TESTimony
Hello all, blogging to the beat of a different drum today but I decided to put it all down as a testimony. So here we go.
This last year and a half has been extremely difficult for me. I have found out things about people that I have known for a long time and those that I haven't known for long at all that were deeply disturbing. It has been a year of lies, betrayal and pain, pain pain. I never knew that I could feel so much pain in one lifetime.Everyday I asked the Lord, what now? - what do I do? what's going to happen? And everyday he would speak to me. My family and I were hurting together and as a mother it was hard for me to comfort my children and seek comfort from God at the same time, because he was literally all I had. But God did it. He spoke to me " you will live and not die" and I had to obey his command in order to save the lives of my children. I felt totally vulnerable and uncovered. I was allowing myself to be attacked and humiliated in the name of sin and though it didn't seem right I had to persevere. Deception in God's name was one of the hardest things for me to understand but knowing that God was speaking to me and showing me His way was awesome. I have never had a near death experience but sometimes I felt as if everything but my soul was gone and God used that opportunity, that time of total frailty to bring me closer and closer until I heard only Him.
Later that year when I thought things couldn't get any worse, that the hardest part was over and the best was yet to come. I was even told, "you will never go through anything like this again, I don't think this will be a problem in the future." But the enemy was busy, twisting the minds of those who he had enslaved and using them for his unholy purpose. I never knew for myself that Satan could make a person so angry, jealous and envious of something they wanted but couldn't legitimately have that they would try to take my life, not to get it, but to make sure I no longer had access to it but I was confronted with that reality literally in my own backyard. The event sent me into another realm of disbelief and set things that I had thought were settled back into motion. Having never experienced this before I did not know how to react. It was dictated to me how I should act in respect to saving an image that God never ordained and I agreed because, I was at a loss for words, emotions, actions - there were just too many. However, as time went on those words, emotions and actions began to emerge and there was no comfort for my pain and my anger except more of the same. It seemed as if every institution, every safe haven I had known had disappeared. Everyday was a challenge and every night a terror, trying to fix myself, trying not to be one of now a growing base of statistics, I fought myself - and lost.
It is at times like this that we truly need to understand the concept of love. We look for love and comfort in people but many times they cannot supply it because they are either a stranger to your pain and therefore cannot and choose not to connect with you or they are the source of your pain and cannot reach out to you because of there own guilt and struggle. The love that God gives is the only love that matters, it protects you and gives your strength, stands in front of your weaknesses and proclaims nothing. There is no other love that will do that for you. You are special, only to God and in crisis he is the only one that has a plan for your life - a plan that will keep you alive! Not only will he keep you alive but if you remove the earthly access for just a while God will began to repair your damage and restore you so that you can stay in the race.
I have found that God is a just God and He does punish his enemies. So often we like to picture God as being so full of grace that he allows wrong to go unpunished but that is not the case at all. What I have found is that He is a God of mercy. Religion has taught us that it is somehow wrong to rejoice or take pleasure in the destruction or repudiation of our enemies but God never took that from us.Many times the enemy is so close that we are afraid to rejoice in its presence as not to offend our damage connections. We try to rationalize that it is not fair because Jesus died for our sins but those who are saved can be enemies of God as the Bible says " enemies of the cross" by becoming slaves to sin and in every battle I have seen when Biblical or historical when the enemy is concurred we are to rejoice. So I rejoice and thank God for doing what I am not authorized or justified to do because of my own fleshly ways and limitations. That what dancing is for, so I dance in the enemies face.God whipped the enemy but he did not kill them because He is a God of mercy and because of that we never get all that we deserve and that is where our humility lies. We can sort out our feelings to ourselves and work or way through punishment with self-empowerment exercises but it is punishment none the less and we have to endure in order to recover and be restored. If we want to be restored in truth.
So now I am at a crossroads, waiting for God to speak and fearing that I may have ignored Him and I wonder which way I should go. Everyday feels different and no feeling seems right and so I am waiting and trying to let God show me what to do. Sometimes we look right over God for what we want to see and other times we look around Him to what we think we see but we can never look through Him because He impenetrable. As I sit here I hear what my heart is asking God but am will I make myself available for the answer. This last year and a half has been truly remarkable and though sometimes I feel as though I am all alone I know that God is with me always. He has truly kept me through many dangers toils and snares, when the enemy tried to kill me, when they "came to eat of my flesh, they stumbled and fell." God has done the miraculous, he saved me from danger and allowed my children to have their mother with them instead of looking over them from God's bosom. Thank you Lord.
