Whats your thoughts on the high divorce rate between Pastors and there spouses?

The divorce rate is really high among Pastors and there spouses , in many cases both are Pastors together in Ministry. The divorce rate is very high in the world. Are we being a good witness to the world. Do you think two Pastors. or two Christians, can take the true word of God , prayer and counseling to save there marriage? Not judging just dialog.Lets hear your comments.

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Rev Luckett,Good to hear from you. Your comments are great and so true.Great and true points you have expressed.
oh those are very good questions Kimberly. I want the answer to them as well.
The thing is God hates divorce, and nowadays it is just too easy to get a divorce. If a Pastor or Christian can stay married and committed to one spouse, then that also shows his/her commitment in all things, period, but in particularly it shows his/her continuing commitment to God.

I have heard the the first 15 years are the hardest, but once you are pass that, then the fruit is amazing, because the man has learnt sacrifice and the woman has learnt godly submission. Marriage is aliken to our relationship with God, the marriage between a man and wife is compared to Christ and His Bride. Never did Christ say to us, that it is going to be easy, we going to just wander off into the sunset together, no He say pick up your cross and deny self. So I praise God that He doesn't want to divorce us, therefore neither should we want to divorce each other!
Thanks for your comments.. I was married to the same man for 27 years before he passed, the father of all of my children.. We prayed ,stood on the true word of God and took godly counsel. We were determined as christians to stay together, work on our marriage and not divorce and we stayed married until his death.
Hello Dr. Brown, I feel that when one is called into the ministry that one should take in consideration his marriage first. That person will be one with him/her, therefore they must be on one accord when it comes to the ministry, A lot of times couples are together and one grows faster spiritually and that can cause problems.

As well as ministers marrying those unequally yoked with them, unequally yoked can refer to saved individuals as well as one in the light and one in the dark.

One spouse can not over shadow the other, that one will wilt and die
LOL.. you tell the average person today that they have to wait 15 years before they can have "wedded bliss" then they will shy away from marriage all together.

Oddly enough, what you say is probably true to an extent. The couples that I know who have really good marriages right now... well it took them double digit years of marriage to get there. OMG!!! Doesn't that kind of take your breath away! I mean in a bad way GRRRR!!

I look at my ex-husband.. we were married for about 10 years and it was still hellacious! But now, 18-19 years later he's finally a decent guy. OMG I would have had to wait almost two decades for him to stop the crazy stuff he was doing.

My patience, oh help me Father, my patience is MUUUCH sorter than it was before. I really don't want to wait that long. But see, we don't want to say those kinds of things and be honest about our feelings because then we fear rejection from the Christian community, we fear judgment from our peers so we stay quiet and put on the I'm a good Christian mask instead of saying... OMG 20 years before the fruits of a good marriage!! Are you serious that it is like the lifetime of a tree that grows from seed to shade!!

Unfortunately... for many.. this really is the case. *sigh*

Them crazy single folk always chompin at the bit to be married have NO IDEA what they are getting themselves into. They see the wonder not the work!!! They see the finished product but not the manufacturing process.

Oh Lord, help us during the manufacturing process as many are so ready to cut their losses and just shut the plant down!
Great question Dr. Brown! First, I believe one of the reasons the divorce rate is high, whether Believers or not, is that the partners lose their focus. They allow other things, other people, other issues to cloud their commitment to each other. In the case of people in the ministry, the main problem is that we lose focus on God's order. As stated beautifully earlier by Rev. Luckett, the order is God, family, then ministry. We confuse God first as ministry first. This is not the case; it is our personal relationship, our personal commitment that is first, then our commitment to our spouse, then to our children, and last is the ministry. Until we can clearly delineate God's order, everything will be in dis-order. Second, if the marriage is in trouble, we need to be bold enough, and yet humble enough to get help. It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help (James 5:14) Seek strong, sound marriage counseling. If you have high blood pressure, you go to a medical doctor, you take your pills, you cut out the salt and fried foods, etc. Your marriage is sick: be brave enough to go to marriage counseling. If you don't go to your MD and follow their instructions, you die...
God Bless you. Much Love!
What is the actual rate? I hear the common "the divorce rate is high in the church.." There has to be some sort of numbers to back this statement. I dont doubt it but I just would like to see numbers for my own personal knowledge and so I can have something in stone to share with couples.

