Musical Conflict: It's a love-hate relationship

[Jakki Gilchrist]

What do you do when there is a musical conflict. This may seem strange but if it exists for me then it must exist for someone else.

I have been playing piano/organ since I can remember. I want to so desperately continue playing but I don't enjoy playing at all. That sounds crazy, right? I don't enjoy playing. I don't like to hear myself because I am not pleased with my playing. However, I know that I am not better than I am because I refuse to practice. You would think that I would practice if I knew it would make be play better. But I don't want to hear myself practice. I want to learn more but haven't been able to motivate myself to make it happen. What do I do? I know if I did better I would love it because in the midst of all that was just said, I have a love for playing. HELP!!!

[Charles Beavers]

Hey Sis,

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! I want to ask you a question. Is playing a natural talent of yours or were you forced to learn it as a child.? If it's a natural talent where you picked this up easily and can play by ear, then you have a responsibility to use what God has given you for His glory. The scripture tells us in Philippians 2:13, "For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." I believe that the love that you have for playing comes out of your spirit and the hate that you have for playing is simply nothing but the flesh warring against the spirit. The scripture further says in Galatians 5:24, "And those who are Christs have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." You must continue to crucify the flesh. I encourage you to take some time out daily and begin to just worship God while playing. Forget about how good or bad you think you sound, just render up to God what He desires most from His people, Praise & Worship. Forget about you and focus all on Him as you play and sing. Remember you are gifted to play for His glory, to include playing when you do or don't feel like it. I wish so much that I had the natural ability to play. I am a singer/songwriter who unfortunately am not gifted to play. Talk about frustrated. I sometimes wonder what's the use of writing songs and singing them without the accompaniment of music when oftentimes I hear the music in my head as I write. I've been doing this now for about 17 years. I want to take piano lessons but am hindered by the lack of finances and time to do so. Give your talent back to the Lord and ask Him to use you for His glory and then totally surrender to Him. The enemy is pressing your flesh to stop you from glorifying God with your talent. Fight back by doing exactly the opposite. God bless

[Jakki Gilchrist]

God bless you and thank you for allowing the Lord to speak through you. Those words truly blessed me and allowed me to see this in a way that I never thought. I will keep this in mind and continue to press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus. I will keep you posted on how things are going as I become disciplined and motivated to utilize the talent He has given me for His glory. You are in my prayers as you go higher in your ministry.
--Jakki

[Minister Paul Youngblood]

I think that everybody experiences this at one time or another.One of the good things about these kinds of "seasons"is that it gives you time to reflect and reevaluate why you are doing what you do....and who you are doing it for.Even Jesus got to the Garden of Gethsemanae,and became overwhelmed.....but even then the Garden became the place of reaffirmation,so should this time be also.Now....on the lighter side of things......Jesus was not a musician,who had to put up with all the many experiences that can come,in our churches,dealing with choir people,and attitudes,not feeling like doing it on some Sunday's,not even wanting to go to church some Sundays,not wanting to sit down and practice and extend that one extra finger to fatten up that chord,still listening trying to figure out what they are saying lyrically and you substitute a word that will fit,and then a choir member tells you it's wrong.....it is in these "Garden" times that you press on,toward the mark,which is in Christ.....if you are experincing this now....know that just like Jesus rose,you will rise,but.........you can't rise until you go through the....Garden-Be blessed

[Jakki Gilchrist]

Thank you for your reply. For so long, I did it because I had to do it and there was no one else to do it. However, I didn't complain because I knew it was helping the ministry and I was comfortable around everyone in my church. Didn't want to think about playing on the outside. The whole time I knew it couldn't possibly be my best. Because there is a deep inner desire to do better and be better, I do believe I will rise. Although at this moment, I am not the one who has to play anymore, so the pressure is off. But those of you who have replied have truly motivated me and I will, hopefully soon, continue. Thank you.