Why is romantic (emotion-based) marriage wrong?

Quite a number of young people are deceived into thinking that God blesses love

marriages. “Love marriage” here means a marriage that is entered into only because of a romantic relationship or an emotional involvement. The first marriage in the Bible was arranged by God.

A MARRIAGE ARRANGED BY GOD IS A MARRIAGE ENTERED INTO IN THE WILL OF GOD. Every godlymarriage should be thus arranged by God; i.e. the parties involved should know the will of God before the marriage. Genesis 6:2 speaks about the first “love marriages” in the Bible, which resulted in the universal judgment of the flood. Some children of God loved the beauty of some girls and married them—“they took them wives of all which they chose”—not “of which God chose.” And “the wickedness of man was great in the earth” (vs 2&5). In Genesis 29:11,18 we read that Jacob loved Rachel; it was “love at first sight”—and he kissed he r. In one sense, all his miseries started there.

They give the excuse—“After all, I’m going to marry her.” Some go far beyond kissing ! As in Genesis 6:2, Jacob found Rachel “beautiful” (Gen 29:17) and he chose to marry her. It was a lifelong, unnecessary suffering for poor Jacob. His father-in-law deceived him; having suffered for seven years to get the girl he had chosen, he suffered yet another seven years. With two marriages it did not stop; he had to have two more wives, Bilhah and Zilpah. Rachel’s end was tragic and sorrowful. She was buried “on the way,” and thus could not be buried in her father’s sepulchre (Abraham’s sepulchre) where Jacob buried Leah (Gen 49:31). Samson’s and Amnon’s love affairs also brought about destruction. The Bible doesn’t

say you should marry the woman you love but, love the woman you marry (Eph 5:25). It doesn’t say “Isaac loved Rebekah and she became his wife” but, “she became his wife; and he loved her” (Gen 24:67).

What happens when a man falls in love (has a romantic relationship) with a woman? His thoughts, feelings, imaginations, emotions, etc. are all centred around her. Even if he has not touched her physically, his emotional purity is lost. After the marriage he will not be able to love her fervently with a pure heart (see I Pet 1:22), as a pure heart is lost when emotional purity is lost. This is why most marriages based on romantic love end up in trouble or in divorce. The Oxford Dictionary defines “romance” as “relating to love, especially in a sentimental or idealized way.” It defines “sentimental” as “having or arousing feelings of

tenderness in an exaggerated or self-indulgent way.” Areas where self is dominating, choosing and planning—where God is not in the centre, or on the throne—can never be strong or stable. So such “love marriages” will never be as stable or successful as God-arranged marriages. “Marriage is honourable in all” (Heb 13:4). However, all marriages are not honourable. Honour is connected with purity (see I Thess 4:4). Therefore, if marriage is to be honourable, the couple involved must have kept themselves pure before marriage.

From Genesis 24:14&44 we find that God has appointed a woman for a man just as God appointed Eve for Adam, and that marrying the God-appointed person is a kindness to the parents. A love marriage is very often a distress to the parents (see Gen 27:46). Every blessed marriage will have threefold blessings: the blessings of God (Psa 128:1-6), the blessings of the servants of God (Gen 24:53), and the blessings of the parents (Gen 24:60; 28:1,2).

However, if God has called someone to serve Him being single, let him “abide in the same calling wherein he was called” (I Cor 7:20). If he gets married after knowing the call of God on his life, perhaps being tempted by wealth or by an offer of some earthly benefits, he is heading for life-long sorrow which may continue even in Eternity. In Genesis 24:50 we read, “The thing proceedeth from the Lord.” God’s people have to take “marriage” seriously and seek the counsel of God in this matter. God, on His part, will not leave us

helpless when we trust Him. One has to take the matter to the Lord in prayer before deciding on anything. Both parties concerned must honour God and be willing to follow the ways of the Lord. “Love (romantic) marriage” and “dowry” are neither the way of the Lord nor the will of God for God’s children. Before marriage, all the parties involved must have waited upon God and known without any shadow of doubt that it is the will of God. Such Godarranged

marriages may also have trials and troubles. However, the divine assurance that they

were united by God will help them to triumph over their trials for the glory of God.

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