But to chime in first off everbody thats a member of the local church is not a member of the body of Christ so there that's said. Second I share this with people too many times people go into marraige with divorce as an option, so essentially they enter into the marriage looking for a way out if there not happy. Many dont even take the premarital counseling serious if they get it at all, I know of people who went into the counseling saying "I aint telling them all my business" so they went into the marriage with bones and hidden issues they didnt even want to get addressed when they had the oppurtunity.
Rev . Culberson.Jr ,The National divorce rate is 50 percent of marriages fail in divorce and with Christians its 27 to 30 percent. is the divorce rate amongst Christians. Thats very high as we ought to de different, we are to be a light in the midst of darkness.
Thanks for the comments. All the views are very great and well expressed. Lets continue the dialog..
this is what i think. the competition is not only between members and pastors but between spouses. some, as mentioned by Rev. Luckett, do not know whether they are called or not, or want to be called preachers/pastors because their spouses are pastors. instead of supporting the one who is called, there is challenge- who is to be seen or heard, who must have the fame? and of course the money and glamour that has crept into the church. (carnality)
secondly as much as ministry is very very important we must never forget that the matrimonial ministry is first. sometimes i wonder what has happened to IF TWO SHALL AGREE AS TOUCHING- ................
One reason that the dicorce rate is so high is what I call the "fairy tale" paradigm. We go into marriage without really counting the cost of what we must give up to be married to the other person.

When both have had their own ministries for years and then get married do they really consider how their lives will merge? How their ministries will merge? How their families will merge? We fall in love with a fairy tale image of what life will be like together and when you actually marry you come to realize that reality is a BEAST of a thing.


Daily living together brings out quirks that may irk the heck out of you. While we are strongly against shacking up before marriage we can understand the curiosity behind it. Even when you date you don't really get to see that person you will be living with.

Americans have been raised on the fairy tale of marriage even using bible stories as fairy tale stencils for marriage.

Women don't always know who they are submitting to...and women are also erroneously taught that they can do bad all by themselves or they can have a better life without the man.

Men are taught that loving sacrifice means doing whatever pleases the woman and in turn she loses respect for him for not being emotionally strong around her. He either in turn becomes overbearing or a wuss.

We haven't had healthy marriage role models in person or in books we read, movies and tv. When we look to the church we see the same problems in marriage.

We don't know how to relate to one another bcuz we are the walking wounded...protecting ourselves from vulnerability and from being hurt "again" or being hurt like we've seen so many others hurt before us.

Selfish ambition, self-protection, passive aggressive behaviors, aggressive behaviors, distrust, no knowledge or past practice of how to love leaves us unloving towards one another.

You remind him of past failed relationship. You remind her of past failed relationships...and hurting people emotionally bleed all over one another.

Seeking Christ in the marriage would mean they would both have to give up their comfortable places of being wounded. We wallow in our wounds because it is our safe and familiar place. We are use to the shacks of self-focused behaviors and responses.

To get help would mean we would have to come out of those dark places into Christ's light and be...healed.

Rebellion sets in, we dig in our heels and say I WON'T GO. THIS IS MY SHACK AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE IT!

Relationships are hard work and sometimes...sometimes we are just too emotionally tired from past relationships to put in the work. It is easier to just dig in your heels and stay the same. But that will get you the very thing you don't want...a divorce.

Some get divorced bcuz they think the grass will be greener with someone else but they don't realize that ALL grass has both bugs snd dirt.

And I would not sit here and say that I have all the answers or have perfected the lifestyle of relationships. I still get biblical counseling on relationship and ministry matters. I find myself struggling with controling my anger in certain areas. I realize my issue is not exploding in anger but imploding and retreating within myself. I have to get away and pray. And I have to seek help from a Biblical Counselor who can help me get to the root of the issue, find and apply scriptures that address my issue and the most difficult part for most of us is then walking in obedience to God's word IN SPITE of how we feel.

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