM2qRd-ibiKFnhyfAdLZ7NA-yl1wzenmVpwG6B-fI4tfeIQUZ1Re7JIvSX/th_9907Thm2.jpg" alt="" width="100" height="158"/></p>
Homosexuals and the Church<br />
Will we offer hope?<br />
<br />
By Bob Davies (originally published in Moody Magazine, May 5, 1994)<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
John Paulk will never forget the 1986 Gay Pride Parade in Columbus, Ohio. A well-known female impersonator, he was riding in the back of a red Mustang convertible dressed in a white linen suit and blond wig.<br />
<br />
"Candi, we love you," a man yelled. "You're the most gorgeous drag queen in Columbus." John smiled and waved.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, John heard chanting and screaming ahead and spotted a small crowd of people waving Bibles over their heads. Some held signs with such messages as "God hates fags" and "Turn or burn."<br />
<br />
"Why don't you hateful people leave us alone? We're not hurting you," John thought, as an eerie sickness gripped his stomach. Then another thought struck him: "Who would want to follow a God like the one they're displaying?"<br />
<br />
Six months later, a pastor who had befriended John at the print shop where he worked invited himself to John's apartment. Although John suspected the minister was coming to talk about God, he consented.<br />
<br />
That night, they prayed together as John committed his life to Christ. He soon left his homosexual lifestyle as he became deeply involved in the church. Today, John and his wife, Anne (a former lesbian), live in Portland, Oregon, where he is preparing for a career in Christian counseling.<br />
<br />
Though John still occasionally struggles with temptations and memories of the lifestyle he left, with the help of God and his Christian community he is well on his way to wholeness. Thousands of other men and women --all of them previously involved in homosexuality - have experienced similar changes in their lives. And almost all of them say that it was a group of Christians, demonstrating genuine love and concern, who made the difference.<br />
<br />
Half the Gospel<br />
"The church of the 1990s must decide if it wants to meet the relevant needs of today�s society," said Sy Rogers of Exodus International during a seminar at Park Avenue Baptist Church in Titusville, Florida, on ministering to homosexuals. "If your church is equipped to minister to the needs of your society, you will be relevant; if not, you will be irrelevant."<br />
<br />
In Matthew 28:19, Jesus tells His disciples, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations." The word nations means "people groups." Today, the homosexual population is among the last of the unreached people groups. And this people group even includes some who are in our churches.<br />
<br />
Stories of those struggling with homosexuality are rarely as sensational as John Paulk�s. Often, those who struggle are sitting quietly in the pew on Sunday morning, not involved in the homosexual subculture or a homosexual relationship. They hurt alone as they experience the internal chaos of conflicting desires.<br />
<br />
"Almost 100% of people who come into my office have a church background, but they couldn't find help for their same-sex attraction within the local church," says Rick Hughes, director of Eleutheros Ministry in Winter Park, Florida.<br />
<br />
Hughes is attempting to reverse that trend. When he speaks at conferences on the subject, he is often met with indifference and intolerance. Once, he wanted to conduct a short seminar on homosexuality for a local congregation, but the pastor refused.<br />
<br />
"We don't have that problem here," the pastor said. Unfortunately, he was unaware that three of his church members, as well as someone on his staff, were in counseling at Eleutheros for their homosexual tendencies.<br />
<br />
Churches that do realize the need to address homosexuality are often confused about how to handle a problem that has become so emotionally and politically charged. Homosexuality is tearing apart many denominations across the country. A growing number of conservative denominations have pro-gay groups that attempt to promote a theology that affirms their homosexual activities. Even some conservative Christians are faltering in their convictions as they discover homosexuality among family members and church friends.<br />
<br />
"Homosexuality is the divisive issue of the '90s," says author and speaker Joe Dallas, who directs Genesis Counseling Services in Orange, California. And, he believes, many congregations are presenting only a "partial gospel" to men and women who are involved in gay relationships.<br />
<br />
"Homosexual behavior is pronounced unbiblical, but no one offers a solution," Dallas says. "We cannot preach against a particular sin without offering an alternative." Dallas compares this situation with the pro-life movement, whose leaders have discovered the effectiveness of offering practical help --such as crisis counseling and emergency housing for pregnant women --in addition to saying, "Don't kill your unborn child."<br />
<br />
Waging the battle<br />
Some Christians have turned to politics to stem the growing international homosexual-rights movement. Mary Heathman has felt the tension throughout Colorado over Amendment 2, a state constitutional amendment designed to prevent homosexual-rights ordinances. As director of Where Grace Abounds, a redemptive ministry to homosexuals in Denver, Heathman has heard angry remarks from both church members and pro-gay leaders as they tangle over this amendment, which was passed by voters but later overturned in the courts.<br />
<br />
"Church people get into politics for various reasons," Heathman says. "Some are very loving and don't lose sight of the individual, but others are fighting the battle with the world's mindset rather than remembering the spiritual warfare involved."<br />
<br />
Heathman says one of the biggest problems with some legislation intended to combat homosexual rights is that it isolates one particular sin. "If we're going to be balanced, we need to be talking about sexual sin in general, not just homosexuality."<br />
<br />
