HOW FAR IS TOO FAR FOR BELIEVERS WHO ARE DATING?

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

I've had many discussions with both men and women on this topic.

I would love to know your thoughts on how far it too far when you are both believers?

What (besides the obvious...) should be totally off-limits?

[Overseer Erica S. Jackson]

Grace to you Tracy, some people may think I'm totally old fashion, but one thing that I stopped doing when I was dating (the Lord is not saying date in this hour...LOL) I stopped getting picked up and if we were going to eat it was going to be early and I was not going to get caught up in the "ambiance" of a 5 star restaurant. It wasn’t going to be too dark and it wasn’t going to be too romantic... Nice, of course, but not all of the “bells and whistles.” What this did for me is it kept me safe. I wasn’t setting myself up. I love good food, and all of that, but what happens is we get very comfortable and we let our guards down, and of course that’s when temptation shows up. Another thing that we must understand as believers is that they can’t tempt each other. I made sure I was modest, and that I wasn’t too “over the top”. We have to know our own limits as well. If we are going to date as believers we have to know that our relationship with God and His son Jesus will not be compromised and we must put that on the table too. Oh and we have to stop playing “married” not shaking, but playing married, you live in separate houses, but you got bills together. If you break up it’s almost like getting a divorce and you never even been married… God I thank you for deliverance…LOL Elder

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Most excellent advice! I've known several who have gotten cars together etc and it was most definitely a bugger after they went their separate ways.

I was one who, in the past, accepted my boyfriends invitation to be on his cell phone account. Fortunately, we were very dear friends before we became romantically involved. And when we parted it was on amicable terms and we remain very good friends today. But if our relationship crashed and burned as many do, me getting off his account would have been nothing short of a nightmare. And although our relationship ended well... like you, I would not advise "daters" to act like they are married. If you are going to help each other out with bills, then as I used to say when I was unsaved... "put 5 on it".. not your name!

LOL

God bless you Elder for responding with sound advice.

I look forward to the comments and suggestions from others as well.

[MICHEAL BROWN]

WHEN U START TO FEEL THE URGE TO HAVE SEX

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Bring extra money to supersize that meal... LOL

[Minister Ginger London]

Absolutely Rabbi, as singles we need to let the Spirit be the Spirit. If we consider ourselves to be Kings and Queens of the Most High Kingdom, then we should trust the Spirit of the Most High God to "keep us from sinning."

One of the most rewarding things about being a godly woman, is the opportunity to represent God in everday life and yes, even in nice restaurants.

Why should the nice restaurant be a temptation set up for the godly woman? Maybe it can be an opportunity for the man to experience the grace of a godly woman without the expectation of a worldly outcome?

As single Christians, let set the standard so that those who are not Christians would want to follow what we do on dates instead of us being afraid of giving in to thier dating practices.

As strong believers, single Christian men and women should be able to go out on a date with one another without "expectations" being too high and without "over-kill." If holding a hand, a hugh of love, or a simple jesture of politeness such as opening a car door will make someone romantically nervous, then dating at this time might not be the best thing for the person. One can openly talk about these things at some point beyond the initial date, but during the initial date it can take away from the intent of the date. Some dates can be mainly to enjoy the company of someone who is like minded. Can singles enjoy a cup of coffee or diner without any strings being attached?

God Bless,
Minister Ginger London

[sonshine gray]

i believe the old fashion way. no touching, kissing, rubbing, feeling or sex until you say i do, you don't. when you begin to lust in your mind and dream of lustful desires for that person, then that's to far. even in dating, we should seek the word of god even in our dating. pay for your own jewelry, cars, clothes, hair,nails, houses, couches, phones, & etc......................... give absolutely no place to the devil. live your life so that god can use you while you are single.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Although this is similar to the advice that I give I want to add that you should PURPOSELY resist those things that tempt you. Don't be reactive, be proactive. I believe that we should openly discuss things. We have become so spiritual that we don't discuss such things anymore. Why can't dating Believers openly discuss the areas of their romantic relationship weaknesses so that the person they are dating understands WHY the other chooses to not do this, that or the other.

For example, if you know that YOU will fall and lose it all if a woman simply holds your hand...then you should communicate that to her. Or if you go loopy when a man kisses you on the cheek...then you should communicate that as well. What cause one to fall may not cause another to fall. But we must communicate in order to know these things. Don't forget that those wonderful romantic feelings we get have a purpose when used appropriately and maturely. We shouldn't squash them all together. Some even say that believers shouldn't date... that they should just get married and do the dating stuff in marriage (like an arranged marriage). Well this happens anyway, you shouldn't stop dating your spouse after you say, "I DO".

As far as how far is too far, well, we know that sexual intercourse outside of marriage is an absolute NO NO. It is fornication or adultery (depending on the circumstances). Heavy petting??? well what's the end result? Would you drive your car towards a brick wall at an increasing speed? No! So why get into heavy petting and say to yourself, "oh we will stop before it goes to far" LOL that is deception. What is heavy petting? Some have said any kind of kissing, some say using tongues, some say only on the lips... the list goes on and on. Some believe to look upon anything but a woman's eyes is defilement.

