Ministry Madness: I Just Want to Scream!

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Periodically, I experience Sundays when I leave the pulpit feeling a deep sense of frustration. Today was one of those days.

As I sit here at my desk in the study reflecting on what just happened in today's worship experience, I really just want to scream. In fact, my flesh just wants to say, "This is it! What's the use? I quit!" I mean nothing seemed to flow as it should and ought. What we just went through had no sign of worship at all. Praise and worship was weak. The choir sang with no passion. The congregation was basically non-participative throughout most of the worship service, and vocally non-responsive to the preaching. It was obvious that this was one of those Sundays when people just came to church to go through the routine. As the pastor of the church, it really hurts me to admit it, but gee...the truth of the matter is that today's "worship experience" lacked the fervor and excitement that should resonate in any sanctaury where Christ is honored. I'm ashamed today to say that this is the church where I serve as pastor.

What intensifies my frustration is that I came to worship expecting to have a joyous time in the Lord and in the fellowship of the saints, but I couldn't find it. It was absent. It just wasn't there. I spent myself preparing to preach. I labored all week hearing God, doing all I needed to do to exegete the passage from which I was preaching today. After returning home on Saturday morning from visiting with family out-of-state over Christmas celebration, I went right into Saturday Church School and spent myself teaching the flock. Then I spent myself in my study at the church until after 10pm crafting my manuscript. I went home, took a shower, got a few hours of sleep, and then returned to my study at the church three hours before the start of our morning worship service to put the finishing touches on my sermon. And I did all that for what? Just to pour myself out again in ministry to a people who displayed an indifferent attitude---not just towards the sermon, but towards the whole worship experience. I just want to scream!!!

Please! Understand as you read this that I'm not looking for pity. With over 20 years of pastoral experience under my belt, I've been here many times before and bounced back, and am certain that I will come here many more times as I continue in ministry. I'm writing this because I know that somebody else is going through a frustration that is similar to mine. I readily recognize that my experience is not exceptional nor exclusive. Every Lord's Day thousands and thousands of senior pastors leave their pulpit feeling a deep sense of frustration over the apathy and indifference that those to whom they have been assigned to minister to display towards worshiping the Lord and towards hearing His Word! Every Lord's Day, thousands and thousands of senior pastors exit the pulpit, sit in the silence of their own private thoughts and think about throwing in the towel. They genuinely love ministry. They genuinely want to help people gain a clearer understanding of God's revelation. They give all of who they are and all of what they have to pour into the lives of others. But often it seems that all the sacrifice and effort required in pastoral ministry is wasted on people who lack authentic appreciation for it. Its enough to make you want to SCREAM! While we have to be rooted enough to recognize that's only the flesh, and we can't follow the counsel of the flesh; we have to be led by the Spirit, yet there is the reality of our human-ness, too. For we are only earthen vessels into which a spiritual treasure has been deposited. We have emotions...and sometimes....sometimes our emotions overwhelm us to the point where we get infected with the Elijah-under-the-juniper-tree Syndrome: "Lord, it's enough!"

When we are strugling with negative emotions, perhaps the last thing we need is to be in isolation. That often only serves to intensify what we feel, and leads us to self-pity and/or destructive behavior. This is a real danger zone for pastors. Most pastors are lonley poeple. Sure, we have people around us much of the time, but they are around us because they are needy. They look to us to give them what they need. We dare not look to them to give us what we need. We have to locate that somewhere else. And often, we who serve in pastoral ministry do not have another pastor with whom we can be transparent about our negative feelings and emotions relative to our ministry, and even our personal lives. We feel it, but we dare not voice it. That wouldn't be the spiritually mature thing to do. We get caught up in the notion that we must appear before others to be an ecclesiastical version of Superman.

So my questions are: 1) Do you experience such Sundays in your ministry? and 2) How do you handle your emotions and recover?

Perhaps if we can be open and honest here, we can provide some wise counsel to one another, and be strengthened to better handle our next episode of ministry madness when we feel like we just want to scream. WARNING: Sunday Morning Blues Coming To A Pulpit Near You!

"Spiritual leaders pay a price as they seek to serve God's people, but the people usually don't appreciate it. The same people repeat the same sins and refuse to trust God and obey Him." Warren W. Wiersbe

[charlie]

I HAVE NOT HAD TO PREACH, BUT EVERYONE EXPERIENCE THOSE TIMES.
BUT I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS JESUE SUFFER MUCH WORST TO MAKE SURE WE HAD A CHANCE IN THE FUTURE. SO YOUR MEMBERS WASN'T FEELING IT THAT DAY, DOESN'T MEAN THEY WON'T BENIFIT FROM IT IN THE FUTURE. YOU CAN ONLY DELIVER THE FOOD LIFE TO THEM, WHEN THEY DECIDE TO PARTAKE IN IT IS UP TO THEM. ONCE YOU HAVE FINSHED THAT ASSIGNMENT YOU CAN NOT LET IT AFFECT YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT IN NEGTIVE WAY. YOU COULD HAVE MET SOMEONE RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR CHURCH AND ALL THEY NEEDED WAS TO SEE A MAN OF GOD WALKING IN ALL HIS GLORY TO CHANGE THIER LIFE.