Joe Dallas remembers how the fight looked from the other side of the fence. Ten years ago, Dallas was a homosexual-rights activist and a student minister at a pro-gay Metropolitan Community Church in Southern California. "The gay churches are full of men and women who know better," Dallas says. "But they feel they have nowhere else to go. And nobody has ever shown them convincingly that there is a way out of this particular sin."<br />
<br />
Few evangelical Christians, Dallas adds, are willing to "stop and listen for a moment to a homosexual's pain." The pro-gay church movement, which offers loving acceptance of both the person and his or her behavior, is an attractive alternative to some members of the homosexual community who perceive the evangelical church as judgmental and "homophobic."<br />
<br />
Dallas says that too few conservative churches acknowledge the high price paid by many homosexuals who become evangelical believers. Suddenly these men and women are confronted with the reality of leaving close friends, long-term partners, a supportive community, and perhaps even a gay-related job or career to follow Christ. And too often they get no sympathy from church friends who think they should "just repent and be done with it."<br />
<br />
Jeff Konrad still remembers the anguish of leaving his homosexual partner almost 10 years ago. "I ached physically from all the emotional turmoil. But several Christian heterosexual men made themselves available any time of the day or night. I'm alive today because those guys loved me."<br />
<br />
After receiving Christ, a homosexual desperately needs church support to stay free from sin. A conversion experience doesn't immediately erase homosexual desires. As with any Christian who struggles with temptation and who bears the consequences of a troubled past, accepting Christ is only the first step in the journey toward wholeness.<br />
<br />
Many who have been away from the homosexual lifestyle for years still struggle with temptation, though usually less frequently. Many get married and identify more with heterosexuals, but that doesn't guarantee complete freedom from occasional homosexual desires.<br />
<br />
The majority, who remain single, have the added struggle of remaining celibate. That's why continued encouragement and accountability from the church is so important to keep them on the path toward wholeness.<br />
<br />
Breaking the sound barrier<br />
Churches can provide a supportive atmosphere by being willing to break the silence that surrounds this issue in many evangelical congregations. When Ken Korver, associate pastor of Emmanuel Reformed Church in Paramount, California, realized that several men in his singles group were dealing with homosexuality, he confronted the issue head-on from the pulpit Korver preached a sermon on 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, where the apostle Paul identifies homosexual behavior as sin, but a sin that can be forgiven. "This church is a place where broken people are welcome," Korver told his congregation. "But we are not to remain in brokenness; we must move forward into God's design." Then he requested anyone fighting homosexual temptations to talk to one of the pastoral staff.<br />
<br />
"We let people know we'd walk with them through the process of healing," Korver recalls. Soon a group of ex-homosexual men were meeting weekly.<br />
<br />
Then Korver took the healing process a step further: He set up a mentoring program in the church, holding three-hour training sessions for straight men who wanted to better understand homosexuality. The names of 50 "graduates" of these sessions were made available to the former homosexuals, who could request an accountability partner to befriend them.<br />
<br />
"Forming this kind of mentoring relationship is essential to getting beyond an 'ex-gay' mind set," Korver explains. "When the men who are overcoming homosexuality are accepted by other men in the church, a huge amount of healing occurs."<br />
<br />
Other congregations throughout the country have had similar success in ministering to homosexual men and women. During the past two decades, Church of the Open Door in San Rafael, California, has earned a widespread reputation as "the church where homosexuals find healing."<br />
<br />
This fellowship of 100 adults located 20 miles north of San Francisco is a spiritual home base for Love In Action, one of the oldest ex-homosexual ministries (founded in 1973). LIA runs a two-year discipleship program that attracts participants from around the world. Many become permanent members of Open Door, having left churches where they felt no support for resolving their sexual identity issues.<br />
<br />
One recent program graduate, an attorney and former bank vice-president from Virginia, stood in front of the congregation to extend his thanks for their support. "This is a church where you don't have to whisper the word homosexual," he said. "I know my life will never be the same because of the love I've experienced here."<br />
<br />
At the beginning of each program, members are introduced to the congregation in a special evening service. Afterward, church members are encouraged to come forward and commit to pray for one or more ex-homosexuals. Program leaders recognize that many church members want to offer support, but don't know how. So prayer cards are distributed, giving specific suggestions: Send the program member a birthday card, invite him to your house for dinner, phone him periodically to offer encouragement, include him on a family outing, have him bring a potluck item to your house for a holiday meal.<br />
<br />
At Discovery Church in Orlando, Florida, church members, elders, and church counselors are trained to minister to ex-homosexuals by praying for them and providing strict accountability. "We generally set [those struggling with homosexuality] in a same-sex ministry group with two or three trained people," says elder Barry Johnston. "The leaders offer encouragement, practical help, and friendship. This also affirms their gender identification in a non-threatening way.<br />
<br />
"We require strict accountability, too. In a secure environment, we ask about their thought life, their reading materials, the movies they see." The leaders also ask them, "Are you staying free and moving in the direction God created for you?" Then they place them in the mainstream of the church by discreetly and wisely directing them into a place where they can minister.<br />
<br />
