Should a child be forced to be in something they do not have interest in?

[Taffinee]

I have a 15 year old daughter, I have not been in her life much because my mom raised her from an infant to about 12 years old. I am married and her and my husband do not get along because he tries to control her instead of getting to know her. She has been living with a friend of mine because of this. It seems that my husband picks with her knowing that she does not see him as a father figure. My husband is the type of man that believes in you live in my house you do what I say. That is all good and it is called discipline. He is over the choir and it seems like he controls the choir to the point people do not like to join the choir. We have come along way and I try to keep peace in the choir through the word of God. I am the choir director. My 15 year old daughter has no interest in the choir and she is coming back to live with me soon. She is a teen mother with a 1 month old child and the choir is just not her interest. My husband told me if she does not join the choir she can not come back home. In this situation I have prayed and prayed. I need to be a mother to my daughter because she is young and my mom passed away on March15, 2009. I am all she has. What should I do to convince my husband that their are other things that she can be active in the church besides the choir?

[Scott R. Newman]

Personally what I see is the issue is not at all about the choir. The choir is a smoke screen that hinders what the real root of the issue really is. I think your husband is out of bounds in trying to be the staunch disciplinarian to a child that is not his. Especially when your 15yr old daughter is just 3 years shy of being a legal adult. Trying to be the Head disciplinarian at this juncture can be very damaging as well as ineffective to force a young mother who now believes she's grown to be forced to sing in a choir. What does a choir have to do with anything? Why would I want to sit up in a church to listen to those who are singing unto the Lord who's heart is not in it? How can the Holy Spirit minister to those who are at ears length be compelled by the spirit to be moved through the giftings of those who use that ministry to move us closer to God?

The real question is why were you not in your daughters life? How old were you when you had her? Where is her father been? What male or father figure did she have growing up? How does she see men now, since she obviously has not been raised around a good male role model who could model behavior that is condusive to create the atmosphere of wholeness. Is she still in the baby's fathers life? Is your daughter saved? Has there been any counseling with you, your husband and your daughter to see how each ones roles should be defined? Blended families are tough and hard as it is without making Christ the center of your marriage to receive the right instruction in how to best create a harmonious environment.

There are many issues that are intertwined that needs to come out. The choir is the least of these. We must remember that the church building is not the cure all as well as the choir to try to root up these generational issues as they continue to be masked under the disguise of knowing how to do "cherch". We are the church, we are the salt and light of the earth. Your husband's role in this blended family is not as the disciplinarian. His role as I see it is to support you, as her mother in how best to discipline your own daughter. He is not the father. You must come together with your husband in private to determine with a game plan in how best to handle this with prayer and calmness to create a more peaceful presence that fosters understanding and love. Your home will be a home that will bring in two more spirits and souls, your daughter as well as your grand child. You don't need more division and strife in an already stressful situation. You cannot change your husband from being who he is, but you can change the atmosphere of your home, just like you have successfully done with the choir. Remember your duty is to your covenant first. Let your daughter see Christ emanating from your oneness, that will speak volumes to her heart more than words and works can do. Pray in your home, have daily Bible devotions in your home and watch the Holy Spirit bring you to a place of Oneness that will change the atmosphere in your home as it seeks to transform all those who will be witnesses to the restoration process. This is how God gets the greater....GLORY!!!

God Bless

Scott

[Taffinee]

Scott My mother raised my daughter until she got to be 12 years old. My mother was very protective of her to the point at times she would not let me see her or I had to fight to even take her anywhere. My mother was the one who always gave her what she wanted, when she wanted it no matter what the cost was. As for men, my daughter saw her father only 1 time in her life. They talk on the phone because he does not live here but that is it. We have gotten Godly counciling from a pastor which broke a lot of hatred she had for me. She loves me more than she ever has. She just has a problem with my husband because he is a very hard disciplinarian.