What to do when one has answered the call and the other has not???

[Minister A.D. Belfor]

I am a Minister who very simply has answered the call on my life and am daily striving to meet the expectations thereof. My husband on the other hand has not done so. I really wish that he were as zealous about ministry, but he is cut from a different cloth in this area. I try to be supportive in first giving him encouragement that he can have a very active role in Kingdom affairs and then by not really pressuring him or condemning him for not being where I am or other husbands seem to be. But, honestly, sometimes I have to deal with the reality that there is an imbalance that causes us to work harder on many levels including ministry.

For the sake of getting input from others who may have been there done that and overcome...please share any helpful or hopeful experiences. I emplore both men and women to respond b/c for a woman to answer a call before her husband it can lead to disorder w/in the marriage itself. So, I am interested in what men think is the best course of action--if any.

Grace and peace

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Judges 13 - 14 (The Message Bible)

1And then the People of Israel were back at it again, doing what was evil in God's sight. God put them under the domination of the Philistines for forty years.

2-5 At that time there was a man named Manoah from Zorah from the tribe of Dan. His wife was barren and childless. The angel of God appeared to her and told her, "I know that you are barren and childless, but you're going to become pregnant and bear a son. But take much care: Drink no wine or beer; eat nothing ritually unclean. You are, in fact, pregnant right now, carrying a son. No razor will touch his head—the boy will be God's Nazirite from the moment of his birth. He will launch the deliverance from Philistine oppression."

6-7 The woman went to her husband and said, "A man of God came to me. He looked like the angel of God—terror laced with glory! I didn't ask him where he was from and he didn't tell me his name, but he told me, 'You're pregnant. You're going to give birth to a son. Don't drink any wine or beer and eat nothing ritually unclean. The boy will be God's Nazirite from the moment of birth to the day of his death.'"

8 Manoah prayed to God: "Master, let the man of God you sent come to us again and teach us how to raise this boy who is to be born."

9-10 God listened to Manoah. God's angel came again to the woman. She was sitting in the field; her husband Manoah wasn't there with her. She jumped to her feet and ran and told her husband: "He's back! The man who came to me that day!"

11 Manoah got up and, following his wife, came to the man. He said to him, "Are you the man who spoke to my wife?"

He said, "I am."

12 Manoah said, "So. When what you say comes true, what do you have to tell us about this boy and his work?"

13-14 The angel of God said to Manoah, "Keep in mind everything I told the woman. Eat nothing that comes from the vine: Drink no wine or beer; eat no ritually unclean foods. She's to observe everything I commanded her."

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Minister Belfor, not every man will respond like Manoah when God speaks to the WIFE first!

The question is, what are you willing to do while God is working on your husband?

If your husband does not respond in a timely manner, will you still be an Ephesians 5 wife to him even in your frustrations with him not being an Ephesians 5 husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33 (The Message Bible)
Godly Advice About Relationships

21Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.


What makes you think God has spoken to your husband yet? Take another look at the passage in Judges. The angel spoke to the wife and even after Manoah prayed for clarity, the angel STILL spoke to the wife and not the husband the 2nd time around. So, again, what makes you think that God has even spoken to your husband yet. Will you leave him behind spiritually because God has not spoken to him OR because he has not responded to the call of God?

Has God called him to a different area that will compliment what He is asking of you? The woman nurses the baby inside her but it is the man's job to take care of that woman while she's pregnant. He protects them BOTH.

Don't rush your husband to a decision. Don't jump ahead of God just because he has told you that you are pregnant with ministry and will have a baby. It typically takes 9 months for that baby to grow. Give your husband time to accept, embrace and enjoy the pregnancy. The joy of fatherhood grows in the father as he sees his wife's belly swell.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

6-7 The woman went to her husband and said, "A man of God came to me. He looked like the angel of God—terror laced with glory! I didn't ask him where he was from and he didn't tell me his name, but he told me, 'You're pregnant. You're going to give birth to a son. Don't drink any wine or beer and eat nothing ritually unclean. The boy will be God's Nazirite from the moment of birth to the day of his death.'"

Remember, the do's and don'ts of marriage that will cause an abortion of the ministry that God has called you to. Don't allow the pregnancy to destroy the marriage because the marriage is needed for the nurturing and rearing of the baby (the ministry) that God has called you to. The Angel of God gave Manoah's wife preventive and proactive actions to take to prevent an accidental abortion both spiritually and naturally. Doing something that will cause "uncleanness" will cause you to lose fellowship with the Father. Don't do something in your marriage that will be unclean or unrighteous but good in your own eyes that may cause God to discipline you as a wife. Stay an Ephesians 5 wife WHILE fulfillling the will of God for you in the ministry. Your FIRST ministry is your marriage.

8 Manoah prayed to God: "Master, let the man of God you sent come to us again and teach us how to raise this boy who is to be born."


Teach US... allow your husband time to get to see the US in the ministry and in your marriage.


God may be testing your to see if you can handle the extra ministerial responsibility. Again, your FIRST ministry is your marriage all else is second, third, fourth, etc.

[HOPE - Psalm 43:5]

Lastly, could it be that you have been led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness of confusion and frustration in your marriage to see if you will seek your own good in ministry over the good of your marriage. I am not saying that you have done so or even desire to do so... but it is a temptation to just say the hell with the man who won't do what he should be doing (or what OTHERS are doing in their marriage) and move on to do ministry by yourself.

In not comparing him with others you have done very well ... keep remembering his individuality and not compare him to others. But keep a watchful eye on your frustration. The 300 men of were chosen for Gideon because they lapped water like dogs. What they did is reached down and cup the water to their mouths, lapping it from their hands. Why?? to keep a watchful eye out for the enemy. Always keep a watchful eye for the enemy of our souls and what he may try to do as a sneak attack on our marriages.

Matthew 26:41
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Keep your eyes on the flesh at all times....

lust of the flesh - wanting something right now instead of having patience and long suffering
lust of the eyes - comparing our spouses with other people
and most of all...

the pride of life - not being content when things don't go the way we should and in our timing. Thinking "this is how I responded, why isn't he responding the same way"

[Minister A.D. Belfor]

I have heard all that you have said and take it all with appreciation. I have visited many of the places that you mentioned in the area of temptation and testing (I've been with my husband eleven years) and I am blessed to say that I've made it through some of the roughest storms ever in this ministry called marriage. I am also blessed to say that my husband does not hold me back or hinder my progress. I do selflessly desire that he could experience the awesome relationship with God that I know is available to him. No one nows a spouse better than a spouse so I think it's safe to say that I know where he is if not based on anything more than our communication and his walk.

Thank you for taking the time to expound on this topic. It is very much appreciated.

Grace and peace to you.

[Minister A.D. Belfor]

Thank you for your prayers. I am praying for him as well because I know what he's missing and what he needs to live life to the fullest in this age. My husband is very good to me and the kids, but its not about me and the kids...it's about him and God. If he's full in the Spirit then I know that all my hearts desires as it relates to my union with my husband are fulfilled. He's going to get there. We're going to get there.

God bless you.