Beyond formal ministries, churches can often minister to ex-homosexuals by changing attitudes and becoming aware of the sensitivities of those struggling with homosexuality. "I've been around people in the church who have made jokes about people who are gay," says Brad Grammer, who directs Face-to-Face, a ministry to homosexuals at First Evangelical Free Church on Chicago's North Side. "It really hurt, because they didn't know I have struggled with homosexuality."<br />
<br />
Grammer says that another way churches can help is to offer discipleship relationships. He believes that if the church is functioning as it should by offering honest, encouraging relationships to those struggling with homosexuality or any other sin, there may be less of a need for formal groups. People also need more information about homosexuality to help them understand those who struggle with the issue, Grammer says.<br />
<br />
Unwanted harvest<br />
Mona Riley, wife of Open Door's senior pastor, says there is potential for a great spiritual harvest in the homosexual community, but "it's an unwanted harvest. We don't want to reap it. Christians aren't sure if they want to spend eternity with these people." Revival has to happen in the church first, she says, "before it's going to happen in the gay community."<br />
<br />
Riley sees a "hardness in the heart of the American church" toward people who have been involved in homosexual behavior. "We need to be trained in compassion," she says. "We have judged this particular sin to be worse than every other, but I don't see that in the Scriptures."<br />
<br />
Leaders of ex-gay ministries around the country recognize hidden barriers that prevent churches from embracing those struggling with homosexuality. The foremost one concerns AIDS, says Chuck Therrien, director of ReCreation Ministries in Manchester, New Hampshire. Church members fear contracting the disease by casual contact, such as touching an infected individual or sharing restroom facilities. Despite assurances from health experts, these fears persist.<br />
<br />
Therrien says church members also fear that former homosexuals will molest their children or seduce young people into the homosexual lifestyle. "But why would they recruit someone into a lifestyle they despise and are desperately trying to overcome?" he reasons. Therrien also points out that most adult homosexuals are sexually drawn to other adults, not children. And though such abuse is unlikely, churches should already be equipped to prevent any kind of child sexual abuse, homosexual or heterosexual. Such precautions should ease the fears of church members and leave them free to minister to whoever walks through the church doors.<br />
<br />
Church leaders who have taken the risk of venturing into this type of ministry have seen their churches affected positively. "Our people are proud that we are a church that is true to the Bible, but living it out in progressive ways," says Ken Korver. "We are not compromising truth, but the congregation is thrilled that we are living out grace."<br />
<br />
There is also widespread support at Church of the Open Door for the Love In Action program. "Our people are excited to be on the cutting edge of this issue," says senior pastor Michael Riley.<br />
<br />
The staff of these churches and specialized ministries to homosexuals insist that they are not doing anything different or unusual from the ordinary discipleship offered in any evangelical church. "All you need to know is how to love and speak the truth," Joe Dallas says, "and you've got all the tools necessary for ministry to these people."<br />
<br />
John Paulk, the former female impersonator, agrees. After becoming a Christian, John moved to California to be come part of LIA. He attended Church of the Open Door and found unconditional support, especially from the men in the church. "Heterosexual men befriended me, prayed for me, and invited me into their homes for fellowship. They treated me with genuine respect and affection. It's really that simple. They loved me into wholeness."<br />
<br />
<br />
Bob Davies is executive director of Exodus International (San Rafael, California), a worldwide coalition of redemptive ministries to men and women overcoming homosexuality. He is also co-author, with Lori Rentzel, of Coming Out of Homosexuality (InterVarsity Press, 1994). Melody Schiaing, a free-lance writer from Titusville, Florida, and Karen Beattie, associate editor of AFA Journal, also contributed to this article.<br />
This page is not a home page. Do not link directly to it. Last edit 20 October 1995.
Lust: The Great Escape
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-11-22:916966:BlogPost:226918
2008-11-22T04:23:06.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="103" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465560?profile=original" width="170"></img></p>
Lust: The Great Escape<br />
By Alan P. Medinger<br />
Return to list of all articles or to articles by Medinger.<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
<br />
Lust has such power over us because it does deliver what we are looking for; it has capacity to reduce our pain (in the short run). Understanding this can help us resist<br />
Why is the battle against sexual lust so difficult for some people?<br />
<br />
The answer is simple: Because…
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465560?profile=original" alt="" width="170" height="103"/></p>
Lust: The Great Escape<br />
By Alan P. Medinger<br />
Return to list of all articles or to articles by Medinger.<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
<br />
Lust has such power over us because it does deliver what we are looking for; it has capacity to reduce our pain (in the short run). Understanding this can help us resist<br />
Why is the battle against sexual lust so difficult for some people?<br />
<br />
The answer is simple: Because it works every time. It delivers what they are looking for -- immediate relief from pain or discomfort.<br />
<br />
It is more readily available than any other source we have to relieve pain. We don't have to go to the liquor store, or even the medicine cabinet, to get it. We don't have to find a person or spend any money for it. All we need is right there in our mind. And for some of us, our mind is like a library, or better yet, a video store of almost unlimited stimulating resources, and it is open 24 hours a day, and it doesn't charge any rental fees.<br />
