AFTER SAYING "I DO", WHAT CAN YOU DO? - PART 1 - THE MARRIAGE BED IS UNDEFILED
(This is a lengthy blog, so I divided it into a 4-part series. If you want the entire blog emailed to, I will be happy to do so.)
AFTER SAYING, "I DO" WHAT CAN YOU DO?
The Marriage Bed is Undefiled
Are married Christians allowed to engage in anal sex, oral sex, role play, foreplay, sex toys, etc.? What are their sexual boundaries according to God's word?
A few years ago, I asked these questions on TAG Ministry’s blog and everyone had great comments!
Today, I want to share a teaching on the subject. Pay very close attention to what I share with you because I'm going to give you a COMPLETE picture, not just what a woman should or shouldn't do and not just what a man should or shouldn't do. I will be dealing with the couple as a WHOLE just as God's word does.
MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE, THE BED … UNDEFILED
Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) - Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
The word "undefiled is the Greek word "Amiantos" (pronounced ä-m--'-än-tos) and it means:
1) not defiled, unsoiled
a) free from that by which the nature of a thing is deformed and debased, or its force and vigor impaired
The problem with definitions (even biblical definitions) is interpretation. What YOU may see as defilement, another may not see as defilement. For clarity, the writer of Hebrews gives you two definite acts that will defile the marriage bed….fornication and adultery. Those TWO acts will be judged. The rest is up to the husband and wife.
In Christiandom, there is seemingly an "UNWRITTEN" list of Do's and Don'ts for the marriage bed -- a Christian married couple's sex life. There are some who are strongly against anal sex but don't mind oral sex. Others say foreplay is ok but no phone sex. Some believe sex is strictly for procreation and nothing else. It becomes a "great debate" when we start mentioning "unmentioned things". When we make a list of Do's and Don'ts, we find ourselves speaking from preference instead of biblical principle. We already understand that we can't bring any other people into our marriage bed so how far is too far? How dirty can you talk? Can you wear costumes? Sex toys, are they allowed? Without a foundation, a biblical principle to refer to, you will find yourself getting lost in the list. Creating such a list encourages self-appointed religious sex police!
So, let's focus on the principle and toss the list!
Never pull a scripture out of context, so let’s look at our opening scripture in context.
Hebrews 13:1-5
1 Let brotherly love continue.
2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.
3 Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
In this passage, the writer of the book of Hebrews is giving Godly advice on a believer’s morality. This advice includes instruction for:
• * love amongst brethren (Christian to Christian);
• * how to act towards strangers;
• * how to act towards those in prison;
• * a biblical perspective (biblical view) on marriage;
• * your personal conduct (integrity) and personal contentment (without greed and envy)
ALL of these need to be in tact. We must be morally grounded in ALL areas, not just one.
I wanted to bring this to your attention because verses 4 and 5 have something in common. Oftentimes, we seek other forms of sexual pleasure and fulfillment because we are exposed to ideologies that keep us from being content. Again, I'm not saying what you can or cannot do, but as a Christian married couple, you must decide the boundaries in your sex lives. Integrity is being consistent in acting according to your moral code. Hebrews 13:1-5 is a Christian’s moral code. So, in accordance with the moral code, as far as marital sex is concerned, you know that fornication and adultery are NOT ALLOWED. Then you need to act with integrity and be content. After that, boundaries must be set for every area of your life…this includes your sex life. Once those boundaries are set for your marital sex life, you must be content with them. Don't try to keep up with the Jones's. By that I mean don't compare yourselves with another couple. Just because they are using this or that or doing this or that, doesn’t mean that will work for your marriage. Again, set boundaries that are applicable for YOUR marriage not anyone else's.
And always remember, what happens behind your closed doors is between you, your spouse and the Lord. Keep everyone else out of your bed; that includes their list of Do's and Don'ts!
come back for part 2 - titled:
WHAT IF ONE SPOUSE WANTS
TO DO SOMETHING “SPECIAL” IN BED
AND THE OTHER DOESN’T?
