Infidelity & Cheating in a marriage...If a child is born as a result, should the spouse except the child?
If a child is born as a result of infidelity and cheating in a marriage should the spouse accept the child? More and more this is a topic amongst believers and non-believers. It is very touchy because many feel that the child being innocent in all of this deserves to have both mom and dad. What say ye?
For the sake of discussion and because this is the most common scenario, we will use the husband. Please understand what you are asking to suggest that a wife accepts her husbands child born out of infidelity. I do know of case where the wife did accept this and the husband ultimately ended up leaving her for the woman whose child he fathered.
In saying that, is it wrong if a wife decides to play the role of Sarah and demand that her husband send the woman and her child packing with no further contact.
Genesis 21:10
Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.
For the sake of discussion and because this is the most common scenario, we will use the husband. Please understand what you are asking to suggest that a wife accepts her husbands child born out of infidelity. I do know of case where the wife did accept this and the husband ultimately ended up leaving her for the woman whose child he fathered.
In saying that, is it wrong if a wife decides to play the role of Sarah and demand that her husband send the woman and her child packing with no further contact.
Genesis 21:10
Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Child of the Kingdom on
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These people are the exception not the rule. The reality is most end in disaster. These topics are for those who are struggling in this and not really for those who have worked through this. Those with reports of victory can help the other 86% of those who don't have the same testimony.
More importantly, those who may be newly married need guidance on how to deal with these issues from a biblical standpoint. The sanctity of marriage TRUMPS a mistress and her child in a relationship that can be salvaged.
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Permalink Reply by Evangelist Altha Fugett on
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That child has nothing to do with it, and it is not Christlike in any way form or fashion to TRUMP a child. It is the fear express of a grown woman scared of a child and distrustful of HER HUSBAND, to stay faithful
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Ask God if it's christian like. God banished Hagar and her child at the wifes demands. Today's people don't see it as fair but ONCE AGAIN, GOD VALUES THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE OVER a husband love child. Since when does a wife have to trust someone who has already been proven unfaithful. Nothing to do with fear but wisdom.
Was Sarah being unChristlike or just wise?
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Amen
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It really doesn’t matter how anyone feels about Sarah not being Christlike. The point of the matter is, God agreed with her and honored HER WISHES over her husband Abraham. As I have stated many times, there may be a financial obligation to a child born in infidelity but this does not constitute an automatic bond and relationship if it puts the MARRIAGE IN JEOPARDY.
If a man’s wife doesn’t want the interference of an illegitimate child and it’s mother, then THAT IS HER RIGHT, REGARDLESS TO HOW ANYONE FEELS ABOUT IT. Every situation can’t be worked out with a fairy tale ending. Therefore, if a choice has to be made and a child has to be left out then why is it assumed that the husband must leave his wife and kids and take up with his mistress. THAT IS ABSURD.
What I hear the majority here saying is that the wife is being selfish if she doesn’t want her husband to continue his relationship with and illegitimate child. Well anyone who thinks this way is absolutely wrong. The husband and his mistress are the selfish ones for even getting together and breeding a child to begin with. Everyone knows what is at stake when they choose to engage in sexual activity. When a woman consents to carry on sexually and she knows he is married then she should be prepared to accept the WIFE’S POSITION. If the husband is not willing to leave his wife for his mistress, which is usually the case, then he and his wife must reach an agreement and this doesn’t include anything from the mistress. She doesn’t have a say in the matter.
Again, selfish or not, the wife is not required to deal with or allow her husband to deal with a child born in infidelity. It amazes me how everyone is throwing around this term not Christlike or selfish on the part of the wife when the husband is the one in the sin. Forgiveness does not mean you automatically have to take on a child born in infidelity.
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Forgiving the other woman does not mean that her and her child should still be hanging around. If the kind of comments I've seen on this forum is anything like the counseling going on in churches, then I can certainly see why there is such a high rate of divorce.
All of this stuff about the husband having a relationship with the child even it it means loosing his wife and kids is nonsense. Why should the bastard child take priority over the children of his marriage. If someone absolutely has to be without their father which is usually the case, then why must it be the wife's children. I don't care what anyone says but I know God would favor the children of the marriage over the bastard child.
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You are simply wrong.
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No Fugett, you are simply wrong.
You may think that a wife should step aside and allow her children to be sacrificed so the the OTHER WOMAN can be comfortable but YOU ARE WRONG.
If a husband has to choose between his wife's children or the bastard of infidelity he should choose his wife's children.
What makes you think the mistress and her child should be more important than the wife and her children.
We don't live in fantasy land, not every marriage can survive keeping the child around. If It can then kudos to those, but if making the choice is the only solution then you tell me why the mistress and her child should take priority over the spouses children.
A lot of single women would agree with your reasoning, but any wise, saved married woman would not.
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Your view is tarnished because of your mother's situation, you are not objective on this subject, one can't have their cake and eat it to, if you are going to forgive him, then forgive. You are in my prayers
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No one said anything about not forgiving but you FUGETT. You said the wife should leave her husband, not me. I said she should stay with her husband and fix the marriage minus the other woman and her child.
My view is not just based on my mother's case but the MILLIONS of people that have divorced due to infidelity and bastard children. I am sorry fugett, your view is not biblical and not good advice to anyone. I have given sound advise that is biblical and anyone reading this post who thinks a wife ABSOLUTELY has to accept her husband's mistress and child into their lives is NOT being realistic.
Let us just leave our disagreement right here. But please do us all a favor, please don't ever counsel a woman who is going through this because what you are saying is not real. Don't send a woman into fantasy land regarding keeping the family together while hubby plays house with another woman.
You, Fugett, can only see the bastard child as the victim here and can't seem to consider the wife and children as victims. Your reasoning is unreasonable and will KILL many marriages. A love child is not an automatic relationship or don't you get that. If a man continues the 1 + 1 = 3 with a wife, mistress and her child then we will continue to see the DIVORCES mounting.
I felt this way before my mom got divorced so that has nothing to do with my views. My views were established more than 3,000 years ago when SARAH TOLD ABRAHAM TO SEND THE WOMAN AND HER CHILD AWAY. I will pray for you as well that you learn the difference in being politically correct and Having Godly wisdom. We will not agree so Good Night.
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Let us just leave our disagreement right here. But please do us all a favor, please don't ever counsel a woman who is going through this because what you are saying is not real. Don't send a woman into fantasy land regarding keeping the family together while hubby plays house with another woman.
No, you can have your keyboard tantrum all you want, I have counsel women, and the thing about counseling is that the counselor doesn't tell one what to do, they listen, they give options, a christian counselor gives scripture. They allow that individual to make decisions based on scripture and the grace that God extends them.
Again some can handle this, and some can't, Sis Toni's testimony of her friend shows there is another side. I've also counseled with the children that were not accepted, and yes, I counseled them to forgive their fathers, knowing that they have a heavenly Father, and that there is nothing wrong even in their early adult lives trying to established a relationship with their father, for there may have been reasons that the tie was broken, like a spouse that would have been constantly reminded of an infideltiy by their prescence.
The bottom line is no little conversation that there will be no relationship between this child and the woman will guarantee that will happen, if that man is wants to see his child he will resort to deception and the spouse end of being hurt again.
It would be better to come up with a decision that had boundaries or leave
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Thinking on Jacob with all his wives and their children, hmmmm no one got sent away in that scenario,
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