<br />
Lust acts more quickly than any pain reliever on the market. It has the capacity to instantly relieve us of any consciousness of pain. Feeling lonely? Or weak or inadequate? Feeling angry? Tired, but you can't sleep? Can't stand who you are? Take a little lust and these feelings will vanish immediately.<br />
<br />
Of course we know that the relief is only temporary. We know that it solves nothing long term, and in fact, often makes things worse. We will feel even worse about ourselves tomorrow. It is a step backward when we've been trying to move forward. We know that somehow, after we've given in, God will seem a little more distant.<br />
<br />
But we want immediate relief, and somehow, in this as in many parts of our lives, the immediate exerts such a disproportionate power over us. We are so prone to trade offthe greater long-term good for a lesser short-term benefit that we sometimes must question whether or not we are rational creatures.<br />
<br />
I want us to take a look at this one aspect of lust -- its pain relieving quality -- because I believe that once we understand the dynamics of how we use lust in this way, we can take steps that will diminish its power over us.<br />
<br />
I am not talking about getting rid of sexual lust entirely. Long-term victory over lust will come when we grow in our relationship with the Lord such that, consistently, our desire for Him overrides every other desire. In this respect, overcoming lust is self-control, one of the fruits of the Spirit, and as we know, most fruit of the Spirit grows very slowly as we mature in our relationship with the Lord.<br />
<br />
This is not going to be a broad discussion of resisting temptation, although if what is discussed here can be brought to bear at the point of temptation, it will make victory over temptation much more likely.<br />
<br />
When I speak of lust here, I am speaking of sexual lust. We can lust after many things, but for the purposes of this article, we will focus on sexual lust. Although this can be an issue both with men and women, it tends to be more of a male problem because men have a greater capacity than women to enjoy sexual pleasure apart from relationship. Sexual lust used to relieve pain or discomfort is, therefore, more likely to provide an immediate payoff in men than in women.<br />
<br />
If we use lust to escape from pain, then it follows that lust will be a greater struggle for people who have deep unmet needs or who are emotionally wounded. The wounding or needs are the sources of the pain for which we seek relief. Because, almost universally, homosexual men have basic unmet needs and are deeply wounded in some way, the great majority of homosexual men -- including overcomers -- will struggle mightily with lust.<br />
<br />
The same thing can be said for most men with sexual compulsion problems. In our ministry it has been interesting to observe how many in our New Beginnings program (for men with heterosexual compulsion problems) come to the group thinking that they are simply over-sexed, or that it was just the physical pleasure of sex that held them. Eventually, almost all of them find that their sexual compulsion is a way they have found to deal with deep woundedness. Often, their backgrounds are not too unlike those of our homosexual strugglers.<br />
<br />
An individual will more likely turn to lust for the relief of pain if he is of a certain personality type or if he has developed certain patterns of behavior since childhood. If he is generally passive or if he has developed patterns of running rather than fighting, lust provides a wonderful place for him to run to when confronted with pain or conflict. Generally, people with addictive personalities, are people with deeply ingrained patterns of avoiding pain rather than facing it. Again, this makes the homosexual man a likely candidate for powerful struggles with lust. Male homosexuality is by its very nature a turning inward, a retreat from the competitive, challenging world of men into a world of fantasy and self-comforting.<br />
<br />
Each of us is more vulnerable to lust at some times than at others. We have different triggers; different pains or discomforts for which we have developed a pattern of letting lust be our escape.<br />
<br />
For me it has been anger, a feeling I may not want to acknowledge or deal with, or tiredness, simply a discomfort I want to escape from. (Of course, tiredness diminishes our capacity to resist). Those in AA use the acronym "HALT" for hungry, angry, lonely or tired, the feelings they know make them vulnerable to using alcohol. For many of our single people, feelings of loneliness bring on the great desire for escape.<br />
<br />
But the most powerful triggers tend to be those pains that tie right back into the roots of our homosexuality or compulsion. Rejection (usually by a man), being dominated (often by a woman), anything that brings on feelings of weakness and impotence or feelings of worthlessness; these provide an intensity of emotional pain that screams out for relief. Many of us for years and years found temporary relief from these intensely painful feelings by using the drug of lust.<br />
<br />
I know one man who was a department head at a large university, and every year he had to prepare his department's budget -- something he felt totally inadequate to do. Year after year he went through the same pattern; putting off the job until the last minute, and then finally struggling to complete it but feeling he had done a totally inadequate job. And year after year as soon as the budget was done, he gave in to his lust and went out and found himself a young male prostitute. The stress of the budget preparation had brought us all his feelings of weakness and inadequacy, and led him to his sexual escape.<br />
<br />
If you believe you are a person who uses lust to escape pain, how do you overcome this pattern? There are ways, both long-term and short-term.<br />
<br />
First, however, I believe it is helpful to understand the dynamics of how lust has such power to relieve us of pain. It is simple. Man is capable of concentrating on only one thing at a time, and when we turn to lustful thoughts everything else is blocked out; anxiety, emotional pain, guilt, regrets, physical discomfort, whatever. We choose to concentrate on sexual fantasy rather than the pain that is besetting us. Consciously or unconsciously, we know that we face a choice of either enduring the pain for a time, or of experiencing immediate relief through lust.<br />
