Sarah ~ My Perfect Little Angel

[Elena Leno]

On August 14, 1986 - I gave birth to my precious angel, my second daughter Sarah. Sarah was born with anencephaly, and two minutes after she was born, she went home to Jesus. . .she will always be in my heart & on my mind. I always wonder what she would have been like, if she would have been anything like my precious Jessica or totally different. (they were full sisters). When I was 6 months pregnant, after several ultrasounds & x-rays (all in one day) the doctors told her father (Pete) & I that she would be born with a deformity incompatible with life. They proceeded to explain to us that she was formed – without a brain. They did not have any answers as to why this happened. They advised me to have an abortion. I became angry & I told the doctors that they were not the final authority in this – GOD is. And I walked out of the hospital. I cried & I prayed & God assured me that my daughter would be perfect. I can remember her kicking inside me. Everyone thought I was crazy. I wanted to buy stuff for her. I held on to God’s word. He told me that she would be perfect, period.

 

On that Thursday morning I arrived at the hospital & they induced my labor – I was a month overdue. For 9 hours I went through hard labor & still held on to my faith & the word God gave me. In the delivery room with Pete & I, was my Aunt Louise. My mother & Aunt Phyllis & my father & my brother Louis & others were outside the room with Jessica, who was only 20 months old. Then as it got closer to the time – her feet came out first. It was at that moment I knew that she really was anencephalic. I remember becoming very serious & silent after that. Then finally at 6 PM – she was born. The doctor immediately put a cap on her head, so I wouldn’t see. . .they wrapped her up & put her in my arms. I unwrapped her & looked at her – she was absolutely perfect, except for what was missing. Her face was the image of Jessica. . .I kissed her & she opened her eyes & looked at me & smiled – as if to say “I love you Mommy – I will see you again in Heaven.” I told her I loved her & handed her to Pete. They had just cut the umbilical cord. Her soul went to Jesus as she was in her father’s arms. 6:02 PM. 10 months inside the womb, 2 minutes outside the womb – made a lifetime of an impact on my life.

 

I knew at that moment – that she was absolutely perfect. . .yes, she was, her little body was perfect, except for what was missing – she was – perfection in the presence of the Lord!! Our earthly bodies are imperfect, but our Heavenly bodies are pure & holy & perfect. He promised me she would be perfect & He does not lie. I still see her perfect little face, her perfect little body, her perfect little hands & feet. . .I see her eyes of perfect love looking up at me.

 

We don’t always get the answers we seek from God, in the way that we want them. We don’t always understand why things happen the way they do. We don’t have to. He is God. He promised He would never leave us or forsake us – this life was never promised that it would be easy, but if we hold on to Him, it will be oh so worth it in the end. Once we are born – it is with certainty that we will die. Sarah’s life was only 2 minutes – but my faith was tried & in spite of it all it was my faith that brought me through. That was a rough year. Two months & one day later, my brother Joseph died in a car accident at the age of 21. . . & not long after my marriage died. (3 deaths in one year). I don’t remember how strong I stood through those months – but I remember Who was with me & Who held me through it all – maybe those were some of the months He dragged me. . .

 

Years later, I was at the same hospital visiting someone that was having a baby. Her nurse took one look at me & approached me. She told me how she remembered me & my daughter – she was there when I gave birth to her. She said she could never forget the strength of my faith & how I forced myself to get up after I gave birth & walk down the hall & spoke to her & others. The ward was full & I was the only one without a baby to hold. And I was only one with the strength to get up & keep pressing on. JESUS!!! She could never forget how my brother Joseph showed up long after visiting hours & stayed with me for awhile. . .I still can see him as he stood in the dimmed light of my room, as Pete slept on the chair, & Joseph told me how much he loved me. . .& he promised he would spend more time with me & with Jessica. Little did we know. . .I digress. The nurse, she always wondered what happened to me – but my faith made an impact on her life. And she hoped to one day tell me. And she did. Glory to God!!!

 

Pete & I were told that we may never be able to have another child born without defect - and I was blessed with Dominic. . .& he was blessed with another daughter & a son. Our Jessica was blessed with two brothers & another sister. . .  Glory to God!! Man does not understand it. . .cannot fathom it, but GOD!!

 

I thank God for blessing me with Sarah for even the way too short time that she was here. It was one of the hardest things I had to face in my life. No parent should ever have to bury their infant. . .but through it all I have seen the glory of God & His perfect & unfailing love for me. And I know that one day, I will see her, as we both are in the presence of the Lord!!

 

I may not have any photos of you - but your image is in my mind & heart forever. . .

 

Sarah Padilla ~ Born & Died. . .14 August 1986. She was perfect. I will love you always my angel. See you soon!! Love & kisses & hugs, Mama. . .

 

(14 August 2012)