Please join us in prayer

[Ladyjd721]

Sherman's words brought me to tears. Such a powerful message and really an
answer to my struggle with praying for Sara and for Kate. The news that
their families have received are messages of doom, essentially. I found
myself halted in my tracks. Obviously God is going to take them long before
their natural lives should be. Obviously that is His Will. Why
pray....what do I pray...how do I pray. This has been a huge struggle for
me over the past few weeks.

Before the most recent diagnoses, it was easy to pray for healing. It was
easy to ask God for strength for them and their families. But it is all too
real that Sara, at the very least, is going to not be a survivor. I felt
like the Coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons. I was climbing down the rope
and find myself suddenly out of rope.

I agree that we should pray for Kate and for Sara. It is right that we pray
for Sam also.

Thank you, Sherman.

-----Original Message-----
FSubject: RE: Kate McRae

Hi Ruth..,

I know you hurt for Kate and her family as if she and they were
your own. Moments like this try to make us doubt God more and trust Him
less...

For Kate, her Mom and Dad, the whole family in a moment like this there
are no words to comfort... only prayers filled Tears and lament to God..

Kate's circumstances makes me think of the only time in Sam's
life when she asked me "why can't I walk?" I had always feared that
moment, and when it came, it broke me. It crushed me. It forced me to
see how weak and powerless I am to do anything for her. My strength, my
intellect, my sheer will is nothing. They are beyond futile...

Since I've come to know Christ, the more I experience Him, the
less there is for me to fear..., except (I discovered) when it came to
Sam. The older she gets, the more my fears and concerns seem to grow.
Once Sam's question was out in the open, I discovered that it wasn't the
only fear that wants to do battle with me. I discovered there is a
hallway of fears regarding Sam. The hallway begins with Sam's question.
At the other end of that hallway is the fear of the answer that God will
not heal her in my or her lifetime. Throughout the hallway there are
doors that lead to my fear of all the things and people that being in
her wheelchair vulnerable to that I can't protect her from or guard
against.

I've discovered that my fears usually speak to me in whispers,
softly, persistently. They are stirred and awakened by circumstances
and only when I try to ignore them or fight them do they seem to scream
to get my attention. They seek my attention with the expectation that I
will align my heart and mind with them. They want me to surrender but
they're willing to reach a compromise if I stop resisting. It's easy to
hear them when I can't hear God. I wish God would shout sometimes; it
would be easier to hear Him over their whispers. But God has never
shouted at me, even when I wished He had. Perhaps it's because I'm not
able to withstand his shout or even His talking more loudly...

Someone said that God is always talking to us, just that He usually
speaks to us through our circumstances more than anything else... I'm
not sure I like that (even though I think there's more truth to it than
I'm ready to admit). Still, I've also noticed that when I'm
intentionally trying to listen for one thing, somehow my ears seem to
begin tuning everything else out except the thing I'm listening for or
to, maybe that's why God whispers.

I had been hoping that God would heal Sam before she could ever
ask the question..., He didn't..., He hasn't. I have hoped that somehow
in her asking through tears that broke my heart, that it would have the
same affect on God's heart and provoke God to answer her and grant her
request, our request..., my request. My response to Sam was the same as
Kate's father. I can't recall ever getting mad at God (honestly), but I
felt it in that moment. From a hindsight, I'm glad God isn't provoked
out of broken heart...

Still, Kate's circumstances opens the flood gates for me. The
fears and hurts all flow down to one question about why does God choose
not to do something(a good thing), when He is perfectly able to? Why
doesn't God do this one thing when He's done other things that seem so
trivial by comparison? Please, why won't He heal Sam, heal Kate, and
bring peace, comfort and joy to Kate's mom? Why make us bear it? Why?
I'm thankful that He carries us through our difficulties and hurts, but
deliverance from them would seem a lot better. If the answer doesn't
bring about what I want does the answer matter?...Despite the reality,
I don't believe that God purposes us for such hurt even though it seems
to find us.

I "feel" Sam and Kate have been singled out.. Of course I know
it's not true, yet sometimes I feel that way. I know Jesus can heal Sam
and heal Kate, despite my doubt that he would do it for me. Despite my
doubting, He's answered me so many times for so many things. Right up
until this moment I was willing to trade all of those answered prayers,
if he would enable Sam to walk. But at this very moment, I realize one
of the prayers He answered was giving me Sam with the Spirit and heart
that is in her. I prayed for Sam before she was ever born, before I
ever got my driver's license. I prayed that God would give me such a
daughter..., and answered me with one.., and then two! Neither came in
the time or way I anticipated, expected or imagined.