<br />
In the short term -- at the moment we face a powerful desire to use lust as a means of escape -- there are only two legitimate courses to follow. We can face the pain, or we can turn our attention to something else. In facing the pain, our most likely helper is likely to be the Lord. We tell Him of our pain. "Lord, I did such a stupid, weak thing today; I feel so worthless. Lord, I feel so terrible about myself. I know I can get rid of these feelings with fantasy and masturbation, but I also know that You can take care of them in a better way. Help me." The Lord will respond to this cry. He has many times for me. But let's be honest here; the relief and comfort the Lord brings is usually not as rapid a pain killer as lust. In the process of drawing to the Lord, and having Him speak to you, you will endure some pain. The question is:<br />
<br />
Are you willing to endure any pain?<br />
<br />
The other legitimate way to go is to turn your attention to something else. It may be any type of distraction that will engage the mind, but for me my way, again, is usually to focus on the Lord. At the point of struggle, I may picture Jesus on the cross suffering and dying for my sins, and I remind myself that I am contemplating adding another sin for Him to bear. Or, I may imagine Jesus and me sitting by a river sharing with one another. His hand may be on my shoulder. If all else fails, I may just say the name Jesus over and over. The principle of replacement can work wonderfully here.<br />
<br />
Jesus made us, His people, to be His body here on earth, so your immediate help may come from another believer; either someone you can talk to about your pain, or someone whose company or conversation will draw you away from focus on the pain. This is why we urge members of our groups to call another group member when they are going through particularly rough temptation.<br />
<br />
The long term solution is, of course, to deal with the pain or discomfort. If the pain or discomfort comes from the normal struggles of life, then there needs to be a combination of two things.<br />
<br />
First, accept the fact that some pain and discomfort in life is inevitable. Every one, with some frequency, experiences feelings of loneliness, weakness, anger, tiredness. This is a part of life. Acceptance puts these feelings in the proper perspective, and sets us up to accept another important truth; that in a short while the feelings will be gone. And this too shall pass.<br />
<br />
Second, if the pain is circumstantial -- you are lonely because you don't have any friends, or you keep failing at work because you are not suited to your current job -- seek to change the circumstances. Easier said than done, isn't it? But what other way is there?<br />
<br />
If you sense that the pain comes from root problems, of the type that probably contributed to your homosexuality or compulsion in the first place, obviously you need to get at the root. This is what our ministry is all about. This is what counselors are for. This is what we may struggle with the Lord over month after month in our quiet times. Discovering what the roots are (usually deeper sins), and releasing them to the Lord through true repentance which brings forgiveness, or allowing His love, His healing, and His truth to replace the source of pain; this is the process of being healed. It comes in the Lord's time and as we cooperate.<br />
<br />
It is not the purpose of this article to tell you how to get over the pain, but rather to help you understand one wrong way that you may have been dealing with it. Each time we are tempted, our choice is not just whether or not to sin sexually for pleasure's sake,<br />
<br />
but to choose to turn our backs on the Lord in disobedience for the purpose of avoiding some pain or discomfort. Justunderstanding that I was using lust to escape from pain and discomfort helped me greatly in my battle with lust. I believe it can do the same for you.<br />
<br />
Jesus understands the process. He, who was tempted in every way as we are, knows our weakness and how foolishly and readily we will chose relief from pain over His much better way. But He hears us when we call out to Him, He is with us to help us start anew if we fail, and through His Holy Spirit, He will guide us to the way of healing of the deeper pain that we experience.<br />
<br />
Lust is a drug that eases pain. Jesus is the cure.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
From May 1994 Regeneration News. Copyright © 1994 Alan P. Medinger and Regeneration. Please request permission to reprint this article. All rights reserved. Posted on the web with permission.
What To Do When Your Child is Gay
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-11-14:916966:BlogPost:217798
2008-11-14T19:35:42.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="250" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465376?profile=original" width="650"></img></p>
What To Do When Your Child is Gay<br />
by Mike Ensley<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
It’s not something many Christian parents see coming.Maybe you’ve discovered that your teenage son has been looking at homosexual pornography online, or your daughter has concluded she is bisexual. Or perhaps you’re one of the fortunate parents with a child brave enough to confide in you about his or her same-sex attraction.<br />
Whatever your method of discovery, the news has no doubt brought on a storm…
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465376?profile=original" alt="" width="650" height="250"/></p>
What To Do When Your Child is Gay<br />
by Mike Ensley<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
It’s not something many Christian parents see coming.Maybe you’ve discovered that your teenage son has been looking at homosexual pornography online, or your daughter has concluded she is bisexual. Or perhaps you’re one of the fortunate parents with a child brave enough to confide in you about his or her same-sex attraction.<br />
Whatever your method of discovery, the news has no doubt brought on a storm of emotions. You weren’t expecting ever to have to deal with this.<br />
<br />
