Should negative actions by the First Lady affect the Pastor's job status or qualifications?

Should negative actions by the First Lady affect the Pastor's job status or qualifications? This is something that I have been wrestling with and I need some help with it. Allow me to give you further detail. If a pastor's wife is rude and is offending everyone who is anyone in the church. If she is not hospitable to guests and cannot lead anything without starting something negative and unproductive.

Is that pastor disqualified to do ministry? Should he be terminated? Should he resign?

I ask this in the context of a Baptist Congregational- ruled church, rather than an Episcopal or Elder-ruled church. But feel free to answer however you wish.

Views: 352

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

What do you suggest that he say? What if she just has a hateful attitude and has refused to change? Is divorce or seperation an option? Let me know what y'all thnk.
" What do you suggest that he say? What if she just has a hateful attitude and has refused to change? Is divorce or seperation an option? Let me know what y'all thnk. "

Not even sorta.
However if she is not pleased to dwell with him or if she has committed adultery - then divorce is in order.
Like Sis Tricia said - maybe she is not cut out to be a First Lady (but then what is a First Lady?)
Because even as a run of the mill saint of God (with out any kind of title) one must be hospitable and kind and not a trouble maker. And even more so for the wife of an elder...
I bet she was like this before he became a pastor.
And someone should have picked up on that when they were considering him for the job. If he started his own church then he should have considered it. Having a wife that's unkind and a troublemaker is a house out of order.
In the NT God gave wonderful and helpful guidelines for who could lead his flock...if one can't run their own house then they cannot run His.
The dynamics of this Pastor Church relationship brings numerous biblical contradiction. You will have to ask since this church has hired you, they can fire you. Sheep follow shepherd, not shepherd follow sheep. Since this role as pastor of this church sounds like a "job" where you have to follow the instruction of a group of men/women that means you can lose your wife and your job.

Now as for the expectations of what man calls "1st Lady" is not biblical. Jesus is the bridegroom and the church is His bride, therefore the church is His 1st Lady. The pastor's wife is just that the pastor's wife and a member of the church like everyone else. I call the title, duties, and expectations of the 1st Lady the "1st Lady of Bondage". Being a wife and mother is hard enough, now we expect our wives to fullfil the expectations and desires of every person as you stated "who is anyone in the church" (I don't know what that statement means) I guess it means respecter person, but are you willing to lose your wife because she does not like her non-biblical role of "1st Lady" Pease read my blog on Marriage Helper group.

Be sure it is attitude or simply unhappy because she is in something controling and bondage and she feels you can do better if you followed the vision of God and not the instructions of Man, and if you followed Kingdom Principles and not Church Traditions. If you are called by God to Pastor then man can not "disqualify" you. You are giving man too much control and power no matter the denomination. Study to show thyself approved unto God... I believe you will see that your wife is reactions are natural just as my wife's reaction were, until I got this revelation. Now she is happy and a burden is lifted. (She just asked me to type this last line). Please join Marriage Helper and ask you wife to do so also and you can join under an anonymous name or send your questions to me and I can post.

If they want to hire your wife for this difficult role, then give her a salary
I am sorry ladies and gentlemen if you have been misled. This is hypothetical, I heard about a pastor that was dealing with this and was wondering what your thoughts were.

My house is in order and this is not me.

My wife is in partnership with me in ministry, henceforth has her duties as a minister of the gospel. I don't say this in the title sense only, but in the biblical sense. She is a servant to God and she has submitted herself completely to His word. She is the best example of a woman that I have met, that is why I married her.

I have my own thoughts on this and agree with many of you, but I felt this was worthy of a discussion. Thank you for all of your insight and please continue to pray for those that may be dealing with things like these. Although this is hypothetical, there are some that deal with relatively similar issues for real. God Bless You!!!
You are exactly correct Pastor Jones, there are many couples dealing with this structure and the problems that arise from it. I had a friend in North Carolina who was hired as the Pastor of what appeared to have been a wonderful church. It was a new building, with daycare, wonderful musician pit, everything a pastor would want in the structure. His office was imaculate, however the people/board had such high requirements for his wife who was a very passive sweet person, that they grew to dispise her and put a tremendous strain on their marriage.

I'm happy to hear you and your bride have a wonderful partnership in ministry and let us all pray for those who are facing tremendous challenges as they strive to do ministry and keep the family together.
Here is another question that I pose to keep this dicussion moving in a way that may set someone free.

Would it be right for a Pastor to silence his wife/spouse from doing public ministry in the church, if she is being verbally abusive and confrontational to the church that he is pastoring?

If so, how would that work biblically.

If not, what would you suggest.

This is hypothetical as well, I just think that this is worthy of discussion.
Pastor, I truly feel that a true man of GOD should not be judged based on his wife's actions. No offense, but sometimes, men seem to be notorious for marrying the wrong women. All women are not wife material, just like they are not fitting for certain men of GOD. We have to truly learn how to wait on GOD and seek Him for our spouses, since marriage is ministry. I am a woman; and true women of GOD know their responsibilities to the man of GOD, herself and the ministry. I is the only judge, and thank Him that you don't have give account for her actions. She's grown and she should know better. You probably want to check and make sure she is SAVED for real. We still have carnal minded christians, who still have to be delivered from some things. I believe that no man or woman should have the priviledge to work ministry if their behavior is not in line with the character of our LORD and savior Jesus Christ. Women have the ability to tear up anything you put in front of them, just as some of us have the ability to build up. If you have a wife who's life is not in line with our LORD and savior, Jesus Christs' character, shw should be sat down!!!!!!!!!!! There are too many people who are trying to be delivered and healed; we have enough leaders, preachers, ministers, teachers, deacons, etc who are tearing God's people hedges down from over them; It's time to come to grips with our Fathers' business and we don't need any more people clowning in the Kingdom of GOD. SIT HER DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am impressed that all of you are so tough about this issue. I agree with y'all concerning this and I just needed to know if I were being too harsh in my thinking. I apologize Sis. Yaweh, but I was specifically speaking hypothetically from the male perspective for this specific discussion, based upon the story that I was told. I was not trying to offend any women in ministry. If I did so, I truly apologize and I would encourage them to keep up the good work. Be encouraged Men and Women of God!!! Thank you for your input!!!
Since you bring up women in ministry (of which I am an advocate and encourager of. I am currnelty discipling my wife and another young lady currently).If this were a female and her husband was out of order and verbally abusive to the church body, should that female be held accountable for his actions? Would she be disqualified? Would the consequenses and course of action be exactly the same for her as a male? Would you suggest that she resign?