In Sunday school we read the passage where Hezekiah has been
told to get his house in order because he was going to die. Hezekiah
wept, and asked God to give him more time and God did. There's more to
that story. It goes way beyond Hezekiah and the more I dwell upon what
we talked about, I find myself in deep waters, especially when it comes
to Sam and Kate's life.

God hasn't granted my request, Still since Sam is still here, for some
reason I feel He expects me to be persistent in asking, if for no other
reason than the fact that I haven't heard Him say He wouldn't. So I do.
It's been twenty years, and I'm still praying. Through the course of
time He has taken me from fearing what His answer is going to be to
pursuing hearing what His Will is. I'm not sure but I think I'm
beginning to learn that the answer from God is only a part of what His
will is, not the conclusion.

No matter what the answer, I trust God. I trust God with Sam. I trust
God's Will for Sam. At that moment I had no other choices (that were
going to change her circumstances). I can choose to trust my will for
Sam instead. I can chose my strength, my might, my power, my wisdom...
If it wasn't for her circumstances rendering me completely indefensible,
helpless, weak and powerless..., I probably would have.

I K-N-O-W that God can and will do for Sam, what working legs cannot,
what my strength and might cannot. I "KNOW" this now and I knew this
then. The truth is, I don't know that in that moment I would have been
able or strong enough to choose God's Will, without His help.., the help
of my Pastor, your help and the help of the rest of my brothers and
sisters. God has helped me and you've helped me every day for the past
twenty years.

Perhaps we (the whole church on Sunday or tonight at the pastor's house,
or at the church if the house becomes too crowded) to come together as
one with this specific purpose in mind: to pray, fast and lament to God
on Kate's behalf and her family. To cry out to God as one, with one
heart, of one mind.

To everyone, whether you are present with one another or not we together
and present in Spirit; in your reading and hearing of Kate's news with
and by the Spirit that God has given us through Christ may we lift up
our voices as one.

Subject: Kate McRae

This is the latest from Kate's mother:



Never have words been more difficult to pen. Never have our hearts felt
the angst of pain quite like today. I hoped to never write these words.
I prayed that our hearts would never feel this torment. However, today,
we received devastating news. There are new spots on the MRI, at least
one on the other side of our daughter's brain.

The all too familiar feeling of nausea followed by haziness settled over
our bodies. We vasalated between bouts of sobbing and looks of
disbelief. We felt trapped in a horrific nightmare until the sound of
small sobs shook us loose. Our sweet Kate was huddled up on the table
sobbing into her arm. Her little body shook for about half an hour.
Tears of pain, and fear letting loose. She was scared. Our baby was
scared and all we could do was hold her.

Through the tears Kate slowly got out the words, "why". "Why daddy, why?
Why hasn't Jesus healed me?" The sound of heartbroken sobs all that
could escape from her daddy's lips. Crys of pain.

I have rarely felt angry this past year and a half. About every other
emotion under the sun, but not very often anger. Today I was angry. I
had promised Kate we would swim with dolphins together. We had dreamed
of Hawaii together. We have so many plans. And yet now this. Words could
never detail the hurt.

So tonight we sit in disbelief, or horror may be more accurate. We had
gone into the MRI very hopeful. She was making gains on all ends. She
had no obvious symptoms. We had one of our favorite anesthesiologists
for the scan. She held Kate in her arms and sang to her as she held the
mask over her face and put her to sleep. I was so grateful she cared for
my baby. After the MRI we saw her again. I struggle not to try and
interpret everyones body language after a scan. However, her eyes were
watering. She said it must be allergies. My heart suddenly felt the icy
grip of fear, what if something was seen. I tried to dissuade the
feeling, the panic, for the next few hours.

Our meeting with the neurosurgeon relayed the devastating news. We cried
until the meeting with Kate's oncologist.

Tomorrow the tumor board will discuss her scan and the best way to
determine wether or not it is definitely cancer. Most likely Kate will
be undergoing a PET scan as soon as possible. They will also be
discussing the best possible route for us to take if it is tumor. They
will be contacting institutions around the country for open studies, and
anything that could possibly hold some hope for treating a recurrance.

We are crushed. Kate is heartbroken. And we need God's miraculous
intervention. Please pray. Please ask others to pray for our sweet baby.
I know she is one child among many battling. But she is our daughter,
and she is a sister, and a niece, and a granddaugther. Please pray that
God would spare her from this disease. Please.

Please pray that after further investigation they would determine it not
to be tumor. We understand the likelyhood of that is slim. But please
pray. Please intercede on our behalf.

Things will be moving quite quickly, we hope, as if this would be tumor,
time is not in our favor.