Learning that their child struggles with—or is involved in—homosexuality is devastating for Christian parents. I know because in my 5-year-long tenure at Exodus International, an organization that ministers to homosexuals and their families, I’ve met many people who are affected by this issue. I am also aware of what a big deal it is because at age 16 I dropped the “I’m gay” bomb on my own family.<br />
<br />
I know the tension, guilt and anger that can attend these issues. My parents and I went through a difficult time, never suspecting that 11 years later I would be encouraging you with the truth that God is in the business of reaching into these situations and creating new life.<br />
<br />
I and my colleagues at Exodus want you to know that you’re not alone and that your feelings, decisions and family all matter to God. None of it has escaped His watchful eye, and nothing that hurts you is unimportant to Him. Remember to lean on Him as you take these important steps in grappling with the news that your child is gay:<br />
<br />
Realize homosexuality can afflict any family. Homosexuality happens. So many parents with homosexual children have told me the same thing: “I don’t know how this could happen. He grew up in a Christian home; we took him to church. He was always such a good boy.”<br />
<br />
There seems to be an assumption that bringing children up in a Christian environment makes them struggle-proof. To a degree, the expectation that if you do the right thing you should see the right results seems reasonable. Life isn’t supposed to be like this.<br />
<br />
But in a broken and imperfect world, no one gets to choose his battles. Your son no more chose to experience same-sex attractions<br />
<br />
(SSA) than another boy chose to feel that rush of adrenaline the first time a friend showed him a Playboy magazine. Your daughter has no better understanding of her struggles with sexual identity than you do.<br />
<br />
Believe me: Your son or daughter did not choose to have homosexuality as their issue. If there had been any way for them to avoid it, they would have.<br />
<br />
There are real reasons why they are led down a wrong path. The overriding truth is that homosexuality is just one of many things that can happen to broken people in a broken world. The good news is that this struggle is not inescapable, and humble assessment, ownership of personal responsibilities and clear direction from God will help you through.<br />
<br />
Take care of yourself. You may need to put some space between you and your child to do this. As much as you probably want to focus on acquiring the right help for your child, you need to get support and resources for yourself.<br />
<br />
You need it because you’re suffering, and your wounds matter simply because you matter. God cares about your well-being just as much as He cares about your child’s. He wants to be able to talk to you for you and for them. So get help.<br />
<br />
Just as the young Christian with SSA usually isolates himself in a closet of shame, so his parents often close themselves off from others for fear of judgment. The church should be an environment that puts wounded individuals and families at ease; instead it is often the opposite. Most moms and dads fear the assumptions people will make about their families.<br />
<br />
But fear isn’t the only emotion you’ll have to deal with; there will be a truckload of them, along with questions and complaints you’ll need to get off your chest. For the family that secludes itself in its crisis, the only place to turn their pain and confusion is on one another.<br />
<br />
Clearly, that’s not a healthy solution. Finding an outlet for yourself will help your child and the rest of your family as well.<br />
<br />
Don’t be afraid to see a Christian counselor. Many of Exodus International’s 170 local ministries and counselors offer support not only to those who deal with SSA but also to those affected by a loved one’s struggle. There are also knowledgeable, relational Christian counselors beyond our network who can be of immense help. God is doing a great work in counseling offices across the nation, so take advantage of this great resource.<br />
<br />
The next step is opening up to your church family. This can be an even more intimidating prospect than seeing a counselor, but it’s important.<br />
<br />
Believe it or not, your church needs you to do it. So many of the overcoming strugglers and family members I’ve met through the years have told me the same thing: When someone took the courageous step of sharing his or her private burdens with them, the Lord used it to free them up, too.<br />
<br />
Rather than back-pedaling from the friendship, people start bringing their own secret sins, struggles and wounds to the table, and we find that we all can understand one another a little better than we thought we could. It takes courage to confront the darkness, but once the light is on, it’s not as frightening.<br />
<br />
You don’t have to tell everybody; just start with a close friend or your small group. If you don’t have either of those in the church community, now’s the time to find them. You could probably get by for a while on your own, but with the support of Christian brothers and sisters, you can mend, heal and thrive.<br />
<br />
Set attainable goals. In the scores of meetings, first phone calls and e-mails I’ve shared with concerned parents, I find that their primary focus is to “fix” their kid—and it’s no wonder, considering all the danger, sin and uncertainty we associate with the gay lifestyle. Naturally a loving mother or father wants to rescue their child from the consequences of such a lifestyle by keeping him or her from becoming entrenched in it.<br />
<br />
You’ll never have peace aiming for goals you can’t achieve, and controlling your kid’s thoughts and choices is one of those. It’s what makes the teen years so hard for all parents—especially when they see a loved one beginning to stray. Parents instinctively seek more control in a season when their children are fighting harder than ever to take it from them.<br />
<br />
Like it or not, adulthood is around the corner, and this issue might not work itself out ideally before then. Making control your goal will only create tension in the relationship, leaving everyone frustrated and distant.<br />
<br />