Some have said no touching, this would include holding hands, shaking hands as a greeting, hugging as a greeting, hugging as a goodbye.... I mean the list goes on there as well.

My advice, don't just know YOUR limits but communicate with the person you are dating and know EACH OTHER'S limits and beliefs in the matter. Get an understanding of one another and discuss the biblical basis for your convictions up front to set the foundation for your relationship. That way you don't get a speeding ticket from the Holy Spirit later on. We don't want any "moving violations" to cause us to fall -- LOL

~Tracy Curtis~

[quanda clark]

WOW! I can't beleive that this is happening. I have just become single again after a15 year relationship. After raising my kids and getting them off to college my husband leaves me. How torn apart was I. After being alone for the past year and a half, I have decided to try dating again. These are questions I've asked myself and many others. What I have found to work for me is the communication. I have tried to share my time with men who are seeking a relationship with God. Not just in the church. I have let them know that I am a christian and I do honor my beliefs. Talking about any and everything, searching the scriptures to see what the word has to say about it has done just what God said it would do, "draw or push away," Leting a person know how you feel, and what you expect, allows the other person to decide if he/she wants to continue on with the relationship to get to know the other. It also gives you the chance to reach out to a non beleiver, to share the word of God and the good news about Jesus. Many people that I have met know of God but they don't "KNOW" God and our conversations have at least allow me to plant a seed. I'm comfortable now with dating because I go on the date with getting to know that person through communication (real talk) rather than looking to hook up. And because I have taken this approach, I have met some really good friends, and I have helped a couple of my new friends to come to Jesus. I realize now that every date may not be a potential mate for me. My advice would be to take it slow. And I agree with some of the other comments about how you date, when to date, where to have your date, and what should happen or not happen on your date. But I think the most important thing to do is communicate your beliefs and your feelings form the start.

quanda

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

AMEN on the communications advice.

You know, something you said reminded me of a blog I posted on "missionary dating" also known as "evangelical dating"


Here's the link:

abcpreachers.ning.com/profiles/blogs/missionary-dating-whats-wrong

If the link doesn't work, you can find the blog on my profile...just click my name right here and scroll down my page.

Let me know what you think.

~Tracy Curtis~

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

LOL...,.you know my brotha...you recruiting mighty heavily for your survey!!! LOL

question.... was there such a thing as dating in the bible? If not, then what biblical principles can we use from the bible to date in our various cultures where dating is acceptable and normal?

[Pastor Michael & First Lady Kimberly Eaton]

This is from my book, "How To Be Blessed As A Christian Single." This is a question and answer book. Here is the quetion:


Is touching and feeling really a sin?

Here is my answer:

Touching
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

First of all I believe touching and feeling are to difference things. Also, because you use these two terms as one I think you are asking about heavy petting. This type of heavy petting the bible addresses in 1 Cor. 7:1-2 (NASB), “ Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife,
and each woman is to have her own husband.”

These verses indicate that if you want to touch the opposite sex in a sexual way you should get married. Harold Ivan Smith in his book, “Singles
Ask” says: The Bible establishes a strong connection between sexual intimacy and commitment. God wants to protect us from unnecessary pain and suffering by placing sex within the marriage relationship. Only when sexual intercourse
takes place in the context of a lifelong commitment between two people is it
consistent with God’s will. Complete physical intimacy requires a complete
commitment between husband and wife.

Any type of sensual and sexual touching should be reserved for the married couple who would not be concern about how far is too far. If you are asking this question, “How far is too far?” You have already gone too far. God is calling singles to live an absolute pure life.

The bible says to Timothy a young single pastor in I Timothy 5:1b-2 (NIV) to, “Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger
women as sisters, with absolute purity.” Treat younger single women as sister in or with absolute purity. You are to treat your sisters and brothers in Christ like your blood sister or brother.

Would you be touching or feeling own your blood sister or brother? Most people would answer this question with a resounding “No!” However, it is time for Christian singles to stop trying to play with sexual sin. The bible tells us in 1 Cor. 6:18 to “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” This is one of two sins that you bible says to runand not stand. You must flee sexual sin not resist.

Many singles have “fallen” into sexual intercourse trying to enjoy the touch or feeling while trying to resist going all the way at the same time. No! May that never be! Many Christian singles asked “How can I resist sexual temptation?” You do not resist sexual temptation. You flee sexual temptation. You flee sexual temptation by not touching. Sensual and sexual touch should be reserve for marriage.

Prayfully this was helpful. You can read my book online from a link on our myspace page. www.myspace.com/PastorMichaelEaton

[John]

This is a short answer for me! Anything pertaining to the flesh is off limits period! You Know! LOL I think you can hold hands and a hug and be safe. That's it!

Now I totally don't think you should just say "I DO" just so you can be fleshy either. You know people do that to!