I HAVE WORKED CLOSE WITH ABOUT FIVE PASTORS, SAID THAT OTHER PASTORS HAD ISSUES WITH THEM, SEEM LIKE THEY WERE IN COMPETITION WITH EACH OTHER

Leviticus 26
7 And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword.
8 And five of you shall chase an hundred, and an hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight: and your enemies shall fall before you by the sword.
THE ENEMY IS WINNING BECAUSE WE STAY DIVIDED

Genesis 11
1 Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. 2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. 3 Then they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. 4 And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.”
5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. 6 And the LORD said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. 7 Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” 8 So the LORD scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city. 9 Therefore its name is called Babel, because there the LORD confused the language of all the earth; and from there the LORD scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth.

WHEN WE ARE ON ONE ACCORD ONLY GOD CAN STOP US

YOU AND OTHER PASTORS ARE FEELING ALONG, WHAT'S STOPPING YOU FROM GETTING TOGATHER AND FELLOWSHIPPING AS SHEPERDS IN GOD'S KINGDOM, BESIDES YOURSELF
WHEN I WAS NOT SAVED IT DIDN'T TAKE MUCH FOR A GROUP OF US TOGATHER FOR A BBQ, A SPORTING EVENT, HANGING OUT AT THE SPORTS BAR OR POOL HALL.

HOW CAN WE COME TOGATHER WHEN THE LEADERS WE FOLLOW STAY DIVIDED
STAY STRONG
JUST FROM A DEACON POINT OF VIEW

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Bless you, preacher! I certainlt appreciate the ministry you provide to your pastor. I was the same way about mt pastor. Associate ministers such as you are of great value to pastors.

Before we can ever be in authority, we, first, have to learn to be under authority. Continue giving demonstration of that spirit and there's no telling where God may exalt you. You and my first son in the ministry, Michael Burton ( who is a part of this network also) should cultivate a friendship. You share similar spirits.

Stay faithful in taing care of God's businesss! Happy New Year!

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Thank you, my sister. Very insightful!

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

"Church-as-usual"....it is sapping the vitality and vigor out of many in the church---pastors and people alike. I just believe when we gather in the sanctuary before the Lord God Jehovah, we should anticipate experiencing a fresh encounter with Him. All too often, however, many approach worship as a weekly 2 hour exercise to be endured. Just get through the order of worship, and lets get back to life. But when we alter our approach, God can manifest Himself through His Holy Spirit in dynamic ways. "God inhabits the praise of His people!"

Thanks for your honesty in sharing on this blog. Together lets pray for "fresh rain" among God's people. As you go through "09, may you have joy sublime in He who is Divine!

[Carone Gordon]

I am so encouraged by this blog. God be with you Pastor Smith. I am so encouraged because i myself am frustrated with church as usual and it often feels that way. I didnt know there are pastors with heart as yours yearning or deeper spiritual experience with God, both for yourself and the people you lead.

Its great you feel that way because out of that feeling will birth the revival you desire for your ministry. If you can see it coming , it will come. Its because you are seeking, deeper, greater, more you are ale to express that in your blog.

In these days church as usual cannot suffice at all. I am so happy for you, and mainly because you said you are pastoring for 20 years, which by that time, most pastors dont care about the work of the spirit in the lives of people, by that tie, ministry is set and thats all some care about, not about spiritual fulfilment.

I am so encouraged because you are the one seeing it yourself and saying. In many occassions members are wounded and broken for expressing similar feelings to their pastors. I started to wonder if pastors dont ever feel that way. I am happy because you are honest and real.

Your blog has helped me and i am sure many others. I do know what you mean about ministering to a congregation of indifferent people, feeling aweful when you are through to the point you question should i continue with this thing. My prayers are with you, God is up to something great, He has that feeling of yours to work with.

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Jordan and Burton, my son, thank both of you for sharing your thoughts.

[Michael L Burton Sr.]

I have spent my formative years as a preacher under the guidance, protection and direction of Pastor TA Smith. In fact, I am his son in the ministry,being the first of 3 sons called during his watch. I understand from first hand experience how studious and intense Pastor's sermon preparation is, in fact, he instilled the same charactoristics in me, demanded they develop! So before I begin my "comment" in detail, I feel the need to qualify myself.