A healthy, helpful and attainable goal is to keep the relationship alive, regardless of where you can or can’t find common ground. Be a parent your child can trust and talk with, one who can still see everything about the person that hasn’t changed—and isn’t obsessed only with what has. When you offer healthy intimacy and connection, it undermines the power of unhealthy desires.<br />
<br />
If you can’t do that and choose to focus your attention on your child’s SSA struggle, you cease to be a relational influence in his life and become simply a person who is trying to make him straight—something he has probably tried on his own to be, only to conclude it’s impossible.<br />
<br />
Am I telling you that, as a loving and invested parent, you should just ignore the issue of homosexuality? Absolutely not. But if you are to address it successfully with your child, you must not limit your relationship. Be open to the fact that this is a journey, one on which not all paths are bright and clear but on which your family is traveling together. Now you’re ready for open, honest communication.<br />
<br />
Is an Exodus ministry right for your child? It can certainly help, but everyone in your family needs to understand what Exodus is and what it isn’t, and what they should and should not expect.<br />
<br />
When my parents first dragged me kicking and screaming to an Exodus counselor, I know they hoped that would be the end of it, that there would be some magical technique employed by the sweet former lesbian they’d spoken to on the phone that was going to help put this issue behind our family once and for all.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, Donna (the Exodus counselor) knew it wasn’t that simple. She was also able to do something my parents couldn’t. Sure, we talked about homosexuality from the start and got our differences out of the way; but then she put the entire issue on the back burner and just talked to me—as if I was still a whole person.<br />
<br />
She treated me as if the other aspects of my life were still interesting, still significant, even with my attitude toward my sexuality still unresolved. This is something that many parents, gripped by panic and grief, forget to do.<br />
<br />
Donna eventually broke down my walls and became my friend. She was also willing, at times, to be an advocate for me to my parents. They pressed her for secrets from our sessions; she kept them in confidence. They urged her to help strong-arm my decisions; she maintained her role as my counselor, not their liaison.<br />
<br />
With great patience and grace, Donna helped me and my parents realize a very important truth with which every family in this situation must inevitably grapple: My struggle with SSA wasn’t the problem. Rather, it was the outward manifestation of deeply rooted issues in our family. It wasn’t just about homosexuality, and it wasn’t just about me.<br />
<br />
Discover your part in the problem. There’s a big difference between finding one issue to blame for your kid’s struggle and honestly assessing where your family has taken healthy and unhealthy turns. There is no one person or act that caused your child’s human brokenness to take the shape of SSA.<br />
<br />
And the resolution is not going to be as simple as addressing your son’s or daughter’s sexual identity issues (as complex as that is) and then getting back to life as usual.<br />
<br />
The uncomfortable truth is that God will use your child’s situation to show you the ways in which you as individuals need to repent of any unhealthiness and embrace His will for your family. It’s time to take a hard and forgiving look at each of your hearts, and the good and bad ways you relate to one another.<br />
<br />
In truth, that’s really what Christ allows each of His followers to do. He takes our guilt and shame upon Himself, freeing us to participate in the lifelong sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. It’s the same with your family.<br />
<br />
There will be sins, both intentional and unintentional, to address. There will be wounds to uncover and feel. There are patterns that need to be abandoned and replaced with new ones. It will be painful and awkward at times, but no one is allowed to be blamed or shamed, and no one is allowed to be shut out.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, not all teens go through a rebellious stage as I did. Many of them are eager for the help that Exodus offers. In fact, if my parents had found out a year or two before they did, I probably would have been much more cooperative at the start.<br />
<br />
It’s the shame and stigma surrounding this issue that keep young strugglers in the dark. The day Christians stop fearing it and start talking about it graciously, compassionately and with the understanding that it’s just another struggle—one Christ can love us through—is the day that darkness will begin to fade.<br />
<br />
Trust God. I’m sorry there’s no technique that provides an easy escape from one of the biggest shocks of your life. The one truth that has comforted me most in the midst of pain and ongoing struggle is that our suffering matters to God.<br />
<br />
We’re so often given the impression that God is concerned only with our becoming holy and giving Him glory that, in the midst of crisis, we lose sight of the fact that He cares very much.<br />
<br />
He does not coldly survey the brokenness in our lives; He collects our tears. And there is no distance to which you can flee or fall that is out of the reach of His saving grace. “The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,” the Bible tells us (Is. 59:1, NKJV).<br />
<br />
There is a long road ahead, but God will never leave you alone. You can trust Him to provide all you need to restore your family to Him and to one another.<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
Mike Ensley is the Youth Analyst for Exodus International and the co-creator of the Truth & Tolerance series of resources for student ministries available from Exodus. To find an Exodus International member agency near you, go to exodus.to. Or contact one of their affiliates, Living Hope Ministries, at livehope.org to join a safe, online support group in which you and your family members can talk with ministers and receive encouragement and prayer.<br />
<br />
<br />
This article is from the June 2008 issue of Charisma
How Will You Respond to Homosexuality?