T.A.G. Ministries, International
~Minister Tracy Curtis~
AFTER SAYING, "I DO" WHAT CAN YOU DO?
The Marriage Bed is Undefiled
Are married Christians allowed to engage in anal sex, oral sex, role play, foreplay, sex toys, etc.? What are their sexual boundaries according to God's word?
A few years ago, I asked these questions on TAG Ministry’s blog and everyone had great comments!
Today, I want to share a teaching on the subject. Pay very close attention to what I share with you because I'm going to give you a COMPLETE picture, not just what a woman should or shouldn't do and not just what a man should or shouldn't do. I will be dealing with the couple as a WHOLE just as God's word does.
MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE, THE BED … UNDEFILED
Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) - Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
The word "undefiled is the Greek word "Amiantos" (pronounced ä-m--'-än-tos) and it means:
1) not defiled, unsoiled
a) free from that by which the nature of a thing is deformed and debased, or its force and vigor impaired
The problem with definitions (even biblical definitions) is interpretation. What YOU may see as defilement, another may not see as defilement. For clarity, the writer of Hebrews gives you two definite acts that will defile the marriage bed….fornication and adultery. Those TWO acts will be judged. The rest is up to the husband and wife.
In Christiandom, there is seemingly an "UNWRITTEN" list of Do's and Don'ts for the marriage bed -- a Christian married couple's sex life. There are some who are strongly against anal sex but don't mind oral sex. Others say foreplay is ok but no phone sex. Some believe sex is strictly for procreation and nothing else. It becomes a "great debate" when we start mentioning "unmentioned things". When we make a list of Do's and Don'ts, we find ourselves speaking from preference instead of biblical principle. We already understand that we can't bring any other people into our marriage bed so how far is too far? How dirty can you talk? Can you wear costumes? Sex toys, are they allowed? Without a foundation, a biblical principle to refer to, you will find yourself getting lost in the list. Creating such a list encourages self-appointed religious sex police!
So, let's focus on the principle and toss the list!
Never pull a scripture out of context, so let’s look at our opening scripture in context.
Hebrews 13:1-5
1 Let brotherly love continue.
2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.
3 Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
In this passage, the writer of the book of Hebrews is giving Godly advice on a believer’s morality. This advice includes instruction for:
• * love amongst brethren (Christian to Christian);
• * how to act towards strangers;
• * how to act towards those in prison;
• * a biblical perspective (biblical view) on marriage;
• * your personal conduct (integrity) and personal contentment (without greed and envy)
ALL of these need to be in tact. We must be morally grounded in ALL areas, not just one.
I wanted to bring this to your attention because verses 4 and 5 have something in common. Oftentimes, we seek other forms of sexual pleasure and fulfillment because we are exposed to ideologies that keep us from being content. Again, I'm not saying what you can or cannot do, but as a Christian married couple, you must decide the boundaries in your sex lives. Integrity is being consistent in acting according to your moral code. Hebrews 13:1-5 is a Christian’s moral code. So, in accordance with the moral code, as far as marital sex is concerned, you know that fornication and adultery are NOT ALLOWED. Then you need to act with integrity and be content. After that, boundaries must be set for every area of your life…this includes your sex life. Once those boundaries are set for your marital sex life, you must be content with them. Don't try to keep up with the Jones's. By that I mean don't compare yourselves with another couple. Just because they are using this or that or doing this or that, doesn’t mean that will work for your marriage. Again, set boundaries that are applicable for YOUR marriage not anyone else's.
And always remember, what happens behind your closed doors is between you, your spouse and the Lord. Keep everyone else out of your bed; that includes their list of Do's and Don'ts!
come back for part 2 - titled:
WHAT IF ONE SPOUSE WANTS
TO DO SOMETHING “SPECIAL” IN BED
AND THE OTHER DOESN’T?
T.A.G. Ministries, International
~Minister Tracy Curtis~
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