Sis. Yahweh, this has brought another dimension to our discussion thank you for sharing your thoughts. You encourage me to think these things through. It is better to consider this now than later.

Everyone, please feel free to shed some light on this.
Interesting Pastor Jones, if I could please suggest two books if you have not already studied them.
1) The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel
2) How to Win Friends and Influence People by Zig Ziglar

The following is rather lengthy, and I understand if you do not wish to read it, because I do not like reading long entries on the computer either.

In marriage and ministry which are actually one in the same, satan's desire is that we focus on the issues of marriage and ministry and not the purpose. Many people have a tendency to "escape" issues without properly discussing them gathering both points of view WITH A WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE THEIR POINT OF VIEW.

Yes God gave man dominion, however he gave the women as our help meet. He charged us to discipline our children. I do believe some Pastor’s may have been a little mistaken in the two. We are all broken pieces trying to be put together as one body and with the fine delicate pieces of our life that are broken only God can make them whole (not discipline). If you look at our prison system our society would rather discipline and destroy, rather than understand and rehabilitate. This mentality is in our churches also. Grace and Mercy is a Kingdom Principle. We are a disciplinary society, with limited attention to the good and potential for change. “That which a man does not understand he seeks to destroy”

I have learned not only in my profession, but also in many years of ministry that if you accept people where they are, because all of us have behaviors that are absolutely unbearable (yet we don't know they are unbearable to others) and when a person's behavior is polar opposite of ours it intensify our negative attention to that behavior, then it is easy to gain support from others to validate our negative feelings towards that person's behavior (Called the Jury). My profession for over 25 years I wrote behavior plans to change and/or manage challenging behaviors in people and corporate offices throughout the US. Quick suggestion, have a series of talks calmly and agree upon a plan to work together recognizing our opposite opinions and behaviors.

Easier said than done, but can be done. Remember, many people do not believe "Time Out" works for kids, but it does (I can prove it and teach it). Our strong beliefs that it doesn't work causes us to resort to what we know, not realizing there just might be another and better way.
YahWeh, the male ego is diffinately something we as men of God will have to keep a close eye on. Thus the reason I recommended the two books. Women are to precious, valuable, and important to the move of God in this day and anyday.

As men we have to be sure we have the proper training to appreciate what women bring to the table and not treat them simply by duplicating the behaviors of others before us.

I tell everyone that I am the head of my house ,one because God said so and two because my wife allows me to (LOL). As the wife goes so does the home and ministry. A happy wife means a happy home, a unhappy wife mans an unhappy home. A women produces what man puts in her. A child is produced after the male inplants a seed. The level of Love and happiness needed in a family is produced when the man plants the seed of love and happiness. Therefore in my ministry I hold the man accountable for planting the seed of hamony, happines and love.

After the people (members) are gone who complained about this pastor's wife that caused the discipline to occur. The wife is left there with the husband and a new crew will come in to attempt to destroy the marriage in the name of ministry. GOD NEVER INTENDS FOR MINISTRY TO DESTROY MARRIAGE. What God has joined together...
Ladies and Gentlemen,

I must say that you guys have really dealt with this one. I must agree that male ego and pride are becoming more and more of a problem in the church. I would also add that the female ego and pride are also sometimes a problem as well. There are many men that have abused and neglected their wives in the name of "ministry" and God will hold them accountable for that. I believe that that disgusts God and I know it disgusts me. We also must consider those women that have done the same and have breeded discord in their homes in the name of "ministry." In my experience, I have seen both. Men are more guilty than women in most cases, but there are many women that are guilty as well.

I have learned that if we are going to be equal in being able to practice the gifts and operating in the offices of the church. We also must be equal in how we handle our responsibility for living a godly life as an individual. We must understand that before we are an apostle, bishop, prophet, evangelist, pastor or teacher, we are sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers and mothers. We must have a firm grasp on what it means to be these, before we can truly walk out our ministry callings with excellence. The minister should give most of his effort and time into maintaining, encouraging and sacrificing for his family first. This is ministry and this is the example that church needs to see. It's hurts me to see all of these ministers who live a life of intentional and habitual sinfulness, neglecting their families, especially their wives/husbands. Then they get up every Sunday morning and are telling thousands of people how to live. LORD HELP US!!!

Ministers, we have been called to set a standard of holiness and to be an example to those in our circles of influence. The example that God wants us to set is not measured by how well you preach, pastor or even how gifted you are. It is only measuresd in how well you live your life. Preachers, if your spouse and children are not in love with you and if they don't seek you out initially for guidance and biblical counsel. Then I would encourage you find out why, because if you are not an influence in your on home, somewhere you missed something (that goes for male and female alike).

God bless you brother and sisters!!!

To be the minister that please GOD, You must first be the Man/Woman that please Him.


© 2024   Created by Raliegh Jones Jr..   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service