tag:abcpreachers.ning.com,2008-11-11:916966:BlogPost:214309
2008-11-11T12:18:34.000Z
Selena
https://abcpreachers.ning.com/profile/Selena
<p style="text-align: left;"><img alt="" height="160" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465374?profile=original" width="106"></img></p>
<br />
How Will You Respond to Homosexuality?<br />
<br />
By Alan Chambers - Oct 2, 2007 - 25<br />
<br />
One night while she was co-hosting The 700 Club, Sheila Walsh felt led to pray for homosexuals. Honoring the Holy Spirit’s prompting, she thanked God for His love for homosexuals and His desire for a relationship with them. She then invited all homosexual viewers to pray with her for salvation. When Sheila finished praying she encouraged those who had prayed with her to go…
<p style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/71465374?profile=original" alt="" width="106" height="160"/></p>
<br />
How Will You Respond to Homosexuality?<br />
<br />
By Alan Chambers - Oct 2, 2007 - 25<br />
<br />
One night while she was co-hosting The 700 Club, Sheila Walsh felt led to pray for homosexuals. Honoring the Holy Spirit’s prompting, she thanked God for His love for homosexuals and His desire for a relationship with them. She then invited all homosexual viewers to pray with her for salvation. When Sheila finished praying she encouraged those who had prayed with her to go to a church in their area, tell the pastor that they had asked Jesus into their heart, and say, “Sheila Walsh sent me.” Sheila later received a letter from a gay man who had been watching the broadcast. He had asked Jesus into his heart, gone to a local church, met with the pastor, shared that he was gay and about the broadcast he saw. The pastor responded, “We don’t have room for fags in this church.” In his letter, the man shared that he was grateful to her, but that being a part of “The Church” was just not possible. I have heard and told this story many times, but I still cringe when I think of that honest, broken, searching man who poured out his heart only to be rebuked by a pastor with a reckless tongue and un-Christlike heart. I wish I knew where to find him so I could share that all pastors and churches are not like that one and that God is not like the pastor he spoke with. Over the years I have found that many times churches respond to the issue of homosexuality with either an angry and judgmental response or an acceptance of homosexuality as a viable alternative to heterosexuality. Both are equally wrong and inaccurate representations of God’s response. Most of you know the truth: While homosexuality is not a viable or biblical lifestyle, far too often the church has not extended God’s grace to those who are same-sex attracted. For many of us, it is easier to see the issue as right vs. wrong than it is to love them. As a member of the Body of Christ, I have experienced nearly every side of the issue of homosexuality. As a young Southern Baptist, I remember hearing my pastor say, “All homosexuals go to hell” and “Homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God.” I remember how hopeless that made me feel because, if my thoughts were any indication of who I was becoming, I was one of ‘those homosexuals’. As a teenager, I struggled in silence with feelings I had not chosen. Though I had not yet acted on those feelings, I was condemned to hell by a pastor and church that never once shared that there was hope for someone like me. The guilt, shame, and condemnation became so unbearable that I sped through railroad crossings with my eyes closed hoping that a train would hit my car and end it all. At age eighteen I vowed that I would never return to church because it did not have an answer for me.<br />
<br />
From my perspective, the Body of Christ made it very easy for me to run bloodied and bruised into the open arms of a gay community that was glad to have me. Indeed, many of those people had their own “church stories” to tell. Unfortunately, I had to find out firsthand that gay life offered only more loneliness, desperation, and death; had the Church offered some small sign that it was a safe place for me, perhaps I could have avoided immersing myself in gay culture at the age of eighteen. Thankfully, my brother introduced me to a church that called sin “sin” and yet loved people who were unlovely. After I had attended that church only a few weeks, two bold and loving church members walked into a gay bar to find me on Easter Sunday 1991. They said that God had sent them to remind me that He loved me, they loved me, and they were committed to walking with me on the journey out of homosexuality. Recommitted to obedience, I was restored by that church. They taught me that change requires not only pointing the way, but also grabbing a person’s hand and walking alongside. Today I am the President of Exodus International, the world’s leading Christian organization dedicated to mobilizing the Body of Christ to respond to a world impacted by homosexuality. Exodus began in 1976 because the Body of Christ had a long history of turning away those whom they do not understand. I long for the Church to be the living example of God’s “kindness, tolerance and patience” so that many will come to repentance (Rom. 2:4). In order for that longing to become reality, we, as the members of the Body of Christ, need to be reminded of our own desperation prior to coming into a personal relationship with Christ. We need to admit that we may be ignorant, perhaps by choice, of the issues surrounding homosexuality: What are its roots and causes? What is it like for Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction but want to experience freedom in Christ? As the Body of Christ, we must also renounce our fear and insecurity in dealing with the issue of homosexuality. The reality is that homosexuality and those who deal with it exist in our cities, churches, and even some of our homes. It won’t just go away.<br />
<br />
Those struggling must be given the opportunity to choose Christ and change if they desire to do so. We must not be afraid to offer the truth in love. Take a moment to think about your feelings regarding homosexual people. Have you offered only condemnation to those that identify as gay or lesbian? Have you chosen to ignore the issue completely out of fear or out of the misguided belief that it doesn’t exist in your congregation? Have you acted out of ignorance, believing that the opposite of homosexuality is heterosexuality, when actually it is holiness? I encourage you to face the issue, learn all you can about it, and offer what you find to your congregation. There are numerous resources available. Visit the Exodus Web site (http://www.exodus.to) to find a ministry in your area, and then glean from their knowledge. Check the Exodus calendar for a training event in your area.<br />
<br />
Encourage your church to join the Exodus Church Network and become part of God’s answer for your community. On my wedding day in 1998, my friend Orel Hershiser charged me to “listen, listen, listen.” That is my charge to you. Listen to those who have overcome homosexuality and learn how to help others. Listen to those involved in homosexuality and hear their anger and bitterness and choose to respond as Christ would to their hurt. Listen to those who are in the midst of the struggle and extend God’s truth, grace, and all-encompassing love.<br />
<br />
Alan Chambers is the President of Exodus International, a worldwide outreach with over 175 ministries in North America. Alan and his wife, Leslie, live in Orlando, Florida, with their two children.<br />
<br />
For more information on having Alan speak to your congregation, joining the church network or supporting Exodus, call 888-264-0877 or e-mail achambers@exodus.to.