This last year and a half has been extremely difficult for me. I have found out things about people that I have known for a long time and those that I haven't known for long at all that were deeply disturbing. It has been a year of lies, betrayal and pain, pain pain. I never knew that I could feel so much pain in one lifetime.Everyday I asked the Lord, what now? - what do I do? what's going to happen? And everyday he would speak to me. My family and I were hurting together and as a mother it was hard for me to comfort my children and seek comfort from God at the same time, because he was literally all I had. But God did it. He spoke to me " you will live and not die" and I had to obey his command in order to save the lives of my children. I felt totally vulnerable and uncovered. I was allowing myself to be attacked and humiliated in the name of sin and though it didn't seem right I had to persevere. Deception in God's name was one of the hardest things for me to understand but knowing that God was speaking to me and showing me His way was awesome. I have never had a near death experience but sometimes I felt as if everything but my soul was gone and God used that opportunity, that time of total frailty to bring me closer and closer until I heard only Him.
Later that year when I thought things couldn't get any worse, that the hardest part was over and the best was yet to come. I was even told, "you will never go through anything like this again, I don't think this will be a problem in the future." But the enemy was busy, twisting the minds of those who he had enslaved and using them for his unholy purpose. I never knew for myself that Satan could make a person so angry, jealous and envious of something they wanted but couldn't legitimately have that they would try to take my life, not to get it, but to make sure I no longer had access to it but I was confronted with that reality literally in my own backyard. The event sent me into another realm of disbelief and set things that I had thought were settled back into motion. Having never experienced this before I did not know how to react. It was dictated to me how I should act in respect to saving an image that God never ordained and I agreed because, I was at a loss for words, emotions, actions - there were just too many. However, as time went on those words, emotions and actions began to emerge and there was no comfort for my pain and my anger except more of the same. It seemed as if every institution, every safe haven I had known had disappeared. Everyday was a challenge and every night a terror, trying to fix myself, trying not to be one of now a growing base of statistics, I fought myself - and lost.
It is at times like this that we truly need to understand the concept of love. We look for love and comfort in people but many times they cannot supply it because they are either a stranger to your pain and therefore cannot and choose not to connect with you or they are the source of your pain and cannot reach out to you because of there own guilt and struggle. The love that God gives is the only love that matters, it protects you and gives your strength, stands in front of your weaknesses and proclaims nothing. There is no other love that will do that for you. You are special, only to God and in crisis he is the only one that has a plan for your life - a plan that will keep you alive! Not only will he keep you alive but if you remove the earthly access for just a while God will began to repair your damage and restore you so that you can stay in the race.
I have found that God is a just God and He does punish his enemies. So often we like to picture God as being so full of grace that he allows wrong to go unpunished but that is not the case at all. What I have found is that He is a God of mercy. Religion has taught us that it is somehow wrong to rejoice or take pleasure in the destruction or repudiation of our enemies but God never took that from us.Many times the enemy is so close that we are afraid to rejoice in its presence as not to offend our damage connections. We try to rationalize that it is not fair because Jesus died for our sins but those who are saved can be enemies of God as the Bible says " enemies of the cross" by becoming slaves to sin and in every battle I have seen when Biblical or historical when the enemy is concurred we are to rejoice. So I rejoice and thank God for doing what I am not authorized or justified to do because of my own fleshly ways and limitations. That what dancing is for, so I dance in the enemies face.God whipped the enemy but he did not kill them because He is a God of mercy and because of that we never get all that we deserve and that is where our humility lies. We can sort out our feelings to ourselves and work or way through punishment with self-empowerment exercises but it is punishment none the less and we have to endure in order to recover and be restored. If we want to be restored in truth.
So now I am at a crossroads, waiting for God to speak and fearing that I may have ignored Him and I wonder which way I should go. Everyday feels different and no feeling seems right and so I am waiting and trying to let God show me what to do. Sometimes we look right over God for what we want to see and other times we look around Him to what we think we see but we can never look through Him because He impenetrable. As I sit here I hear what my heart is asking God but am will I make myself available for the answer. This last year and a half has been truly remarkable and though sometimes I feel as though I am all alone I know that God is with me always. He has truly kept me through many dangers toils and snares, when the enemy tried to kill me, when they "came to eat of my flesh, they stumbled and fell." God has done the miraculous, he saved me from danger and allowed my children to have their mother with them instead of looking over them from God's bosom. Thank you Lord.
Comment
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Comment by Wes Hudson on October 23, 2008 at 9:46am
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Sister Hunter,
Praise God for your Physical healing. Thank-you for sharing with me, you are an inspiration. There is Power in God's people when we pray together, and meditate on his word. We are living in the latter days before Christ's Return, so please keep sharing the faith with us so we can remain strong.
Your Brother,
Wes
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Comment by Minister Sharon Jackson on October 18, 2008 at 9:02pm
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God bless and strengthen you, my Sister in this hour! Let God do it.
Praise God.
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