I am not a perfect man. I appreciate the many testimonies given to me by so many - sometimes it is overwhelming at the love and caring that has been shown to me on this page…so much that I don’t feel that I deserve any of it. You see, it is not just me that has been encouraging many of you and ministering to your souls. It is the Lord Jesus Christ who is working through me and speaking through me. When I became saved by the blood of Jesus Christ back in 1997 in that jail cell, I made a promise to the Lord that if He would save my life and allow me to have a loving and meaningful relationship with Him that I would love Him heart, mind, body and soul and that I would give my life to Him so that He may be able to use me to speak to and minister to His people. I am not a perfect man…but it is the Lord Jesus Christ who is working through me and speaking to you through me that is allowing me to be the man that you see before you…

It is difficult to type this because I am doing it through tears and I have tried to stop crying but I cannot. The reason being is because some of you have no idea the things that I deal with everyday - things that I had thought that I had given over to the Lord. But, sometimes, it gets very hard. How can I be able to minister to so many others, when I find it sometimes to minister to myself and deal with a few of the things that I deal with?

One thing that I deal with most often is the pain of abandonment, of hurt and sometimes of anger. Yes, I already know. You are going to tell me that I should give it to the Lord and allow Him to start healing me from this pain. But, sometimes…it gets so difficult. Why won’t I let it go?

I remember the day at Allied Tube and Conduit when I stood on the plant floor with a machine lying in pieces at my feet that I had cut up with a cutting torch. I remember looking at the conveyor systems and another machine - still standing - that took me 3 years to learn how to operate with perfection. 15 days previous we had just gotten the news that Allied Tube and Conduit was shutting its doors permanently and 275 of us would be out of jobs. And now, here I stood, with the entire machine line scrapped, wondering where would I go from there…

I remember, afterward, the way my ex-wife ended our marriage after only a year and a half and the cold, callous way people - who were close to me - reacted when I told them the news. She waited the day after my last day on the job at Allied and did what she did and I remember the shock that I felt as I stood in the yard with just a suitcase, as I had to leave. I remember the little 5-year old girl - her daughter - who I had gotten to know the year and a half that I had known her. She hadn’t gotten out of school and the day before was the last day that I ever saw her again. Then, I remember why it all happened. And it had a great deal to do with finances and me losing my job…

I am asking that you all pray for me and pray for my strength in helping me to deal with this very difficult chapter in my life. I want to thank you all for your support, your prayers and your encouragement. I will be fine, soon. This is something that happens to me every now and then for the last 6 months after this had happened to me. And it gets difficult, sometimes, to deal with it…

May the Lord continue to bless you and to keep you all. In Jesus Name. Amen…

She was only 6 years old and I never got the chance to say goodbye to her….

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Comment by Deborah Kay Cameron on October 10, 2012 at 12:33am

Dear Brother,

All I will say is I can empathize with you. God brought me through and he is no respecter of persons: he will do the same for you!  You are in my prayers!!!

Comment by Adrienne D Hayes on May 10, 2012 at 6:54pm

Every tear that has been shed, every moment of hurt and pain...God is going to turn it around for your good. All things work together for the good for them that love the Lord. Stay humble before the Lord and He will take you to a place that no man can remove you from. He will bless you with people in your life that will not walk away. God Bless you in all you do.

Comment by Michael Anayochukwu on April 10, 2012 at 4:18pm
Dearly beloved, it is true that this post has been for some time now, but let me say this as i am lead by his Spirit '' you are not alone''. He know about all you represent, totaly depend on him and get commited fully and see the salvetion of the Lord. Great grace to you!
Comment by The Preacher Teacher on June 1, 2011 at 1:52pm

Compelling Bruh...hit a brother up because healing is on the way and I pray that YOUR PRESSING YIELDS A BLESSING. I've been where you are and I know that feeling. It makes it easy to retreat to your familiar place but in the Name of Jesus I bind every attack, trigger and pull on your spirit that would seek to pull you into the pit. Resist the devil and trust in God. Don't hate the sistahs because the enemy wants you to harbor hurt and defensiveness and that is not God's will. YOUR HELP MEET IS ON THE POTTER'S WHEEL...


YOU HELPING ME...I wish some other Brothers would open up.

Comment by Cynthia Allen on December 16, 2010 at 4:27pm

My brother be encouraged no matter whats going on, he'll make it alright. God, is bigger than your hurt , pain and your loss.  He knows what you are going through you have not been forsaken. It may seem as thou you're not going to make it through. Remember God, has control of all of your problems.  I touch and agree with you that you are free from all the negative struggles that is trying to keep hold of you. Release them so that they no longer have hold on your life. I pray for complete wholesomeness upon your life man of God. In Jesus Name!

Comment by Toni on October 28, 2010 at 10:40am
hey again, I also was moved by this message. Can I share something with you? Although we are able ministers to others, at times we ourselves need ministry too. We cannot minister to ourselves; it takes one sent by God to minister to us. The physician cannot heal himself. I also would like to encourage you, sometimes we cannot "let things go" because we dont "have" them, they "have hold" of us. Afflictions. Strongholds. Seizures (as in being under siege). Roadblocks. You see? Just because we are ministers of the gospel does not mean that we cannot be captive in an area such as you describe, in matters existing in the soulish realm. God will restore your soul. Over time (sometimes), God breaks us out of confining places of torment. Other times it may be instantaneous deliverance. In the meantime God somehow uses these things, draws us closer to Him. You are in a rare position with God. You should know that this thing that cycles around from time to time in your soulish realm? It is only a light affliction, and that it is working for you to produce an exceeding and eternal weight of glory. It is working for you. It is working in you to produce a God desired effect in your life. I did not say God was doing this to you; the enemy of your soul is doing this to you. But God is allowing it, and it is working for you. You should know that you can glory in tribulation for tribulation produces patience, and patience works to produce hope and hope leaves us unashamed. It takes faith and patience to receive the manifest promises of God. There is no doubt in my mind that you are on your way to receiving just that.
Comment by Angela Doreen on August 24, 2010 at 4:29am
You know everyone of us have things that we continue to struggle with , what I and I am sure a lot of people did was make the mistake of thinking somehow when we accept Christ all our problems would disappear. But the truth is it does not because how else will we be tested if we had no more struggles, how will we know that we have completely put all our trust in God if we did not face these things that requires us to say God this is what has come my way I can’t see a way out of it but I don’t need to because you made me a promise so I am giving it over to you, it is now your struggle because I am keeping you to the promises you made.

When we able to do that we are carrying up our shield of Faith of being able to have the struggles and the adversities come around us and continue smiling knowing that Jesus will take care of it I say it because I too lost a job and everyone and everything in 2004 and I am still hear bigger, stronger and richer than I was. Brother, look forward and know that everything that happens in your life has been purpose from the father in order for you to gain the abundant Blessing He has reserve for you. So when you are crying don't cary for what you have lost cry in anticipation of what you will gain.
Comment by Prophtess Willie Mae Davis † on July 10, 2010 at 6:30pm
keep running to the mecery seat of GOD with his help you can be a overcomer through CHRIST JESUS shed blood.make sure you get anointed hahd laid upon you,admit to GOD you can't hold out by your self and to give you a mind not to go back.apply the blood of JESUS to your mind.

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