Ministry Madness: I Just Want to Scream!

[Pastor T. A. Smith Sr]

Periodically, I experience Sundays when I leave the pulpit feeling a deep sense of frustration. Today was one of those days.

As I sit here at my desk in the study reflecting on what just happened in today's worship experience, I really just want to scream. In fact, my flesh just wants to say, "This is it! What's the use? I quit!" I mean nothing seemed to flow as it should and ought. What we just went through had no sign of worship at all. Praise and worship was weak. The choir sang with no passion. The congregation was basically non-participative throughout most of the worship service, and vocally non-responsive to the preaching. It was obvious that this was one of those Sundays when people just came to church to go through the routine. As the pastor of the church, it really hurts me to admit it, but gee...the truth of the matter is that today's "worship experience" lacked the fervor and excitement that should resonate in any sanctaury where Christ is honored. I'm ashamed today to say that this is the church where I serve as pastor.

What intensifies my frustration is that I came to worship expecting to have a joyous time in the Lord and in the fellowship of the saints, but I couldn't find it. It was absent. It just wasn't there. I spent myself preparing to preach. I labored all week hearing God, doing all I needed to do to exegete the passage from which I was preaching today. After returning home on Saturday morning from visiting with family out-of-state over Christmas celebration, I went right into Saturday Church School and spent myself teaching the flock. Then I spent myself in my study at the church until after 10pm crafting my manuscript. I went home, took a shower, got a few hours of sleep, and then returned to my study at the church three hours before the start of our morning worship service to put the finishing touches on my sermon. And I did all that for what? Just to pour myself out again in ministry to a people who displayed an indifferent attitude---not just towards the sermon, but towards the whole worship experience. I just want to scream!!!

Please! Understand as you read this that I'm not looking for pity. With over 20 years of pastoral experience under my belt, I've been here many times before and bounced back, and am certain that I will come here many more times as I continue in ministry. I'm writing this because I know that somebody else is going through a frustration that is similar to mine. I readily recognize that my experience is not exceptional nor exclusive. Every Lord's Day thousands and thousands of senior pastors leave their pulpit feeling a deep sense of frustration over the apathy and indifference that those to whom they have been assigned to minister to display towards worshiping the Lord and towards hearing His Word! Every Lord's Day, thousands and thousands of senior pastors exit the pulpit, sit in the silence of their own private thoughts and think about throwing in the towel. They genuinely love ministry. They genuinely want to help people gain a clearer understanding of God's revelation. They give all of who they are and all of what they have to pour into the lives of others. But often it seems that all the sacrifice and effort required in pastoral ministry is wasted on people who lack authentic appreciation for it. Its enough to make you want to SCREAM! While we have to be rooted enough to recognize that's only the flesh, and we can't follow the counsel of the flesh; we have to be led by the Spirit, yet there is the reality of our human-ness, too. For we are only earthen vessels into which a spiritual treasure has been deposited. We have emotions...and sometimes....sometimes our emotions overwhelm us to the point where we get infected with the Elijah-under-the-juniper-tree Syndrome: "Lord, it's enough!"

When we are strugling with negative emotions, perhaps the last thing we need is to be in isolation. That often only serves to intensify what we feel, and leads us to self-pity and/or destructive behavior. This is a real danger zone for pastors. Most pastors are lonley poeple. Sure, we have people around us much of the time, but they are around us because they are needy. They look to us to give them what they need. We dare not look to them to give us what we need. We have to locate that somewhere else. And often, we who serve in pastoral ministry do not have another pastor with whom we can be transparent about our negative feelings and emotions relative to our ministry, and even our personal lives. We feel it, but we dare not voice it. That wouldn't be the spiritually mature thing to do. We get caught up in the notion that we must appear before others to be an ecclesiastical version of Superman.

So my questions are: 1) Do you experience such Sundays in your ministry? and 2) How do you handle your emotions and recover?

Perhaps if we can be open and honest here, we can provide some wise counsel to one another, and be strengthened to better handle our next episode of ministry madness when we feel like we just want to scream. WARNING: Sunday Morning Blues Coming To A Pulpit Near You!

"Spiritual leaders pay a price as they seek to serve God's people, but the people usually don't appreciate it. The same people repeat the same sins and refuse to trust God and obey Him." Warren W. Wiersbe

[Mrs. Denise Jones]

Wow....to the both of you. First I want to apologize to the flesh part of this problem, that is just me being sympathetic to your calling and just a polite thing to do if I was apart of your congregation. Me being one of those parishners along with many others, I can say this to you pastor who just want to SCREAM. Scream to the Father, because you are serving God and those He have chosen to be under you will receive what your heart is desiring for them after you continue in your duties. Don't get frustrated when worship is not flowing to your ears,maybe God had to quite it down for a future member who might not otherwise have gotten a Word through you from God. I am the type of person who invite everybody to my church and there is praise and worship for about an hour or two along with deliverance, so its shouting and dancing all over the house of God, but sometimes people who are new to the body, this can be a distraction and sometimes the spirit of quiteness is released as praise goes up and deliverance and understanding can be brought to the new comers. And remember sometimes it is only at Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day, Funerals etc. that some people set foot in the house of God. You didn't mention whether or not any soul came when the invitation went forth, that is the reason for the occassion, that someone might be saved. Not even that, that someone may return because they didn't get overwhelmed today. So bless God any how and wait on the fruit. You are not where you are to be discourage, but to encourage and bring lost souls back to the Father. So yeah SCREAM...thank you Lord for your saving power and keep on Preaching.

May God give you clear understanding of what He did today so you can SCREAM .... hallelujah!!!

[loretta watkins]

Praise God! This is one of the best blogs I've read thus far. I'll admit, I just started interacting more on this site this weekend, but you have just spoken for so many pastors around the country! I've been working with many churches nationally, mainly the finance ministries and it makes me want to HOLLA! My work is nothing compared to yours and I can only imagine your frustration. I am frustrated because we have been working diligently to help members overcome foreclosure problems, unemployment and the burden of debt. Would you believe that AFTER we leave workshop sessions/seminars, we get inundated with private phone calls from members who were too embarassed or ashamed to share their problems in front of other members who are in the same boat. I am CONFUSED. If you can't seek refuge in the house of the LORD, where else can you seek it? Or let me rephrase this, If you are not comforatble seeking refuge in the house fo the lord, where else are you comfortable seeking it? I understand my calling and I get disappointed but never discouraged. I think we should be transparent with one another. Afterall, who are we fooling? If God is closer to us than our own jugular vein, who are we fooling? We have work to do and in order to accomplish it, we must be transparent, vent and be open to solutions.