I believe Pastor Smith is one of the wolrd's premier Preachers and Evangelist. I do not say ths because he is my Father in the ministry, I say it because it is true. My wife and I have had the priveledge to follow him in Ohio, Indianna, Pennsylvania and Florida. We have seen his response in hundreds of venues and he has always exhibited behavior that is beyond reproach, accepted accolades with humility and demostrated grace in difficult situations. With this in mind, Pastor I would like to remind you of some of the great advice you shared with me when I started carrying the word. You said, "Not every sermon is a shouting sermon. Most times when we feel the least effective, that is when God has done His greatest work." "Tell the story well, plant the seed and let God do the rest." Finally, "a prophet is without honor in his own country."

If you remember how they treated Jesus in Nazareth, the peoples lack of response and belief, we cannot expect more in our own home of worship. Yes, we feel validated when the response to the message is great and the Spirit is high. Yes, we all look for the satisfaction when we sit down that we have done the best we could do for the Lord. However, the truth of the matter lies somewhere in between. Most times we will feel like Jeremiah, when he said, "I would have made merry, but I sat all alone because Your hand was upon me." This thing we do is both a blessing and a burden.

Finally, I want you to know I understand. Your hearts desire is to lead the people of God to a higher level of living and service. You lead by example. Your frustration derives from the love you have for those you sheppard. Press your way through valleys low and mountains high. Press your way through wind, storm and pain, because God has not finished giving you what He has for you. Elijah had his brook dry up because it was the only way he would move. God had greater plans for him, but he was comfortable where he was. I am not telling you to give up where you are, because only you and God knows His plans for your life. There is not enough space or time to memorialize what you have accomplished thus far. But if you look back over 11 years you will see the visons completed, lives that were changed, hearts that were mended and a church that has dedicated itself to "Getting Back To God's Business."

I am grateful for your love, support and example in my life. In my house, we wil pray your strength in the Lord. Minister Michael L Burton, Greater Harvcest Misssionary Church, Toledo, Ohio. [e-mail]

[Eric Darnell Jordan]

Pastor Smith I am an ordained elder so I have had the opportunity to sit very close to my pastor and I watch so many pastors give so much out and get so least back. I am not even currently a pastor and it frustrates me so I could only imagine what you all do. The sacrifices that you make oftentimes seems like it gets no ones attention. Too me good pastors are some of the most underappreciated people in the world. Now you have some pastors out there that are not doing what they need to do but I am talking about the good pastors that are living right and leading right. But Pastor Smith I just want to encourage you to just keep on keeping and don't give up and don't give in. I just preached a sermon this past Sunday called "It's Not How You Start But How You Finish" My text was II Timothy 4:5-7 and my points was Focus, Fight, and Faithul. In the text Paul told Timothy you have to stay Focused, during this walk you are going to have to Fight, but most of all you have to stay Faithful. So if I could leave you with anything just stay Faithful to the call that God has given you and many of God everything will eventually work out for you! I pray that God will continue to bless you and enrich you and your ministry. Elder Eric Jordan, Cathedral of Christ Baptist Church in Chapel Oaks, [e-mail].

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Loretta, you certainly understand, to a measure, what I feel and what many others feel at times in ministry. And we do need to have a circle of friends in ministry, preferably outside our own place of ministry, with whom we can take the risk and liberty to be vulnerable and transparent. It's therapuetic.

Denise, I truly appreciate your comments and effort to share your thoughts on this blog. The point you make is well taken. Trust me: what keeps one who is a pastor pushing in ministry are the lives you seeing God changing through your ministry...even if its only a few. I am well aware of the spiritual answer to ministry madness. I only needed to vent, and perhaps use my experience to open the door for some honest communication and sharing among those in ministry who struggle with a sense of frustration. I, at times, get weary in ministry, but I'm not yet weary of ministry.

Finally, for this round, Margaret, thanks for your words. I am normally very focused when I stand to deliver God's Word...even when those spirits are at work. I realize that's the time when I need to give laser-like concentration on my delivery. That's how I approached it this morning! That's how I got through it. I didn't let the enemy have the victory. I pushed through that thing because I'm ever conscious that I have a duty to preach even when its "out of season." Again, thank you!

[Margaret L Thomas]

I hear the Lord saying ..."Major Change is about to take place"...

Exodus 32: 9-10 ..."it is a stiff neck people"...

I hear the Lord saying ..."deliver the word, deliver the word and don't allow the spirits of distraction, disruption, and interference take you off your course"...

Change will take place soon.

Hold what you got.