submitted sex in marriage.... will it save the marriage?

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Let me throw this scenario out to the couples here...


According to scriptures, spouses are not suppose to withhold sex from one another.

I Corinthians 7:5 (NIV)
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


This is a biblical fact... we don't argue nor reason with scriptures.

In a situation where a married couple is having various problems and these problems flow over into the bedroom in either lack of desire or in performance and one spouse demands sex from the other using the above scripture... will that save the marriage?

If it is the man demanding sex and the woman feels like her husband is raping her because her desire is absent... will that save the marriage or make it worse?

If it is the woman demanding sex and the husband cant... well "raise the flag" so to speak because of all of the pressure in the home... with that save the marriage or make it worse?

Please share your thoughts and comments.

[Althea Rollins]

I can tell you first hand that IT WILL NOT!!! Marriage is not about sex. Intimacy and sex is something that are byproducts of the relationship. Sex is an expression of love and oneness in a healthy, biblical marriage. When it approached with irreverence, it breeds resentment in the other party. They begin to feel like a tool instead of a partner. A married couple must seek to identify the "breach" in the relationship that has caused the "disfunction" in the bedroom. There must be a return to "intimacy" before going back to the sexual relationship. That is the problem with modern day society. It communicates the idea of "sex as a recreational tool, reward, or (sometimes) a weapon". Unfortunately, we bring those same concepts of "reward and punishment" into our maritial relationships. The bible qualifies the "withdrawal" being for the purpose of prayer, fasting, or "uncleaniness of a woman (menstral cycle)". I would recommend that the parties seek counseling if they are not able to communicate openly and honestly with each other.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

I couldn't agree with your more Althea! I made a comment in another discussion about divorce in the church. My comment was that I know of a couple where the husband would put the bible in the middle of the bed and a condom on top of it as a sign that his wife was suppose to biblically submit to him regardless of whatever else was going on in the marriage. My comment about that couple was that the husband's actions (much like you said here) was causing resentment in the wife. When she submitted (according to the scriptures her husband used against her), she felt like she was being raped. This did not help the marriage at all.

And, of course, the husband felt so rejected....

Neither knew what to do. resentment and rejection breeded anger and then.. disgust and eventually...divorce.

[Preacher]

Whitholding sex from a spouse is not only ungodly...but It can be concidered witchcraft...
I've had this discussion before...and I've come to the conclusion that only women who are not born of God would disagree...that a woman has no right to with hold sex from her husband...my suggestion is if one doesn't want sex...one should remain single...no marriage is much more than sex...but Its important enough for God to devote many verses about it...
GB

[Althea Rollins]

Hey Sister Hope. I've seen it too many times. We have to be careful not to add to or take away from the Word of GOD (Deut 12:32). Regarding "sex" and the "body", here are some scriptures for all to begin their study regarding marriage and the CHRISTIAN household and Maritial Duties:

-- Colossian 3: 18.Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19.Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

-- 1 Cor 7: 3.The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her
husband. 4.The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In
the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

The bible says 1 Sam 15:23 "23.For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king."

The Word of God also warns husbands in 1 Peter 3:7 says "7.Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." So, husband are encouraged to "be considerate" to their wifes. All parties are responsible in a marriage and there is no immunity. ANYONE that reject the written Word of GOD is just as guilty as any other sinner.

I hope this helps all.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Sis Rollins

You have provided a MOST EXCELLENT RESPONSE!!!

I love BALANCED teaching that deals with everyone and not just one sided teaching..

When I post topics such as this, I can always tell who is imbalanced in their thinking because they will mostly talk about only one side or from one perspective and not see the ENTIRE picture.

[Preacher]

Praise God...I'm not one to compromise...sorry if truth makes you feel uneasy...as for balance..lets see what the bible says AGAIN...LOL

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

now can anyone show me where the bible teaches that they are both the head AND BRING SOME BALANCE...I want to learn...lol
GB

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Preacher, herein is one fast lesson

Unfortunately you have interpreted my responses to you here and on other discussion to mean that I believe that the husband and wife are equal in authority. That is not my belief and has not been the foundation of my responses to you.

My responses to you here as well as on other discussions is that you dont have balanced TEACHING. Your responses are continuously focused on the error of women's ways (which has some scriptural validity -- I've never disagreed with that and yet you think I do LOL that's weird)

But while you post a dissertaion on women in error you post little info on the husband's role. I haven't done that, if you notice, I post about both the women and the men who are in error. I've also shared this because of my errors in my relationships. I've openly spoken of when I was not in submission and I didn't blame the man for my error...that was on me. However, I didn't just ignore nor whitewash where he erred. You can't dance with a partner if the partner isnt dancing...LOL but you can still dance...you'll just be dancing by yourself. BOTH people need to be taking the correct steps not just one.

It is as if it is your personal mission to get women straight. VERSUS doing as scriptures do and address BOTH men and women. Not saying they both have equal roles, responsibilities and authority but they BOTH are addressed in scripture.

See, that's where you are experiencing confusing in what I mean when I say balance.

And like I remarked to you in another discussion ... balanced teaching would be to say:

MEN do what is right no matter what the wife is or isn't doing
WOMEN do what is right no matter what the husband is or isn't doing

I am in no ways perfect when it comes to marriage and I'm sure I'll get an AMEN from the peanut gallery on that statement.

But when you are talking about marriage....you are talking about TWO people not just one. And BOTH, albet not equal in roles and responsibility and yes even authority, BOTH need to be ADDRESSED not just one.

That is my issue when I say BALANCED teaching. THIS is the type of teaching I'm referring to...

All I"m saying sir, and it is quite simple, is that in your fight you're leaning to the right..

[Preacher]

My responses to you here as well as on other discussions is that you dont have balanced TEACHING. Your responses are continuously focused on the error of women's ways (which has some scriptural validity -- I've never disagreed with that and yet you think I do LOL that's weird)

Heres balance for you, wives submit and be under subjection PERIOD..SEE HOW EAY THAT WAS :) GB..

[Althea Rollins]

Amen!

[Althea Rollins]

Husbands LOVE your wives does not mean command your wives. Also, remember attitude reflects leadership in the home. If you lead by conflict it will breed in your bedroom. Remember love your wife as Christ loved the church, not in just Position but also in care, and nurturing. Even when she is in fault forgive, for you have been forgiven, LOVE because Christ first loved you. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight o God. My Strength and my Redeemer. From Althea's Husband.

[Preacher]

Love you wives can men command also...theres a reason God told man he was the head of the wife...Now I know most men wouldn't dare be the head of their wives for fear of their wives...but this is what the word of God says...

when we study the word of God we see where God told Eve her husband will RULE over her...that word rule means dominate or be master or lord over her...command,lord,rule,dominate..all related...women today have flipped the word of God over and have become the rulers in the home and the churches...due to the lack of spiritual understranding and backbone of the men...
So much to the the point that preachers actually allow their wives to usurp authority in the congregations and teach men...Obeying their wives and disobeying God...just as Adam did...


now we are to love our wives as Cjhrist loved the church...true and the wife is to obey their husbands as the church obey's Christ or is supposed to obey christ...the bible says the hisband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...does the church command Christ or does Christ command the church? and why?
GB

[Evangelist Nicolette Hines]

Proverbs 29:2
When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked bears rule, the people mourn.
Authority in the wrong hands can be dangerous.
My question is ,Do your wife mourn or rejoice?
God resist the proud and give grace to the humble.
Loving your wife and respecting her is just human not a debate,
And if God can use a donkey surely a man can learn from his HELP MEET!